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RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:21:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks for the fine responses, everyone! I am one with the Ben & Jerry cure! And of course, Marge Simpson knows ALL, thanks Pollux!

I am a person who doesn't get over things easily. I am not a grudge holder, but I Never Forget. Actually, my memory is kind of a curse, though it's fun to freak people out with, too---bringing up a conversation or detail that happened ages ago, and watching the eyes widen when they realize that I Do remember it all........

Personally, I delete the cell phone number FIRST. It's just enormously satisfying. Plus, that takes away any temptation that I will make a Shrieking Harpy phone call. Never in my life have I succumbed to my enraged urges, but you never know. Could still happen........

:)Francine

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RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:27:02 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Oh, about that death/revenge thing...I only said PLOT it, please don't actually DO it! Time really does heal all wounds, you just have to do what you have to do to make the days pass, and one day, the hurt does go away. Or at least keeps getting duller. You just have to get up, put your feet on the floor, get through each day. Wait for the time to pass. And it always does.

windchymes


Allow me to share something i learned in a very hard way: there will be times when someone else's decisions or conduct are imexplicable. Sticking around waiting for an explanation becomes nothing more than sticking around. Sometimes we have to accept that we will never understand, close the chapter, and begin anew. Yes, there may be things to learn but it's virtually impossible to say "i was too clingy" or anything else in the face of zero information. So it's best not to ponder too long; to accept that you'll never know, and move on.

candystripper

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:29:54 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		well Ben and Jerry don't do it for Me, I spend time with a foreigner--Vox and we get filthy--smiles-and the marvelous laughter of My teen -amd maybe shed a tear or two or three and-well start over---May 2006 be My year at long last----

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 11/27/2005 5:31:41 PM >

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RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:31:00 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Instead of looking at whatever had attracted you, you can focus on the less attractive traits you had overlooked. Eventually your perceptions change from feeling rejected to "What the hell did I ever see in that person? Good riddance!"

happypervert


i agree with You but would take it a step further: when you are totally blindsided by someone who departs without warning from a relationship that seemed to you to be on track, accept that there was some fundamental part of them you never even knew.

candystripper

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:34:16 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Have you considered journaling? Sometimes when I'm in a tough spot, I will write, free form, stream of consciousness, just to get the stuff out of my head. Sometimes it helps.

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(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 5:38:02 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		my dear lady hibiscus
greetings first did i get into your HIBISCUS study?...

anyway
you have to be prepared for very fickle treatment online
i got a lady dom from brazil !
asking me on christmas!!
to go to her castle; shes all alone !!!
did we ever?nooooooooo,
BUT, DID I ,ALSO ANS. ,ANOTHER TOP ;WHO INVITED ME ALMOST SAME TIME ,TO HER LONDON CASTLE
YEEEEEEEEES
DID i ever get anywhere ,after the dream creme teamed ,up, on me, AT CHRISTMAS, when i really needed someone, and, expected ,to be rescued, by some top ;some where?
NO,
maybe ,it was even the same woman !,JUST seeing ,if i am a loyal slave, too
....or a letch
,but ,was I SINCERE?! YUP.
did it ever happen?
nope.
was i back ,online yearning, and ,dreamin ,and ,wondering ,for months ,about those two ,and ,me
yeseree,
but ,i'm very experienced ,now
i learned 2 things:
neither one ,of them is coming(NOT THIS CHRISTMAS ,EITHER)
and, you gotta be prepared ,for some real fickle people ,online; setting up dates; all the time ,esp., if it happened once :you are always approached, after ,that ,and, just don't think it's real. it is cyber-space.
you can say what you feel ;
even, if you don't ,in real life;
EVER SAY A THING, TO ANYBODY;
esp. face, to face ,
and ,you get stood, up!
;even ,tho
you never did, in your entire lifetime!!
, esp., by your own kind, in your own community!
but ,it is o.k. ,to try cyber, as the more sophisticated; fastest way,
to meet your real POSSIBLE cream-dream,esp.,on collar-me
,but ,if it happens anywhere ;it's here
,only don't count, on anything, in cyber,that's all.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/27/2005 5:44:58 PM >

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jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 6:02:16 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think one of the keys to getting over things like that is time. Recognize that it will take some time to deal with - there is no magic 5 minute fix. So make sure you don't chastise yourself for not getting over it 'fast enough'.

