RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (Full Version)

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FelinePersuasion -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 1:49:27 PM)

You're not listening candy, Not all switches expect their partners to switch with them.

Because someone's a switch and Wants to play the dominant role with you IT's not silly at best or manipulative at worse.

I am a switch I am dominant over my bf, and I bottom to others, pure and simple. It doesn't mean that Ia m going to make my mate play dominant today and tomorow I will be domme, IT just means with that one person I am dominant always and with others it depends on who it is.



Nuke718 -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 2:46:19 PM)

Candy, feel free to disregard the fellow writing you because he is acting like a horses behind. And if you feel you cannot be comfortable in a monogomous relationship with a switch playing only to his Dominant side, you most likely cannot.

Those feelings are yours and valid. But please do not confuse YOUR preferences with other peoples take on THEIR life.

I for one only identify as a switch in the name of honesty. I believe every partner I am with needs to know I have explored both sides of the whip and enjoy them both. But I am one of those Perverse was speaking of. I ohave never switched roles whith a partner, even when that partner was a switch herself. My relationships have alwasy brought out one aspect or the other (or neither but never both). There was a time when becasue of attiitudes similar to yours that switchs were incapable of being REAL in either role I maintained 2 individual (and diferently styled) profiles. It gets to be a bit much to log into ones Dominant profile on odd days and ones sub profile on even so that they dont show up next to each other on the "recent" list.

On the other hand I understand many women get a lot of male asking them to take a different role than they are advertising. So I get your exasperation. Just don't paint all of us swotches with the same brush.

Nuke }:-
-The Buffalo remembers a time when he was told all good Doms had to start as subs (but didn't believe THAT either)



theRose4U -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 2:48:24 PM)

quote:

This is his last email; i have blocked him:

quote:

Candy for the last time I do not intend to have you switch but will make sure you follow my orders or you will need to be scolded. Its time to start listening to me as a Master
you diffently need guidance girl.

*sigh* Am i supposed to believe that a Man whose profile says "switch" will turn into a Dom just to have me? It's like the sadists who write me and say they'll give up s&m for me...i smell BS.


Candy, I would like to think that by now you've gotten to know a little about me from the boards. I identify as a Switch, but my boy can verify that I am all Domme with him. There are TONS of BS artists on here & if you believe that this guy is one then you've made your decision. Frankly what made me stop rooting for him was the post above. I DO believe that just identifying as Switch should not rule someone out as a Top...being a bonehead on the other hand [:)] he's on his own. If the endless tyrades of he's not a REAL & TRUE Dom on here should have taught you anything I would think that it would be that the title that someone chooses is not always what they truly are.
For me a Switch is honesty in advertising. I was a sub for One and ONLY One and frankly for anyone else the sheer idea sends me running for a flogger LOL. I am wired as a Domme and would like to believe that I am received as one on this community as well as others. I label as a Switch out of honesty to myself that and I don't have to deal with the endless parade of "Do me" boys that most Dommes seem to get.
If the guys a bonehead and someone that you have no interest in subbing, becoming a slave or bottom to then no problem. But saying Oh my god it's an evil switchy coming to get me who does this guy think he is with a title like that is well frankly misinformed. You've been talking to a Switch for months as a peer and never even realized [:D][:D]



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 2:48:57 PM)

quote:

You're not listening candy, Not all switches expect their partners to switch with them.

Because someone's a switch and Wants to play the dominant role with you IT's not silly at best or manipulative at worse.

I am a switch I am dominant over my bf, and I bottom to others, pure and simple. It doesn't mean that Ia m going to make my mate play dominant today and tomorow I will be domme, IT just means with that one person I am dominant always and with others it depends on who it is.

