RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (Full Version)

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undergroundsea -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 9:39:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme
I have a question though: What does mean "OP"? And how do you always pick a sentence and show it in a window im your post? I don't know how to do that..


Frank,

OP denotes original post (that initiates the discussion thread) or original poster.

To quote someone, I go to the top right hand of the post I wish to quote. I click on the quote icon and doing so opens a new window with the entire post quoted. Then, for sake of brevity and emphasis, I delete portions of the post and keep only the portion that is relevant to my response.

In the quoted text you will see the following tags (without the spaces):

[ quote ] and [ /quote ]

These tags are necessary to execute the quote function and should not be altered. Anything you then type should begin after the [ / quote ] tag.

You can experiment with this feature by hitting the quote button and typing the response as I described, followed by hitting the preview button you will see in the new window that pops up. The preview button lets you see how the post will appear if you post it.

Cheers,

Sea



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 12:13:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
quote:

I question the suggestion that the activity is without value for humiliation play if he enjoys it.

Then I worded things poorly if that's what my post suggested to you in general.

 
Pixel,

Thanks for clarifying. I did not take your post to mean that you think the activity is without BDSM value if he enjoys it. My objection was directed at Akasha's post.


Ahhh!  Miscommunication all around then!  Thank you my friend for letting me off the hook! [:D]

quote:


quote:

If I were a "slutty" Domme, I'd likely have a problem with that! (tongue firmly planted in cheek)

 
Yes, I caught that in the signature that used to be there and found it unimpressive. After learning that English is his second language, and seeing in his profile subtleties I sometimes hear in English of Europeans for whom English is a second language, I am going to give him the benefit of doubt that the use of slutty might have been a translation matter. The use of that word seems incongruent with what he otherwise states he seeks.


I see now from the additional posts where translation of language as well as the OP's view on the meaning of the word itself seems to be the reason behind that.
 
quote:


quote:

My problem was that the OP was inconsistent in his description of his motivations.
<snip>
Can we agree that he appears to be conflicted?

 
I skimmed through the OP and also his profile. I did not see so much a conflict in his post. This activity can appeal to people for different reasons including a gesture of submission by willingly enduring an otherwise humiliating activity, and a form of worship (that even a waste product is considered precious). It is reasonable that a given person might find each type of appeal in this activity.



I have no issue with seeing the waste product of one's Mistress as precious and view them similarly when shared with me.  In general, I view everything about a Mistress I'm in service to as being precious, including her obvious faults and quirks.  To me, those are all things which help make her the unique woman she is. [8D]
 
There's no doubt this activity can provide many kinds of appeal at an emotional level for a submissive.  Whether one is consciously aware of them or not is a different matter.  They may feel them and yet not be able to describe them or know their source such as to be able to name them.  These things can also be very primal, touching places very deep at the core of one's identity; places that many don't want to explore. [&:]
 
Here's part of where I'm coming from that I hope will help explain my problem with what was expressed by the OP in reference to his view of this activity; particularly as relates to what I see as being serious incongruities between what he said at various points throughout his opening post.  In essense, how can one tell a woman that what she shares with him is precious, yet at the same time feel humiliated and ashamed as a result of that sharing??  If I were that woman, I'd want him to be proud of what he'd just done for me.  If not, I'd feel as though I were being misled, had been fed a line of male equine excrement, used for his kink and would feel betrayed by him once I learned how he really felt about the activity. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]
 
In light of the information that english is a 2nd language for him, which to me he seems to have a good handle on, I'll grant him some leeway on his usage.  As such, while it may be a matter of semantics, I can fully understand that when one has the view that something is very precious, they might feel humbled and grateful to have it shared with them; pleased to be serving their Mistress' needs in the process.  I believe that's very much the case with me.  However, I'd hope they'd neither feel humiliated or abused as a result!  To me, that seems totally contrary to the view that what they just received was precious! [8|]

quote:


In his profile, however, there is a greater indication of conflict between masochism and the rest of one's identity, which I expect exists in varying degrees amongst many subs, including myself.

