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Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 12:42:31 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		In light of the recent threads of Uberness, I thought I'd put this word to use on this thread.  Uber Stalkers.

Now, like many people I've heard horror stories about stalkers in the past.  However, I'm totally amazed at the depths and lengths some stalkers take things to.

Such as going to public court houses, search through records regarding thier victims child custody petitions and family court records.   Land titles, digging through Genealogy records.  Figuring out the people that are related to their victim.  The list of actions going to depths and extremes.  That well, is not just that of an average stalker. 

Now, what really gets me, is that the stalker in question is married, has a wife and a family clear across the other side of the country.  He's managed to go to these great lenghts compliments of Air travel. 

I'm not certain what makes guys this this tick.  I mean what is it?  I can't even begin to relate to their thought streams or mental processes.

Anyways, his victim has not been responding to him at all.  Basically, ingoring him, putting him on block and doing everything right to not feed the twisted attention he's trying to get from her. 

I've been trying to encourage her to take legal action and report this guy along with other civil ways of dealing with it.  However, I find myself wanting this Dudes phone number and sharing with him some deep sadistic thoughts about how I will become is worst nightmare in life, unless he knocks this crap off.  Then I think for moment, what if he'd enjoy that challenge.
But literally, I find myself in a state of loathing dispise for this guy.   The kind that makes me want to fuck with his world, or make certain the law fucks with his world.

I know this nothing that a could 2x4 upside his head could'nt fix.  If this son of a bitch wants to come fuck with my world, I'll not be a happy camper.  This idiot has no idea, about how guys like him bring out the sadist side of me.  I can think of some pretty fucking evil shit to do people too.  I don't just mean physically either.

I just sitting here thinking about the amazing lengths some of these crazy bastards can take things as well.  You know like the sort of thing you see in a movie on the Lifetime channel.

I know getting into a head to head phone conversation with this guy, will either make him piss himself senseless, or make things more of a challenge.

Dare I admit it, I've had a deep fantasies about fucking up a Physco nut job like this.  I'm totally aware of why I have fantasies like this as well.   One of the things about dealing with crazy fucks is to just act fucking crazier then they are!  At least this has worked in the past for me. 

I know I'm a bit of freak, and that some of you people on this message board probally don't know what to make of me at times.  I find myself rather provoked, having some truely ugly deep sadistic thoughts running through my mind right now.

Right now, I'm encouraging and being supportive of the legal and civil rational way of dealing with him.  Still is that enough to stop an Uber Stalker in their tracks?  Just how far to fuck heads like this play the game anyways?  

One a Twisted note of thoughts.

Has anybody on this board ever had to resort to means outside of legal and civil ways?  Has anybody ever had to resort to stalking a stalker and threatening to turn their world upside down?  Perhaps go as far as giving a stalker death threats or whatever else?  

I've had some great real life experiences with a couple of stalkers already.  One was when I went into a convient store and the fuck head was on the hood of my truck, already broke off mirror.  He was giving the person I was with a hard time, and they had locked themselves inside.   Anyways, I when I walked out.   I was very calm and collected.   I said "What are you doing?" they got off my truck and attempted to explain themselves all civil and nice. (What an idiot).  I walked around to the side of my truck saw my broken mirror.  I was pissed (good thing for self control).   I said "That's it", and walked back into the store and asked the checkout girl to dial 911.   I walked back outside, the Dude was making apologies right and left.  I stood there in smoking a cigerettee in dead silence listening to his every fucked up excuse. 

Basically, as long as this dude was not physically threatening me directly, and stopped what he was doing.  I kept my cool about what the hell was going on.  However, if he had come after me directly, or had not stopped what he was doing.  Well, it might have turned into Chainsaws and Assholes while waiting for the police to show up.   I would have had no issues in admitting anything to the police or a judge later on.   I would have had the he deserved to be the fuck up attitude without any remorse.

Anyways, I know myself and what I'm capable of doing.  I thought I'd share one of my past experiences in dealing with a stalked in my past.  I was not happy about my Mirror being broken off the side of my truck.  Ironic, this fuck head whenever I ran into after this incident he kept apologizing to me.  I kept saying "You know what your apology is not accepted". 

I honestly don't know why Stalkers seem to have this twisted form of self justification, and have this belief that people are going to be all that understanding of their actions.  Just blows my mind, always has an always will.

I've never gone head to head or dealt with what I call an "Uber Stalker" yet.   If they are anything like the ones in the Lifetime channel movies.  I think, I might not be so calm and collected.

