WhiplashSmile2
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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This thread is is about a specific type of protocols and rules, those that are centered upon checking in/up with one another and communication about what is going on.
The words protocols and rules can have negative meanings for some people out there, however, basically they are just a matter of established practices between two people and clear understanding how two people intereract with one another. Protocols and rules can be formal or informal. Some people think of these things as lists on paper for somebody to follow. That they are rather one sided as well.
In terms of rules, protocols and rituals. I have always been of the mindset that these things apply to both parties in a D/s relationship or any relationship. That these things even apply to vanilla relationships. Because they are established expectations and serve a function or purpose. However in "the lifestyle" more focus is placed upon the development of such things. Which adds clarity to the relationship. These things can even be applied to DOM couple relationships or any relationship.
Much of what we do in "the lifestyle" really not so far removed from human behavior and social conditioning and other concepts of the human race.
Now in regards to protocols and practices, that are centered around communication. It's not that uncommon for a Dom/me to have check in times for a submissive/slave partner. That these are important moments to keep in touch and where the submissive is to apprise the Dom/me of things going and so on. Also, for the sub/slave partner to call and ask for permission before going places, or at the very least to inform their Dom/me partner of where they are going and for how long.
I know this all seems and appears to be very one sided, in terms of the sub/slave being the one to do the checking in with their Dom/me partner. What I just expressed is as such.
However, what if the Dom/me is not available during the check in time? The sub/slave makes several attempts to no avail? They start to wonder what is going on with their Dom/me partner, why they are not there. Basically they are doing what they are supposed to do, however they can not accomplish the task at hand because the Dom/me is no where to be found.
What amazes me, is that there are posts on the message board time and time again. Dom/me partners going poof for hours, days, or weeks at a time. Not making themselves available to the submissive partner. Leaving them to wonder what is going on.
With that said, what some people fail to want to admit to themselves at times, is basic understanding of human nature. This is not really a Dom issue, a submissive issue. It's a human issue.
Just as much a Dom/me expects a submissive to check in, they have the responsibility to make themselve available or else the rule or protocols are worthless. It undermines and makes the submissive question trust and belief. They start to wrestle with doubts and fears. Even more so when their Dom/me partner has a tendancy to go poof without explaination.
I'm taking a deep breath here for a moment. Perhaps some new Dom/me to the lifestyle will read this, and it will make them think for a moment.
Communication is a two way street. Communication is important. Along with it so is honestly. Sure some people might disagree with me on this one. However, if you want a long term relationship to last and be solid. Communication and honestly are important. D/s relationships are not on par with true real slavery. D/s relationships require the interaction of two people.
Rules and protocols should be honored and respected on both sides of the fence. There's nothing wrong with a Dom/me calling up thier submissive partner, letting the submissive know what they are up to, and where they are going and when they are coming back. I'm not expressing a Dom/me ask for permission to go places or do things. I'm advocating simply having basic human consideration and respect, along with respecting the Rules and Protocols of the D/s relationship.
I personally, have no issue in reporting or updating my status with a submissive partner. It really does not make me any less of a Dom. If anything, I consider it to make me more Dom and less like a an asshole that creates meaningless rules, or lives life by a set of double standards.
I think some people create rules for other people, that they themselves can not follow for whatever mental issues or ilks.
Most of the rules, protocals and expections I have are based in reality. There is a purpose or reason behind them. Some are to encourage and support something called communication.
In all honestly, I don't understand the apparent blindness of many of my so called DOM orientation peers. I don't see how they expect to maintain the Authority or power dynamics of their D/s relationships for very long. I see D/s relationship being built on very shaky ground without a lack of basic solid foundations.
Perhaps, I'm just being too Vanilla here or something. Perhaps I have this whole "lifestyle" thing all backwards or something. That I've been doing things wrong for so many years. I just know I've tried to apply eithics, realism, and common sense at times. More so then attempt to transform a D/s into some bad fantasy image of Hollywood BDSM.
Anyways, I suppose this thread is a bit of a rant. It's also part of my own personal perspective. It's something I wish to express and share with others. Something for new comers to the lifestyle to think about for a moment. I really don't believe I'm too far off base, or that I'm totally wacked out. If this makes me seem Vanilla, lol.. well so be it.
Just for those that don't practice communication as a two way street, let me know how well it works out for you in the long run, or for the long term. If it works out great, perhaps I might change my mind some on this matter.
< Message edited by WhiplashSmile2 -- 9/2/2008 8:20:52 AM >
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