Cheers,

Sea


In our society, it takes a great deal of courage and introspection for a male to accept that he is submissive to women to begin with.  It takes even more to reconcile the various aspects of his submissive personality and where those aspects fit within his identity as a human being.  It's a continuous process that doesn't happen overnight.  Having a wise Mistress to guide you doubtless makes that process easier. [>:]
 
 - pixel
 




pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 12:28:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme

As i read your posts, it seems you are an authority in psychology in these forums...You speak with authority...Nevermind..


I may speak with confidence in myself and the knowledge I try to share, but I certainly hope I don't do it with authority.  For the record, I'm not a psychologist of any kind, but over the years, I've done a lot of hard work in that area that life's circumstances required of me along my journey.  As a result, I've gained a fair amount of self awareness which continues to be helpful to me in various parts of my life, particularly in understanding myself as a submissive.
 

quote:


One true thing is that i am fascinated by the view of a woman relieving herself..To be under a woman can enable you to appreciate her beauty in all the exotic way that may mean..I confess i am fascinated by that..Like hypnotized...To me it's beautiful like nature itself. I don't consider myself to be that rational with these matters...There are images, emotions, feelings..Perhaps some understand..Finally, i have to excuse myself for the English i use..I normally speak French, it is my former language..It's possible i don't quite have the same ease to find the proper words at times when i write in English..But it's a good exercise though for me..


I truly understand that of which you speak winoverme as I'm confident many others here do as well.  I highly recommend you begin to journal, privately writing about these things, if you don't already.  It's important that you come to understand why you have these feelings and think as you do.  When you do find a Mistress to serve, she'll want to know and will have the need to understand you.  If you don't understand yourself, how will you ever be able to tell her? [&:]
 
 - pixel
 



winoverme -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 6:49:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme


quote:





I truly understand that of which you speak winoverme as I'm confident many others here do as well.  I highly recommend you begin to journal, privately writing about these things, if you don't already.  It's important that you come to understand why you have these feelings and think as you do.  When you do find a Mistress to serve, she'll want to know and will have the need to understand you.  If you don't understand yourself, how will you ever be able to tell her? [&:]
 
 - pixel
 

Thank you for the time you put to help others with all these matters..I appreciate it. I don't always write these things on a journal..But i sometimes write down my dreams before i forget them..Only when they are related to unusual BDSM fantasies..I also sometimes draw things i fantasize about Ex: heterosexual orgies...Very hard stuff. I hide it of course..LOL



winoverme -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 7:06:00 PM)

I think no one has read my comment on the PrincessMina forum "Cuckolding" yet...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Oh! Sorry i think i'm out of place here..



undergroundsea -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 7:52:38 PM)

I am glad that clarification was had ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
incongruities between what he said at various points throughout his opening post.  In essense, how can one tell a woman that what she shares with him is precious, yet at the same time feel humiliated and ashamed as a result of that sharing??


I see your point. Indeed the two motivations are different. The reason the presence of both motivations does not baffle me is because I think they can coexist.

I think the masochist will find appeal of humiliation in watersports. I think a sub who goes for a goddess, or worshipful dynamic will find appeal of it being something precious. A sub who has in him each type of motivation would find appeal both ways.

Let's take footworship for example. This activity can have obedience value, humiliation value, or worship value. Which type of motivation is summoned depends on how the activity is framed. It can be framed as you will do this for me. It can be framed as, look how beneath me you are. It can be framed as I will allow you this honor. If it is framed in the context of worship, the worshipful motivation will be summoned. If it is framed in the context of humiliation, the masochistic motivation will be summoned. And I think it is possible to frame it so that it includes a little of each.

Cheers,

Sea



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/27/2008 11:16:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I am glad that clarification was had ;-)



Me too my friend!  I always enjoy our thought provoking discussions. [:D]
 
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
incongruities between what he said at various points throughout his opening post.  In essense, how can one tell a woman that what she shares with him is precious, yet at the same time feel humiliated and ashamed as a result of that sharing??