Anyways, thanks for reading this crazy post of mine. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 12:57:12 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2



Such as going to public court houses, search through records regarding thier victims child custody petitions and family court records.   Land titles, digging through Genealogy records.  Figuring out the people that are related to their victim.  The list of actions going to depths and extremes.  That well, is not just that of an average stalker. 



I'm not sure this constitutes stalking per se. If searching genealogy records is stalking then the Mormon church is one helluva stalker eh !! These records you mention are all public are they not ? To become stalking, the perpetrator would have had to take some action based on the information.


(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 1:00:28 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2
Such as going to public court houses, search through records regarding thier victims child custody petitions and family court records.   Land titles, digging through Genealogy records.  Figuring out the people that are related to their victim.  The list of actions going to depths and extremes.  That well, is not just that of an average stalker. 



I'm not sure this constitutes stalking per se. If searching genealogy records is stalking then the Mormon church is one helluva stalker eh !! These records you mention are all public are they not ? To become stalking, the perpetrator would have had to take some action based on the information.


Think the verbal comments and threats that went along with it, clearly screams stalker.

(in reply to Paulnz)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 1:10:40 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2
Such as going to public court houses, search through records regarding thier victims child custody petitions and family court records.   Land titles, digging through Genealogy records.  Figuring out the people that are related to their victim.  The list of actions going to depths and extremes.  That well, is not just that of an average stalker. 



I'm not sure this constitutes stalking per se. If searching genealogy records is stalking then the Mormon church is one helluva stalker eh !! These records you mention are all public are they not ? To become stalking, the perpetrator would have had to take some action based on the information.


Think the verbal comments and threats that went along with it, clearly screams stalker.


Your OP said nothing about direct personal threats. These should be complained about to the relevant authority. But even there, generally, proximity matters. For instance if the caller is geographically remote from the victim, and couldn't possibly carry out the threats, then it has a lot less weight with the law than if the caller is in the same town or street. The critical point is if the threatener makes a move towards the victim. It is at that point an offense is created. You can hold information for any reason on any one, and pretty much say what you like about this and that. It is at the point you act on that information, use it in some way, or take some step to carrying out the threat, that the law intervenes. In fact, your OP skirts the law itself. You've made a threat, so at that point it's just a matter of record, but were you take any step toward your target, you'd be in serious trouble, very serious trouble.


(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
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RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 1:32:17 AM   
StayOfExecution


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		 

What has this man actually done to stalk her?  Looking up info that's on public record doesn't constitute stalking. 

If she feels that he has actually stalked her or if she is in danger, she should go to the police and file a report.

The level of violence you are "fantasizing" about sounds more dangerous than anything you mentioned about the supposed stalker, not to mention illegal if you were to actually go out and perpetrate this.  Violence isn't justified because you are pissed off, and two wrongs don't make a right. 

_____________________________

I'm not the gambling kind. And you look like a risk.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 1:56:21 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've recently had to go to the police here in the UK about a stalker I 'collected' here on cm.  They were brilliant - I was very open and honest about where we 'met' online, and they basically went and told the guy to stay away.  He'd made all sorts of threats about 'outing' me to my boss, as well as physical threats. 
The police were very sympathetic, explained that I'd done nothing wrong and that they would make an informal visit to this guy at his work (I didn't have his home address).  This was a week ago, and I'm beginning to relax now.  Everything seems to have stopped - apparently having the police involved made the spineless little turd panic and run away.
I'd say your friend should approach the police informally for a chat to see what they can do before she makes a complaint.  She might be pleasantly surprised!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 2:05:55 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz
Your OP said nothing about direct personal threats. These should be complained about to the relevant authority. But even there, generally, proximity matters. For instance if the caller is geographically remote from the victim, and couldn't possibly carry out the threats, then it has a lot less weight with the law than if the caller is in the same town or street. The critical point is if the threatener makes a move towards the victim. It is at that point an offense is created. You can hold information for any reason on any one, and pretty much say what you like about this and that. It is at the point you act on that information, use it in some way, or take some step to carrying out the threat, that the law intervenes. In fact, your OP skirts the law itself. You've made a threat, so at that point it's just a matter of record, but were you take any step toward your target, you'd be in serious trouble, very serious trouble.


The critical point is if the threatener makes a move, yes.  I totally agree with this.  Yes, my OP skirts the law itself, but only after legal and civil action as been taken.  Or if a move is towards the victim in my presence. 

