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RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 7:48:08 AM   
RichieB


Posts: 87
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline 		I met DianeB at a fetish party many years ago. We were just friends for about 2 years before she started playing with me.
I tried a few websites with no luck before that. I think people have a better chance of finding a Mistress/sub/dom/slave at parties, clubs and munches. Most but, not all people online like to play games so, if you are gonna just sit behind your computer waiting for someone to contact you all I can say is, Good Luck!

That's just my 2 cents....

< Message edited by RichieB -- 9/8/2008 7:49:16 AM >

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(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 7:58:06 AM   
Dusty15


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		As a sub I have clean the liter box and pickup after the 2 dogs learn how to serve tea clean the house mowed the lawn did some home improvement jobs, cooked wash the car bath the dogs polish the silver gave foot massage.
Now you would think that a Mistress would want somone like me.
I have written to a lot of Mistress on here and not one reponse. Then I see a post like this So what do I do.
I am not collared but still serve the Mistress that trained me. I still cook, clean, take care of the lawn, bath the dogs, clean the cat litter box out, pick up after the dogs,and more. It is because I want to serve and yes I am free to seek out someone else and She wants me to do that. So now what

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 8:33:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not sure why your reply came up as in response to Me.  Sometimes, I think that feature causes more confusion.

I think one thing that folks on either side of the kneel need to remember is that it takes a lot more for compatibility than just a list of activities.  That ranges from everything to matching kinks to cleaning the cat box.  There are so many factors in building a successful dynamic that it would be almost impossible to list them all.  The fact that person A is Dominant and person B is submissive is only the beginning of it.  My own list of criteria is rather extensive.

This following part, I have to say I disagree with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

After ten years as a married dominant in this lifestyle I can tell you .. finding a LTR submissive poly service oriented slave .. IMPOSSIBLE.. Ive long since given up the search. I hold not a single expectation of interest or commitment from a submissive male type person.. they contact me we chat meet a couple three times for dinner maybe coffee.. and they disappear.. oh well says she.. I think it would be easier for me if I were bi.. so.. I smile politely nod in all the right places and am never surprized when the door hits them on the ass on the way out.. lol.. call  me a cynical jaded bitch.. perhaps that will get them all hot and bothered for me..who the fuck knows what it takes anymore I couldnt thats for sure .. the mindset of any given male submissive is beyond my comprehension.


SD


It may seem impossible at times, but it's not.  I will say that it's damn hard.  Honestly, I think if more subs would be willing to consider poly, there would be a lot less frustrated subs out there.  This isn't meant as any offense to the single folks who are out there looking, or an attempt to convert those who aren't wired for poly.  It's just that this particular category seems to be one that, if folks would be open to the idea, they might find that they have more options.  What I tend to see more often than not are subs in poly arrangements who wouldn't have considered it.  Right up until they found a special person that changed their mind on the subject.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Dusty15)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 9:31:12 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		~FR regarding the poly issue~

I also find that many do not really understand how poly relationships work.  There's this notion that it's a bunch of people randomly having sex with no strings and no commitments, when the actuality is almost the opposite of that.  For me, anyway, polyamory is about building family, a family that is chosen, instead of the genetic crapshoot we were stuck with.  It doesn't mean that there are no boundaries, and it doesn't mean that there isn't deep commitment---or even sexual monogamy!  I've heard my submissive female friends talking about how the idea was awful to them, until they started putting names and personalities in the boxes... "Oh, I could be a sister sub with X!"  

It's an option.  Not an easy option, and not an option for everyone.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 12:28:02 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

Wow it is definitely sobering to sit here and read post after post about how difficult some dominant women are finding it to meet submissives who are willing to pull their weight, and not be emotionally detached. I mean seriously, am I going to have to just go out on the hunt with a big stick and drag a femdom back to my cave?

All kidding aside, those of you domly-types who feel this way definitely aren't alone, as its equally frustrating on the other side...


I love caves!! I wouldn't want to live in one, but they are cool to explore.
 
I've never really thought of it as emotionally detached, but that's exactly it! That's the one thing that I refuse to deal with, I have to have that attachment and I know you keep saying they do exist, but I find it really hard to believe.
 
Jewel

edited to respond to LH

Thank you... poly is one of the most difficult things in the world to explain to people!!

