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When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 3:45:16 AM

Untouched1282

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Can a sub ask questions? For how long into the relationship are they allowed? Are there certain areas that remain nonnegotiable? Answer for yourself personally, not as some "universal rule", please. I'm curious how everyone else feels about the subject.

I think this is one of the areas that will cause me the greatest strife in my search to find out who I am! I question everything! It's what I do, who I am.

Oh well! lol I guess I'm more HouseHusband than sub :P

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 3:47:23 AM

hopelessfool

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I ask alot of questions, All the time.

Why questions ususally in the begining of a relationship
How questions ususally in the beginning and if things have changed.
General questions, every day, Hello Daddy, how was your day? and the such

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 3:57:39 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I think there is a time and place for questions. In the beginning, to determine compatibility, there should indeed be a lot of questions.

However, once the relationship is established there are times when questions become - tedious.

For instance, if I ask a boy to put a pot of water on the stove, I don't want to hear, "Why?", instead, I want him to put a pot of water on the stove. He can ask why when I'm finished prepping the potatoes if it isn't obvious or if I didn't get around to telling him why in the process of prepping the potatoes. The same holds true for me whether or not I'm asking him to get water on the stove or having him bring me a flogger.

Now, he may indeed feel free to ask why, after I'm finished if I hadn't cleared that up already, but not before or during. At that point, he should just do as requested.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 8/24/2008 4:00:49 AM >

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:00:38 AM

simpleplan2

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Of course. I, too, ask questions all the time. Always have, always will. Yes, the type of questions prolly will change. I think in the beginning, the questions are more of a way of getting to know the person and just signal your interest in general. As the relationship continues, I think questions show an even deeper interest in how your partner thinks and who he or she is as well as (for me) trying to figure out how I "fit".

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:07:17 AM

Untouched1282

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

I think there is a time and place for questions. In the beginning, to determine compatibility, there should indeed be a lot of questions.

However, once the relationship is established there are times when questions become - tedious.

For instance, if I ask a boy, to put a pot of water on the stove, I don't want to hear, "Why?", instead, I want him to put a pot of water on the stove. He can ask why when I'm finished prepping the potatoes if it isn't obvious or if I didn't get around to telling him why in the process of prepping the potatoes. The same holds true for me whether or not I'm asking him to get water on the stove or having him bring me a flogger.

Now, he may indeed feel free to ask why, after I'm finished if I hadn't cleared that up already, but not before or during. At that point, he should just do as requested.

Yes of course. I guess I wouldn't be as concerned with what I perceive to be basic requests, things which relate to every day things. My questions would stem more from Lifestyle issues, so that I may find out more about Her, at least in theory. I guess they would deal mainly with things I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortabe with, at lesat at first. Hearing why something makes her happy, or having her provide some sort of reassurance to me, would be greatly beneficial to my personal growth, as well as ours.

Being a defensive know-it-all with a love of a philosophy comes back to bite me in the arse once again :/

(It's too early to attempt to be articulate :/ sorry)

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:07:28 AM

Sadisticforslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

Can a sub ask questions? For how long into the relationship are they allowed? Are there certain areas that remain nonnegotiable? Answer for yourself personally, not as some "universal rule", please. I'm curious how everyone else feels about the subject.

I think this is one of the areas that will cause me the greatest strife in my search to find out who I am! I question everything! It's what I do, who I am.

Oh well! lol I guess I'm more HouseHusband than sub :P

the only way a relationship can work in this life or a "normal" life is if there are questions asked and answered.
Yes in this life there are times when questioning what is happening to a slave is not wanted nor put up with, however later you can talk and ask questions and get answers. If you are not allowed to do that then most relationships will fail.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:13:28 AM

Untouched1282

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sadisticforslave

the only way a relationship can work in this life or a "normal" life is if there are questions asked and answered.
Yes in this life there are times when questioning what is happening to a slave is not wanted nor put up with, however later you can talk and ask questions and get answers. If you are not allowed to do that then most relationships will fail.

I understand where you're coming from. However, one of the things I've been dealing with is a difficult to feel comfortable with others, particularly while in vulnerable situations. I think the ability to give in and let your reservations wash away, along with your sweat and tears hehe, is both beautiful and growth-inducing. However, I guess I am more of a needy "sub" and require a full understanding of what will be going on (in certain situations) so that my anxieties and fears don't overwhelm my desire to please.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:28:31 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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The types of questions you just clarified are almost always welcome with me. Provided they are asked in a genuine interest to learn about me, are asked in a respectful manner, and are not a surly attempt to manipulate their way out of doing something.

I adore when someone asks me a sincere question so that they can better understand me.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:33:08 AM

Untouched1282

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

The types of questions you just clarified are almost always welcome with me. Provided they are asked in a genuine interest to learn about me, are asked in a respectful manner, and are not a surly attempt to manipulate their way out of doing something.

I adore when someone asks me a sincere question so that they can better understand me.

:) This is wonderful to hear. I fear that my desire to learn could be viewed as either a lack of trust in her or an attempt to "Dom from the bottom"/manipulate her.

