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The High of Protocol - 8/28/2008 2:27:06 PM

LadyPact

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I've been more of a quiet reader than a contributer of the boards lately. I've been a bit busy and have been investing My time in certain areas that haven't allowed Me to reply on several very good threads. I will catch bits and pieces of interesting conversations and there are a couple of posts out there just now that have made Me keep coming back to the same thought. Thus, the title of the thread.

No, this "high" isn't particularly based on the drug use thread, though I found that one pretty good. It's more about a recurring theme that I've noticed in some of the others. That being the subject of high protocol. I've seen quite a few comments from those who don't particularly use those things that might fall under the category, depending on the variations of such. I'm not here to argue that anyone is doing anything "wrong" according to their own particular style. I suppose, if anything, I wanted to make a mention for those of us in the minority who do tend to keep a higher protocol within a dynamic.

I think, at times, that there is a bit of confusion on high protocol. Like many other subjects. it gets wrapped up in people's various definitions of what the term means and how they implement it. Often, I run into folks who hear the words "high protocol" and their first thought is that there have got to be so many rules and rituals involved that the people involved in the dynamic cease being people and reduce themselves to nothing but the role. That the s is so preoccupied with this long list of behaviors that they have no chance for personal expression and the D spends all of their time enforcing, commending, or punishing based on the same. Having heard this repeated a few times lately, I wanted to express that this isn't necessarily the case.

While high protocol isn't for everyone, I wanted to take a stab at mentioning how it can work differently than what a lot of people seem to think it is. How easy it really can be. That it isn't especially wrapped up in long, complicated rituals or some rulebook that would make most people's heads spin. For some of us, it really comes down to things that are easy to implement. Things that provide structure and reinforce the dynamic. Actions that speak to what it is that feeds the drive of a D or an s. It can help to fulfill that place that connects a person to Dominance or submission.

For Me, high protocol is one of those things that are so easy on the surface, even if they have greater meaning underneath. Something as simple as kneeling to serve a drink isn't complicated, is it? Simple enough. The D is thirsty, and the sub fetches something to drink. Physical need filled, right? What about the rest of it? What came from that simple action?

To begin, it was a reminder of each person's place in the dynamic. Add to that, it was a special way for the sub to show that he had a desire to please, obey, and serve. It shows his willingness to be in a submissive posture, whatever that is that the D has chosen. It shows that he pays attention to the way the D wants things done. In return, the D receives service (who doesn't want that?), has the opportunity to be in the position of the receiver, and focus for a moment what it means to that particular dynamic. It can help reinforce the place each person has taken. Remind each of why they want to be in the dynamic in the first place. All from the simple act of kneeling to serve a drink.

Now, think in your mind of how long it takes in reality to kneel to serve a drink. I know it took Me longer to type it than anyone has ever had to spend doing it, but a lot can be gained from it, too. That, to Me, is one of the uses of protocol. I know a lot of people aren't into it, but I thought it was worth explaining why some of us are.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/28/2008 2:30:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Thanks, LP!

I know that I sounded down on protocol in other threads, and the more traditional activities (kneeling, for one) are not things that I use often, but even I have things that I expect those serving me to do, and ways that I expect to be served.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/28/2008 4:07:09 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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As I mentioned in an earlier post, establishing a set of protocols for certain aspects of the inter-relationship between ourselves and our servants actually means -less- micromanagement and more opportunities to enjoy the individual natures involved in our relationship. Protocols, for us, provide a foundation on which we can build, and, interestingly enough, make it possible for us to share the joy of our household with one servant or a half-dozen without anyone feeling left-out, slighted, or left without understanding how xhe fits into the whole. It also allows us to have multiple dominants active without confusing our servants -- the basics are 'standardized', and then we get to explore and enjoy the specifics with a minimum of agony.

Just as an example, we have protocols in place for certain types of play... now, not all of our servants are going to enjoy things like blood-play... but sometimes, my 'play' is going to be all that's going on in the household that is special, and we like to let our servants know that there is always a place for them to contribute if they want to. Because of this, a servant who has no real interest in blood-play may really enjoy the nit-picky detail of setting up the play-space for a blood-play event--a chance to participate in an activity that xhe might normally have stayed far away from, and even felt 'left out' of. In the same way, the servant or bottom who was my canvas is not likely to feel up to cleaning up after a long piercing or cutting scene... but because there is a protocol in place, a servant who doesn't mind, even if xhe doesn't want to be cut, will have the opportunity to help out and share in the experience. (Not to mention that if I'm piercing and my Darling's teacup is empty -- well... you know, House protocol is that her teacup is -never- empty *grins*)

Protocol can include things like eye contact restrictions. We use those at times as well, especially for incoming new trainees, for whom we see it like the submissive wolf who rolls over, exposing hir belly to the more dominant, more established pack members. It reinforces that 'place'. and yes, I do get a 'high' over seeing things flow out of the protocols we've established.

Calla

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/28/2008 6:40:56 PM

stella41b

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I can only add my thoughts here from the other side as it were. If only to give an additional perspective for those who need it.

High protocol is something for me seen as a fundamental, key element of service elements in a D/s or M/s relationship. More than any other element service relies on command and response establishing the simple hierarchy and structure of the relationship. I guess some people can take it or leave it, but if we are to assume that a relationship is being developed over time in a somewhat empirical manner, starting out with command and service, developing towards kink and fetish and moving towards M/s it may be worth considering learning protocol at the beginning to avoid problems later in the relationship.