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 9/8/2008 12:31:40 PM >

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 1:02:34 PM   
corysub


Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

Wow it is definitely sobering to sit here and read post after post about how difficult some dominant women are finding it to meet submissives who are willing to pull their weight, and not be emotionally detached. I mean seriously, am I going to have to just go out on the hunt with a big stick and drag a femdom back to my cave?

All kidding aside, those of you domly-types who feel this way definitely aren't alone, as its equally frustrating on the other side...


I couldn't agree with you more Sweet, particularly for older subbies like me looking for a mature FemDom in my area for real time service.  Like real estate, it's "location, location, location"! Was much more going on in NYC when I lived there.  It's also my fault in working too many hours and not taking enough time to go to local munches
which are a good place for like minded people to meet.  This is what I plan to do in the burbs of Philly.

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 3:29:58 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

~FR regarding the poly issue~

I also find that many do not really understand how poly relationships work.  There's this notion that it's a bunch of people randomly having sex with no strings and no commitments, when the actuality is almost the opposite of that.  For me, anyway, polyamory is about building family, a family that is chosen, instead of the genetic crapshoot we were stuck with.  It doesn't mean that there are no boundaries, and it doesn't mean that there isn't deep commitment---or even sexual monogamy!  I've heard my submissive female friends talking about how the idea was awful to them, until they started putting names and personalities in the boxes... "Oh, I could be a sister sub with X!"  

It's an option.  Not an easy option, and not an option for everyone.


No it's not easy. I am not sure I could do it. I suppose it would depend on the situation. I feel bad for the ones who say it is impossible. When I first learned about this life 8 years ago, I met a wonderful Goddess and her amazing slave. They lived in a poly relationship and he served her with love. They are still together and still going strong, so yes it is possible. Any relationship is going to take work on both sides, but it's not impossible.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 3:54:02 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Dusty... I might just have to give you a chance to come up and 'help' my husband do some kitchen remodeling.  

Just FYI - Most of you know that I do have a wonderful boy who contacted me on CM.  I'm very happy with him.  I just get rather confused about the fact that since I "came out of the closet" - THREE of my friends have joined CM as Dom/mes.  Birds of a Feather!  None of my friends will admit to being subs.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 4:53:28 PM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

None of my friends will admit to being subs.


Clearly they fear your flogger! 

To the OP:  Don't resign yourself to being alone!  And don't let the search depress you.  Isn't it supposed to be the journey that's enjoyable?  Right?  heh.  It's frustrating, I know - but while it was hard as hell to find the right match, it was never hard for me to find people to play with.  Still isn't, really - and the people I tend to find aren't bad people, or "fake" submissives - most of them are submissive men, who know both who they are and what they want - but just aren't the right forever fit for me.  Thing is though, a lot of them are a little too nervous to just randomly walk up to a Domme and start chatting, unless it's for service of some sort.  So I generally take a look around, find the ones who aren't talking to anyone, and go talk to them, see what they're about.  I find some really interesting people that way, of all kinds of persuasions.


(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 4:57:55 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dusty15

I am not collared but still serve the Mistress that trained me.

Regardless of how sparkling the whole rest of your appearance and intro may have been, my breaks would have hit right there.  You are currently serving someone, and I am going to assume you still with to be allowed to serve that Mistress. That would cause problems for me, and I am sure for others as well. I know personally, my boy is expected to only serve me. Even when I still had Angel and his position was open and allowed to look, it was with the caveat that he not find another Domme. I do not believe you can successfully serve more than one person. The power dynamic is not right then. You cannot give your all to one, and yet still answer to another.

My 2 cents.
DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Dusty15)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Finding subs - 9/8/2008 5:47:26 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
I just get rather confused about the fact that since I "came out of the closet" - THREE of my friends have joined CM as Dom/mes.  Birds of a Feather!  None of my friends will admit to being subs.



Hm, maybe you're contagious?

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 2:52:23 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What I tend to see more often than not are subs in poly arrangements who wouldn't have considered it.  Right up until they found a special person that changed their mind on the subject.



Amen to that!   It does indeed take that special person, to that I can attest! 
 
 
 - pixel
 
Lady Pact's bleaux
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 4:03:28 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		LadyPact.. because I used the FR reply, this is however directed at you..

