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RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 9:03:17 AM

sistermargaret

Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
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If you force men to jump through hoops for kinky sex-they WILL retaliate in kind when they get the upper hand.

Wow. Yes, i can see that happening. It made me giggle. For me, that's what makes BDSM so much fun and why i'll never leave it. It was always like that when i played as a Switch, tho not in a sexual way but with very intense S&M. Now that D/s has arrived with a skilled and wise partner, the retaliation has a whole new twist & shout.
sm

(in reply to Leatherist)

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Post #: 61

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 12:11:23 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I've been wondering if this may be a generational thing- that most people get into this AFTER their vanilla dynamics and so they need to feel a way to distinguish their Ds dynamics from previous vanilla dynamics and so they bind kink and Ds together?

On the other hand, I think future generations will be a lot happier to just enjoy the kink without feeling the need to be "serious" about Ds- not that they won't enjoy Ds or Ms dynamics,

I just get the feeling we'll have a lot more people content to be bottoms and not peer pressured to be "more" as a sub.

Exellently and simply put.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 62

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 1:48:22 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
On the other hand, I think future generations will be a lot happier to just enjoy the kink without feeling the need to be "serious" about Ds- not that they won't enjoy Ds or Ms dynamics, I just get the feeling we'll have a lot more people content to be bottoms and not peer pressured to be "more" as a sub.

And, for that matter, a lot more people content to be doms and subs and not be pressured to be "more" as a top or bottom.

I have to admit, I'm seriously starting to research where, exactly, the waters got so muddied (obviously long before me). In my historical research, it seems pretty clearly true that at one point it really was all about kinky sex. I'm wondering when all the relationship dynamic crap got tossed in. Or, alternately, was it always buried in there all along and it's only in very recent times that there's enough volume in the system to make these sorts of distinctions interesting and relevant? This is neat though, MaST is coming up next weekend and there's a few old-timers there. I've got some questions to ask now. I love asking history questions of the long-term fixtures.. not only do you get answers, but typically with very colorful stories to go along with them.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 63

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 2:31:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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When near middle aged heteros came out in droves and decided they wanted their hot sex, but only within the confines of their safe, clean, secure relationship models they were already comfortable with.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 64

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 2:50:27 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
When near middle aged heteros came out in droves and decided they wanted their hot sex, but only within the confines of their safe, clean, secure relationship models they were already comfortable with.

Man.... I SOOOOO want that choice on the profile...

[      ] Dominant
[      ] Submissive
[      ] Slave
[      ] Switch
[      ] Inexperienced kid younger than Madrabbit
[ X ] Near middle aged heterosexual
[      ] What am I doing here and where's my walker?

For me though, you'd have to turn it around. I want my alternate relationship model within the confines of the nice, tidy sex life I was already comfortable with *laughs*.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 65

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 6:17:32 PM

sistermargaret

Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
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I'm wondering when all the relationship dynamic crap got tossed in.

When Caveman chased cavegirl till she caught Him? i can't see any of this happening without some kind of relationship dynamic.

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Post #: 66

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 6:25:34 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
On the other hand, I think future generations will be a lot happier to just enjoy the kink without feeling the need to be "serious" about Ds- not that they won't enjoy Ds or Ms dynamics, I just get the feeling we'll have a lot more people content to be bottoms and not peer pressured to be "more" as a sub.

I believe the happiness will occur when people not only accept that submission is a part of them, but that they can happily embrace being a top or bottom, sadist or whatever as well as... In other words, being a submissive doesn't restrict you to one single path.

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 67

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 6:27:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Great point Dark, I agree.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 68

RE: BDSM & kink - 8/30/2008 7:19:56 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
When near middle aged heteros came out in droves and decided they wanted their hot sex, but only within the confines of their safe, clean, secure relationship models they were already comfortable with.

I somewhat agree with this, yet disagree with it. Kink Practices were going on way before the Gay Leather community. One example would be Germany both pre and post WWI and WWII, and it's spill over into America even.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 69

RE: BDSM & kink - 9/6/2008 2:40:27 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

It's whatever you want it to be for you.

Most things in bdsm are kinky, but not all kinky things are bdsm.

Don't get hung up on definitions and the opinions of others.

Sometimes I have a vanilla day, and THAT'S KINKY!!! LOL

(in reply to sistermargaret)

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Post #: 70

RE: BDSM & kink - 9/7/2008 9:07:31 AM

spanishkitten

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/5/2008
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When first going into BDSM and talking to others to learn, I was told not to put anyone down for what they are into. But what I have been seeing is that others will put me down because of how I see and want my BDSM. Isn't it ok to have it different than how others have it. We are not clones of each other. So why is it that your BDSM has to be the same as mine? Why put me down because I have molded my BDSM into my likes, wants, my husband's likes and wants, just because my BDSM is different than yours?

SpanishKitten

(in reply to Worldly1)

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Post #: 71

RE: BDSM & kink - 9/9/2008 8:40:05 AM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I was taught something quite a few years ago

ykinnmkbykiokfy

Your kink is not necessarily my kink, but your kink is ok for you.

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Post #: 72

RE: BDSM & kink - 9/22/2008 3:47:46 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
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About the same difference as between vanilla and normal. If people want to, they will always find ways to hurt your feelings, whoever said that to you, do yourself a favour, don't bother talking to them again, if their petty comment spoiled one minute of your day, it was more than they were worth.

(in reply to sistermargaret)

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Post #: 73

RE: BDSM & kink - 11/14/2008 12:40:13 PM

thedavezone

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
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BDSM = tied up and/or pain
kink = everything else, like doing it outdoors, etc.

Yes, there's a difference

(in reply to sistermargaret)

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Post #: 74