AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
|
Here's a relevant article I wrote awhile back called "Being the Bitch":
If you ask any woman on the street what words they would associate with a dominatrix, you can be sure that in addition to leather, whips & chains, and pain they would use words like "cruel," "sadistic," "bitchy," or "mean."
The image that most women have in their head of a "femdom" comes almost entirely from the stereotype of the traditional dominatrix - the leather clad woman who stands tall and beats the guy who is crawling around on the floor. She is mean, commanding, authoritative, stern and bitchy.
Of course, most women can't relate to behaving that way - not even in a fun, light hearted roleplaying way. It's not appealing, and it's not natural. So, when they think about taking a stab at this concept of "female domination," they are left trying to reconcile how they can become "the bitch" that they need to be. How can they be believable as cruel, commanding, evil and ruthless?
This is another area where the stereotype of the "dominatrix" creates huge roadblocks for the man interested in submission. What men (and women) need to realize is that the "demeanor" of the female dominant is NOT trapped within that stereotypical image created by the dominatrix. In fact, I'd argue that in most cases, authentic, sensual female dominance looks nothing like that cartoon caricature of "the dominatrix."
You do NOT have to be a bitch!
I think most men are attracted to different types of dominance, far more than they are to the stereotypical "cruel bitch" that is common in literature and porn. I'd like to offer a few alternatives to the "cruel bitch" that I think are just as effective - and much more natural and fun - for women to embrace.
Here are a few "styles" of dominance that I've used:
1. The playful, unpredictable domina
She smiles a lot. She's mischievous. She clearly is enjoying what she is doing, and she's treating her partner like he's a bit of a plaything. She likes to use the element of surprise a lot - blindfolds, guessing games. Because she almost seems innocent and merely amused by it all, the moments when she gets slightly serious or does something unpredictably scary, she can become incredibly intimidating. Key to this demeanor is to not be too "over the top" with silliness; she's not silly, she's merely amused. Her smiles are subtle and leave a lot to the imagination.
2. The aloof, mysterious domina
She may not say as much, but her expressions give it all away. She may offer a slight smile now and then, a bit of a smirk, but she does not give away much information about what she is thinking, and it makes her partner feel more vulnerable and helpless. She adopts a sort of cool, confident sensual aura about her and does things slow and deliberate. She enjoys moments of pause, just to stare at him and make him uneasy. She is the type to slowly pull a riding crop out and slide her hand through it while staring at his eyes. She makes it a point to be hard to read - he can never know what she is thinking. When she speaks, it is usually a simple command - she doesn't even need to raise her voice though, he's listening with rapt attention.
3. The sensual siren
This domina uses her sexuality and her sexual self confidence to unnerve her partner. She is a constant tease, doing things like revealing a little thigh and taunting him for looking, or straddling his lap and brushing her lips across his. She knows that he wants her very badly, and she likes to toy with that. She makes him express to her how badly he wants her - she constantly keeps him on the edge.
Of course, none of these are 100% -- some women use all sorts of mixes of them. But when you read these examples, you'll see that none of these demeanors use things like raising the voice, using profanity, being unnecessarily cruel, or being extremely stern.
When I've surveyed men about the "style" of dominance they find most appealing, the majority of them consider the stereotypical "cruel bitch" femdom to be at the bottom of the list - or, merely reserved for fantasy. In reality, they find women who are enjoying their dominance to be more engaging - those that are playful, sensual, unpredictable.
These kinds of demeanors come much more naturally to women, and don't seem so intimidating. Little sparks of "unpredictable cruelty," when appropriate and natural, can be extremely powerful. However, women shouldn't think that dominance means they have to behave like a stern, ridiculously cruel caricature of control.
I ask women to consider how their partners developed an interest in female domination. In many cases, it was sparked initially by some images of women in control from their childhood. Common answers have to do with the first time they saw Eartha Kitt as Catwoman taunting Batman and Robin, or of Emma Peel in The Avengers. If you'll recall, Catwoman wasn't simply a leather-clad bitch who beat the heroes to a pulp; she was sly, confident, sexy and flirtatious. That image of sensual control seared the brains of some men when they were pliable, curious pre-teens, and that image stuck.
The single component that makes any domination real and fulfilling for the male submissive is the woman being confident, and enjoying it. Most women tossed into this situation by a male partner are neither confident about it or enjoying it, and that's why it is destined to fail out of the gate.
However, if women realize they aren't being asked to play "dress up and be a dominatrix," or to adopt some fake, cheesy, "megabitch" demeanor, they may find it less intimidating and more erotic. I suggest they look at other demeanors that are equally dominant - from simply being playful to behaving cautiously and mysteriously. It's much more natural - and fun.
Akasha
_____________________________
Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
|
Interesting question. - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread