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Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 12:08:24 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Reading the Gor threads, ran across the "humilation" one. i realised i see ALOT of talk about humiliation within a scene. With agreed upon terms, everyone knowing excatly whats going on, where the line is and so forth.

What i dont hear about, is in the moment on the spot humilation out side of scenes. No lines, no talk. No scene, no play, no "ooooo that makes me soooo horny" stuff.

Example (forgive me as its one of the few i have) : A certian girl appeared at a bar, that i had some maaaaaajor issues with. Master knew excatly what i would do if i had my chance with her. When she appeared, he had me kneel, next to him, right there, where we were standing in the bar.

Nother example : going out for ice cream, got abit playful with Master (too playful) and at the ice cream place, he snapped his fingers and pointed down. (means kneel)

Personally, i was embarressed in both cases.

There are MANY many things that Master can and does do (that i am not mentioning as they are embarressing) spur of the moment like, because he chooses too, and just where ever we are.

He uses humilation as a teaching tool, yet i have not heard anyone else speak about it. So i am curious to others experiences and such with it.

Post #: 1

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 2:11:00 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

I sometimes use humiliation as a form of teaching, too, but *never* in front of others....

Like being hetero, D/s is an intricate part of my sexuality but I'm no exhibitionist. What I do with/to my girl is always just between us - it's personal and it's private. I'm not ashamed of the things I do with her but I still don't push my/our sexuality into the faces of others. They DON'T need to know; I doubt they'd understand and I've got better things to do than constantly explain or defend my personal business.

Besides, I can easily remind her of her place in public with just a look and no-one else would ever know. And she'd know there's possible consequences later (when it's just us) if warranted.

Focus.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 2:37:41 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

Mine does it. Not in scene, we dont seem to have scene's, we just add lib around a theme, that i play no part in plannning. But he does this outside of play. Like your examples given.
I could give examples, but like you say, they are very embarrassing, so i do not wish to go there. I find it difficult sometimes. Awkward, and stumbling. Its almost like a limit pushing thing for me. very edgey. Sometimes, it backfires, and im so mortified, im no use to man nor beast. Sometimes im angry.
He prefers me to be embarrassed/shocked/good natured about his 'humour'. Sometimes i succeed in granting his goal. At others, im seriously pissed off at his lack of discretion.
i find it so hard not to react in a negative fashion.
To me its edgey, something i just about cope with, and im sure he doesnt realise how much i struggle with this one. It can put me in a bad space sometimes that i have to work real hard to get out of myself.
Humiliation during play. Thats a different kettle of fish. it shocks me, and i am entertained by it. It does not arouse me. But a slapped face for instance can put me in a very little girl space that seems to go nowhere.

I think its a powerful thing humiliation.

As a aside, i therap people for anger management, the most common identified feeling just prior to the violent act, is often described as embarrassment or humiliation.

I think it should be used tentatively, and for the user to watch, very very carefully, the reactions to it. They are not always positive ones for me.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 3

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 3:56:24 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Example (forgive me as its one of the few i have) : A certian girl appeared at a bar, that i had some maaaaaajor issues with. Master knew excatly what i would do if i had my chance with her. When she appeared, he had me kneel, next to him, right there, where we were standing in the bar.

Nother example : going out for ice cream, got abit playful with Master (too playful) and at the ice cream place, he snapped his fingers and pointed down. (means kneel)

Personally, i was embarressed in both cases.

There are MANY many things that Master can and does do (that i am not mentioning as they are embarressing) spur of the moment like, because he chooses too, and just where ever we are.

He uses humilation as a teaching tool, yet i have not heard anyone else speak about it. So i am curious to others experiences and such with it.

You know Riot we choose our Masters for *some* reason......
from your posts I know how much you want to please him,
and I'm always happy to see that you can still be playful
knowing full well you might step off the line right into a punishment.
so I'm assuming he has your full trust.
If that's the case and he's embarrassing you for a reason and
with a clear head it is what it is. But, if your uncomfortable with
it for any reason you need to speak up.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 5:10:58 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

I find such actions disrespectful and inconsiderate to the people around you that he makes uncomfortable.

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 5:27:46 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

i don't know how to respond...Id kneel if told, but really be embarassed , and i don't know if its great to engage others in what you do in a public setting.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 6:30:37 AM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

my master does this
its reminding me to keep control of myself especially if im misbehaving when ithink he cant do anything about it he reminds me he can
for me it does turn me on the humiliation is part of it but most of all its the power he has over me to get me to go against what my emotions etc are telling me
its a struggle of will within myself as i will deny him nothing

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 7

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 6:32:28 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I can certainly understand the actions of the OP’s Master from a disciplinary point of view and would almost certainly have done the same thing if the circumstances were the same with the addition that a leash would have been ready in case it was needed.