I guess one way of getting around this sitaution would be to meet someone who was (overly) informative and felt the need to walk me through my fears and reservations without me having to ask. I'm sure I will. Most of the Dommes I've spoken with have seemed quite nice and welcoming. :) Maybe I just need to learn to be a little more trusting, too.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:42:18 AM

colouredin

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Seems sometimes we escape the confines of reality when philosophising about this lifestyle, if as someone else says its a childlike, why all the time then thats just silly but how can any relationship ever function without conversation, most conversation is based on questions and answers, you dont suddnly become a robot following a set of rules when you enter a D/s relationship, of course time and place is important

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 4:42:34 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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It's all in the phrasing and timing of the question. If you were asking probing questions while I had a flogger in my hand, I'd likely silence you. If you were to ask well prior to me even considering picking it up, or after I've put it down, I'd be more open to answering the question. Plus, if you phrase it "Why on EARTH would you want to FLOG someone? Are you nuts?!", you may not receive a heart felt answer.

And, yes, in order for someone to trust you, you must be willing to trust them. It's a two-way street. It's often difficult to surrender and to allow yourself to trust one so intimately. I believe that is part of the thrill for me. Seeing someone open up so deeply, throwing out society's rules, and allowing themselves to trust me, surrender to me, and experience the moment.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 8/24/2008 4:44:07 AM >

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 5:24:39 AM

MsStarlett

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I've never seen a sub ask as many questions as OP. *giggle*

Questions are fine. Honesty is always a good thing.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 7:24:31 AM

LadyPact

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For Me, I am not against My sub asking questions. If there is something he wants to know, how else is he going to get that information unless he asks? I'm not talking about questioning My authority or second guessing Me if I give a command. I'm going more on the day to day human interaction.

OP, the fact that you want to ask questions really is a good thing. I realize that it's not everybody's personal style when it comes to D/s, but there are a lot of us who don't see this as something that is such a huge contrast of living life that much differently than the person next door. I guess what I'm saying is, I really can't imagine having a dynamic with someone who didn't ask Me things. If he didn't, I'd have to carry every conversation, initiate every topic, only ever talk about the thoughts that entered My head, and never really know what is going on in his. Sure, some people want that, but I have to tell you that I'm not one of them.

Instead, I'm more the type that wants there to be give and take when we talk. I don't want to feel like every conversation is like pulling teeth to get to know what's going on in someone's head. I want a person's thoughts expressed. I want to know the feelings that a person is having. When he's curious about something, I want him to ask. I'm just that type. I want a dynamic with a person, not a robot. I don't want a dynamic that is only based on one way communication. Just because I have authority, doesn't mean that I am so great that I can never have someone ask a question.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 7:26:16 AM

TNstepsout

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I don't mind questions. I ask a lot of them myself. What would get frustrating to me is if I felt like we'd covered ground and had a good understanding and THEN when the reality of experiencing a certain activity was upon the sub, he decided he had all kinds of questions he hadn't asked before. I would take that as a sign that he wasn't thinking ahead or really considering what I was asking in order to give me the information I needed to make him feel safe, secure and trusting. Make sense?

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 7:45:28 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

Can a sub ask questions?
yes
For how long into the relationship are they allowed?
For as long as the relationship lasted.
Are there certain areas that remain nonnegotiable?
That would be something to get clear with your prospective Mistress before you committ to a relationship.
Answer for yourself personally, not as some "universal rule", please.
I can only speak for myself, there are no universal rules.

I'm curious how everyone else feels about the subject.

I think this is one of the areas that will cause me the greatest strife in my search to find out who I am! I question everything! It's what I do, who I am.

Oh well! lol I guess I'm more HouseHusband than sub :P

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 7:56:28 AM

SunNMoon

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I love being asked questions. And I don’t mind being asked questions about why I do or think about something (as long as it doesn’t fall under the above example of cooking the potatoes). One of the reasons that I adore them is that it gives me insight into myself as well as the person I’m with.

At the beginning of a relationship there are certain questions which I’ll just state I’m not ready to answer do to my belief that particular answer is private for me. But most questions I’d be happy to answer. I also think part of asking lots of questions is being able to answer them yourself.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 8:15:57 AM

MamaDomme1

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~~FR~~

I encourage questions with potential partners in order to establish a possible compatibility. After becoming involved with someone, I encourage the questions even more-- to continue the learning of one another process.

Of course, there have been many times that my answer to "why" has been a simple "Because *I* said so, now shut up"......but those were silly times anyway...

A serious question deserves and receives a serious answer from me.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 8:48:06 AM

Racquelle

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I expect to be asked enough questions that the boy or girl feels sure of what is being asked. The more complicated the task, the more questions I expect. But at a certain point it is a stall tactic. We both know when that subtle line is crossed. What I prefer is a sub who has enough intelligence and confidence to ask for vital information and stop short of stalling and wasting time. A few more foolish individuals have made the mistake of pestering with questions until I became aggrivated and then realized I hadn't taken them out of the hog-ties yet, so, got left there for a painfully long time.

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 9:11:44 AM

TexasMaam

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A sub can ask Me any question he wants, whenever he wants, as long as he has My permission to do so.

Once I have considered his question, answered his concerns and taken his opinion into consideration, when I have made a decision on whatever the topic is at hand, he'd better learn when to opt out, defer to My decision and keep quiet, even if and sometimes especially if he disagrees with Me.

Questions and objections that simply reiterate the same issues over and over again no longer consititute inquisitiveness, they become indicators of a petulant or argumentative personality. I'm not about argument. That would be the point where questions 'become a bad thing'.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 8/24/2008 9:18:25 AM >

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RE: When quetions become a bad thing... - 8/24/2008 10:03:28 AM

Untouched1282

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I've never seen a sub ask as many questions as OP. *giggle*

Questions are fine. Honesty is always a good thing.

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