Masters Receiving Oral - question (Full Version)

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silkenfire -> Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 5:47:51 AM)

One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk



CruelDesires -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 5:57:41 AM)

Both work fine. Begging to give oral pleasures also works.

C-D



SirZarath -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 6:05:45 AM)

Hello silkenfire,


Why do you see a dilemma here? Do you feel you have to choose either one of the possibilities? Why not both?

I have described this in the lessons I teach as 'reactive' vs. 'proactive' serving. If I want my sub or slave to please me in any way, I just tell her to do what I want. But I also appreciate if she takes initiative to please me. I see no real problem here. Maybe you can explain why you see this as a dilemma?

Regards,
Zarath



DarkSteven -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 6:23:24 AM)

I'm the Dom, and it's my choice.  It varies day to day.



Dnomyar -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 8:48:46 AM)

Op either way use knee pads.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 9:36:20 AM)

Personally, I prefer to tell him what to do when I know I want it. If he wants it, he can ask, though permission to do so is not guaranteed.  Feeling through a new relationship is rough, keep in mind HE might not know yet which he prefers either. If you are particularly inspired, you ask if you may. If he wants it, he wont hesitate to tell you to.
I dont see a reason BOTH cant be part of the relationship, since it is for us.

DV



DesFIP -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 9:38:39 AM)

Well, as a sub I don't always know when he's in the mood. I prefer waiting until he tells me to. Being refused too often makes me stop asking. Waiting for him to initiate means I don't get turned down and as I don't handle rejection well this works best for us.

So if the dom wanted the sub to ask, but the sub quits asking if refused, you'll get a situation with nothing going on and a lot of unhappiness on both sides. You could however give her a signal of when to beg for it, but it might not be sincere. I don't know if that matters to you as your op doesn't say.



boundupone -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 2:06:44 PM)

i think both have their place.  having an open dialogue with the sub would allow this to happen more naturally too.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 4:11:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire
One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk

That's a major dilemma?  Why can't you have the pleasure of both?

And no, sub or slave doesn't have different connotations because those are concepts which are meaningless outside of those involved.

I'd rather they be sincere and honest.  The only downside I can see is if they really are craving a good oral session and I'm craving something else.  It's horribly wrong for a dom to actually consider the subs desires, eh? :)



leadership527 -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 4:16:48 PM)

Hold on, let me check my list of "Reasons to be offended at a sincere and heartfelt offering of service"

*flips through dozens of blank pages*

Nothing.  I'm good with both.



DomDolf -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 4:46:51 PM)

I don't know any dominants that don't have moods. Unless you are requesting to service a dominant so often that you are annoying him, he will tell you at some point that he wants oral sex. If he says that he doesn't want you to ask then don't. If he is not ill in some way, he will ask soon enough. Personally, if I am ill I want the poison sucked out! ;)



BKSir -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 4:55:14 PM)

Uh...  I'll take "Yes" for $400 Alex.
What is... "Yes!"?  ;)

Seriously, if your Dom is not wanting it, either way, asking or being asked, I'd be a bit concerned about his/her health.  I mean, yeah, there will be times where you'll get a 'no, not right now', answer, I'm sure, if you ask.  But, somehow, I'm figuring that they'll be few and far between.



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 5:37:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire

One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk



I honestly can't recall if my submissive lady has ever begged to go down on me...but I do believe I'll have her do that next time we're together! [:D]
 
Usually, either I tell her to do so as part of a scene, or she just does it as part of our lovemaking. Either way, my sweet submissive lover is superb at pleasuring me....
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



silkenfire -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 6:35:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Well, as a sub I don't always know when he's in the mood. I prefer waiting until he tells me to. Being refused too often makes me stop asking. Waiting for him to initiate means I don't get turned down and as I don't handle rejection well this works best for us.

So if the dom wanted the sub to ask, but the sub quits asking if refused, you'll get a situation with nothing going on and a lot of unhappiness on both sides. You could however give her a signal of when to beg for it, but it might not be sincere. I don't know if that matters to you as your op doesn't say.