Having said that, I can certainly agree with Focus’s view regarding keeping this side of his life private. Many, I think are in a similar frame of mind for varying reasons.

Regarding Syn’s comment, I would think that, for me, it would be dependent of the location and who was there. For example I wouldn’t lead a coffle of slaves, chained but dressed, past a Mormon temple or the Meeting Hall of the 7th Day Adventists or Witnesses, as they, including their families, were leaving their services. That would be in bad taste and crass to boot. However I do believe that I also have a right to be me and have probably upset sensitive souls when I’ve been publicly discussing Pagan matters. Certainly I know I have when I’ve seen the Sunday visits of one religious organization or another heading for my house, and especially when they have been asked to pass us by. My action has been to crank up the stereo and put on a selection from the vinal LP of Mesophiles with the verse “Come! Come! Come to the Sabbath! Come to the Sabbath, Satan’s there!” and be either dressed in my normal black or naked when I open the door to their knock. Funnily they don’t usually stay long. On one occasion I did have a slave open the door and karta and introduce me as her Master.. That worked too but I noticed the males were interested rather than shocked like their women were.

All in all it is dependent on the people involved and what they feel is acceptable. But then I’m one who will openly lead a slave everywhere on a leash too and bugger what people think. It's not humuiliation it's not punishment, it's just a part of my life. No more. No less!

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 8

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 7:27:41 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

i'd do as i as told -- the first time, because i wouldn't want to displease my Master, or cause even more of a scene. However, once we were somplace quiet I'd explain that i do not believe in bringing in unconsenting strangers into our lifestyle, and why i feel that way. It's a Master's place to keep control of his sub, just as it's the sub's place not to embarrass my the Master. i believe there are more subtle ways a Master would make his displeasure known and any possible punishment ahead without anyone else around them ever knowing.

best of luck,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 9

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 8:18:40 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

I'm careful when using humiliation as a teaching tool. It depends on the person. Some people do not respond well to it.
When in public I prefer to use something not so obvious at kneeling. Something that people in the “lifestyle” will understand, but that doesn’t impinge on the others around us. That way it serves as a warning not only that what happened was something I’m not pleased with, but also if the girl doesn’t behave the next step will be worse. Also it let’s her keep some dignity, and warn her that if she doesn’t change her behaviour, it’s clobbering time!!!! lol
With fawn it never takes more the one quiet punishment. After almost 6 years she has learnt ;-)
Tony

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 8:35:32 AM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Whenever my dom and I do humiliation, he just...does it as he wishes. He doesn't let me know before hand, nor say "We're going to do humiliation today, just so's ya know." However, I don't know whether his methods behind it are teaching or training, or just to catch me off guard.

I do know that he will never and has never done that to me in public, however.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 8:56:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

If that's the case and he's embarrassing you for a reason and
with a clear head it is what it is. But, if your uncomfortable with
it for any reason you need to speak up.

Yes but the POINT of humiliation play is to MAKE the person uncomfortable.

I rarely mention specific ways in which I am humiliated, in or out of scenes, because it's so context dependent. What makes me humiliated with one person on one day could completely NOT phase me with another person on another day.

What matters is that they get inside you, twist you how they want.

I made one of my partners kneel and thank someone else at a meeting for letting us use some of their rope. They found it very difficult and humiliation and it was not at all in a scene. I knew exactly how he was processing it and what it would do to him. That was the point.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 12

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 10:03:45 AM

Englishrogue

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline

I think humiliation play has a very strong part in the whole "It's so dirty but soooo good" realm of things.

However, public humiliation involves people who may not have consented to seeing that. I'm not talking about a D/s friendly environment, I'm referring to folks in the vanilla world. They should not have to be confronted by play that is obvious and would usually be offensive to them.

The power over a submissive to have them willing to kneel in a public vanilla environment may be a turn on... just the knowledge that they would should be enough.

Otherwise we risk causing even further misunderstanding from our vanilla neighbours - something that ultimately could affect all of us.

Covert humiliation play, thats fine... if done sensibly and in moderation.

Sometimes our vanilla onlookers may be amused, others may call the cops.

A lot of what we do isn't "Sane" but lets not advertise it, shall we?

Rogue

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 10:10:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishrogue
Sometimes our vanilla onlookers may be amused, others may call the cops.

A lot of what we do isn't "Sane" but lets not advertise it, shall we?

Rogue

It depends on what it is and what environment you are in. Most things (such as kneeling) can be done anywhere in an unobtrusive and graceful way.

I've had my boy get pairs of shoes for me, kneel, take my shoes on and off, and then parade around for a bit in front of him. We barely even got glances.

It just takes being aware of your environment and your goal. A smack or two on the butt in a store really isn't a big deal. Pulling someone over your lap, lifting their skirt up and whaling on them for 10 minutes in the middle of a mall however is a different story.

