Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 7:54:43 AM   
KurtGranz


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/6/2005
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		Age is something that I've come in to serious contact with on Collarme. Everyone has this idea that younger people getting involved in the lifestyle are ignorant. OF COURSE I don't pretend to know everything, but why do many people assume that they do?

D/s is all about education and personal growth. Each Dom creates their own little world essentially. Now I may not know everything about the world that I'd like to create, or the real world outside of it but I definately have defined certain aspects.

Generally, I'm just trying to say.. I'm looking to learn all that I can, but wonder why everyone is so pre-occupied with their own superiority. Personally, being a Dom is about inner growth. I grow because I am perceptive, and I'm on Collarme to find someone to nurture.

Everyone is constantly growing and changing, and to pretend that you no longer need to do that.. IS ignorant. I learned that a long time ago, and have really tried to overcome my own ignorance. That has made me respectful of my elders, but I'm not going to be in awe of someone unless I have reason. Why is it so hard for some people to relate to younger people? It should be easier, because you've been where I am. All I can do is speculate.

I've found alot of people that have been pretty helpful with things, but I've definately found ALOT of people looking down on me because I'm young. Experience comes with a combination of age, understanding and perception doesn't it?

Agree or disagree, I'm curious what other people think.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 8:07:14 AM   
SlayerZ


Posts: 100
Joined: 3/28/2005
Status: offline 		In my honest opinion: If a person thinks just because someone is young, it automatically equates to them being ignorant and stupid and lacking wisdom or knowledge, that they are not worthy of time or consideration, then it's folly. There's something that you can learn from everyone, not just the ones "blessed" with age or experience. It's ridiculous to shrug off a person, just because of their age.

I know that there's a lot of people who judge, based of a persons' age, and I can't say that I agree with it. Life is all about meeting people, young or old. Age doesn't have a face, nor does it mean that people of a certain age cannot enrich your life.

It's just snobbery.

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 8:22:09 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		It does at times seem to be a great way for some to say that because to them it just makes their egos inflate more plus give them a feeling of superiority in their own minds but that is all.
As no matter what any ones age is we never stop learning or discovering things new not only in this life style but in the Vanilla one as well,if it is just other ways of doing a certain chore or way of discipline some one can show that it can be changed to be done either easier and with more effect or just a small change to make it completely different again.
May be if we stop learning then the soil has been thrown over us and our names are forgotten except on a piece of stone unless we have out shone others in a certain field and to do this we learned from both old and young as well.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to SlayerZ)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 8:24:43 AM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		not going to beat a dead horse here...but let's take this one step further...what about those who are young...who don't want to hear from anyone older than one or two minutes past their own birth time...this is a very... ever evolving...lifestyle...with everyone looking for what's suitable for them...many get so strained with tunnel vision...age becomes just another focus to hammer home what is to that person... a very real issue to them...when you're on fire...stop..drop..and roll...if no-one comes to help put you out...well then I guess you're on your own...(just hope the one next to you knows what I just said means)...

Fury

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 8:58:22 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Ermmmmm Fury, are you not sugestion that someone should piss on the fire to extingiish it or get a coat or blanket? I know what i'd do if my bladder was full....

I have to agree with you on the post though.. The ideal way is something between both ends of the spectrum.. I value wisdom over age. In many cases wisdom comes after living for a few years (no always though). In another liofestyle, I still learn new conscepts and ways of looking at things from the very young (18 or so) as well as learning from gnarled elderly people.. An open mind is essential I think. Whilst I am aware that there are a number of women who prefer an older Domminant, others prefer some one closer to theor age. In some cases I think that the Dominant or sub/slave is also looking for a Dominant or sub/slave through a potential wedding ring or a BF/GF situation as well. I remember when I still had access to my son, he'd look up at me and say: "daddy your so old you just dont understand these things." He'd then try some stunt which I had figured out without thinking and when I [pulled him up I'd laugh and comment: "Mate, I invented every trick you want to pull you cant pull the wool over my eyes...." He learned that parents if they are attentive and interested know the trick book for kids backwards.. After our own parents knew it before we did.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 9:01:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Reposted:
Younger people get less respect, that's just a fact.