Dear Lady Pact, I am active in my community.. not a party bunny by anymeans but I attend select events, am active in a local Dominants group and Im listed on several D/s mailing lists in the area. I have had two very good relationships with submissive males and took a break because I needed to step away after a boy who was in service to me lifted some family heirlooms ie about 2000 in my dead mothers jewelery right out of my box in my bedroom .. so I decided to yes take a break. I chat on line here maintainm profile because Ive always had one.. If I never find another partner.. thats ok.. but in my opinion. more than 95 percent of sub males are simply bottoms looking to fufill there sex fantasy.. and that bores me at this point..

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 11:50:34 AM   
JerryFrankster


Posts: 188
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		There are plenty of female tops who just want to explore their top/dominant side. I think guys who want the same would be better off focusing their efforts towards finding kinky "vanilla" women offline.

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Prosecutors will be Transgressicuted!

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 2:46:20 PM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline 		Lots of guys fantasize about submitting to a woman but they won't do it in real life. Part of that fantasy is sending emails and posting ads. I have subbed for several women, but I have to admit I'm very nervous when we first meet, and even more difficult to make that transition from American macho male to a pussy man. 

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 3:00:16 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

LadyPact.. because I used the FR reply, this is however directed at you..

Dear Lady Pact, I am active in my community.. not a party bunny by anymeans but I attend select events, am active in a local Dominants group and Im listed on several D/s mailing lists in the area. I have had two very good relationships with submissive males and took a break because I needed to step away after a boy who was in service to me lifted some family heirlooms ie about 2000 in my dead mothers jewelery right out of my box in my bedroom .. so I decided to yes take a break. I chat on line here maintainm profile because Ive always had one.. If I never find another partner.. thats ok.. but in my opinion. more than 95 percent of sub males are simply bottoms looking to fufill there sex fantasy.. and that bores me at this point..


First, let Me tell you I'm sorry that you had that experience.  The would be enough to make anyone want to take a break.  I've taken one before Myself.  Different reason.  Oddly enough, it was around the same time as yours  It really isn't all that uncommon.

I'm not sure if I would agree or disagree on your percentage of bottoms, rather than submissives.  I know I feel that way once in a while, too.  I'd probably feel that way a lot more often if I didn't have Mine.  As we say on these boards all too often, good subs are hard to find.  They tend to get lost in a sea of bottoms, so they aren't always the easiest to spot. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 3:38:27 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

Lots of guys fantasize about submitting to a woman but they won't do it in real life. Part of that fantasy is sending emails and posting ads. I have subbed for several women, but I have to admit I'm very nervous when we first meet, and even more difficult to make that transition from American macho male to a pussy man. 


I think that perhaps you have a good point.  I have mentioned that even the 'local' subs have failed to make meetings.  I've been stood up several times.  My best boy, Westie, is the only one from CM who has had the nerve to show up. 

(I believe there is one other who will actually come as soon as I get a free weekend.)


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 4:03:45 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		hmmm I don't know about finding a sub, but sometimes it's difficult to find a painslut. For some reason it seems a lot of men don't want to be hurt. *shrug*

(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 4:13:14 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba
...transition from American macho male to a pussy man. 


You know...I think that you meant no harm in this statement, but I want to push back on it a bit and challenge the thinking - why does submitting make a man a pussy?

The term "pussy", when used in relation to a male has very negative connotations of weakness and frailty of spirit.  I personally find it much the opposite of weakness or frailty to perceive and nurture a desire to submit to another - especially as a male in society today.

Don't want to derail the thread, but wanted to state that for thought.  :) 

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Finding subs - 9/9/2008 8:35:18 PM   
subexploring


Posts: 103
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba
...transition from American macho male to a pussy man. 


You know...I think that you meant no harm in this statement, but I want to push back on it a bit and challenge the thinking - why does submitting make a man a pussy?

The term "pussy", when used in relation to a male has very negative connotations of weakness and frailty of spirit.



You're right about the connotations, but pussys are actually very powerful organs. Just as powerful as cocks, but in a very different way. Men like to define them as weak in part because they're scared of that difference. Maybe the weakness is real, but there's a new sort of power on the other side of it.

OK, that was probably incomprehensible to everyone, I'm a little tipsy right now and feel in a mystical mood. Carry on, all! 

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 60
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