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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 11:21:47 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

The hardest thing for me was to think before speaking when I was upset about something. I earned my first punishment for being a smart ass. Actually, I'll admit it, I was being a brat! You won't find me pulling that again.... at least not with my Sir!

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 21

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 7:50:02 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

The hardest thing for me was getting naked in front of Master. I am a little oveweight and have a nasty scar on my stomach from surgery. The thing that helped is the way Master responded to me naked, he loves my body just the way it is. He said something that made me melt he said he loves my body ,and i said even my ugly scar ? He said i love your scar because it is part of you. How sweet is that. :)

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 8/25/2008 8:24:53 AM >

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 22

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 8:15:00 AM

Plumpinthefatty

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/11/2008
Status: offline

For me the hardest thing when going deeper into my submission was auctually the fact that I shouldn't trust so much, that I should be careful in who I submit to. Learning more about one before giving him my submission, being many doms cherish submission but that doesn't always mean you and the one you speak with may be a good fit. Within my first experiences I learned that including more about what I desired for myself. Especially about what a piggie I am!:)

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 23

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 9:19:57 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

the hardest thing was wrapping this slave's mind around the fact that this relationship wasn't going to diminish this slave by making her feel bad/wrong/sick for the way she is wired, because that's what happened in every "vanilla" relationship she was ever a part of.

she was often encouraged to "get help" for her submissive nature, her masochistic proclivities, and her, what they viewed as,"addiction" to sex. this relationship celebrates this slave's submissive, masochistic nature as well as her persistent sexual arousal...and that was hard to get used to, but this slave is so VERY grateful for that hardship!!!

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 24

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 9:31:27 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

i wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for posting your experiences. It was very much appreciated by me.

thank you
oceanwynds

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 25

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 10:23:43 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

The hardest thing for me was to know when to shut up

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 26

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/25/2008 9:09:52 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

Transitioning from an "in it for my masochism" to understanding submission.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 27

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/1/2008 6:54:26 PM

Daddyssweetpea

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2008
Status: offline

the hardest thing (and it still is the hardest) is to not roll my eyes when Daddy tells me he thinks i'm beautiful.
he's partial.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 28

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/1/2008 7:24:38 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

I have a low self esteem and its hard for me to say thank you or believe someone when they tell me I'm pretty/beautiful. Thats something Im going to struggle with for a long time, but I'm really trying to work on it.

Daddyssweetpea: I do the same thing. lol

< Message edited by Sandyshores29718 -- 9/1/2008 7:25:25 PM >

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 29

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/1/2008 8:38:48 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I agree with what has been said by others.

Being my harshest critic and thinking I disappointed him and then over analyzing and feeling like I didn't live up when in fact i did live up to his expectations.

Learning to appreciate my physical appearance as much as he does.

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 30

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/1/2008 9:35:56 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Quitting smoking.

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 31

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 12:06:19 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

Hmm...

This is a tough question for me. Mainly for two reasons...

1) BDSM doesn't define me or my life (like it does for some people) and so I've never really been immersed in a situation that I didn't find, at least partially, pleasurable or wanted. Most of me will probably never want to go where that darker place inside is, where I find pleasure by losing my will and doing something I don't *want* to do. Without going too heavily into my own history (emotional and otherwise) BDSM is both a healing thing... and something that opens new 'wounds' with each application. It's part of the reason I'm looking (well, not actively I suppose) for something so wildly different than most submissives are. If anything I'm a masochist first, and a submissive/sadist tie second... by a very, very far distance.

2) While I've read and read and read, and talked and talked and talked, I still don't have much *actual* experience with being dominated beyond one partner (who's either the kinkiest vanilla person, or the most vanilla kinky person you'll ever meet). Don't get me wrong, I've got a fair amount of experience in being hit :D just not in adding a sexual/love aspect into it.

Both of those points made, however... I will have to say the 'hardest' experience that I've ever had was one I've already shared on the boards here... denial of physical touch. I wasn't allowed to touch my dominant at the time until he said so... and I nearly bit my tongue off just by begging. It was especially hard because it was a complete mental restriction... I wasn't bound (which would have made it SOOOOO much easier) or anything at all. We were both just laying on the bed during the afternoon. One of my major quirks is wanting to please my dominant... no, I'm not talking anything to make him happy, I'm talking I want to make him cum again and again until he passes out.

But then again, I'm kinda weird :)

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 32

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 5:03:03 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

The hardest thing for me was to accept that it's not up to me to decide if I'm beautiful, sexy, talented or good. I learned to just be, and accept myself as He sees me, to trust His judgement of me.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 33

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 12:46:51 PM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

Hmm.