The best way to handle it is to prevent ageism where you see it and be the best example that you can be.

In fact that's usually the best way to handle any irrational stereotype.

If you do a search, there are probably a dozen discussions on age and maturity issues.

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 9:07:14 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtGranz

D/s is all about education and personal growth.


A small quibble.

D/s is all about authority-based relationships. That's it - everything else is individual.

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 9:36:21 AM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		Yes I know what you mean. I am 20 and grew up in a very traditional household (grew up with my grandparents) and found D/s a little before turning 18, so I know what you mean completely. I actually started a similar thread called does age matter.

To me speaking in the general sense no. So long as you are of the age of consent and have a mature mind set you are old enough to interact with other people in the lifestyle. Lacking maturity I don't care if you are 20 or 40 I won't have much interest in interacting with you. So to me if you are mature and old enough to consent you are old enough for me to interact with about the lifestyle. That isn't to say on a relationship level since we all have an are entitled to our age preference, but just simple interaction is what I speak of.

Now as for time equaling experience I say that is more often generally true to a point. Not to try to say that you can learn everything overnight but there comes a point where more or less time doesn't matter to me. Five years or twenty? I would say both people are proficient in something if they have been doing it that long. Can one learn from the other? Absolutely. Can the one maybe teach the other a few tricks? Of course. But then again I am a believer that practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. And you can always learn from others even if they have been doing it for less time then you have.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 9:46:26 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtGranz

Age is something that I've come in to serious contact with on Collarme. Everyone has this idea that younger people getting involved in the lifestyle are ignorant. OF COURSE I don't pretend to know everything, but why do many people assume that they do?


Younger people are no more Ignorant then Old people when the start something new.
Pretenders have existed since the begining of time, deal with it.

D/s is all about education and personal growth. Each Dom creates their own little world essentially. Now I may not know everything about the world that I'd like to create, or the real world outside of it but I definately have defined certain aspects.

Good! your one step better then most then. enjoy it!

Generally, I'm just trying to say.. I'm looking to learn all that I can, but wonder why everyone is so pre-occupied with their own superiority. Personally, being a Dom is about inner growth. I grow because I am perceptive, and I'm on Collarme to find someone to nurture.

Life is about Inner growth...... as we experiance different things we gain knowledge.

Everyone is constantly growing and changing, and to pretend that you no longer need to do that.. IS ignorant. I learned that a long time ago, and have really tried to overcome my own ignorance. That has made me respectful of my elders, but I'm not going to be in awe of someone unless I have reason.

nobody offers awe without reason.

Why is it so hard for some people to relate to younger people? It should be easier, because you've been where I am. All I can do is speculate.

Bear said it well, we've been there, we know what's next.............!
I've found alot of people that have been pretty helpful with things, but I've definately found ALOT of people looking down on me because I'm young. Experience comes with a combination of age, understanding and perception doesn't it?

Agree or disagree, I'm curious what other people think.


Nobody is Diss'in ya, take a deep breath and enjoy it rather then fight it.....

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 11:11:41 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		G'day Kurt,

