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RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 8:59:45 AM

ODadEO

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Joined: 7/27/2008
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I have talked with a few people who, as the discussion matures, find this is part of what they are wanting in a relationship, and while I (usually) understand their motivations I always feel a bit uneasy about it. I have never followed through into any of these, so not sure how it might work out.

< Message edited by ODadEO -- 8/29/2008 9:00:51 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 21

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 9:16:44 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
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Well, colour me stupid with no self esteem but I did it. Car is in His name, my pay gets handed to Him, He has all finances, to the extent that I have to ask for money.
The only thing that is not in His name only is the house, something we agreed on as I still have a rugrat at home.
I don't see it as such a big deal, I survived and managed before He came along and I'm sure I'll manage again if I ever had to.

(in reply to ODadEO)

Post #: 22

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 9:54:54 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
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quote:

I survived and managed before He came along and I'm sure I'll manage again if I ever had to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bstardsbitch

I would've thought this to be common sense but i guess it's not.

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Post #: 23

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 9:56:05 AM

Icarys

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Not sure how that happened but okay.

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Post #: 24

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 10:00:26 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
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Common sense is not that common lol

Though I don't understand why handing over finances etc would cause low self esteem?
Lotus, could you explain please?

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 25

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 10:10:23 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
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quote:

Common sense is not that common lol

I guess so.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 8/29/2008 10:11:20 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 3:27:57 PM

kiwisub12

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bstardsbitch

Well, colour me stupid with no self esteem but I did it. Car is in His name, my pay gets handed to Him, He has all finances, to the extent that I have to ask for money.
The only thing that is not in His name only is the house, something we agreed on as I still have a rugrat at home.
I don't see it as such a big deal, I survived and managed before He came along and I'm sure I'll manage again if I ever had to.

So, what color is stupid? and are you married?

I'm afraid i wouldn't do the turn the money over to my master unless we were married. Even then, i would still be saving money for retirement. The closer i get to retirement, the less i am inclined to trust someone else to care for me in my dotage. I don't know for sure, but if the relationship didn't end amicability and there was no marriage, then i would think that the individual would have no leg to stand on to retrieve any money or assets accumulated during the relationship.

Love is great, but it won't pay for the medications and depends when you are 80.

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 27

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 6:29:33 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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I think there is a real dark side to this I have known suhs who have lost homes cars collectables TOYS over such things most ds relationships do not last that is reality I think a person can have a relationship with out giving away their life to the extent of losing all to survive

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 28

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 8:02:38 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
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Sir wants a weekly report of my finances. He does not have any of my passwords for any account. When he does get to come over, he expects that my money program be up to date so he can see what i have been doing. If he needs to see any of my accounts, he will tell me to show them to him. This has been benificial to me, since after losing my husband, i was struggling on how to balance my finances. Through Sir i learned how to handle my finances and plan for the future.

i cannot speak for other people on what they do or why, but i know with Sir having an active role in my financial business, it was helped me grow and He is pleased with my accomplishments. Would i consider giving Sir passwords to my accounts? Not at this time. i am grateful he doesn't want them either.

Blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 29

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 8:25:22 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I think there is a real dark side to this I have known suhs who have lost homes cars collectables TOYS over such things most ds relationships do not last that is reality I think a person can have a relationship with out giving away their life to the extent of losing all to survive

As my momma used to say "Never loan what you can't afford to lose." I agree that, done carelessly, this can be a serious mistake. However, I've seen it work both -inside- and -outside- of WIITWD, and work -well-, to the benefit of everyone involved. In fact, I have several dozen friends of particular religious belief who cannot conceive of why I would -ever- want the burden of holding such things myself. For them, the sense of freedom from letting their companion, nearest male relative, or someone assigned by their nearest male relative handle such 'base' and 'burdensome' issues as finance is profound. In their minds, yes, someone has to do it, but a woman's mind should be able to lift above such petty things.

I think I disagree with terming a bad outcome in this area as a "dark side". I see there being the potential of a 'foolish' side of this, and perhaps a 'painful' side, if not well thought out -- but it is impossible to protect people from themselves. The more we try, the harder they work to find ways to mess themselves up. All we can do is say "ok, well, you need to be aware that this could happen"... Risk Aware Consensual Kink. If both parties consent to it, and it gets screwed up, then someone has to pay the piper. If you're not willing to pay the piper, you don't ask for the tune. *shrugs* However, once the warning has been given, my job is done. These are adults. It's not my job to hold their hands and keep reminding them to do their homework.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/29/2008 9:02:52 PM >

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 30

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 8:31:51 PM

CruelDesires

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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FR

People trust others enough to tie them up... to light them on fire... to beat them with whips and bind them with chains.. and they should not trust them with their monies? Hmm..