Feline Persuasion


Sorry if i did not make this clear: i want a monogamous relationship. That would mean a male switch went unfulfilled as to his need to submit. i choose not to chance the betrayal of an affair or elsewise bother with them as potential mates. As friends, sure. Just not as my One. Nobody has to agree with me; and i mean no offense to anyone. But i'm allowed to make my own choices, too, without being disrespected.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 2:52:11 PM)

quote:

On the other hand I understand many women get a lot of male asking them to take a different role than they are advertising. So I get your exasperation. Just don't paint all of us swotches with the same brush.

Nuke718


i have friends who are switches; i know enough to know not all people with this orientation are as silly as the man whose emails i posted here. i never meant to insult anyone...and again, i apologise if it seemed as if i did.

candystripper



theRose4U -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 2:58:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

You're not listening candy, Not all switches expect their partners to switch with them.

Because someone's a switch and Wants to play the dominant role with you IT's not silly at best or manipulative at worse.

I am a switch I am dominant over my bf, and I bottom to others, pure and simple. It doesn't mean that Ia m going to make my mate play dominant today and tomorow I will be domme, IT just means with that one person I am dominant always and with others it depends on who it is.

Feline Persuasion


Sorry if i did not make this clear: i want a monogamous relationship. That would mean a male switch went unfulfilled as to his need to submit. i choose not to chance the betrayal of an affair or elsewise bother with them as potential mates. As friends, sure. Just not as my One. Nobody has to agree with me; and i mean no offense to anyone. But i'm allowed to make my own choices, too, without being disrespected.

candystripper


Candy, Monogomy has NOTHING to do with Switch...I AM a strictly Monomous Switch that in my current relationship is Top & ONLY TOP. No one is disrespecting your choice to send this bonehead packing. THE ISSUE IS: You seem to be misinformed that Switches flip just for anyone. At least in my case and a few others here from what I've read we're right with you in the idea that it takes one hell of a Dom to catch our eye. IF there is any point that I or anyone else as I read it are trying to get across it is that all switches are not bad because you don't understand how we're wired.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 3:06:31 PM)

quote:

Candy, Monogomy has NOTHING to do with Switch...I AM a strictly Monomous Switch that in my current relationship is Top & ONLY TOP. No one is disrespecting your choice to send this bonehead packing. THE ISSUE IS: You seem to be misinformed that Switches flip just for anyone. At least in my case and a few others here from what I've read we're right with you in the idea that it takes one hell of a Dom to catch our eye. IF there is any point that I or anyone else as I read it are trying to get across it is that all switches are not bad because you don't understand how we're wired.

theRose4U


Rose, i went out of my way to show respect for people who are switches, and also apologised for any perceived slight. You're quite right, i do not understand switches, but that will change and meantime i am not disrespecting them. i simply said a switch was not someone i would consider for my One...why is that a problem?

candystripper



theRose4U -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 3:12:52 PM)

quote:

Rose, i went out of my way to show respect for people who are switches, and also apologised for any perceived slight. You're quite right, i do not understand switches, but that will change and meantime i am not disrespecting them. i simply said a switch was not someone i would consider for my One...why is that a problem?


No problem in my life from your opinion. Though as I and others are trying to point out you have voiced reasons for not wanting a switch that in OUR relationships are not valid.

As I said in previous post ditching this guy because he's a bonehead fall under YOU GO GIRL.

Ditching him because "I could never be with someone that's not monogomous or would sub to someone else while with me" is being pointed out to you as being misinformed when it' applied to US as Switches.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 3:55:20 PM)

quote:

Ditching him because "I could never be with someone that's not monogomous or would sub to someone else while with me" is being pointed out to you as being misinformed when it' applied to US as Switches.

the Rose4U


Rose; i'm confused. If He's a switch and He tries to enter a monogamous relationship with me, and i won't top, how does He satisfy His submissive needs apart from going to a 3rd party? And if He has no submissive needs what's he doing calling Himself a switch?

candystripper



theRose4U -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 5:27:49 PM)

quote:

Rose; i'm confused. If He's a switch and He tries to enter a monogamous relationship with me, and i won't top, how does He satisfy His submissive needs apart from going to a 3rd party? And if He has no submissive needs what's he doing calling Himself a switch?


