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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 2:02:49 AM

MaamJay

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Lots of great advice here, only one thing I'd add: APOLOGISE if you hurt someone through your failure. Make it sincere, heartfelt and specific ... then once it has been accepted by the hurt one, shut up about it! Few things are more annoying than someone who just keeps on apologising.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 1:33:41 PM

ShiftedJewel

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Maybe I really am an emotional masochist. I try really hard to see the good in everyone and to believe that basically they are all good people. You know? That's never worked out well for me and yet I keep doing it. How do I deal with failure? It's like breathing to me, it just comes naturally. I got an email today from someone that had a major role in my emotional destruction, well, the most recent one that is, apologizing for their role and what they did wrong, or what they perceived was what they did wrong (cuz I just don't see it that way...lol). Failures are something I can deal with, it's the people that help it along that I have problems with. How do you deal with that?

Jewel... who knows she probably shouldn't even be posting right now.

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 3:24:15 PM

LadyHibiscus

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HUGS JEWEL.

I never get it right, either... what can you do?

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 3:45:12 PM

azropedntied

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Jewel > huggs yes i know what you mean . I don't know if the way i deal is the right way or just my way , so perhaps i should just say selectivity with observation serves well .
Lady H > now now never say never ,absolutes can not hold true "always" :)

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 3:46:49 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Hey, I keep trying!

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 3:50:25 PM

azropedntied

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In that case i would say an absolute would be in order then " Never stop trying "

If we stop trying we stop our growth and we always want to learn and keep growing .

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hey, I keep trying!

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 5:07:51 PM

ShiftedJewel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

In that case i would say an absolute would be in order then " Never stop trying "
If we stop trying we stop our growth and we always want to learn and keep growing .

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hey, I keep trying!

I'm done trying but I have to admit, I've learned a LOT. As twice said in a different thread, each new experience is a chance to learn something new about ourselves but I've come to realize that I know way to much about me and mine. Is that even possible? And now I'm just tired.

But thank you both for the hugs, it's appreciated more then you know.

Jewel

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/1/2008 7:53:44 PM

Maya2001

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I am going through it now I go through the grieving/mourning which can including crying / writing thoughts/feelings out, I have times when I want quiet time and space and also periods when I want to be with friends for support and to talk..

and yes there is the reflecting going over the relationship trying to figure out where things went wrong ... trying to figure what red flags I may have missed or ignored trying to determine what I can change again to prevent from having it happen again ..trying to avoid feeling jaded by thinking about the better relationships of the past and the friendships I made to this point

and looking at it in a bigger picture frame so instead having tunnel vision of focusing on one failed relationship... I look at my overall odds and it helps me to realize overall I have made good choices in who I have become involved with so I am not doing that badly ..sort of accounting for the blessings
And I decided to stop terming it as a failure-- a word which sounds more terminal with no hope...

instead I term it as a misjudgement.. I did not fail I made mistakes --which are correctable maybe not in this particular relationship but in future ones..which does provide hope

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/2/2008 4:09:23 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I've come to realize that I know way to much about me and mine. Is that even possible?

We know wayyyy to much about you to.....the good news is we love each other any way.

Really is that such a bad thing?

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/2/2008 4:48:37 AM

persephonee

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~FR~

When my marriage failed, i tortured myself for literally years trying to rationalize it, place blame...even on myself...i ran the gambit. That was really the only thing in my life that i consider to be a failure thus far and it was a big fat one.

i have been thrown from horses in front of a crowd. i have been humiliated onstage in front of an audience. i have cried over stupid shit and i have rationalized my way out of circumstances that really were my fault-not the other party. i am looking forward greatly to the time in my life when i am allowed to take some steps back and really get an honest view of a situation as opposed to the view colored by my own fear or insecurity. Oprah says thats coming up in my 40s...is this true? Is there a sign up sheet for perspective?

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/2/2008 6:14:07 AM

ShiftedJewel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Maybe I really am an emotional masochist. I try really hard to see the good in everyone and to believe that basically they are all good people. You know? That's never worked out well for me and yet I keep doing it. How do I deal with failure? It's like breathing to me, it just comes naturally. I got an email today from someone that had a major role in my emotional destruction, well, the most recent one that is, apologizing for their role and what they did wrong, or what they perceived was what they did wrong (cuz I just don't see it that way...lol). Failures are something I can deal with, it's the people that help it along that I have problems with. How do you deal with that?

Jewel... who knows she probably shouldn't even be posting right now.

It's come to my attention that this post left the wrong impression so I wanted to clarify it. I have no anger what so ever towards her, in fact, I'm honored to have spent time with her and wish her nothing but the very best. I was referring to an outside influence, a trusted voice that poisoned what chance we had.

Jewel

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/2/2008 6:27:15 PM

ScooterTrash

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Dealing with failure is likely a personal thing for most, but simply pulling up those bootstraps and trudging on, getting back on that horse, or any of other various antidotes to describe climbing out of failure mode, is sometimes the best way to deal with it. One thing I think should be stressed while reading some of the replies however, is before shouldering all the blame personally or feeling like there is a lesson to be learned as if you did something wrong, is to review all the events that led up to the failure and determine if it is in fact something you did incorrectly. It's quite possible to do all the right things and because of outside influences that you have no control over, things fall apart. I'm not saying each time there is a failure to point fingers, but to at least step back and take good look at all the facts and determine if there really was anything you could have done to alter the outcome, while still staying true to yourself. Certainly we can all change outcomes by dismissing our own values and simply playing to win, but if that's what it takes, if it takes going against what you stand for to avoid failure, I'd prefer to fail with honor. To those who would choose to change the rules and win at all costs....sleep well, Karma has a long memory.

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RE: dealing with failure? - 9/2/2008 9:11:25 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP...dealing and learning from failure is one thing..What must be avoided is bringing that learned failure baggage into a new relationship..be careful that the walls you build, do not box you in...Tempting

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