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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 1:38:14 AM   
catize


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I don’t necessarily have an ideal in my head, but I do notice that there are certain traits that attract and keep me interested, whether friends or lovers.  Intelligence, humor, mutual appreciation are only a few.  At the end of the day when I can say that my interactions with any given person left me feeling happy and satisfied overall,  when I want to see them again, they are keepers!

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 2:56:00 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

Those of you in your ideal relationship...what makes it so?

 
I know this is a short answer, but it is the truth.
We do.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 3:52:24 AM   
TysGalilah


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Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

my ideal relationship is one where i can be myself and still be accepted for just that.  i want to be accepted for what is inside as well as what's outside.  i don't want to be embarassed to laugh out loud or tell stupid jokes or cry over movies.  i wont' ever again enter a relationship with, "in x amount of time this physical thing will be changed about you", etc.  never again.  if that means i never find anyone who really loves everything about me then so be it.  i'd rather be alone than constantly trying to live up to a fantasy in someone's head.



yeah you !!    huggz : )   great post

< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 9/5/2008 3:53:30 AM >

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 4:03:00 AM   
persephonee


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Joined: 12/15/2007
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i thought my marriage was my ideal relationship despite sometimes feeling as though i was doing all the protection, all the leading, all the...directing. i would still be there today. Whether we would have addressed the inequities is moot.

i loved her and devoted myself to her and i know that she loved me. We were great...til we were not.

i was young and my feelings were strong. i dont think i could replicate the intensity of that particular time in my life. i dont think i want to.

When my best friend got married this year, we were sitting in the lounge phutzing with her veil and crying...yadayadayada...the whole event was a shrooms trip gone awry...and i asked her if she felt like i did on my wedding day. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "We are both too old for that...Thank God,"

Now, my happiness is quiet. My contentment is my passion. Life is not the same without someone to turn to and say..."Did you see that??"

So my ideal is a witness who can appreciate irony.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 4:10:10 AM   
TysGalilah


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Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		Lookin back, I have always settled.  I didn't always know it tho'.    It is probably, for me, the hardest part of growing and looking inside myself> when I do I have generally discovered that I am settling for less than I deserve in my relationships.
Then I have to decide what to do with that information/discovery.....thats the hard part.
 


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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 4:11:05 AM   
lusciouslips19


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A relationship with communication,a common outlook on life and intense love. Someone who gets me and thinks i am not perfect but perfect for him. Someone who understands the dichotomy of who I am. Who likes that and nutures it. Someone who doesnt let me get away with crap. I feel fortunate to have found this.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 4:20:48 AM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ideal ... good question
I once thought I had that pegged. But then ... there was a "girl" who passed through my life. She was very smart, way too damn gorgeous for an old cowboy like me with a warped sense of humor. She was goth (go figure the attraction). She saw me tame a wild horse that had never been broken, I saw her in a bar, slap a guy who thought he was Mr Perfect. She had been hurt, I was becoming a skeptic. She came to me. She loved my barbarian, my cowboy, my philosopher ... and just accepted me. She loved me being "Papa". When she had to move on (different story) I found it colored my relationships afterwords. Now, I don't know.
So ... I don't know.
(Edited because I can't stand bad spelling)

< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 9/5/2008 4:21:49 AM >

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 5:14:28 AM   
PrincessJ77


Posts: 372
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From: point A
Status: offline 		My ideal relationship is rather simple, really.  I'm looking for a spouse.   I loved serving my husband in a 24/7 situation.  I feel "the couple that sleeps together, wakes together, beats better together" sums it up.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 5:29:03 AM   
oceanwynds


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My ideal relationship is one that can help both of us to stretch beyond our comfort zone in regards to a personal relationship. Were we are an unit but yet still two idenities reaching out to discover more about the other person, as well as ourself. One who can honor my core of being and expression of it, and i can their's. One who will force me to reach deep inside and save myself, when the world is turned upside down. One who understands that i need my own 'space' at times during moments of my life. i also honor that with the other person. One who follows a spiritual path in the way they see fit, and honors the same with me, as i would for them. One who walks their talk.