In my experience I identify as Switch mostly for truth in advertising. I had a strong alpha male that I was in a MONOGOMOUS (actually non sexual) relationship for a number of years. I was Domme to 50 men through my job and very firmly at his feet in our relationship. In that relationship I was sub and even now years later I am firm in that I am Domme IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. If at some later date in singledom I meet another Dom that truly turns my crank it might make me think about submission ONLY TO HIM. I have a very Domme nature that runs through multiple threads in my life that doesn't lend itself to being sub just to any Domly Dom.
I have no desire AT ALL EVER to bow to my sub. I will admit that with him being a novice and just starting to explore this has caused a few LOOOONG discussions on NO I won't sub to you just because you have the penis and I identify as a Switch. He gets rather angry when I explain that no matter how hard he tries to push, bully or take over the reins are MINE and ONLY MINE. But I digress and this too shall pass.

For me it is completely possible to be one way or the other the same way that a light is either on or off but normally not both...humm maybe that's where Switch came from.[:D]

While I can't speak for this guy as he may have told you something as to his proclivitites that I haven't read, I think it's completely possible to be a Dom and identify as a switch for no better reason that because I do this very thing. In THIS relationship with THIS person I'm a Domme. As for feeding his sub desires, once again FOR ME it was the situation with this one special person that made me sub. Even then I was still me queen bee of 50 men but softer due to my One's guidence. For me that experience I think made me a better Domme now as I was taught to be soft and firm at the same time, understanding but firm with limits and many more things than I can't list here without going on a nistalga fit over the one that was lost. [:(]

As for feeding his sub desires it depends on wiring. I have gone YEARS without any real desire to sub. I thought about it and originally on this site was looking but what was out there just really didn't turn my crank and quickly returned to looking for a sub. I would in this instance have prefaced the question to him of what direction his desires went and how he felt he wanted them forfilled before launching into BAD SWITCH ick pooy you don't know what you want & won't ever be Dom enough for me. But once again I'm just wired that way.
I have close Dom friends (one even Gorean) that I met from here that try to get me in their collar all the time. They respect that I won't bow to them as something that I'm not but also get a lot of insight from my seeing both sides of the coin. Personally I would rather have someone that's been on the receiving end of a single tail using one on me. While they might not be more merciful they will at least more clearly understand the need to be careful as they have felt what they are inflicting.

I've come to read a lot of your posts and your thinking appears in many instances to be a firm black or white. Switches are the grey area. We are what we are under certain conditions for certain people. While some might see the adamance of some of your posts and go ohh she's such a Domme why doesn't she just say so, your words that you are firmly a sub tell me where your desires lie. It is no different with a Switch, the difference is that we don't limit our world to being Dom/me OR sub only 1 forever in all relationships. Monogomy once again unless something was said that wasn't posted is a whole nother animal in the zoo that is WIITWD.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 6:37:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i am old enough to know that when a man says something about himself, you should do him the honor of believing him, especially if it's something you don't want to hear.


I think I'm missing what it is you're believing about him. That he's a switch?

quote:

i want a monogamous relationship and cannot top; to me that raises the specture of him going to a 3rd party to fulfill his need to be submissive.


Not if he's the type who would be fulfilled in a long term relationship while only expressing one aspect. Many people are. I know many happily committed monogamous bisexuals, for example - similar thing.

quote:

Also i feel i want a very strong Dom, and i find that i am uneasy about a switch's ability to provide that degree of strength.


Nonsense.

quote:

The bottom line is, i do not believe i'd be compatible with a Dom who also had a submissive side.


If you say so - but you could be surprised. I think too many people don't give switches a fair shake, thinking they're somehow "less" dominant or submissive than those who are only dominant or submissive. Sometimes that's the case - more often, it's not.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 6:43:17 PM)

Candy - take what Rose said here and conside me a "ditto".