let me give you a heads up from and old fart (aging grizzly)..... When I was very young and got to 'nam, the people who were my "mentors" were a couple of Sgts who were on their third tour. They weren't much older than me .. Well maybe five years or so, but they were eons ahead of me in savey, jungle warefare wisdom and survival. I was well trained but had no real life experience of being in combat... These days, people of their age and younger are still leading troop into combat.. I'm not sure what the average of a Top Gun piolet is now but I do knw squadrom leaders who are very young... Youth, lets say 18 to 21 have lightening reflexes and damned near perfect hand eye co-ordination.. At 15 or so they are over the hill as far as the top level of opps go. Age is only relevent if you let it become so... the Grizzly tip for the day>>>>>> Go, learm, practice and be seen. let your light shine and in time others (some oldies too) will recognise you for what you do and how you do it...... Sheesh, I may be an experienced Gorean master, but I'm the first to admit that in many areas of BDSM I'm still a rooky and I'll ask for help from those who I know and respect. Age does not matter.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 3:40:42 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		I think that in depth BDSM demands a high level a maturity, a knowledge of ourselves and others, of stuff that moves below the surface in humans, that only comes from the hard knocks of living life. While it is true that a 19 year old can be more mature than a 40 year old it is not likely. The more mature person is going to always have a better understanding of what is going on in their BDSM relationships, and be in a better position to take advantage of the opportunity. The more mature person is always going to have more reference points in their life to which they can relate the DDSM dynamics, and thus is going to be better able to explain it to others and give guidance. The more mature person is always going to be less inclined to take things at face value, which is critical to undertanding BDSM. Ya, in most cases I would blow-off a 19 year old not because I know for sure that they have nothing to offer, but because the odds that they do are poor.

< Message edited by ICGsteve -- 11/24/2005 3:41:51 PM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 4:01:46 PM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtGranz

I've found alot of people that have been pretty helpful with things, but I've definately found ALOT of people looking down on me because I'm young. Experience comes with a combination of age, understanding and perception doesn't it?



I know plenty of young people (18-30) who are very seriously into bdsm, are well informed, practiced and playing safe. Age does not matter. Age is not a guarantee for wisdom, maturity, or even experience.

Sure, you're 19 and probably don't have that much experience and knowledge. Too bad, but in general you don't need to be a bullwhip expert or a ropemaster to play. Just explore, learn, take heed to advice if appropriately offered but don't believe everything they tell you, and whoever looks down upon you simply because you're 19 is probably a waste of time anyway.

Roel

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 4:06:39 PM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ICGsteve

The more mature person is always going to be less inclined to take things at face value, which is critical to undertanding BDSM.


In my experience, the older a person is, the bigger the odds that they stick to rules of thumb and "scene wisdom" because "it simply is so and so" and have stopped really thinking about what they're doing.

Roel

(in reply to ICGsteve)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 4:36:16 PM   
abondanzaisme


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly, Kurt, those who look down on you because you are young are likely finding some insecurity in their own reflection. You and your potential partner (sub, switch...whatever) are the only ones who matter. If your partner has not problem with your age and is comfortable with your maturity level and base of experience in the lifestyle, forget about the rest. If one tries to throw an inferiority complex at you, he/she is likely stepping over their own to do so.

Pay no attention, live your life and enjoy.

abbie

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 4:41:24 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Submitting to BDSM community culture is not at all the same as taking the deeper meanings from BDSM. Maybe the older and more mature folks in group settings have over the years developed a more profound appreciation of cummunity than the young, thus are more willing to abide by the rules. Maybe the more mature have developed manors over the years. Of so it would give yet another explaination for avoiding the young on CM, maybe the young are more volatile and unpredictable and thus contact with them is more of a risk to one's own community standing than is worth the effort. I have not been around long, I am just wondering out loud.

(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 5:53:37 PM   
darkslife


Posts: 43
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline 		Actually I laughed when I read your post ICGsteve.

It is a common mistake for those who are new to think the public scene IS the lifestyle. Its not. Its a relatively small cross section of the community, who either want to socialise, be a voyuer, or exhibitionist.

But hey, what would I know? I am only 25.

In truth, I find many of the older people adhere to the way things are because that is how it has always been. I also find that the superior attitude often comes from those people, and that they have fewer MANNERS than those younger.


(in reply to ICGsteve)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 7:09:58 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		You are right:
1. Young people learn and mature.
2. We all 'create' our own world.
3. People have prejudices that overcome the actuality of the potential situation that exists.

But,

1. You are coming out on a board that is outside of 'your own created world'
2. You are talking to people who are not a 'part of your world' - therefore they are not constrained by your world.
3. Prejudice (whether it is valid or not) exists outside of 'your created world' and may be "valid" for the person whom you are speaking with.

