RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/3/2008 7:50:33 PM

Monkeyontuesday

Posts: 357
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I appreciate a lot of the responses so far...
No, someone doesn't need to "prove" their honesty to me... That will be revealed in due course throughout whatever contact we have. A liar can't keep hidden forever ;-)
However, the same is true. I shouldn't have to "prove" my submission to someone. As far as a potential partner goes, yes -- that is something I would be interested in. however (and it may just be because I haven't been exposed to a "full-fledged" D/s dynamic), I would act myself during whatever courtship phase and, should I choose to submit, they would be privy to whatever that would bring to the table.

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Make no little plans. There is no magic in them to stir men's blood.

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/4/2008 1:30:53 PM

shine1972

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/4/2008
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WHAT? People are not what they say online? It amazes me how many supermodels are online. It is equally amazing how many 10 inch cocks are around. I do not take anything people claim on here as being true. I need to see it with my own eyes.

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/4/2008 10:59:39 PM

Honsoku

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Joined: 6/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

For whatever reason, recently I have gotten an increase in e-mails that claim I'm a "fake" in whatever sense of the word because my trust, especially in a romantic relationship, would take time to earn, especially if I chose a D/s relationship. For one, there are very certain things I would require in the relationship and without them I would not pursue it -- some have accused me of being a brat and wanting everything my way because of this.
Many of the Doms have offered to teach me life skills -- IE balancing a check book, etc etc as one assertion of their dominance. I've been entirely self-sustaining and without a partner for two years and don't need those skills; I also am a student and know how and when to get my activities accomplished for the desired result and thus it would be detrimental for me to have a Dom come in and attempt to start changing things around when they don't understand the complexities of the situation.

So, I'm curious, where do you draw the line?

People that fling the term "fake" around generally do it to either assuage themselves or to try to push the other person into doing what they want.

I would define being "bratty" as being intentionally defiant/rude/etc for the sake of being defiant/rude/etc. It isn't bratty to defy someone for good reason.

Personally, if someone is handling parts of their lives just fine, I'm not going to butt in. It is more work for me without any real gain. It sounds like these doms may be suffering from "new manager" syndrome. This is where whenever a new manager comes in, they feel the need to try to change things as a way of proving themselves and cementing their position. Little things like how to balance a checkbook are an effective way for the new person to demonstrate their "value" and ingratiate themselves with the person they are trying to control.

quote:

I suppose what I meant to say is, what are your* criterion for a submissive?

Submissive: Someone with a persistent desire to be dominated sufficient enough to accept/seek/embrace domination.

Everything else is a matter of degrees and details.

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/4/2008 11:40:12 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

I appreciate a lot of the responses so far...
No, someone doesn't need to "prove" their honesty to me... That will be revealed in due course throughout whatever contact we have. A liar can't keep hidden forever ;-)
However, the same is true. I shouldn't have to "prove" my submission to someone. As far as a potential partner goes, yes -- that is something I would be interested in. however (and it may just be because I haven't been exposed to a "full-fledged" D/s dynamic), I would act myself during whatever courtship phase and, should I choose to submit, they would be privy to whatever that would bring to the table.

Ah, hadn't read this far before my earlier reply.

I would be extremely leery of someone who said that they weren't going to be submissive at all until some future undetermined date, especially someone without much experience. This smacks of a lot of wasted effort on my part. For one, it is way too close to "prove your domliness" for my tastes. For another, it means a lot of effort for something (you) which has no track record of success in this matter. What if we get to that point and the areas you are willing to submit in don't match what I'm interested in? What if we get to that point and the step is too big for you? What if you take that step and you find the whole thing isn't all you thought it was cracked up to be? Now every situation has "what ifs", but you can see how from the suitor's point of view, your approach turns this into a very high risk proposition for him.

I understand the need to protect yourself, but submission doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. The d/s part of the relationship generally best develops alongside everything else. Don't submit to 'prove' your submissiveness, submit because you want to and to test the viability of the dynamic for the two of you. You testing the waters is just as good a time saver for you as it is for him. If you spend six months getting to know someone and then find out that you can't go through with the rest, neither of you are going to be very happy. Imagine dating for six months before kissing the first time and then finding out that you aren't compatible because there isn't any spark. You don't have to dive in all the way at once (and being new, I strongly advise that you don't), however you both would be well served to at least kiss a few times before getting engaged

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/6/2008 1:25:03 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I'll probably take some flack from a few people, but here is my slant on this topic. My views stem from my mentoring and background in Old Guard, so they tend to run contrary to today's norm.

I'll start by saying that I'm not right, except for me. No one else is right either, except for them. In other words, you are right in everything that pertains to you, and no one should try to tell you otherwise.

I don't particularly care for 'bratty' in a submissive because it can often be mistaken for disrespect. It's a fine line that too often gets crossed, and that's not a healthy thing to happen in a D/s relationship. All you have to do is go into a bdsm chat room and you'll see far too much 'bratty', and it's not very attractive.

Playful and spirited is fine with me. Bratty isn't.

On the other hand, any self-assured Dominant should welcome a high degree of independence in the submissive.

I don't want to balance her checkbook. I expect her to do that. I don't want to choose her college courses and career path. That's for her to decide. She should have her own bank account and credit cards. I want her to be fully functional in the world if something were to happen to me. Insisting that she have those (and other) responsibilities is essential to her growth and security as a person. My role as her Dominant is not diminished by any of this and is, in fact, enhanced.

You should understand that you get to decide the degree to which you are willing to be dominated, including which areas are off limits. You get to set your hard and soft limits. There is nothing wrong with putting your finances and education and/or career off limits. It's all a matter of defining the relationship at the outset and choosing a Dominant who is compatible with you and your needs.

If some moronic 'Dominant' were to march into your life and want to control everything, just because he's a Dominant or considers himself to be 'Master Lord of Everything', then he's not a good match for you. Keep looking.

When you find Him, you will know, because he won't need to Dominate you nearly as much as you will want to submit to Him.

I will strongly recommend a book called 'Slavecraft', by 'a grateful slave' and Guy Baldwin (an icon in the bdsm world). It's available through Amazon.com.

In this book, you will learn all about what you are entitled to expect from a Dominant, and what rights you have as a submissive. What you want may be totally different from what another submissive might want, but it's your right to have it your way for you.

More importantly, you will learn exactly where you fit in the bottom/submissive/slave continuum. You will learn that you get to set your hard and soft limits, whatever you wish them to be.

You will also learn that even a slave can have limits, and any Dominants who dispute this will have their horizons quickly expanded.

It's up to the Dominant to accept your limits, or else it's not the right Dominant for you. He could be the greatest Master in the world, and not be right for you. The neat things is, you get to decide.

I hope that I have shed some light on your questions. If there is anything else that you would like to ask me, you can do so here, or privately, as you wish.

With respect, W1

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

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RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/7/2008 1:40:01 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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It's not that hard.

Bratty: Behaving in a way to attract negative attention, because evidentially that's all you think you can get, or because you enjoy being a nuisance.

Independent: Self-operating, self-sustaining. Looks for people to 'add value' rather than to rescue or abdicate the responsibilities of being an adult.

Any man who tells you that being 'independent' when in fact you are not collared is a -- ahem -- horse's ass. While perhaps there is a breed of Dom who is also a horse's ass, I don't recommend seeking them out.

candystripper

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Post #: 26

RE: Being "bratty" vs. independent - 9/7/2008 1:50:43 PM

cankles

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