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
In my experience I identify as Switch mostly for truth in advertising. I had a strong alpha male that I was in a MONOGOMOUS (actually non sexual) relationship for a number of years. I was Domme to 50 men through my job and very firmly at his feet in our relationship. In that relationship I was sub and even now years later I am firm in that I am Domme IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. If at some later date in singledom I meet another Dom that truly turns my crank it might make me think about submission ONLY TO HIM. I have a very Domme nature that runs through multiple threads in my life that doesn't lend itself to being sub just to any Domly Dom.
I have no desire AT ALL EVER to bow to my sub. I will admit that with him being a novice and just starting to explore this has caused a few LOOOONG discussions on NO I won't sub to you just because you have the penis and I identify as a Switch. He gets rather angry when I explain that no matter how hard he tries to push, bully or take over the reins are MINE and ONLY MINE. But I digress and this too shall pass.

For me it is completely possible to be one way or the other the same way that a light is either on or off but normally not both...humm maybe that's where Switch came from.[:D]

While I can't speak for this guy as he may have told you something as to his proclivitites that I haven't read, I think it's completely possible to be a Dom and identify as a switch for no better reason that because I do this very thing. In THIS relationship with THIS person I'm a Domme. As for feeding his sub desires, once again FOR ME it was the situation with this one special person that made me sub. Even then I was still me queen bee of 50 men but softer due to my One's guidence. For me that experience I think made me a better Domme now as I was taught to be soft and firm at the same time, understanding but firm with limits and many more things than I can't list here without going on a nistalga fit over the one that was lost. [:(]

As for feeding his sub desires it depends on wiring. I have gone YEARS without any real desire to sub. I thought about it and originally on this site was looking but what was out there just really didn't turn my crank and quickly returned to looking for a sub. I would in this instance have prefaced the question to him of what direction his desires went and how he felt he wanted them forfilled before launching into BAD SWITCH ick pooy you don't know what you want & won't ever be Dom enough for me. But once again I'm just wired that way.
I have close Dom friends (one even Gorean) that I met from here that try to get me in their collar all the time. They respect that I won't bow to them as something that I'm not but also get a lot of insight from my seeing both sides of the coin. Personally I would rather have someone that's been on the receiving end of a single tail using one on me. While they might not be more merciful they will at least more clearly understand the need to be careful as they have felt what they are inflicting.

I've come to read a lot of your posts and your thinking appears in many instances to be a firm black or white. Switches are the grey area. We are what we are under certain conditions for certain people. While some might see the adamance of some of your posts and go ohh she's such a Domme why doesn't she just say so, your words that you are firmly a sub tell me where your desires lie. It is no different with a Switch, the difference is that we don't limit our world to being Dom/me OR sub only 1 forever in all relationships. Monogomy once again unless something was said that wasn't posted is a whole nother animal in the zoo that is WIITWD.




MastersBabieGirl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 8:55:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i have politely explained to a Switch on CM that i am looking for a Dom or Master; i cannot switch. This is his latest email:

quote:

Once again my dear you do not understand you NEED ME to control you and your wants
and by doing this you will also be meeting my needs. I am ordering you to call me at
xxx-xxx-xxxx for instructions on what to do next. It is time you listen!!! It is time
you become happy !!! It is time


Can someone exlain to me why this happens to me? Does it happen to other submissive and slave women? Is there something in my profile that is vague? TY for helping me.

candystripper

happens to me all the time they think that we should submit to just anyone [sm=rolleyes.gif]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:56:25 PM)

Candy you keep wondering why you are so frustrated and why so many guys turn out wrong. When are you going to develop your radar? After ALL this time on collarme you still haven't gotten used to form letter/junky dorky emails and just rejecting what won't work for you?

