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Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:35:13 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Last week I had an "a-ha!" moment. I was talking with a Dominant friend and realized that I have become less submissive over the past 3 years or so that I have been out from behind my computer and interacting with real people. I've learned to say "no" when I need to. I no longer have the overwhelming reaction of immediate obedience to everyone around me. Many of my Dominant friends have worked on helping me with this, which Santa is appreciating.

Have others gone through the same thing? Are there other Dominants out there who work with submissives to help them learn to say "no" rather than submit to the world?

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)
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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:36:23 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

Last week I had an "a-ha!" moment. I was talking with a Dominant friend and realized that I have become less submissive over the past 3 years or so that I have been out from behind my computer and interacting with real people. I've learned to say "no" when I need to. I no longer have the overwhelming reaction of immediate obedience to everyone around me. Many of my Dominant friends have worked on helping me with this, which Santa is appreciating.

Have others gone through the same thing? Are there other Dominants out there who work with submissives to help them learn to say "no" rather than submit to the world?


Yes, and it took me a while to get that into my head. :P  I'm glad I'm not the only one who went though that!


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HBIC



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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:37:15 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Good for you!  I, however, have pretty much had the opposite problem :)

OK...that makes no sense.  What I meant is that I'm hardly submissive at all!

< Message edited by simpleplan2 -- 9/3/2008 1:38:48 PM >

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:44:15 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		sublizzie,
i understand this perfectly, and as i've tried to write this response 5 thousand times i can not clearly articulate it. The best i can do is explain to You that for us, it's the difference in Him having a relationship with someone who submitts to anyone and someone who choses to submit to Him. It's as if, by putting those boundaries and limits out there my submission has been made more special or more valued.
Have no idea if that makes sense or not but congrats!!
Kali


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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:50:35 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think thats ace, i personally have had crisis of submission but again always the other way round I do think though that submission is about choice, if you are submitting to everyone you arent choosing you are simply lacking self confidence in your own voice so good for you for not being so much like that.

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I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 1:51:33 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		It makes sense to me, Kalista. Much easier to submit to One than all.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 4:08:40 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		i was thinking this the other day - i was watching a vanilla friend with her husband and family one afternoon and thought 'heck she's more submissive than i am!' - got me thinking because i used to be that accommodating, accepting, passive little thing that hated to get arsey with anyone.  now im the arsiest woman i know -

i think the D influences in my life have taught me alot about my personal strength and power.  now i take absolutely no shite from anyone and its great!

ive morphed!

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even doves have pride (Prince)

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 4:21:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		That's not less submissive, that's less stereotypically submissive and pickier.

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 5:42:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've always thought of it as a stream, if there's no outlet it will overflow its banks and go places it shouldn't. If the outlet is clear and can handle the volume, the stream stays in its bed. Having an outlet for my submissiveness means there isn't that overwhelming pressure of it trying to get out, and doing so in the wrong circumstances. He can handle all of it.

Plus being in a healthy, supportive relationship has mended my self esteem enormously.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 5:44:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sorry

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/3/2008 5:45:47 PM >

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 7:00:22 PM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		I am not overwhelmingly submissive to all. I don't take shit from people. If you see me in the capacity as a sub with my dom in the same place at the same time... you'll see that side of me that is tamer. But me out in public? With other people? Man, I'm quite the non-submissive personality.

Except for choosing food or restaurants or things like that... I've always been TERRIBLE about that.

However, I believe that it is a bigger gift for me to submit completely to my lover than it is for me to submit to everyone mindlessly. It's special. It's for HIM. And I think that's a bigger gift because he knows it is my choice.

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/3/2008 9:09:13 PM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've always thought of it as a stream, if there's no outlet it will overflow its banks and go places it shouldn't. If the outlet is clear and can handle the volume, the stream stays in its bed. Having an outlet for my submissiveness means there isn't that overwhelming pressure of it trying to get out, and doing so in the wrong circumstances. He can handle all of it.

Plus being in a healthy, supportive relationship has mended my self esteem enormously.


Yes! So nicely put. i couldn't agree more. Thanks.
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/4/2008 7:20:54 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		~FR~

It's interesting to see that there are others who've been through the same changes I have made. It's nice not to be alone. Also nice to see that this can be a positive, self-esteem building experience when most people outside of WIIWD would see it so much differently. The changes I've made are ones that therapists have tried to help me with for years but it's taken being in D/s relationships for it to really take root and grow in me. More for me to ponder.

Thank you for your answers. I've appreciated reading them.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/4/2008 8:25:21 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		There is only one person i am submissive to, and that is my Master.  Even with Him, i have my bratty moments.  For me, and me only, the idea of automatically submitting to ANYONE right out of the gate is not something i can wrap my head around.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: Less submissive? - 9/4/2008 8:30:36 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		I prefer the middle of the road when it comes to submissiveness leaning more to having a problem with saying no.. Besides I'd be the one who'd tell "her" who she can say no to and who she can't.(some of that was intended tongue in cheek)

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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/4/2008 8:36:03 AM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		This is my experience also. Yet its been a journey for me, and sometimes a struggle to get over the whole doormat thing. xox

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3 

i think the D influences in my life have taught me alot about my personal strength and power.  now i take absolutely no shite from anyone and its great!

ive morphed!


_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/4/2008 8:43:05 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Many of the subs I have had the pleasure to know have gone through this. Some have learned that their interest in submission was misplaced and dominance was far more suited to them. Others realized that submission to everyone was not as fulfilling in the long run as submission to just one. Fox is not submissive to anyone but me. It is a self discovery and growth thing, almost every sub I know has gone through it at some point or another.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/5/2008 12:57:32 AM   
CarinaKitty


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline 		I've been overly subbmissive to my parents my whole life. not just the good type, but I was a ranting post, and would do anything and everything told to me, no matter what. Master helped me realize that, even though I may be their child, my life isn't theirs. In fact, Master is the main reason I got up the nerve to tell my dad no, and move out.

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/5/2008 6:56:32 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes this "lifestyle" can help some of us become healthier human beings. I tend to see that as a very positive aspect of being around kinky people.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

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RE: Less submissive? - 9/6/2008 11:45:55 PM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		Learning to say "No" tends to come with self confidence. And that doesnt necessarilly mean you are "less submissive".

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

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