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What do dominants want - 9/4/2008 8:20:27 PM   
Florence213


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Being basically submissive, I have a burning question:  What qualities do dominants like to see in the submissive that they choose to take an interest in?  Obviously there would be a spectrum here, but are there a few qualities that seem to be in common in these relationships? 
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RE: What do dominants want - 9/4/2008 9:33:11 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I can only answer for myself.  I look for witty, smart, independent, caring, compassionate, passionate, service oriented people. 

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Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: What do dominants want - 9/4/2008 10:53:12 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Willing obedience.

Emotional depth and transparence.

He must be able to trust me, and be worthy of my trust. He must be ruled by ME, not by his fears.

He must be mature, self-aware, always seeking opportunities for growth... Goal- oriented.

Optimism, a good sense of humor, and healthy self- esteem. Views about the world and his place in it that are similar to mine.

And I need an easygoing boy... But the number one quality I look for:

He's gotta be CRAZY ABOUT ME!



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RE: What do dominants want - 9/4/2008 11:15:41 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		I like a submissive who carries him/herself with dignity: a certain amount of self-possession. It makes it all the more satisfying to have them bend to my will.

Other than that, I like people who will let me hit them and tie them up. Oh, and a sense of humor: if you can't find it funny/endearing when I walk into the low-hanging suspension rod for the third time in as many weeks, we'll never make it.

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 3:14:20 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I can only answer for myself.  I look for witty, smart, independent, caring, compassionate, passionate, service oriented people. 


What she said ^.
 
And beyond that I look for someone that has some understanding of the biker lifestyle as well. And intelligence is a huge plus for me and mine. Someone that isn't in it just for the kink.
 
See Tress... you could have answered for me too!!!
 
Jewel

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 3:32:10 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		What Miss Tress said and what Coupleofwhats said about tieing up.

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 4:26:17 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I want a unique individual who has something more to offer me than just their kink.   'Sexy' starts between the ears.  If I can't like a sub as a human being and a friend first, I have no desire to play with them.  I need to be able to sit down and talk about movies or world affairs as well as negotiating play parameters.  I want a man who can fix my computer or my car or take my photos or just make me laugh as a form of 'service' on top of kinky things.  I want a 'useful' human being, not a puppet on a string.

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the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:05:15 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		The main thing I look for is attitude.  I don't want a clingy leech, but someone who is in touch with their needs to be submissive yet can happily spend some time on their own.  I don't mind if someone points out that I made a mistake as long as it is done in a respectful way.  I have no trust in those who believe I am perfect, but have a warm spot for those who know that I am not but enjoy me immensely anyway. 

I look for someone who is not afraid to allow me to probe their minds and hearts.  I tend to have better insight than most people, and it frightens some away because they feel that I know them too well.  I need a sub who is a good communicator and one who is willing to let trust build over time - not someone who shuts themselves off from me.


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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:13:11 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
I don't mind if someone points out that I made a mistake as long as it is done in a respectful way. 


My Westie is just delightful when he 'corrects' me!   When I made an error about the way something worked, he held up the box and pointed out what the directions said.  Then added "But the box could be wrong."  Such a sweet boy!  That comes back to having a great sense of humor on top of everything else.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:44:43 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Another thread I was just reading made me think of something...
 
What do dominants want? We want them to show up!! Be real living breathing people!
 
Ok, I feel better now.
 
Jewel

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:51:17 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		What I want in a submissive I take interest in. Thats actually pretty easy. A brain.
I need someone who can keep up with me in conversations. I want someone who can play games with me and can occasionally beat me at them. Someone who has a sense of humor and the good sense to know when it is appropriate or not. Someone who understands that obedience doesnt mean blind obedience, and that has the backbone to object if there is a reason for it. Someone who can disagree without making it personal, someone who can correct and be respectful.
Good looks and all are great, but they are gravy. Without that brain, it isnt going to go anywhere.

DV

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 6:25:09 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Florence213

Being basically submissive, I have a burning question:  What qualities do dominants like to see in the submissive that they choose to take an interest in?  Obviously there would be a spectrum here, but are there a few qualities that seem to be in common in these relationships? 


By and large, the qualities someone seeks in any partner are the same regardless of orientation, role, sex, race, etc. These can vary by individual but honestly behind the commitment to being in a Ds relationship and upholding your end of the power or authority dynamic, there isn't much unique to a Ds attraction.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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Re: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 11:49:49 AM   
MotleyMayhem


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		What I want is someone who can keep up with me.  Be smart, be practical, be willing to work.  I move, talk, and think very quickly, and if you want to be interesting, you're going to have to be able to come along for the ride.  Be passionate about things.  Care about something bigger than yourself, and have goals for what you want to do with your life.  Being focused on putting my desires ahead of your own is also a big plus, but it's not the first thing I'm looking for.

And for crying out loud, if you're approaching me in an electronic medium, use proper grammar, spelling, and capitalization.  Text speak or S/slashes or "i am humble because i have no capitals" works for other people, and more power to them.  For me, clear communication that doesn't make my eyes twitch is much better than protocol.

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RE: Re: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 11:51:49 AM   
Mastersedge


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thats going to look great when you reach your 40's or 50's

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 12:38:49 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		How long is a piece of string?

Rather than lumping dominants all into one group wouldn't it be better to find one, make friends with them and find out what THAT specific dominant wants?

Just a suggestion mind..

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 1:26:40 PM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		I thought about this and thought about this and all I can come up with is the chorus to a Ramones' song

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Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:43:40 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Happiness.

Oh yeah, and pie.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:44:41 PM   
pissthirstysub


Posts: 3901
Joined: 5/1/2008
Status: offline 		what kind of pie would make them all happy?

< Message edited by pissthirstysub -- 9/5/2008 5:45:14 PM >

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:45:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Don't believe him, PTS, he ALWAYS taunts me with the promise of pie, but there is no pie.

I also want a pony and a plastic rocket, but do I get them?? NO!

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RE: What do dominants want - 9/5/2008 5:48:28 PM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
I want a unique individual who has something more to offer me than just their kink. 'Sexy' starts between the ears. If I can't like a sub as a human being and a friend first, I have no desire to play with them. I need to be able to sit down and talk about movies or world affairs as well as negotiating play parameters. I want a man who can fix my computer or my car or take my photos or just make me laugh as a form of 'service' on top of kinky things. I want a 'useful' human being, not a puppet on a string.


What Scarlett said!

In addition, I'm looking for someone who communicates well, both because my expectations demand it, and because *II* am now slightly handicapped in that regard. So, assuming that we click well enough to try playing, I need to know that the sub in question can and will communicate by word or sound or gesture before we encounter a difficulty.

Sense of humor required, but more, a compatible sense of humor! I'd rather a bon mot or faghout ("boyfoot bear with teak of Chan") than slapstick, practical jokes, or lousy puns.

And service orientation.

Lady Delilah Deb



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