Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (Full Version)

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CelticPrince -> Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 5:07:08 PM)

Reading so many posts and the problems that are presented here, it caused me to reflect on that book of some 20 plus years ago and how closely or not closely it applies to we path walkers. Setting aside for the moment the issues of fem dominants and focusing without slighting those fine ladies; I ask this!
How many has read it and if so have the issues and guidances noted in the book ever been applied in your dealings with the other side of the slash. If so how?

CP



Leatherist -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 5:08:37 PM)

I learned that to achieve true godhood, you need to make COOL SHOES.



chiaThePet -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 5:52:22 PM)

 
I thought subs were from subway.

So I'm supposed to be hanging out at NASA?

Crap.

I'm so out of the loop.

chia* (the pet)



califsue -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 6:31:25 PM)

Haven't ever read it....



CelticPrince -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 7:35:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I learned that to achieve true godhood, you need to make COOL SHOES.


L

being the craftsman that you are, I imagine you have a few good ones.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 7:37:02 PM)

chia,

well some are from subway, I know a few!

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/22/2008 7:38:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

Haven't ever read it....


sue,

you might consider reading it / some good observations on how Doms are hardwired.

CP



WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 12:46:41 AM)

While I have not read the book, i have noticed that so many posts on here with problems are centered around a few basic issues.
  • Lack of Common sense
  • Lack of Communication
  • Lack of Honestly
  • Too much Fantasy
  • Fall victim to Stereotype Notions
  • People that love to truely use and abuse one another
  • Drama Entertainment and Attention Whoredom.

Perhaps I missed a couple.   It's not Mars or Venus, it's people from a whole different fucking Galaxy and it's about as bad as the new Star Wars movie that's out. 



gypsygrl -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 5:20:47 AM)

quote:

Setting aside for the moment the issues of fem dominants and focusing without slighting those fine ladies


Setting the issue of female dominants aside seems to make non-sense of your question.  I haven't read the book, but I know its about the differences between men and woman and interprets those differences in terms of gender.  As I understand it, your asking if the book captures something significant about the differences between male dominants and presumably female submissives.  If the book has any credence at all, it should.  But that would have little to do with the differences between d's and s's and more to do with the differences between m's and f's because you've excluded the population that would contain the most interesting 'data' in light of the implied thesis behind your question.  Are we also excluding m subs?  How about male dominant/male submissive and female dominant/female submissive pairings? 

I guess I'm confused at what sort of discussion you're looking for.  And, I woke up feeling a bit pendantic.  Must be the remaining effects of last night's scotch and sodas. :)



CelticPrince -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 6:01:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

While I have not read the book, i have noticed that so many posts on here with problems are centered around a few basic issues.
  • Lack of Common sense
  • Lack of Communication
  • Lack of Honestly
  • Too much Fantasy
  • Fall victim to Stereotype Notions
  • People that love to truely use and abuse one another
  • Drama Entertainment and Attention Whoredom.


Perhaps I missed a couple.   It's not Mars or Venus, it's people from a whole different fucking Galaxy and it's about as bad as the new Star Wars movie that's out. 

Smile2

Well your laundery list is somewhat complete as to the multible problems that show up here, but the book would only apply to the 2nd one if it were to read. thanks for your thoughts.

CP



missturbation -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 6:20:30 AM)

I read this book quite afew years ago.
Frankly i'd rather plait snot than read it again.



KatyLied -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 6:38:30 AM)

This is a book about relationships from an author of failed marriages who also married another author who also gives relationship advice who has also been married many times.  Perhaps these are not the best people from whom to seek relationship advice.  The book has broad sweeping generalizations regarding men and women and their behavior.  I didn't find it interesting.



bipolarber -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 7:09:08 AM)

It was a book of typical "pop psych" empty platitudes. It was junk. It all sounded great on Oprah, and I'm sure Dr. Phil talked it up a great deal. But as for real life, practical advice on how to better your communication skills with your partner? The book sucked!

You'd do better to read "Feeling Good" and Dr. Ruth's "Sex for Dummies" book.



Paulnz -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 7:10:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


How many has read it and if so have the issues and guidances noted in the book ever been applied in your dealings with the other side of the slash.