I see your point. Indeed the two motivations are different. The reason the presence of both motivations does not baffle me is because I think they can coexist.



I don't doubt they can co-exist.  In the OP's case, they clearly do!  I see it more as being a conflict that needs resolved rather than different motivations that can peacefully coexist at the same time; at least not if a submissive is being totally honest with both his inner voice and his Mistress. [&:]

quote:



I think the masochist will find appeal of humiliation in watersports. I think a sub who goes for a goddess, or worshipful dynamic will find appeal of it being something precious. A sub who has in him each type of motivation would find appeal both ways.



I see some merit it that viewpoint.  I'm not certain that a dominant would want to think she was humiliating her sub when sharing what she thought was a precious gift to him.  Perhaps a Domme who feels that way about this type of activity will be kind enough to share her thoughts on the subject with us?

quote:



Let's take footworship for example. This activity can have obedience value, humiliation value, or worship value. Which type of motivation is summoned depends on how the activity is framed. It can be framed as you will do this for me. It can be framed as, look how beneath me you are. It can be framed as I will allow you this honor. If it is framed in the context of worship, the worshipful motivation will be summoned. If it is framed in the context of humiliation, the masochistic motivation will be summoned. And I think it is possible to frame it so that it includes a little of each.

Cheers,

Sea


Knowing I have a foot fetish, did you have to make me salivate?? [8D]  Sorry Sea, but I just enjoy the activity sooo much, that my mind can't possibly make the transition from watersports to an anology involving foot worship!  I'm already just too distracted!  LOL! [:D]
 
 - pixel
 



undergroundsea -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/28/2008 12:17:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
I see it more as being a conflict that needs resolved rather than different motivations that can peacefully coexist at the same time; at least not if a submissive is being totally honest with both his inner voice and his Mistress. [&:]


If I understand you correctly, what you see as the issue is what message is given to the domme; is she told that the interest is for sake of humiliation, or is she told that it is an object of worship?

If so, I think it is possible to say to the domme that the reason for interest in this activity is due to each. Also, I distinguish between humiliation play done for sake of mental SM and that done for sake of D/s. I think much of humiliation play is willingly done as a gesture of submission without emotional discomfort (which I call D/s humiliation)--it creates a feeling of submission and humility but not emotional discomfort. From what I sense about the OP, he finds it humiliating without the emotional discomfort. I see this type of humiliation to align with the worship approach.

quote:

my mind can't possibly make the transition from watersports to an anology involving foot worship! 
 
I should have made reference to sweaty feet just out of gym shoes with no socks ;-)
 
Then perhaps the analogy to watersports is a bit more evident.

Cheers,

Sea



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/28/2008 7:11:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
I see it more as being a conflict that needs resolved rather than different motivations that can peacefully coexist at the same time; at least not if a submissive is being totally honest with both his inner voice and his Mistress. [&:]


If I understand you correctly, what you see as the issue is what message is given to the domme; is she told that the interest is for sake of humiliation, or is she told that it is an object of worship?



I see that as part of the issue, but not all of it.


quote:



If so, I think it is possible to say to the domme that the reason for interest in this activity is due to each. Also, I distinguish between humiliation play done for sake of mental SM and that done for sake of D/s. I think much of humiliation play is willingly done as a gesture of submission without emotional discomfort (which I call D/s humiliation)--it creates a feeling of submission and humility but not emotional discomfort. From what I sense about the OP, he finds it humiliating without the emotional discomfort. I see this type of humiliation to align with the worship approach.