If you desire to be considered "one of the boys" join a local group and integrate (not insinuate) yourself into that "world" - they willl give you the time and the exposure to learn, to grow, and will (eventually) accept you for what you are... a decent person (at least I hope you are for your sake - as they wil also turn you out on your ear if you are an ass about things).

Good luck - and, if you desire to know of a group local to you, please do ask... anyone would be happy to assist you in this (including me).

Sincerely:

~J

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 7:16:17 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkslife
Actually I laughed when I read your post ICGsteve.

It is a common mistake for those who are new to think the public scene IS the lifestyle. Its not. Its a relatively small cross section of the community, who either want to socialise, be a voyuer, or exhibitionist.

But hey, what would I know? I am only 25.

In truth, I find many of the older people adhere to the way things are because that is how it has always been. I also find that the superior attitude often comes from those people, and that they have fewer MANNERS than those younger.


1. Unless you have a census going, I am afraid that your judgement about where the lifestyle is the largest is simply not a fact. You might be right - but, then - there is no way of knowing.
2. Some of us have absolutely fantastic manners - when we are shown some (admittedly, it is much harder to be polite on line where so many people hide reality behind a monitor and the fantasys they have built there).
3. I have never turned anyone away (unless they were underage) for being young...
4. I am not stagnant in BDSM - and, neither is the lifestyle - ask anyone who has been doing this for more than a year about the increadible amount of changes that have occurred in it... if you truely believe this is so, you are not getting out enough.
5. If you have a better way of doing something - post it so we all might know it... and, judge it on it;'s merits... (I - and, I know many others - are always interested in new things, ways to do things, and insight from other people)

~J

(in reply to darkslife)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 8:31:46 PM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Kurt,

I don't know who in their right mind would be looking down on you... Folks are interesting, is all I can say. You seem to me to have your head screwed on right, pretty much and you seem open to learning. I would think there would be many subs out there who would be interested in you. I know that the older Doms are given more respect in the community simply b/c, well, they've earned it...but you will too. You seem to me to have what it takes. So, I respectfully suggest you try not to get too peeved when ppl, whoever they are, give you a hard time b/c of your age. If someone shrugs you off simply b/c of your age and does not pay attention to your character, it's their loss and not yours. Push on. There are plenty other ppl, like the folks who've responded to you so far, who will consider you worthy of their time and energy. Remember, not everyone is meant, necessarily, to be your friend - though there is a lesson within every encounter. Seek to learn whatever lessons are for you to learn and you'll be just fine. Take care,

gina

< Message edited by ginawithaB -- 11/24/2005 8:33:45 PM >

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme - 11/24/2005 11:14:35 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Age is something that I've come in to serious contact with on Collarme. Everyone has this idea that younger people getting involved in the lifestyle are ignorant. OF COURSE I don't pretend to know everything, but why do many people assume that they do?


Kurt
I'm going to TRY to answer what I believe is your question..
Why do "people" (older) have the idea that younger people are ignorant?
2 possible answers:
1. Thats because they often are. Please stay within "ignorant". NOT stupid, not irresponsible.. There are lots of things that newbies don't know yet.
2. Because age IS an indicator of experience (generally). A person playing in a dungeon aged 40 'may" have less experience then the guy 20 across from him. But age can generally indicate a lack of experience. I've seen more slaves seriously hurt from inexperienced hands (not necessarily "young" hands).

You seem to be on the right track. You seem intelligent and look like you have a decent grasp on what you want. My advise? don't sweat the small stuff.. continue to grow and learn, but temper that with the realization that you DO lack experience. That does not make you an idiot or unworthy.. Personally, I LOVE to see young Masters coming along.. It gives me hope that some things will carry on.

A young lad as yourself that KNOWS he doesn't know everything, is FAR less dangerous than someone my age who "thinks" he knows everything. Then there are the Old Bears out there, that may damned well, know just about everything, but their wisdom has made them humble..

Walk well young Master!

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to KurtGranz)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> The Pre-occupation with age on Collarme Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094