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Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:05:43 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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It has been awhile since I ran a flag of controversy up the flag pole and this one deserves some discussion.
Given that I am of the 'Senior Status' within the group of "D"s, I can say this subject cuts across both sides of the slash and touches all on the path in one way or another.

The principle of the point made touches somewhat on honesty as well as knowledge of ones self.

When was the last time you were tested for STD's? If of course you already in a safe and committed relationship, this may not apply to you but you might comment on your experiences prior to finding your match.

About two months ago after talking with a subfem for a few months, I scheduled a stop at her city while on a business trip, it was just a lunch at a restruarant near the airport. Many opening and confirming subjects were discussed and things were doing well and then I broached the subject of proof of health, last test etc. An instant chill flew across the table as if I had insulted her.
yes i understand that for those that use sleeves it is not a issue, however for those that go "natual" it is an inportant issue as someone can be a carrier and not even be aware of it.

Any commnets?

CPl

Post #: 1

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:13:54 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

It has been awhile since I ran a flag of controversy up the flag pole and this one deserves some discussion.
Given that I am of the 'Senior Status' within the group of "D"s, I can say this subject cuts across both sides of the slash and touches all on the path in one way or another.

The principle of the point made touches somewhat on honesty as well as knowledge of ones self.

When was the last time you were tested for STD's? If of course you already in a safe and committed relationship, this may not apply to you but you might comment on your experiences prior to finding your match.

About two months ago after talking with a subfem for a few months, I scheduled a stop at her city while on a business trip, it was just a lunch at a restruarant near the airport. Many opening and confirming subjects were discussed and things were doing well and then I broached the subject of proof of health, last test etc. An instant chill flew across the table as if I had insulted her.
yes i understand that for those that use sleeves it is not a issue, however for those that go "natual" it is an inportant issue as someone can be a carrier and not even be aware of it.

Any commnets?

CPl

FAIL! Go straight to jail, do not collect 200 dollars. A condom protects against some things, but is not a failsafe method of protection.

I was tested... 7 months ago? I haven't had intercourse since the first of the year, so I'm going to put off the 'every 6 months' thing I try to go by. And anyone who is offended by their partner asking for test results... I don't know... personally I'd call it ignorant.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 9/2/2008 5:22:26 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:19:47 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Actually, it should still be an issue, even if you practice safer sex. I don't understand why people get so insulted when asked for proof that they don't have a communicable disease.

My Darling and I haven't been tested in several years now, but that is because we haven't had a sexual partner outside of each other. However, if either of us take a sexual partner outside our relationship, we test every 3 months.

That being said, I have an immune dysfunction that would make something like genital warts or herpes (oral or vaginal) really, really bad for me. I don't even use a lipstick or lip balm after our daughters, because they occasionally get cold sores, and getting one of those could cause a rampant reaction in my immune system, so whether it hurts someone's feelings or not, I'm going to ask the questions, even about things other people might consider "piddly". If they choose to get insulted and walk away, it seems that it is more their problem than mine. I am nowhere -near- desperate enough to go chasing after someone who would walk away because we wanted to be certain of the state of their health in terms of communicable sexual diseases.

Calla Firestorm

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 3

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:24:47 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

yes i understand that for those that use sleeves it is not a issue, however for those that go "natual" it is an inportant issue as someone can be a carrier and not even be aware of it.

Any commnets?

CPl

CP~

i have a question.

Are you stating here that you prefer not to wear condoms? Or was there something in her side of the conversation that indicated that she would prefer to fuck bareback?

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Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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Post #: 4

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:27:49 PM

MzMia

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Joined: 7/30/2004
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I asked this question on here a few months ago, and I received some very
interesting responses.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1885935/tm.htm

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 5

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:35:42 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

yes i understand that for those that use sleeves it is not a issue, however for those that go "natual" it is an inportant issue as someone can be a carrier and not even be aware of it.

Any commnets?

I don't do anything that transmit disease (don't believe that if you wish, I decided a long time ago not to try to convince people), so I'd be offended if someone asked...it would mean they didn't believe I am who I am.

As far as most others though, do people still get insulted over that question? Condoms aren't 100% and like you said, it's possible to have something and not realize it. I didn't realize asking someone for proof was an issue anymore.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 6

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:37:15 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi CP:

As you say, I am in a committed relationship. Before that relationship, she'd been celibate for 3 years and I'd been in another marriage for 6. Neither of us had any risk factors for anything. We had a full battery done. The doctor didn't want to do them with all sorts of excuses. I pretty much said, "I'm paying the bill, shut up and run the tests." Both of us thought it was a very good idea, no disension there.