I can fully relate to what you refer to as D/s humilation; although I'm very prone to blushing, turning a bright red during that kind of play and do get a rush from it. [:)]
 
I guess I don't see this kind of humiliation to be in alignment with the worship approach unless it's in some kind of appropriate venue in front of others, while what we're talking about isn't.  Perhaps that's imposing my own beliefs and value system about worship on others; my acceptance of my submission if you will along with being in a place where I can be proud of it without feeling humilated or shamed.  That simply may be a case of being of a different mindset or moving further along than where I began as I don't at all want to judge.  I simply know I feel much freer both to enjoy being myself and my submission to a dominant as a result of it. [&:]


quote:



quote:

my mind can't possibly make the transition from watersports to an anology involving foot worship! 
 
I should have made reference to sweaty feet just out of gym shoes with no socks ;-)
 
Then perhaps the analogy to watersports is a bit more evident.

Cheers,

Sea


Oh geez!  Are you trying to expose all of my weak spots my friend! [;)]
 
 - pixel
 



winoverme -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/28/2008 8:19:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I am glad that clarification was had ;-)





quote:





I see some merit it that viewpoint.  I'm not certain that a dominant would want to think she was humiliating her sub when sharing what she thought was a precious gift to him.  Perhaps a Domme who feels that way about this type of activity will be kind enough to share her thoughts on the subject with us?

quote:



I have asked myself the same question many times when meeting Mistresses i had to pay to relieve my fantasy...As these Mistresses asked money to perform the service, i've always wondered if they despised the male subs requesting to receive golden showers..I can't answer that for now...I would like very much to know how they perceive the subs they're involved with...I think unfortunately that many Mistresses you find in the local newspapers just consider they simply exploit your weakness spot..Perhaps they think that when the session is finished, they've just took your money by humiliating you in the worst possible way...This is somewhat what i perceived at times from these Mistresses...At the same time, some seemed a little reluctant or the contrary jubilant about making money out of abusing someone..So i do think that many dominant women simply are fascinated by the fact that some men would actually drink their nectar..They are pleased of course, but they also consider you to be inferior to have to do that...Perhaps they will pretend that they are giving you a precious gift they call themselves "golden nectar", but i my mind, they ARE exploiting you..This is somewhat a pervert thought, but at the same time, to actually think that a dominant woman likes to humiliate me (pretending it's an honor), does stimulate me a lot..On my side, i sincerely believe that my duty is to HONOR my Mistress by allowing her to humiliate me..I consider that by submitting to her like that, that means instant gratification to her and that by being the one who worships, i do two things at the same time...The symbolic contrasting image that is represented here in my opinion is that 1- I have to belittle myself in order to please my Mistress, respecting her enough to protect her dignity and pride, by allowing her to "win" over me. In this context, my worry should just be to serve her well, even if i have to do something that she considers humiliating for her. I frankly don't believe very much in the idea that a woman totally believes that to have a slave drink her golden nectar is ONLY an honor..Yes, on some level, it is..It's also highly erotic..But at the same time it STAYS an act of humiliation...A soft and delicious humiliation perhaps, but it's clear when she does that to a sub, she's the big boss there..She certainly (if she enjoys it), hold a secret satisfaction that stimulates her very much...I'm sure many Mistresses must feel very excited just by the thought of standing over their sub's mouth to relieve themselves instead of using a real toilet..For the more viscious or nasty women, it must thrilling somewhat..




LadyPact -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 1:21:37 AM)

Original: Pixelslave
quote:


I see some merit it that viewpoint.  I'm not certain that a dominant would want to think she was humiliating her sub when sharing what she thought was a precious gift to him.  Perhaps a Domme who feels that way about this type of activity will be kind enough to share her thoughts on the subject with us?


Perhaps I can help.  For Me, there is a potential duality (and more) for many activities in a particular dynamic.  It's completely possible for the same thing to speak to different parts of a person for different reasons.  For this, I usually use the anology of sex, because most people will get what I mean behind it using that example.  To be more specific, think of it as sex with a person you are romantically in love with.  Also, for the sake of discussion, let's all understand that I am speaking of vaginal coitus.

With those things in place, when you think of sex, what do you think of?  That thought could be an intimate, loving, bonding act that is shared between two people with that kind of connection.  It's all about being with each other.  This beautiful, wonderful, sharing of the physical selves.  A lot of people don't even term this as sex, but making love.