C-D

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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 31

RE: oh wow not again - 8/29/2008 8:36:59 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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Even in the vanilla world you merge assets. What the fuck is wrong in doing that in the lifestyle? I mean you don’t give your bank account away to one night stands unless you are a fool… of which there seems to be equal proportions everywhere in the BDSM lifestyle, the gay community, the swingers, kinksters and the vanilla world.

If someone has personal issues with frenzy and control, they need to look at that not financial assets.

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 32

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 3:51:53 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

*fast reply*
I am sub and I manage our finances, I have His pin number and we have separate accounts even though we are married. Sir prefers to deal in cash and so I use my internet banking to pay our bills and He gives me His half in cash. I make sure they are paid on time and that we have enough on hand to cover rent and food for the week.

He doesn't want access to my money and I'm thankful for that, because it is one of my hard limits....

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Post #: 33

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 4:07:23 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Hi kiwisub,
The colour of stupid is............let's say red for arguments sake lol.
No I am not married, we have been in this relationship for three years. I didn't just hand him everything on day one,and I don't ever remember Him asking for passwords, finances etc, it was a natural progression of the relationship
What would I do if He ever left and took everything?. Well I'm a big girl, I'd get off my butt and make damn sure my rugrat was taken care of.

Latexbaby, as long as my rugrat has a roof over her head, cars, toys, do they REALLY mean that much? Maybe to some but not to me.

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 34

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 4:16:57 AM

avinyl

Posts: 50
Joined: 7/13/2008
Status: offline

If someone's old enough to have money, cars, toys, etc., they're old enough to know not to just hand it over to people that don't have their best interest in mind. If not, I'll bet the lesson sticks pretty well after the first time.

On a side note, if I gave my dom my clothes, he'd probably get sent home from work for violating dress code.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 35

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 4:58:07 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

your right about responsiblity you wreck your credit score life sucks those things are critical
most people as past posters have said when they get into a new thingy are ready to give everything up

(in reply to avinyl)

Post #: 36

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 5:03:09 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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joint bank accounts. Sure he can handle the money...but you better believe i am going to have access to it if the need arises.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/30/2008 5:04:07 AM >

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Post #: 37

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 5:24:54 AM

whis31

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

my Sir just asks for accounting of my money, he doesn't want my accounts or pin numbers. He just wants to make sure my basic needs are taken care of. W/we live in different towns at this point in time so he wants to make sure i mange my money the best way possible. as i am moving to his town in just a few weeks

no not just to be near him, i was lucky to get a job offer from my dream company that happens to be in the same town. W/we will still maintain different households. He has offered if i'm in the position to have extra money to invest he would be willing to take care of the investing and management of those funds for the long run... in the vanilla world my ex husband cleaned my out when he left me! so figure i trust my Sir not to do that because he does very well for himself and has no need of my money.

Sir Jon's Whore
jen

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 38

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 6:06:51 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
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I've never even as much as suggested that I take over anyone else’s assets, even if they had any. I take care of all the household finances and make sure everyone in the household is provided for. The home, cars, bikes, etc. are all paid for, and in my name, but that's just because I paid for them and they have to be in someone's name. No one else has to work in the house, so asking for their money is not an issue. "twice" has offered me access to her finances but I have always declined as I have no personal need for them and she seems quite capable of handling her investments on her own. I do understand that many Dominants take over sub/slaves assets and in a lot of cases have them work and add their wages to the pool, but that's just not my style and seems a bit like taking advantage of someone, in my own opinion. That being said, if the household finances require multiple incomes, I see nothing wrong with it being a team effort as that is typical in most vanilla households as well. It's another one of those "situations alter cases". So wages are probably an OK thing in my book, but taking over someone else’s assets (home, car, etc.) just smacks of greed and a suspicious sign of an overbearing control freak (which does not equate to a Dominant...it equates to control freak which is certainly different). But at the end of the day...to each their own, if all parties involved are comfortable with the situation they are in....it's their business and theirs alone.

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 39

RE: oh wow not again - 8/30/2008 6:11:03 AM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
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He has never asked for me to hand over my paychecks to Him at all. However, seeing the amount He has saved versus the amount i have saved, i'd not only be honored but THRILLED if He would actually be willing to take control of my money.

Kali

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(in reply to ScooterTrash)

Post #: 40

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