I think my OP also, clearly depicts how I'm not quick nor act with haste in my own actions.  I made it clear that I would have no problems in a court of law nor with admitting my actions to the police.  This is why I shared a past experience in the OP.  Now, if I had come back out of the store, and this stalker guy continued to damage my property or assaulted me or continued with physically and verbally harassment.   I would be in the right to protect myself, my property, and somebody inside my own vechical.

With all this said, if the issues with a stalker can not be resolved through legal and civil means. What other recourse is left?  When one runs out of options.

With that said, yes, making equally opposing threats back to a stalker, is skirting the law as well.   Yes, your honor, I told that crazy SOB, I'd fucking chop him up into a million pieces and feed him to his dog and have the dog shit him out.  Here's my reason why your honor.  Mind you I'd never actually engage in carrying out a threat such as this.  

The actually threats I'd make and follow through on, would be making certain his Wife recieved an Itemized Calls recieved from her crazy Stalker husband.  Along with a nice letter.  Also contained would be copies of his stalker Emails.  Also, his parents and other family relatives would recieve such information packets.

I'm certain this would be a great start at becoming his worst nightmare.  Perhaps even nieghborhood awareness being raised.

No lies involved, just facts.

InOrder to do such as thing, would involve me taking a trip to where he lived and digging up public records on his ass.   I would take his own actions and turn them around and use them against him to the Max. 

This is actually what I would mean by becoming his worst nightmare. 

Yes, your honor, I sent his wife that big envelop of information.  Yes, I sent so and so copies of it as well.   Yes, judge, I did all this because all civil and legal means were not making him stop.

Basically, the whole Tit for Tat.   Now if he were to come after me physically, again Tit for Tat.   However, I might be prone to loose my temper.  I tend to maintain a high degree of control over the sadistic thoughts I have.  However, I'm certain I have my own limits.  It might turn into an ugly thing.  

This is why I brought up the Lifetime channel.  The movies and shows on there depict guys that don't know when stop after civil and legal means have been tried.  In fact, they seem to have no regards for the Law nor human beings.

Be it as such, I do not wish to loose control, and snap to the point of literally fucking somebody up.   However, Damn it, the thoughts of it do run through my mind.

I have contemplated about making a threat to dig into this guys life, and literally spinning it around on him unless he stops.  

I have also thought about just threatening to simply give him a good old fashioned ass beating.  I don't have any criminal record, and well.  I might be OK with having assault and battery on it.  I'll be certain to not kill the SOB.

I think some stalkers try to bank on the fact that people are not willing to beat the hell out of them.  I wonder, would be in interesting court room case.  Yes, your honor.  I tied him up, and spanked his ass literally with a crop for an hour.  I was only doing what his Mommy and Daddy should have done a long time ago.  Yes, Judge I plead guitly for beating his ass senseless like this.

I'm just venting a lot of thoughts right now.  This message board thread is one big vent.  I've never dealt with an Uber Stalker, and well....  it's giving me a lot to think about. 

(in reply to Paulnz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 2:11:07 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StayOfExecution
What has this man actually done to stalk her?  Looking up info that's on public record doesn't constitute stalking. 

If she feels that he has actually stalked her or if she is in danger, she should go to the police and file a report.

The level of violence you are "fantasizing" about sounds more dangerous than anything you mentioned about the supposed stalker, not to mention illegal if you were to actually go out and perpetrate this.  Violence isn't justified because you are pissed off, and two wrongs don't make a right. 


I know I know I know...  I'm just frustrated at the moment.  I don't like having thoughts such as these.   In fact, I've never harmed anybody in such a manner.  It does concern me at times.  I tend to be very self controlled in situations like this.  However, I don't know what would happen if I ever lost self control.  

Yes, the level of violence that I have fantasized about, is a rather unpleasent thing.

I'm simply venting some thoughts out on a message board, which is far more constructive.   I'm letting some steam out right now. 

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 2:15:05 AM   
oblige


Posts: 38
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello WhiplashSmile2, I do not know if the victim is in the USA, but if so, each State has stalking laws, (which can be found by google.) If she plans to report it, it helps to have dates, times, events, and brief details of threats, calls, etc written down for law enforcement to better do thier job. Even if physical harm is not immanent, something still may be able to be done, such as a order of no contact,  depending on the laws in the victim and the perpetrators jurisdiction. I helped my sis through this, and so I empathise. My ex husband was a cop, and he was constantly frustrated that people did not report things until it was too late. I definitely encourage calling law enforcement. They will better be able to advise your friend. Staying calm on your part if the victim is all freaked out is pretty imperative to actually BE of any tangible assistance to her too, IMO.

