How Similar Doms and Subs Can Be

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How Similar Doms and Subs Can Be - 8/28/2008 4:38:59 PM

Daddystouch

Posts: 162
Joined: 10/20/2006
From: South East England
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This is at least the second thread to be spawned from the 'don't call me sir' thread! Again, I didn't wish to derail it.

The OP in that thread, WhiplashSmile2, said the following:

"I take a sincere interest in the people I cross paths with as well. It's not a game of insincere flattery and bullshit. If I can make a person laugh or smile for a moment, I'm totally high off from having touched somebody's life for a moment. This could be taken for a form of Social Topping, where I'm shooting intentionally for an emotional reaction. Yes, I enjoy doing this. Some people have this negative view of control and our abilities to effect other people."

I've highlighted the most important part. Reading that out of context, you could very easily be forgiven for thinking you were reading the words of a sub. I don't mean to detract from Whiplash's dom-li-ness and accuse him of sub-ery, rather, only to comment on how similar we all are. Two sides of the same coin in many respects. A dom can get a kick out of making someone laugh because it shows ability, control, mastery... and a sub can do the exact same thign and get a kick because they like to please and to make people happy.

Much in the same way that a sub can give oral sex and be content in serving, in pleasing... and a dom can give oral sex and be content in controlling, manipulating, looking after their sub.

Just interesting I thought :-)

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RE: How Similar Doms and Subs Can Be - 8/28/2008 4:47:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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"It's not the actions, it's the intent and motivation"- Me, thousands of times

The only difference between doms and subs is that one is fulfilled from having the authority and the other is fulfilled from not having the authority.

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RE: How Similar Doms and Subs Can Be - 8/28/2008 5:06:19 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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When I am in a social setting I tend to "hostess". I consider this neither a top nor a bottom position though it could be looked at as either. It is a way for me to make sure that everyone is comfortable, that no one is left out, and it keeps me busy. It puts me in somewhat of a position of control, such as by looking after the food, making sure everyone has something to drink, etc., yet is also a service to all of those involved - including making them laugh. I don't look at which side of the switch coin I'm playing, I simply want everyone to have fun.

When I looked for a Master I looked for someone with a good sense of humor. It doesn't matter which of us makes the joke; what matters is that we laugh together. Laughter is a gift that can be given from either side.

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RE: How Similar Doms and Subs Can Be - 8/28/2008 5:10:24 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Well damn LA. You mean it's really OK afterall that I'm a nice guy? *laughs* By the way, you've finally sold me on the whole authority transfer thing. I was resisting making up new words since TPE was already in place and, as flawed as it was, it roughly communicated. But I'm agreeing with you that it causes more trouble than the dubious communication value it provides. In the end, since the community as a whole can't agree on any definitions for anything, not even BDSM, I might as well personally use words that at least make sense.

OK, but more seriously and back to our regularly scheduled thread... Counting RL meetings only, most of the dominants that I have met have been fine, upstanding people who cared about those around them. When was it written that doms were arrogant, selfish bastards? For the record, I take a great deal of enjoyment and pride both in how well I serve my girl -- you know -- because I LOVE her and want the best for her. I also take great comfort in the knowledge that in serving her that well, I'm likely to still have her next year. Just as LA said, the only real difference between us (in this regard anyway) is that I enjoy having the authority and she enjoys not having it. I don't get a kick out of making someone laugh because it "shows mastery". I get a kick out of making them laugh because I have raised the overall level of happiness in the world by some tiny fraction. And who knows, I might also just have made a friend?

Bluntly, doms and subs are "similar" because they are both 99% human and 1% dom or sub.

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