Same act, but now come at it from a different angle.   Same two people, but a different motivation.   Lust, desire, capture, use of another to  fulfill certain animalistic needs.  It's all about the drive.  The hot, intense need for sexual satisfaction.  I hope you'll excuse the language, but term this as a good old fashioned fucking.

As I said, same act, but different motivations.  It can be one thing on one day, and something completely different on another day.  It can depend on the mood, or which feeling a person wants to express, or any of a multitude of different reasons.  Perhaps one afternoon, watersports might be a loving, bonding experience, and then the next time, someone could be feeling a bit differently, grab by the hair and.......

Well, you get the idea.



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 7:44:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Perhaps one afternoon, watersports might be a loving, bonding experience, and then the next time, someone could be feeling a bit differently, grab by the hair and.......

Well, you get the idea.



Mmmmm! [sm=marionette.gif]
 
Yes, I do see the difference you speak of Lady Pact.  However, the analogy you make is one more of moods and still doesn't express the basic difference in how one views the other individual as well as the basic act; instead only the manner in which it is performed.  Perhaps you could provide some insight in a more direct manner?  [&:]
 
If your sub viewed this activity as a precious gift from you, would you feel as though you were humiliating him by providing it to him in a more vigorous manner?  Would you be surprised if he saw it that way?  In my case, I wouldn't as it would be as you described, a more lustful expression of desire for the activity; perhaps even simply servicing her needs. [:)]
 
 - pixel
 



LadyPact -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 3:32:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Mmmmm! [sm=marionette.gif]
 
Yes, I do see the difference you speak of Lady Pact.  However, the analogy you make is one more of moods and still doesn't express the basic difference in how one views the other individual as well as the basic act; instead only the manner in which it is performed.  Perhaps you could provide some insight in a more direct manner?  [&:]

Really?  So you can't see how one might see the person in their life at one time as the person that completes them, and then another time as the object of their hottest desires?  I would tend to think that mood is part of that influence, but so are the levels in which we interact with one another.
quote:


If your sub viewed this activity as a precious gift from you, would you feel as though you were humiliating him by providing it to him in a more vigorous manner? 

Would I find it humiliating, no.  However, that doesn't mean that he might not also have a need to feel that way for himself to have a need filled. 
quote:

Would you be surprised if he saw it that way?

Not especially.  I think we all have our fetishes for different reasons.   Two people can enjoy the same fetish and it be because of two different motivations.
quote:

In my case, I wouldn't as it would be as you described, a more lustful expression of desire for the activity; perhaps even simply servicing her needs. [:)]
 
 - pixel

In your own way, I think you do see what I mean.  Same activity, different motivations.
 




opposingtwilight -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 3:35:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

Nope.  The smell of urine is enough to set off a severely incapacitating gag-reflex in me, I can't imagine ever being able to pee in someone's mouth without vomiting to death.

Of course I'm not saying that anybody who enjoys/indulges in golden showers is wrong, because my objections to it are completely physical, not moral.



Not to be snarky but does that mean you vomit everytime you have to pee?



Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 3:41:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: opposingtwilight
Not to be snarky but does that mean you vomit everytime you have to pee?



If I'm hydrated there's no smell, and I'm usually chugging water throughout the day, so it's rarely a problem.

But I have dry-heaved and come very, very close before when I've been dehydrated.