People online do dorky stupid things. They are pretty easy to spot. Ignore them and move on.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 12:24:40 AM)

Well yeah, I just told you it wasn't manipulative to be a switch and also a dominant personality. I wouldn't want a switch dom either, but I do play with others as well asmy man lol so we're both similar but diffrent too cause I wouldn't want a switch master hehehe.




firefey -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 1:18:38 AM)

i'm wondering where it's written that switch=poly? that seems to be the assumption candy, and many opperate under. to be truthful, i know many switches who are not poly, don't want to be poly, and never will want to be poly. they want their ONE, same as many on this site. the only difference is, they are willing to let their ONE take the form of either a dominant or a submissive, whichever that ONE inspires them to be. on the other hand, their are plenty here who are only dom/me or only sub, and are poly. they will never switch, they don't want to switch, and they will never look to fullfill a side of them they don't have. it comes down to two different issues. monogomy vs poly, and your comfort with switches. you are monogomous, and it's good that you know that's what you want. and that's what you should be looking for. i just think you might be cutting yourself off from some amazing doms by cutting out monogomous switches who are comfortable expressing only one side of the coin.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 3:54:26 AM)

quote:

I've come to read a lot of your posts and your thinking appears in many instances to be a firm black or white. Switches are the grey area. We are what we are under certain conditions for certain people. While some might see the adamance of some of your posts and go ohh she's such a Domme why doesn't she just say so, your words that you are firmly a sub tell me where your desires lie. It is no different with a Switch, the difference is that we don't limit our world to being Dom/me OR sub only 1 forever in all relationships. Monogomy once again unless something was said that wasn't posted is a whole nother animal in the zoo that is WIITWD.

theRose4U


Rose, thank you again for helping me understand an aspect of BDSM which i have not immersed myself in. For example, i was not aware that a switch in a relationship would tend to hold firm to one or the other orientation, as you have done. That does make male switches a bit more appealing, but with monogamy such a high value for me -- not to mention the desire to see my One as happy as possible -- the spectre of the 3rd party lingers. i'm just afraid to take the risk.

candystripper



AbstractSavant -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 6:48:33 AM)

It seems like you're "afraid to take the risk" with anyone who isn't a DOMINANT male, your age or older.

Which is totally fine to be your preference, but your habit of posting threads complaining about men who don't fit your bill messaging you is tiresome.

If someone that messages you doesn't fit your preferences, either delete their message...or respond to them ONCE and tell them that you are not interested. If they continue to message you...delete and ignore seems like a good method to me. It works for most people.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 7:21:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
i was not aware that a switch in a relationship would tend to hold firm to one or the other orientation, as you have done.


Some do, some don't. I do, with specific partners. In a relational dynamic with Sir I am *always* submissive. With others - not so much. It depends on the person.

quote:

with monogamy such a high value for me -- not to mention the desire to see my One as happy as possible -- the spectre of the 3rd party lingers. i'm just afraid to take the risk.


That argument can be made for *anyone* - poly, bi, completely het and monogamous...

(Hypothetical-->) "Men like variety - with my desire to see my One as happy as possible -- the specter of the 3rd party lingers. I'm just afraid to take the risk."

I do acknowledge and honor your preferences, whatever they may be. But please don't use these flawed arguments borne of ignorance (ignorance that you are happy to reverse, you have proven - I'm not criticizing!) to justify them.



candystripper [/font] [/size] [/color]




candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/26/2005 8:01:16 AM)

quote:

It seems like you're "afraid to take the risk" with anyone who isn't a DOMINANT male, your age or older.

Which is totally fine to be your preference, but your habit of posting threads complaining about men who don't fit your bill messaging you is tiresome.

If someone that messages you doesn't fit your preferences, either delete their message...or respond to them ONCE and tell them that you are not interested. If they continue to message you...delete and ignore seems like a good method to me. It works for most people.

AbstractSavant


i'll have to go back and try to parse out my Op posts and see whether i'm guilty as charged.

Anyway, this Op wasn't so much about the author being a switch (though that convo has been interesting) as it was about not reading/respecting my profile and the goofy way the author spoke to me.

candystripper



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