Hope that helps
~Jeff

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 7

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:42:12 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

Daddy and are tested for pretty much the full gamut, from gonorrhea to syphillis to hiv, about every 3 months. this is because we are both sexual with other people, although protection is usually used, not always, and certain activities will always be high risk (like my giving oral). it's been almost 8 yrs now, and we've never tested anything but squeaky clean. now when i was in college i did have a bout with chlamydia, and way back in his own college days my Master dealt with crabs...but in our lives together we've just been extremely fortunate as far as stds go, especially considering the sort of risks we take and my very high number of sexual partners.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:46:17 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Protected sex is not a gaurantee not to catch anything, it is just a bit safer and less likely. Before I was married, I was tested frequently. After I divorced, I had no problem getting tested if someone wished it of me, but since I did not have but 2 parteners initially, I didnt worry too much about it. Once I moved down here, I was tested regularly when I went for my depo shots, until Fox and I got involved.
For me, if someone gets insulted abot a test, refuses to share results or take one, that is my big red flag. I will NOT be involved with someone that cagy, even if they are clean. If they take that much offense at something that innocent its just a precursor for other issues. IMHO of course
DV

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VampiresLair

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Post #: 9

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:47:02 PM

bamabbwsub

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Joined: 5/28/2007
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~FR~

My motto regarding testing is, "Sparing YOUR feelings isn't worth jeopardizing MY safety." To me, testing is a must, whether you go bareback or not, and whether you practice what most people call "safe sex" or not. If someone isn't willing to get tested before starting any kind of intimate relationship (I love to kiss, and some STDs can be transmitted through kissing), that just plain scares me. Instead of being insulted, shouldn't they care enough about their own health to want to know what I'm bringing to the bedroom?

Testing is an absolute requirement for me and any partner that I have.

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I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

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Post #: 10

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 5:54:34 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

I don't care what anyone says. Get tested and get tested often. Certain things can only be tested for effectively at the time of an outbreak. Don't take chances with anyone other than a tested and trusted partner if you want to have reasonable chances of staying clean. I have seen people catch things from people that were carriers and never showed a single sign of a problem. You don't have to not trust someone to ask for and expect a clean exam. I have been tested every six months since I was 17. So far so good.

Dolf

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 11

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 6:30:09 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

I get tested every 6 months. Regardless of what I've been getting up to. I've done this since I was raped and he declined to use protection. Before that, I was a once a year girl. Call me paranoid. Perhaps, in a few years, I'll go back to once a year, maybe. I do know that it was the standard GU testing that flagged up my most recent (and thnkfully after 4 years no longer on going) cancer scare, so, do go get tested, even if you don't think you have an STD, they check for other stuff too.

So, to answer "when was I last tested" that would be 3 weeks ago.

I'm lucky enough in the UK to have the NHS, who will test me for everything (including Hep and HIV) as a routine, just cos I showed up (and I can just walk into the hospital and an hour later have been tested for everything under the sun and leave with free condoms!). They even gave me Hep B shots, free of charge, when I commented that a previous partner of mine had had Hep. My ex, who was living in Germany at the time, reported a sexual assult to her gynae and said she wanted to get tested, and the dr refused her because she "wasn't properly raped" (that would be a direct quote there, though obviously the doc said it in German) and so she didn't need all the tests. *head desk*

I use lots of protection, for birth control and STDs, cos no one method is fool proof/100% guaranteed, and getting pregnant is a serious health risk, for me, so I don't want to be doing that, thank you.

Before all of my sexual relationships I have the "STD talk". The guy I'm in a relationship with is more paranoid than me (which takes some doing), and the ex was tested a few weeks before we got together, following a previous break up.

n.b. this does not apply to casual sex, which from time to time, I like (though less often than I used to), then, I just assume the worst and stick with my "many and thorough" precautions.

If the D-type isn't open about getting/being tested, and won't use birth control... "no condom, no entry" (and I can communicate this to just about anyone in any language). There was a brief while I was monogamous (clean, and so was he) and didn't use condoms, but that was before I rediscovered my fertility.

For a brief while I was a sex worker, for a longer while I was a counsellor to abused people, and to teens discovering their sexual identities, for a term or so I was my college's LGB rep... sexual health is a big deal, I care about mine, if you're my partner I expect you to care about yours.

Incidentally, I can be in a safe and committed relationship, but still have more than one partner, who may have more than one partner. Open/poly relationships are committed but still have a risk of STDs. So, even then, I'll be scooting my arse down to the clinic for my regularly scheduled testing experience.

