stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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I suppose that I can chime in here from my own specific perspective being transgendered. This is something which in some ways can be put down to an imperfection in society. I'm currently mid-transition, on HRT, and making efforts to unlearn my past and my socialization and to come out of myself more and be myself. This is a very crucial part of my process, the more successful I am here the better I will be functioning in my own developing acquired but more natural female gender role. Much of the problems have been learning to cope with and deal with my own anger and resentment at both genders for having to spend so long in the male gender role coupled with anger directed inwards towards myself and guilt that I allowed this to happen. It was only as recent as last year that I learned to let go of that anger. I chose to rise above it and to move forward regardless.
Most of the time I go through life just the same as everyone else. But there are times when like women I am 'put in my place' by men, and quite often the men don't even realise that they're doing it. However there are times, less frequently so, that I am also put in my place by some women. Indeed, many of the men who frequent the transgendered sites have issues with misogyny, and the actual gynadrophiles (people who seek relationships specifically with the transgendered) are few and far between. To most people the transgendered are the second options for a relationship, the experiment, the experience, the one night stand, the passage of rights even. Not that we are the only pariahs when it comes to relationships.. we are just among them.
In comparison with other websites here on CM I get very little abusive mails, occasionally from a male submissive, but I simply delete such mails and move on. I would probably get much less than most women here on this site, mainly as my profile generates less traffic. Most of the traffic I do receive is pleasant, courteous, understanding, supportive.
There appears to be a curious polarity, almost a running battle if you like, within the BDSM community and the sharp end appears to be in that area lying between the female dominant and the male submissive. Part of the problem appears to lie in self-interest on both sides. Let's face it, not every woman who assumes the title of Mistress is a bona fide dominant female but a vanilla woman 'playing' at being a Mistress for whatever reason. They are in the minority, but they exist in sufficient enough numbers to create problems for some people. On the other side there is a significant higher proportion of self-interested male submissives who are in it only for their own self-gratification. It doesn't matter who the Mistress is, all that matters is that there is a Mistress, and she wears the right clothes, has the right equipment, and agrees to do the right things under the right circumstances. Even in popular media the image of the Domme is quite often a cheapened, sexualized, fetishized version of womanhood, boots with stilletto heels, the Cruella type image. Let's face it also, not all the guys who claim to be male submissives are submissive.
In some ways more than any dommes get almost a reliable insight as to how it feels to be a transgendered female trying to find someone for a relationship, as some of them are treated in exactly the same way - the submissives who suddenly go poof, the ones who don't show up, the ones who are only interested in experiencing whatever kink or fetish what gives them a stiffie with little or no regard for the needs or interests of the domme. How many times has a domme scened with a submissive only to have him go home, happy and fulfilled, leaving her to pack away the toys, get the droplets of wax out of the carpet, take off her fetish gear, remove her make up and slump tired into a cold, empty bed? Sound familiar?
But it's also important to remember that these problems exist because of issues of fear, self-esteem, vulnerability and insecurity. 9 times out of 10 those who express prejudice towards me or direct abuse at me have issues themselves either through their own self-image, perceived gender role or sexuality. I strongly suspect that this is also true when it comes to the topic of the thread. It's annoying, frustrating, painful, hurtful, especially if you are low on self-esteem yourself, but it's just as important to remember that these people are probably hurting just as much as they hurt you.
Part of the problem is also economic. From my own experience I have formed a theory that the more stable the economy and society as a whole the more open and tolerant that society is, and issues affecting tolerance tend to become exacerbated when people are feeling insecure and unhappy about things.
Again, just my 0.02
< Message edited by stella41b -- 8/28/2008 10:22:45 PM >
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