This was attained in my marriage. When he died, i fell down deeply, but had the tools to help bring myself out of the grieving. Now i am part of Sir's life and though there are similiarites there are many differences, which i welcome. They both have special qualities that i admire. i walk forward now and am building a new relationship, without looking back and comparing. i am open to the new chapter of my life, though for a year and almost a half it was difficult. Today is a new day and i thank the Goddess for openning my heart to love again.
oceanwynds

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 5:39:19 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		I sketched my "ideal" in pencil so that no sharp lines would not be drawn, because for me the relationship is exactly that, how two (or more) people relate to each other and that is impossible to predict.

Funny, within weeks of sketching out my ideal Master, my ideal relationship, He appeared.  We relate to each other in a way that is seamless, natural, comfortable and amazing.  Our dynamic is Master/slave and includes mutual admiration, love, support, unequally yoked but pulling in the same direction.

Funny, a popular contributor to these boards had read my "ideal" in my journal entry and basically told me my criteria was so narrow that it probably couldn't be met, yet at that same time I was already collared.  *grins*

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 6:22:25 AM   
yourMissTress


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Status: offline 		Yay!! More good answers.  Too bad I only had time to read them, and now have to rush off to work...

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 6:28:52 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Those of you in your ideal relationship...what makes it so?


Who we are feeds what we need and want!  It has nothing to do with trying to be something to do something to feed those needs and wants

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 6:32:41 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

The concept of an ideal relationship sounds a lot like peoples definition of "the one"  who usually does not exist in real life.

Nobody is perfect.  So, there isn't any ideal relationship.  We all get on one another's nerves from time to time.  You take what you absolutely need, allow love to grow then get more. 
When love is part of a relationship people tend to do things they may not normally do because they care enough about you to try.
Nobody is perfect so why strive for something not obtainable?  Why not find someone you can fall in love with..are compatible with then deal with their little idiosyncrasies?



If one's definition has an expectation of prefection... I agree there is no ideal relationship... but not everyone has to have a prefect one... and therefore they could have an idea relationship... sometimes it;'s those imprefections that contribute to the idealness.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 7:55:59 AM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		Right now, in the first blush of a new relationship, THIS is ideal. But, THIS time i didn't settle. i'm at an age where i'm weary of floating on the surface, doing for others, sacrificing my needs and wants and desires for the greater good. i've had enough of wanna be's and people with endless baggage and those too lazy to shape up, learn and extend. i worked very hard to be the 'best' Switch. i Topped those who had nothing to give and could only take. i bottomed for those who had nothing to give, and could only take. i waited. i watched. i waited some more. For 10 years this went on. Then i put my foot down, and said 'NO MORE!' That night i went to the Group, did my Demo, hearded my Demo Dollies, did what i was supposed to do ... and then i saw Him, across the room. i had always settled, never thought i could be with the 'best'.
This time, when i met Him, watched Him with others, saw His skill and His reputation, i acted. i accepted. i did what i had to do. i told Him i know He is the 'best' and the 'best' is what i want. It just might be the bravest thing i've ever done, lol.
i smile when He says things like 'in your twilight years ....". i am amazed. i am deleriously happy. i am His. i'm not His only one and He lives 3 hours from me, but those things make the relationship all the better. Because of Him, when i grow old old and die, i'll skid into heavan, scuffed and marked and pierced and tatooed and wet, yelling "WOW! What a rush!"
This is my ideal relationship :)
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 8:04:00 AM   
Aileen1968


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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

What is your ideal relationship?  What is the dynamic in that relationship?  Are you willing to accept something different (NOT SETTLE FOR LESS) if there is genuine love and affection?
 
Those of you in your ideal relationship...what makes it so?