I haven't read it but would if someone gave me a copy. In general such books tend to be nonsense and are a quick buck for their authors and nothing more than that.



UR2Badored -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 7:10:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Frankly i'd rather plait snot than read it again.

I am more fascinated with that statement (too funny) than I am with John Gray or his observations. 



chamberqueen -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 7:57:02 AM)

I read it and loved it - not because I believed every single thing in it but because it helped me to realize that there are many differences between the way men and women look at things.  The single most helpful idea that I got from it is that men like to "fix" things and get frustrated if a woman tells them a problem just to vent and there is nothing that they can do to make the situation better.  I find that from the D/s perspective that the idea still holds true, that the male - whether top or bottom - wants to "fix" problems.

The other valuable lesson that I learned is that sometimes men need alone time to think.  It doesn't mean that they  no longer care for you or enjoy your company; just that they need some time alone to sort things out.  I also find this to be a valuable lesson in the lifestyle.  Some subs fret as soon as they think they are not getting attention and take it very personally.  Keeping in mind that the top sometimes needs time to recharge is very valuable.

I grew up with my father and have always gotten along better with men than with women.  My profession is one in which there are few women, and I am often in charge.  I have found that to get along with men it is easier to think like them so my thinking patterns and actions are often more on the Mars side even though I have kept femininity and empathy.  (Not saying, of course, that men don't have empathy.)  Taking the time to try to understand what the other half of the dynamic is going through is never a waste of time, but I don't believe that the D/s relationship has as easy a breakdown as the typical male/female relationship.  There are too many variables, personal idiosyncrasies, wants, and needs that couldn't be handled in the vanilla world.



colouredin -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 8:52:02 AM)

Ive read it, and i actually found it really interesting, course its broad generalisations all books of this type are, I tend to judge it on how many times i nod my head when reading the generalisations and there were a few times (some women do was better though) in relation to D/s? sure you can twist many things to D/s if you want to, but whats the point, you read that kind of book as something that makes you feel more validated you dont base real life judgements on it.



lateralist1 -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 10:10:02 AM)

I read about half of it. I meant to read the rest but then I discovered BDSM.
Since then all my fucked up life is beginning to make sense.
By the way I don't like being set aside. I'm from Mars and Venus but if I was only from Venus I still wouldn't like being set aside.
I have to live in a male dominated world. I don't like it but I have to live in it.
Calling me a fine lady doesn't let you off the hook. In fact rather the opposite it places you right in my firing line.
Lots of people want their partner to be the dominant person in the relationship.
It's the stereotyping about gender in books such as the one we are talking about that enhances the problems and conflicts within people and between people.
I'm glad you don't mind passive smoking. You never know the one woman who you want more than anyone else might be a smoker and wouldn't it be even better if she was dominant lol.



windchymes -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 10:19:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet


I thought subs were from subway.


chia* (the pet)


Considering how "toasted" some of them seem, I think they're actually from Quiznos. [8|]



CelticPrince -> RE: Doms are from Mars / subs are from Venus (8/23/2008 11:14:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

Setting aside for the moment the issues of fem dominants and focusing without slighting those fine ladies


Setting the issue of female dominants aside seems to make non-sense of your question.  I haven't read the book, but I know its about the differences between men and woman and interprets those differences in terms of gender.  As I understand it, your asking if the book captures something significant about the differences between male dominants and presumably female submissives.  If the book has any credence at all, it should.  But that would have little to do with the differences between d's and s's and more to do with the differences between m's and f's because you've excluded the population that would contain the most interesting 'data' in light of the implied thesis behind your question.  Are we also excluding m subs?  How about male dominant/male submissive and female dominant/female submissive pairings? 


I guess I'm confused at what sort of discussion you're looking for.  And, I woke up feeling a bit pendantic.  Must be the remaining effects of last night's scotch and sodas. :)


gypsygirl,

The book Men are From Mars& Women are from Venus simply address the charisteristics of the male mind vs the female mind and how to perhaps recognize them for greater cohesion with a relationship. Because a fem happens to be a Domme, she  may use the principals to better understand her male sub or even her female sub. I attempt to keep it simple here.

Try a twist of lemon with the S&S, takes some of the mornin bite out.

CP



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