My largest challenge to date was simply learning to not be gullible, to be aware of who I was and what I had to offer in order to not be taken advantage of because I am a trusting person, always have been. I needed to force myself to step back and take a real logical and analytical look at things. I was learning that I could be a romantic without being naive.

The other one was to rid myself of the fantasy aspect, to get rid of expectations. I was coming out of an online environment and I wanted to start meeting people in the lifestyle in order to eventually find a real time D/s relationship. Breaking yourself out of irrational expectations and what things 'should' be - and learning to have patience while redefining what the lifestyle meant to me.

Also, getting comfortable with the idea that "who I was" would be enough rather than what felt I should be.

< Message edited by Daes -- 9/2/2008 12:49:35 PM >

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 34

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 1:31:19 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Like Colouredin said... my biggest hurdle was me. Letting go, trusting, accepting, not questioning everything lol. In my non ds relationships i was often made to be in charge, so even tho I wanted someone else in charge letting go and allowing it to happen was hard.

The other thing that was hard and is sometimes is comparing a past Dom with the current one. Training from a past relationship is not always utilized in a new one so trying to get past that and relearn or break a habit that was beat into you is hard at times too.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 35

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 2:33:31 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

One of the biggest things for me when i met my Master was accepting my own vulnerability..
Its just one of those things that went completely against many of fundamental values i was brought up with in my good ol' fashioned Yorkshire family.. It took a lot of getting past, but eventually it settled in my mind & so did everything else.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 36

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 2:58:23 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
the hardest thing was wrapping this slave's mind around the fact that this relationship wasn't going to diminish this slave by making her feel bad/wrong/sick for the way she is wired.

*sighs* Mine has this problem also although slowly we're getting it sorted out. It frustrates me to no end that our society apparently places a great deal of value on the leaders and not the followers. As any good leader can attest to, he's exactly nowhere without good followers. Slowly, I think, she is coming to understand that what "society" values isn't going to impact her life one little bit. But what *I* value definitely does. Not because I'm some archtypal "master" thing, but simply because I'm the man who is most important to her in the whole world.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 37

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 3:28:41 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Trust. Trusting myself, trusting Ma'am, trusting the relationship and trusting to the future. Basically, trust on every level was hard for me to come by. Trust is a belief in something that cannot be completely known, and I had long had an issue in believing in anything beyond the concrete.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 38

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 4:06:25 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

Hardest experience to date...allowing one person to get to really know ALL of me...instead of the wonderful chameleon I can be.

Whether they accept me or not, is not a factor with me, but their genuine interest in me scares the bejesus out of me! Normally, I just brush away deep interest or change the subject to them or their interests, easier for me not to be put in a position of answering direct questions...because I'm always truthful...to a fault I believe, or have been told.

I have great confidence and self esteem, I pretty much always have and I'm blessed...but over the years, I have only allowed people to see parts of myself...never the whole...not because I was afraid of rejection...I could care less about that...but of frightening away another by my experiences or my honesty. That just breaks my heart everytime, losing a "friendship" due to my honesty and their ignorance or lack of openness with the world or that they had gotten frightened in any way...like showing them Pandora's Box or something similar.

The line..."You can't handle the truth!" usually pops into my mind, when I know that particular person couldn't comprehend or be open for that kind of honesty.

I'm talking in general senses, but it pretty much covers...sex, relationships, experiences, raising children, being a good person to yourself and to others, business, childhood, bdsm, sports, health, being balanced within, etc, etc, etc...

It is a good feeling...having genuine interest in me with no other motive than just getting to know me...but there are times I'm so scared that I'd rather have a major caning than this kind of honesty! :D

< Message edited by Gleegal67 -- 9/2/2008 4:07:38 PM >

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 39

RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 9/2/2008 8:46:26 PM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

2) While I've read and read and read, and talked and talked and talked, I still don't have much *actual* experience with being dominated beyond one partner (who's either the kinkiest vanilla person, or the most vanilla kinky person you'll ever meet). Don't get me wrong, I've got a fair amount of experience in being hit :D just not in adding a sexual/love aspect into it.

My first reaction is "hmm... I love you and I could hit you"... but that's not the same thing at all, is it, as I'm sure you're not into me, the whole female thing and all *grins*

---

As for the actual question as it applies to me, my hardest thing is not completely losing it and feeling inadequate. I haven't cooked anything decent yet for my dear master... at all. I've messed up everything. And this morning I didn't finish the dishes before I had to leave. my hardest thing is not feeling like a failure.

I wanted to leave his house on saturday because I was throwing up, but he didn't want me to. He cleaned up the kitchen when it should have been my job. And those things like that, those are the hardest to learn.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 40

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