This is sort of where I was trying to go with the post. I'm coming out of relationships where my skills were not appreciated, orally. And yet oral fills a very specific niche to me, and is something that I have worked very hard to perfect (always is however an ongoing learning experience).

To be honest, I'm so scared of rejection that for the most part I have dated only those that pursued or showed interest in me. Too scared of rejection to even show interest. So, too scared of rejection to ask for things in the relationship most of the time and that's also a large part of my psyche and something that no one else can really advise on... so that might be part of what started this.

However, I'm just trying to figure out what really is sensible. What most people think so I can approach it better in my relationship. Sorry for it being an odd question and not being specific enough...  





Huntertn -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 6:43:34 PM)

 
she can ask I can say no..I can tell her and it better happen pronto!! But then again I have tol dher no..then had her stand by me while I use the vib on her..LOL..I wonder if she feels rejected then????hhmm



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 8:31:37 PM)

I have never found verbal discourse necessary on either part when it comes to oral, I can usually take the hint when I am grabbed by the hair and my face is placed in the area that wants my attention..~wink~/Tempting



DesFIP -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 8:34:29 PM)

The way around the dilemna, silkenfire is to tell him this about your fear of rejection upfront. Not face to face, because that's too hard for you right now. But through email. You send an email off one night, and you don't get a response till the next day. The time lag allows you to calm down.

If he says that he doesn't like oral because someone bit him the first time, and this is very important to you, then you may not be compatible. But basically, you need him to know that you're scared of anticipatory service, because of past responses of being called a stupid bitch when you brought him a glass of water on a hot day instead of iced tea, or whatever was the response you got. And therefore you need him to tell you what to do and when to begin with.

If it becomes a good and lasting relationship, you will slowly become less afraid and more willing to offer. If he's a good guy, he will be gentle in saying "not now pet, after I see if A-Rod gets a homer" or some such response. And he'll try to take you up on it as often as possible to encourage you to offer more.

The most worrisome part of your post is that you seem to present this as your best, if not only, skill. And that's sad because you're worth a great deal more.



aravain -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 9:22:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The most worrisome part of your post is that you seem to present this as your best, if not only, skill. And that's sad because you're worth a great deal more.


Quoted for the absolute truth ;) You are simply amazing, and don't forget that :D I won't say any more as I'm more interested in reading responses.



Focus50 -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 10:36:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire

One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

Looks like I'm a little different to most here....
 
The way I rationalise things, keeping my dick "happy" is one of my girl's main responsibilities so I first teach her the five instances or circumstances when she's NOT permitted to touch with her hands.  Once she knows them, she alone may go where I won't allow *anyone* else....
 
But oral is practically the opposite - only I decide when my dick will be in or near her mouth and she may NOT ask permission herself.
 
There's practically infinite ways my girl can demonstrate her desire to please me but that ole cliche'd attitude that you only hafta suck a man's dick doesn't wash with me - I'll be the one controlling when that happens!
 
Focus.



VampiresLair -> RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question (9/3/2008 10:47:11 PM)

Since I know this relationship better than average, I think the problem is not the act itself, but figuring out whether waiting for a command or asking for an activity is what is being questioned. Keep in mind, both parties here are BRAND new to one another. They are still in the process of feeling one another out, and there are still a lot of things they need to learn.
There is far more to them than the sex, but this is one aspect she felt able to ask about here. I know the knee jerk responses are "No one knows but him, ask him" but thats where a big part of the troube is. He might not know yet either.

My original answer stands... try both. The offering will come easier after he has commanded and enjoyed the act a time or two. The act can be a foot masage, cooking dinner, cleaning up or oral sex. Offering or asking doesnt have to be limited, nor should his demanding things.
AS time goes on, you'll both get more comfortable on both sides of the commands, though, adn this will liely work itself out.

/exit momma bear mode

DV



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