On a different note, you seem to be quite agitated about whomever this is,  judging from your thread on Dom horror stories the other day, and now this one. (or maybe it is more than one horror story you are referring to?)  As a sub, I appreciate the chivalrous nature of your sentiments about these things, but would hate to see anyone create more potential problems by lowering themselves to the level of the abuser/stalker.

I am glad you are there for her and that you are advising her calmly. Ultimately, it will be up to the victim to choose to empower herself and reach out for help, or to just let it go, continue to ignore the stalker,  then to hopefully grow and learn from the whole experience.

Be well, ~oblige






_____________________________

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." (TS Elliot)

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
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RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 2:17:27 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I've recently had to go to the police here in the UK about a stalker I 'collected' here on cm.  They were brilliant - I was very open and honest about where we 'met' online, and they basically went and told the guy to stay away.  He'd made all sorts of threats about 'outing' me to my boss, as well as physical threats. 
The police were very sympathetic, explained that I'd done nothing wrong and that they would make an informal visit to this guy at his work (I didn't have his home address).  This was a week ago, and I'm beginning to relax now.  Everything seems to have stopped - apparently having the police involved made the spineless little turd panic and run away.
I'd say your friend should approach the police informally for a chat to see what they can do before she makes a complaint.  She might be pleasantly surprised!

Thank you... this is the direction I've been encouraging at this point.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 2:46:16 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I've been reading some interesting things on this website.
http://www.esia.net/index.html

Such as:
"They will go to great lengths to obtain information about their victims or to find victims who have secretly moved. They have been known to hack into computers, tap telephone lines, take jobs at public utilities that allow them access to the victims or information about the victims, and even to travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to gain information about or find their victims. Stalkers many times use their intelligence to throw others off their trail."

Actually, a few things on this site make complete sense to me, in regards to some of my past encounters with stalkers too.   Like the guy that was on the hood of my truck and broke my mirror.   Why he acted more less, like he was doing nothing really all too wrong.  
http://www.esia.net/Common_Traits_of_Stalkers.htm

I'm doing a little reading on this website.

http://www.esia.net/Building_your_Case.htm

OK, I'm resolved to the fact, that well... people like this are nut jobs and don't respond normally to things. 

Yes, I hate people like this with a passion.  I simply admit it.   I does piss me off, and I do think so not nice things.  

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 4:54:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Doreen Onion, a psychiatrist, wrote a book about her experiences with a stalker.  http://www.amazon.com/Know-You-Really-Love-Psychiatrists/dp/0028616650

The stalker could not be deterred by the law, or any rational methods.  Basically, stalkers spends disproportionate resources on chasing someone who doesn't want it - they're crazy.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:13:15 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

some of my past encounters with stalkers



Very few people go through life having had multiple stalkers.  Perhaps you need to evaluate the way your putting yourself out there.  Then again, you could be Jason Mamoa, which in that case, I will be stalking you as well.


Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:20:26 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I was stalked once, by someone I didnt know it was horrifying I tried everything eventually I had to stick black bin bags up at my window the stop him looking through it, because I didnt know him and didnt ever see him particularly well the police couldnt do much (they did find DNA but it wasnt in the records) I suffered panic attacks and found it hard doing my job at the time (barmaid)

He knew what he was doing was wrong, he would run away if I saw him but he was pretty harmless he never tried to make contact with me so it was obviously not as bad as some of the things you are describing. How I stopped it in the end? I moved.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:46:26 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

some of my past encounters with stalkers



Very few people go through life having had multiple stalkers.  Perhaps you need to evaluate the way your putting yourself out there.  Then again, you could be Jason Mamoa, which in that case, I will be stalking you as well.

Daddy's Ballerina, e


I'm not the one being stalked.   The one I spoke of in my OP actually happened about 12 years ago.  I normally don't have run in's with stalkers.   Mind you, I never been the object of any stalker.  Perhaps a few girls that had stalker like behavior for a few weeks.  But that is it. 