From a kink friendly perspective, ladies, the NHS certainly don't mind if you ask them for the speculum to take home. Not that I have ever done this, for those things are evil and vile and shall never come near me unless a dr is holding one and looking sternly at me. But friends of mine have. So, get tested, get free condoms, get free sex aids. What more could you want from your lunch break?

< Message edited by IvyMorgan -- 9/2/2008 7:05:36 PM >

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Post #: 12

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 6:54:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I go on occasion, or when I really want that sort of relationship with that person and it's a requirement for them and so it's worth it.

I just assume everyone has everything and is clueless about it. Saves me lots of worry and time- I take the risks I am comfortable with and expect no level of competency from another.

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Post #: 13

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 7:02:37 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

note: In the UK, your HIV test taken on the 1st of September only shows you did not have HIV on the 1st June.

A clean test does not, therefore, mean clean. And why the old "you got assaulted" mantra runs... "6 hours, 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months" and only when all 4 come back negative are you clear. (Some people - the paranoid ones like me - get one at a year too, cos, well, we're paranoid.)

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Post #: 14

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 7:07:55 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I was just retested two months ago for a wide range of diseases, including HIV and I've had the same two sexual partners (as in possible exchange of body fluids) for 7 years now.

I made Fox get tested and the husband get tested as well as me before Fox and I got sexual.

Anyone else joining us or just one of us, means another round of testing for everyone. Someone who can't understand why that is important has shown his/herself to be too immature to join this household.

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RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 7:27:25 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

The Long's Drugs here has a doctor's office, and offers pre-sex physicals for a flat rate.

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Post #: 16

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 7:48:05 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Master and i happily got tested before we got together. He copped a bit of flak from His GP (who seemed to feel we shouldn't be having sex at all!), whereas i went to the Uni Health centre where i was working and got done for free and praised for my responsibility! Since then we've been monogamous so not repeated the tests, but would in a heartbeat if either of us wanted to get sexual with anyone else. And there would be a 3-month repeat.

I would never be offended if someone asked Me about My sexual health and precautions, though usually they don't get a chance, I raise it first. Right along with drug-taking behaviour too. Anyone who got offended would be off My list pronto. They are obviously not sufficiently intelligent, mature or responsible to be the sort of sub I would want to have in My life and My family. Whilst I might do pain play with a casual partner without testing, then there is no sexual contact so it's a non-issue. Otherwise, show Me your proof and I'll show you Mine!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 7:57:30 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007
I don't do anything that transmit disease (don't believe that if you wish, I decided a long time ago not to try to convince people), so I'd be offended if someone asked...it would mean they didn't believe I am who I am.

Okay, help me out here, I'm confused.

You're saying you have zero sexual contact of any kind, with or without barriers? No kissing, nothing? That's the only way you could say you "don't do anything that transmit disease". So instead of being insulted, why would you not respond with, "I'm not going to touch you or kiss you anyway, so why would it matter?"

Or have I missed something important?

Cali

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 9:12:53 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I think that would have insulted me too. Not because you asked for proof of health, but because you brought up my sexual history at a simple lunch on a fly by. To me that would be like assuming if I was ok, we might be having sex.
STOP! LOL I would have asked for the check. Unless you two were planning something more intimate, maybe she thought her sexual health was her business?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

About two months ago after talking with a subfem for a few months, I scheduled a stop at her city while on a business trip, it was just a lunch at a restruarant near the airport. Many opening and confirming subjects were discussed and things were doing well and then I broached the subject of proof of health, last test etc. An instant chill flew across the table as if I had insulted her.
yes i understand that for those that use sleeves it is not a issue, however for those that go "natual" it is an inportant issue as someone can be a carrier and not even be aware of it.

Any commnets?

CPl

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: Proof Of Health - 9/2/2008 9:14:59 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
Okay, help me out here, I'm confused.

You're saying you have zero sexual contact of any kind, with or without barriers? No kissing, nothing? That's the only way you could say you "don't do anything that transmit disease". So instead of being insulted, why would you not respond with, "I'm not going to touch you or kiss you anyway, so why would it matter?"

Or have I missed something important?

Cali

I've kissed, but as far as I'm aware, there aren't tests that can find anything transmitted by kissing (Epstein-Barr, I suppose, but does anyone really worry about contracting that?). I haven't done anything else, so I'm clean. I've had men not believe that, and that's the insulting part, not the fact that they asked to begin with. Obviously, if I at some point have multiple partners, I'll get tested, but I'm not planning on it (the multiple partners bit).

And do I worry that I'll contract something by kissing someone who HAS had multiple partners? Not really. I'm not going to ask for test results before kissing a vanilla date goodnight, why should this be any different? Unless I'm missing something.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 20

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