I've accepted the fact that I will never have what I consider an ideal relationship.  Love isn't a requirement for me to accept something different, but knowing that the other cares about me is.  I have accepted something different and it is satisfying and enjoyable even though it doesn't contain that one element that I crave the most in all of this...it's probably as good as it will ever get for me, but I wouldn't pick it over the ideal.  Obviously. 

edited to apologize for the rambling nature of my post.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 9/5/2008 8:11:41 AM >

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 8:30:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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~ Fast Reply ~
 
quote:

Those of you in your ideal relationship...what makes it so?
Each of us having total trust and confidence in the integrity of the other. If you have no integrity then I can understand why you can't grasp the concept of an 'ideal' relationship. Knowing yourself as a fake and a hypocrite makes it impossible to trust another enough to consider your life 'ideal'. That's why knowing yourself and being honest with yourself is the first step in finding a compatible partner.

'Ideal' isn't synonymous, and shouldn't be confused with perfect. Striving for perfection is a good ambitious goal, but only with the knowledge that obtaining perfection, outside a 300 bowling game score, is impossible. With that in mind it isn't frustrating, it is acceptance of reality. That mindset lets you laugh at failure and mistakes and learn from them instead of being defeated by them. Many disagree with even the attempt to achieve perfection; however my position is if you strive to achieve mediocrity the worst thing that can happen is that you succeed.

We are 'ideal' for each other. There hasn't been a day, or a minute that either of us has gotten on each other's nerves, or needed a 'time-out'. We like to think that a lot of planning and preparation went into that result. Maybe we exhausted all the frustration during the process when we were constructing our 'contract'; another touchy subject on these threads. But once in place and once we were comfortable living by it; we lived 'ideally' by it.

There is no way to know if we'll live forever 'ideally'. Only failure can be determined by life. It takes death for there to be a conclusive opinion. I hope we get to represent this thought on our memorial; "Damn - They really were 'ideal'!"

One last thought...

As illogical and impossible and counter intuitive as it is; there is a 'one' - but you shouldn't believe in 'one' until you find him/her.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 11:57:19 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968



I've accepted the fact that I will never have what I consider an ideal relationship.  Love isn't a requirement for me to accept something different, but knowing that the other cares about me is.  I have accepted something different and it is satisfying and enjoyable even though it doesn't contain that one element that I crave the most in all of this...it's probably as good as it will ever get for me, but I wouldn't pick it over the ideal.  Obviously. 

edited to apologize for the rambling nature of my post.


What the fuck did you just say?

ETA:  Oh, nevermind.  I got it on the third read.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 9/5/2008 11:58:33 AM >

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 12:02:25 PM   
marieToo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

What is your ideal relationship?  What is the dynamic in that relationship?  Are you willing to accept something different (NOT SETTLE FOR LESS) if there is genuine love and affection?
 



My ideal is for the relationship to have a Ds foundation.  And no, no matter how much genuine love and/or affection, I could never again accept a relationship that wasn't founded on a ds dynamic.  That would just bore me straight to my death.

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 1:02:12 PM   
Aileen1968


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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968



I've accepted the fact that I will never have what I consider an ideal relationship.  Love isn't a requirement for me to accept something different, but knowing that the other cares about me is.  I have accepted something different and it is satisfying and enjoyable even though it doesn't contain that one element that I crave the most in all of this...it's probably as good as it will ever get for me, but I wouldn't pick it over the ideal.  Obviously. 

edited to apologize for the rambling nature of my post.


What the fuck did you just say?

ETA:  Oh, nevermind.  I got it on the third read.


Bitch!

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RE: Ideal - 9/5/2008 3:34:15 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		We have found our 'ideal' in each other. We are not perfect, nobody is, but we are for each other. We have found a 'peace', a 'happiness' that we had been searching for, but never found, until we met each other.
Our life together is full of passion and love. We laugh and cry together, sharing everything that life brings. We have loving families and friends and feel like the richest people on the planet.
We know that what we have would not suit everybody but for us.....its ideal
C & c

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