quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I don't mind questions. I ask a lot of them myself. What would get frustrating to me is if I felt like we'd covered ground and had a good understanding and THEN when the reality of experiencing a certain activity was upon the sub, he decided he had all kinds of questions he hadn't asked before. I would take that as a sign that he wasn't thinking ahead or really considering what I was asking in order to give me the information I needed to make him feel safe, secure and trusting. Make sense?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunNMoon

I love being asked questions. And I don’t mind being asked questions about why I do or think about something (as long as it doesn’t fall under the above example of cooking the potatoes).  One of the reasons that I adore them is that it gives me insight into myself as well as the person I’m with.
 
At the beginning of a relationship there are certain questions which I’ll just state I’m not ready to answer do to my belief that particular answer is private for me. But most questions I’d be happy to answer. I also think part of asking lots of questions is being able to answer them yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

I expect to be asked enough questions that the boy or girl feels sure of what is being asked.  The more complicated the task, the more questions I expect.  But at a certain point it is a stall tactic.  We both know when that subtle line is crossed.  What I prefer is a sub who has enough intelligence and confidence to ask for vital information and stop short of stalling and wasting time.  A few more foolish individuals have made the mistake of pestering with questions until I became aggrivated and then realized I hadn't taken them out of the hog-ties yet, so, got left there for a painfully long time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

A sub can ask Me any question he wants, whenever he wants, as long as he has My permission to do so.

TM

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I could not agree more with your response. The Platonic approach to questions asking and answering. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunNMoon

Yup minus the Hemlock. =D I like a philosophical approach to ds, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But I’m all nerdy like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunNMoon

Yup minus the Hemlock. =D I like a philosophical approach to ds, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But I’m all nerdy like that.

I think it was Socrates who took Hemlock, no? lol

I'm a nerd too, no worries.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkash

A good rule of thumb is to understand the motivation behind the questions.  Questions about progress, mutual benefit, sincere desire to understand and have empathy are good. Questions that are driven by selfishness, need for attention, insecurity, or self indulgence are not good.  Of course, there's going to be some of the latter in any new relationship, and so there's a "free pass" to a large degree - but when the irritation of the questions, or continuation of them after correction, reaches a high, it probably will signal an end.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I have a variety of "question" pet peeves as it relates to submissive men, but these are my personal ones.  In general, communication is always a good thing, so questions are good.  Here are good questions that submissives do NOT ask enough:

* Submissives often lack the ability, initiative, guts, whatever, to ask questions during the courting process - simple questions, about hobbies, dreams, desires, interests - NON kinky questions.  They seem to want to be asked questions, but then do not return the effort. I think many believe it is not appropriate to ask anything. In reality, it just makes for one-sided and boring conversations.

* Submissives should ask about what makes a femdom tick - but not in self serving ways.  Don't ask "What makes you wet?" but ask what drives her desires, what made her that way, what curiosities she still has about her femdom side, in what ways has it changed or evolved. Thoughtful, interesting questions about my nature are always appreciated. Most subs just want to know the size of my strap on cock, and if I get wet when a man's asshole is tight. 

* Submissives need to ask about fulfillment. Are you happy? Did that work for you?  Anything I could have done better?  Are we moving forward?

Well written Akasha and very good advice for submissives. 

It's important to me to get to know the real woman and not just the dominant that I eventually expect to submit to when starting a new relationship.  Asking these kinds of questions IMO is how to do it and as things become more intimate, I'll ask even more specific questions on her preferences on many different things. 

I like to know what makes her tick and what motivates her.  Dominants have buttons that get pushed just as we subs do.  I like to learn what they are so we can enjoy the dance together.  Sometimes it's a matter of careful observation, but there also some things that can only be learned by asking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

The key can be timing and tone of voice.

When first considering a relationship it is only right to have a ton of questions.  Once the relationship starts to develop the types of questions will most likely change from a general getting to know you style to something a little deeper.  Once the relationship is pretty well established you will be able to start picking up on your partner's mood and know when it is a good time to ask questions.

If you are given a task of picking up something at the store, it would be appropriate to ask if the person has a favorite brand.  Simply asking, "why?" might get a very different response.  Depending on your relationship asking, "Would you like me to leave right now?" could earn you either favor or a punishment. 

I am naturally curious, and always like to know the reasons behind things.  I've had to train myself to ask questions in such a way that the other person doesn't automatically put their guard up.  For instance, if someone seems tense I am much more likely to get a good response by asking, "You look like you could use a good shoulder rub, would you like one?" than "What bug got up your butt?"  LOL  Sometimes it isn't that easy.  Say that you feel you are being ignored and it hurts.  The natural questions might be, "Why are you ignoring me?"  "Have I done something to displease you?"  "Is something wrong?"  If you suspect that it has to do with their own personal stresses and you want to be careful not to add more, it might be the time to make a simple statement, "I hope you have a wonderful day", instead of filling your own immediate need and possibly adding to their burden.