Edited to add:  In general, I'm a bit like the characters in The Fall of the House of Usher.  The wrong lighting, a bad smell, or the wrong touch will send me into a frenzy, either physical or emotional.  Sound can render me paralyzed even if it's something as simple as an alarm clock going off.  It's not much fun being me sometimes.  [8|]



malloves69 -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 7:56:21 PM)

hey pixel ..no offense here by i think you way over analyzed what he said and the way he said it ..i personally love golden showers too ..i love watching it cum out of her body and love swallowing what she has given me too [:)] just like when we have vanilla sex together and she allows me to cum inside of her ..but after im done she sits on my face so i can lickup my cum as it drips from her [:)] our cums mixed together do taste rather well mixed together i must say and so does her pee when shes standing over me baptizing me with her golden nectar fluid that cums from her awesome body [:)] it can be a very erotic and itimate thing to share with your mistress as she marks her territory until next time we play [:)] it was a pretty harmless question he asked that some people really blew up out of bounds as far as im concerned ..love golden showers and yes i try and swallow it all ....have fun ..mal [:)]



MistressDolly -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/29/2008 8:01:53 PM)

:)



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/30/2008 8:58:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Mmmmm! [sm=marionette.gif]
 
Yes, I do see the difference you speak of Lady Pact.  However, the analogy you make is one more of moods and still doesn't express the basic difference in how one views the other individual as well as the basic act; instead only the manner in which it is performed.  Perhaps you could provide some insight in a more direct manner?  [&:]

Really?  So you can't see how one might see the person in their life at one time as the person that completes them, and then another time as the object of their hottest desires?  I would tend to think that mood is part of that influence, but so are the levels in which we interact with one another.


I'd be inclined to think that they saw them both ways all the time, but expressed those sentiments more in one direction or the other depending on their mood. [8D]
 
quote:

quote:


If your sub viewed this activity as a precious gift from you, would you feel as though you were humiliating him by providing it to him in a more vigorous manner? 

Would I find it humiliating, no. 

 
Your response here is a bit unclear to me.  The question was intended to ask if you would have a sense that you were humiliating him and perhaps getting a thrill from it being a D/s humilation activity as well; which may have also been a part of your motivation for doing it more vigorously.  The question was not meant to ask whether you'd find it humiliating to your yourself. [8|]
 
quote:
 However, that doesn't mean that he might not also have a need to feel that way for himself to have a need filled.


That makes sense.
 
quote:

 
quote:

Would you be surprised if he saw it that way?

Not especially.  I think we all have our fetishes for different reasons.   Two people can enjoy the same fetish and it be because of two different motivations.


Absolutely! I wouldn't expect everyone to have the same reasons or motivations.
 
quote:
quote:

In my case, I wouldn't as it would be as you described, a more lustful expression of desire for the activity; perhaps even simply servicing her needs. [:)]
 
 - pixel

In your own way, I think you do see what I mean.  Same activity, different motivations.
 


When conveyed as you have throughout your post, yes I do.  Whatever buttons work for each is not for me to question. [&:]
 
It really was more a case of questioning whether a person was being honest with themselves and their partner with what I saw as incongruous descriptions of viewpoints vs the emotions being triggered by the activity as posted by the OP.  To me, this seemed to have a duality that represented some kind of unresolved conflict.  I couldn't see how the two could coexist in harmony within a person, nor be comfortable for a Dominant they might serve if she knew her submissive had them about engaging in this activity with her. [>:]
 
 - pixel
 



stella41b -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/30/2008 6:53:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme

I've always known that i am submissive to women. Since more than two years now, i've taken the initiative to take personal steps to make sure i'm constantly learning how i can please others by getting better at it everyday.



Good for you. It's very good to know, but do you feel comfortable with all this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme

It's not a joke.



A few might take the p*** here but I'm not laughing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: winoverme

I clearly see myself ball-leashed at the feet of one or more Mistresses in the near future. It's just a question of time before someone gets their hands on me when they'll learn how passive, shy and submissive i can be..I like to envision my whole existence as a predestined purpose of becoming the private property of others for their satisfaction or even for their perverted mind. I've always felt a strong need to please, to feel useful and appreciated, even at the price of people frequently taking advantage of me. What better than progressively becoming a slave to achieve that? I've come to realise that i don't even care if the people who will own me intend to expose me to intense degradation, abuse or unrewarding treatments at times..I only want to become the best slave i can because the only thing that matters to me is to please..I love it when i get the chilling feeling that people are unable to get tired of me..It's highly stimulating for me.