I am not able to describe it from the D perspective anywhere near than the previous posters but what I can do is offer a perspective from the submissive side of things. Learning protocol is useful not only for communicating your acceptance of your dominant's control and authority, but it also is very useful for developing self-discipline and self-control, two of perhaps the most important skills for the submissive. It not only gives you an insight into your dominant's mindset and way of thinking and gives you clear indication as to how things should be, but it enables you to develop that 'dominant within' mindset facilitating a harmonious, unit within the relationship of dominant and submissive.

Protocol is commonly associated with service type arrangements, maiding, servants, but this need not be the case. it is as LadyPact rightly states in her OP taking care of the simple things, such as kneeling to serve a drink. It is taking care of the little things and developing all sorts of little rituals between dominant and submissive which strengthen the unit of the relationship and smoothen and enhance the flow of communication. It need not always been going that extra mile, quite often it can be just a few hundred yards but it is a few hundred yards further than not bothering.

Moving on in my empirical model having established some degree of protocol between you can make all the difference when the relationship progresses further towards kink, fetish and play. Here, where response is a little more critical perhaps knowledge of some degree of protocol avoids hesitation, fumbling, and misunderstandings because you have the 'inside track' on your dominant's mindset and you either instinctively know how to respond or you feel more sure and confident of responding in the right manner.

It goes without saying that the more effort you put into working out a dynamic with your dominant at the start of the relationship the more harmonious and secure the relationship will be in the long run.

Just my 0.02.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/28/2008 8:45:32 PM

Reigna

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Thank you for this, Lady Pact. It's very useful. Here on the West Coast, things tend to be a little more casual than they might be in some other places, and protocol's not something I know much about. I'll be implementing the "kneel to serve a drink" ritual immediately--I think I need tea right now, in fact. This idea really whets my appetite, and I'd love to hear more ideas for quick and easy rituals to use on the way to developing something more formal.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/29/2008 1:48:59 AM

LadyPact

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I'd be glad to, with the disclaimer that what works for Me might not work for your particular situation. The things that I use are basically all just ideas that I borrowed from someone else, and over time, decided that I liked them. There have also been times that I tried an idea out, and decided it just didn't suit Me. You'll find what works for you, just like I did.

Kneeling to serve a drink has already been covered. Kneeling is something I also use when it comes to putting on or taking off a leather collar. Depending on the living situation, it's also a great way to say good morning or good night.

Other little things. My sub does call Me by title. I know a lot of people don't especially care for them, but I do.

General displays of dynamic, such as sitting at My feet, remembering to serve Me first before any other Dominant (with the exception of the host at a formal gathering), and things like opening doors for Me. Waiting to sit until I'm seated. That sort of thing.

What I'd suggest to you if you would like to implement certain protocols is to pick the ones that are simple and that have significance to you. Make them easy to fit into your life, and then put them in place one at a time. Don't pile on a bunch of things all at once. That tends to make it harder to allow the sub time to adjust. For example, when he starts serving you that tea, give him a chance to see that he's pleased you. Let him look at the smile on your face (I don't often use eye contact restrictions, btw) and let him see that he's making you happy. If that makes him happy, and you are happy to be served, to Me that's a win/win.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/29/2008 5:22:41 PM

Kitte9

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It's not the kneeling to serve that take time, it's the getting up from the floor part!

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/29/2008 11:59:03 PM

MaamJay

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LOL Kitte, you took the words right out of my mouth! Master had to abandon the kneeling part of the protocol as the expense to hire the crane to get me back up off the floor got a bit much!

That said, if Jay finds a boy who can kneel, then it is something I would very much appreciate. We're kind of medium protocol around here, don't use eye contact restrictions cos I love to look into their eyes, but do use permissions in general and some regular rituals.

I think it's important to keep a balance regarding protocol in terms of what is appropriate for the sub and Dom in question, what fits with their everyday lives and what brings joy. It's too often lumped in with micromanagement and judged to be a bad thing. Thanks LadyP for raising a more positive perspective in this thread.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/30/2008 2:54:24 AM

dreamerdreaming

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There is nothing more beautiful to Me than My slaveboy, down on his knees for Me.

Protocol is sweet, yes.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/30/2008 10:34:42 AM

OneMoreWaste

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What I don't understand is the difference between protocol and "High Protocol". I'd always assumed that "High Protocol" involved a set of rules that someone else had already created- most likely some old-timey rules for household servants, unrelated to BDSM. While protocol as LP describes it is a wonderful thing, I've never seen the appeal of the other.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/30/2008 10:42:00 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I have been to some high protocol functions that were entertaining, and I think being absolutely a servant is a good exercise for a lot of people, including many dominants! It is much easier to give orders once you have taken them, I think. "Enjoyment" of said role has nothing to do with it.

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/30/2008 10:47:43 AM

LadyPact

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Francine,

We don't often disagree, but I think I must here. Enjoyment has everything to do with it. This is a factor of compatibility. Not every D or s finds the thrill of protocol exciting. Some like it, some don't. I'm perfectly ok with that. However, any boy who sits at My feet needs to feel that pull inside of him. It's what I want.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: The High of Protocol - 8/30/2008 10:50:12 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Ah, clarification is in order! I do agree that the people serving me have to enjoy it. When I said that enjoyment wasn't necessary, I was referring to serving as an exercise---I think that *experiences* are important for growth, whether they are enjoyed or not.

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