(in reply to SingleRarity)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:47:53 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I live in Ca.  I had some guy stalk me from Fla many years ago.  He threatened to tell people around me that I was into bdsm.  At first I didnt think anything about it.  After all, he lived thousands of miles away and he had no idea who I was.  At the time I was pretty well known for online erotica.  I used a psuedonym but some stories linked back to my domain so it is fairly easy to get a real name and address. 
Anyway, he became obsessed with my writing and kept pestering me to meet him.  I refused many times over.. and then one day he mentioned a name of one of my co-workers.  He said "I hear Marilyn got that department manager position" 
What?  How did he know that?  Over the next month he would talk about my town like he was here.  He often brought up the names of people I had contact with, if only superficially.  He made threats to expose me unless I met him.  I was pretty well pissed off'

I made some inquiries about him to a few people I knew who might have dealt with him.  I found out he was married and had a reputation for threats.  I looked over any info I might have had on him from my fan letters and found a few that came from the same IP.  The IP turned out to be from a business that tuirned out to be a small group of guys who did real estate appraisal.  After a bit of investigation I had him pegged down to one man.  I couldnt get his wifes name but I had the other office members names.  I said, "Does Matt know you have a stash of bdsm porn?"  "I wonder what Katy would tell your wife if I called there and told her I was your girlfriend?"
He soon dropped out of sight but not before demanding I stop harassing him.
It was fun.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:52:37 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Doreen Onion, a psychiatrist, wrote a book about her experiences with a stalker.  http://www.amazon.com/Know-You-Really-Love-Psychiatrists/dp/0028616650

The stalker could not be deterred by the law, or any rational methods.  Basically, stalkers spends disproportionate resources on chasing someone who doesn't want it - they're crazy.


I check out the link!! OMG.. I saw a related book there!!
Stalking the Stalker  http://www.amazon.com/Stalking-Stalker-Fighting-High-tech-Low-tech/dp/0595383327/ref=pd_sim_b_3

Suddenly, I feel sane that I had the idea of stalking a stalker myself... :-P

Ummm.. some other interesting books here as well..

http://www.amazon.com/How-Stop-Stalker-Mike-Proctor/dp/1591020913/ref=pd_sim_b_2


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 5:57:00 AM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		~ FR ~


My first impression is - what proof do you have that the lady in question is actually being stalked? If it's just her word - I would tread carefully. Do you know for absolute fact that this stalker has dug up information on her?

If not, then I agree that her reluctance to talk to the police is very frustrating and will do nothing but encourage the stalker. Even just talking to the police as suggested before, in an informal manner helps to keep them aware of a pending situation. They will respond quicker should anything more occur.

I would hate to see your good and giving nature be taken advantage of by someone with the need for attention and an over-active imagination. (I'm not by any means saying that this is what's happening )

Just be careful not to let your emotions blind you to the truth.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 6:23:25 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I live in Ca.  I had some guy stalk me from Fla many years ago.  He threatened to tell people around me that I was into bdsm. 


You managed to turn the tables on him, good for you. I can only think he used this approach as he had some success with it, namely getting what he wanted by using blackmail ?


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Uber Stalkers - 8/25/2008 6:24:48 AM   
scottishdove


Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline 		i'm with oblige, I think you are displaying your chivalrous side.

i am glad you are confident in your ability to have self control.

IMO, just gathering that kind of detailed public records on someone is stalking.

For what it is worth, I used to 'stalk' men i was interested in when I was younger... you know, do the drive by's to see if they were home, phone repeatedly and hang up before leaving a message. At the time i was having a problem with obsession when i became interested in someone sexually and emotionally and received any encouragement.

At age 30 I finally decided it wasn't right to be 30 and still involved in obsessive relationships, so I went cold turkey on the person that i was involved/obsessed with at the time. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, but I did it successfully.

I still ended up in a few relatinships where the obsession threatened to return, but each time I ended the relationship and the behavoir earlier and earlier, and eventually i just wasn't even tempted by someone who inspired those kind of feelings in me.

Ironically, when I discovered I was submissive, i also gradually realized it was the submissive part of me that was 'responsible' for those kind of feelings and actions. I was trying to make those relationships into BDSM relationships where i was that persons slave and all wrapped up in serving them.. but of course, since they were Vanilla, they didn't have a clue what i was trying to do and didn't respond in the way i wanted to my attempts.

I can't tell you what a relief it was that now I could have a relationship with a Dom, and feel the way I naturally felt, and act teh way I naturally wanted to act. All of a sudden because what i was doing was appropriate to the relationship instead of inappropriate, nothing was a problem.. no problems with insecurity, no problems with feeling complelled to make innapropriate contact.. all of a sudden everything just 'worked'.

I still can get overly worked up about a online Dom who encourages me and then fades out on me.. but nothing like the problem i had in the past, and i find it much easier to move on in this situation.

i hope what i just posted helps someone. It is pretty personal information to admitt, but I hope someone out there will feel better for knowing that they aren't the only one to feel this way.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 20
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