The reality is that it's very unlikely that anyone would even think twice about what you do- we're all too wrapped up in our own lives and I'm really not THAT important to a stranger walking by. For me, I know I can push and explore into unfamiliar territory without being rude or oppressive.

In the end of course, it comes down to whatever you are comfortable with.

(in reply to Englishrogue)

Post #: 14

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 10:48:39 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishrogue

I think humiliation play has a very strong part in the whole "It's so dirty but soooo good" realm of things.

However, public humiliation involves people who may not have consented to seeing that. I'm not talking about a D/s friendly environment, I'm referring to folks in the vanilla world. They should not have to be confronted by play that is obvious and would usually be offensive to them.

The power over a submissive to have them willing to kneel in a public vanilla environment may be a turn on... just the knowledge that they would should be enough.

Otherwise we risk causing even further misunderstanding from our vanilla neighbours - something that ultimately could affect all of us.

Covert humiliation play, thats fine... if done sensibly and in moderation.

Sometimes our vanilla onlookers may be amused, others may call the cops.

A lot of what we do isn't "Sane" but lets not advertise it, shall we?

Rogue

I can understand where your comming from here Rogue, yet for me there is the question of why should I allow myself to be dictated to by the views of the "vanilla" people about me. As I have stated in a couple of threads, my last slave was led in public leashed.. Punishment? Humilitiation? No it was due to a lengthy discussion we had and my knowl;edge opf her fear of being in public amongst strangers. On a leash she felt safe. It is a long story and not one I'm prepared to discuss. However, I've had more flack from the so called "Good" people in the "vanilla" world for dressing in black and wearing either my occult rings or my Lodge pendent (occult) to a point where at one time I had five religious discrimination cases going simultaniously. (All were settled amicably). The point I am making, is that whilst I will not go out to deliberately upset the sensibilities of those about me, I will not allow their same sensibilities dictate what I do or what I wear (As long as it is legal). generally I've found that something leashing a girl attracts no more attention adversly that members of the Goth Community. Locally, people know what i do and even if they don't accept it they leave it be. I've been out with slaves who automattically went to kneel to serve me refreshments and I've stopped them. (I didn't think that an ellaborate Gorean serve was necessary at my local restaurent or Leagues Club.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 11/24/2005 10:50:46 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Englishrogue)

Post #: 15

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 11:16:56 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

quote:

It just takes being aware of your environment and your goal. A smack or two on the butt in a store really isn't a big deal.

We actually had something like this happen. Every two weeks on Saturday, a group of us kinksters go out to a local sports lounge. We have been doing it for almost 3 years. A little over a year ago a newbie was teasing a Domme about flogging. It just happened to be a time when one of the toy makers had brought along some samples, so the newbie was bent over a table and had two quick swats on his ass.
Only two people outside the group noticed.
One was staff that thought it was the funniest thing ever. The other was a customer.
I checked with the owner and the staff and everyone was fine with it as long as it is an occasional thing and not taken any farther.
The only people who were offended were some of the BDSM community who were with us.
A week later (yes, I sometimes go there just for fun without a group lol) the head bartender was hoisted over the shoulder of one of the regulars and spanked by the table he was sitting at. It was her birthday.
I think be being aware of what is going on around you and who you are around, you can do a fair bit in public. You do need to know the rules and the laws of the land. And be considerate of others.
There is a difference between obeying the law while being a good neighbour, and caving in to pressure to conform to the Ms Grundy’s of the world (do I get extra points for the RAH reference?)
Tony

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 8:17:11 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

greetings riot girl,
happy thanks giving,
first :
how could you ,not be happy ,if ,not proud ;your top made you kneel, instead, of letting you kill ,that subcutaneous mass,of sebacious scum?....
second ;you don't play ,or, forget your place ,esp., when ,out, or what the heck do you expect!?
you want a nite ,out ,with the girls away ,from the tops ,or something!? ;
i take it ,as a step down, but, if you're ,not taken; go ,with the rest....
both ,of you have reps....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/24/2005 8:20:52 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/24/2005 8:22:53 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

james should stick to shorter posts...that made a lot more sense than some of them i have tried to read

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

Post #: 18

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/25/2005 3:50:13 AM

sunshine333

Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

my fear of being publicly humiliated is to run into someone i know. it's a sensible fear and one that i have no interest in overcoming. i don't feel the need to be "out" and, fortunately, the Master i'm with is likeminded.

i think there is a line that is crossed when humiliation goes from arousing (on whatever level) to damaging ... whether done privately or publicly. of course that line is different for all of us.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Humilation - Outside of scenes - 11/25/2005 8:41:02 AM

BlueAngelSub

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I don't believe anyone should be force to watch such a display if they are not in the lifestyle. It's rude and you don't shit where you live.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 20

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