Whoa, now whoa here stop. Before we go any further you must understand that I've spent quite a while in your shoes and your mindset - some years ago - and it got me nowhere. I'm going to make a suggestion by way of an analogy here.

You are the curator in an art gallery looking for a painting to fit into a space on a wall to complete an exhibition. You are looking for that painting with the help of a frame and a title into which you want to fit the painting. Every artist or work of art you meet has a beautiful painting but it doesn't fit the frame nor fit with the title. Wouldn't it be much easier to forget about the frame and title and look for the painting without them? Then when you've found the painting you can decide whether it fits on the wall. Then when you've decided that the painting fits on the wall and you like the painting then you can think about the frame and title. Doesn't this make sense to you?

Now it's the same sort of process with finding a Mistress who wants your submission. You're going round with the 'frame' of the preconceived notion of how the relationship will look and the 'title' of the relationship is 'a domme who will pander to my kinks'. Now stop and have a bit of a think here. put yourself for a minute in her shoes and try to see things her way. How submissive does that seem to her? Where is there the space and opportunity for her to express herself and what she wants and needs in a relationship? How do you expect to find a Mistress prepared to dominate and make the decisions for both of you if you have this preconceived notion of how the relationship should be?

Now please don't for a second think I'm trying to say you're wrong - I'm not you, I cannot say that and you have needs and desires which are just as valid as anybody else here. This isn't the issue. You're a little lost in the forest, and just maybe there's a little clearing somewhere from which you can find a path to getting to where you want to be.

Now go back over this thread and read what the female dominants are telling you. Can you not see a pattern? Can you not see that even though there are different responses they are telling you the same thing? Yes it could be possible, but you must be someone very special to me. Not all of course, but it's pretty unanimous from all those who might.

Then there's an additional issue here. Now you see it as humiliation, having to drink her waste product, but most dommes I guess would see it totally differently. Why? Well to pee in your mouth that requires intimate oral contact with the most intimate region of their body, something almost all women have extremely strong feelings about, a place about which many women have issues and where most women feel especially vulnerable. This is a part of their body that all women exercise a certain amou8nt of control over, especially who shares that intimate region and how, and with dommes this is more extreme. You come along as Mr Nobody regarding that most special, intimate region of their body has a kinky drinks dispenser - how do you think that makes them feel? Now put yourself in their shoes - wouldn't you feel a bit cheapened? Fetishized? As for even anticipating control over that area for your own needs let's not even go there.

Contrary to popular chatroom beliefs about BDSM successful relationships don't start out with kinks, fetishes and fantasies, but by friendships. A Mistress is just a woman who is just a human being and to reach the Mistress within her you need to start looking for the human and the woman who she really is - not who you expect her to be.

Also as you say you are a submissive and have been one all your life you have come across the concept of sacrifice. The sacrifice here is a very simple forfeit - you forfeit control and leadership in whatever you share together. This means that not always will you get your own way, but I'm sure as a submissive you find this to be most acceptable anyway. However contrary to popular belief many dommes do not expect outright submission, but something known as 'submission at will' which basically means her will and your submission. Other times, when she decides that she doesn't want you to be submissive it's best to try considerate partnership through being yourself. Look on the bright side, when she decides that you can relax and take a break from being submissive you are still submitting to her. Of course I'm generalizing here but I'm sure you get my point.

Oh and also I wouldn't put it about that you like to be abused. It doesn't look good, makes your own self-esteem questionable, makes you look desperate, and is quite unnecessary. Just focus on meeting and making friends with a potential domme, learn to serve her by putting her first and you second and hopefully by the time she decides to be your Mistress she will know very well which of your buttons to push and how to make you feel very submissive.

Above all I wish you the very best of luck or bon chance!



pixelslave -> RE: Do Dommes feel thrilled to watch their sub drinking their Golden nectar? (8/30/2008 7:53:17 PM)

Very well written stella and excellent advice for winoeverme. [sm=applause.gif]
 
 - pixel
 



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