When you're tired of crying, you'll stop.
When your soul has had enough, you'll know.
When you hold onto the bad feelings - as a way to have ANY feelings, or keep that relationship alive - that's when you need to check yourself.



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Never Without Love

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 6:16:50 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		oh gawd She says with Her best Maggie Smith English/Southern accent--get Me a martini--filthy--and extra olives, I'm havin dinna---

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Mistress Hathor


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 9:44:11 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		---how about some more practical solutions?

Francine
------------

re: lifestyle?....."I" have been the one doing the dumping. if i don't like the gal's politics...the way she talks to me...the ideas she brought up...i walk. and dont always say why.

but i figure MOST dommes have a list of a hundred or more males anyway so i dont see as i am hurting anything.
most of em ask for more than i can deliver.
i have had my turmoils here right now. told Her i wanted to leave. i have had enough.
but then the topics were opened and are under full discussions. there is promise in the air.
i COULD just get my stuff and go. nothing here to hold me. but She is trying. She has as much of a hard time knowing me as i have difficulty knowing HER.
we don't read minds.

take care
best wishes to you.


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drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 10:32:33 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

Having just gotten a "dear john" email from someone I'd been involved with in person, for several months, I'm also following your treatment regime.

I'm not sure about its long term viability, but it does feel good now.

Tasha/tasha_tart


i invite you to write me on the other side if you find yourself alone during this time. i know first-hand how devastating this can be, but it does pass.

candystripper


Thank you; I may take you up on that.

Tasha


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"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Getting Over It - 11/27/2005 11:47:50 PM   
dekley


Posts: 56
Joined: 2/22/2004
Status: offline 		What everyone else said. In a nutshell though, time is the great healer.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Getting Over It - 11/28/2005 12:14:19 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Instead of looking at whatever had attracted you, you can focus on the less attractive traits you had overlooked. Eventually your perceptions change from feeling rejected to "What the hell did I ever see in that person? Good riddance!"
This I must say works pretty well for me.
The reason a lot of us hurts longer (IMHO), is because "if" we are dismissed or rejected, we tend to romanticize the relationship, and only remember the fun times... Forgetting the "he's not that bright, he's not that hot physically, he inhales food like it's about to run away when we're out at a restaurant, he's really not a kind/decent human being, he's cheap, etc"

I also agree with above mentioned ideas of feeling the hurt for a little while, than eat some ice cream for a day, than think of hot folks you know want you, and use them (which they are only too happy to oblige with) to get over him.
<<<Hugs to my new friend LadyHibiscus/Ms Francine>>>> M


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(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Getting Over It - 11/28/2005 12:23:48 PM   
tsk1964


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/21/2004
Status: offline 		i think in any relationship getting over it is hard when things don't work out. i would suppose the more W/we have invested both mentally and emotionally the harder it is to deal with the loss. i do believe that all the bits of advice here have merit. But like with any loss Y/you have to grieve. Unfortunately as much as it sucks to go through it, it is part of the process. The most important thing is that Y/you always have to remember that because one person didn't think Y/you were worth it doesn't make it so. i wish You the best in dealing with Your loss Ms Francine. i think the information in the thread is helpful to all of U/us and am glad for the initial post.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Getting Over It - 11/28/2005 2:10:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks, again, everyone---and I did not start this thread over a specific loss of my own, though I did have a contretemps recently that saddens me greatly........ I just keep seeing these "what happened?" threads popping up, and lots of cranky responses to them........some merited, some not. :)

I am a person who forms deep attachments, when they form. I am a person who makes friends easily---through many years commuting to colleges, I had lots of "sudden friendships" made for the sake of convenience, easily made, easily over. I keep friends forever, usually. Romantically, my life is a whole other story, and I have spent a lot of time analyzing those patterns and seeing what I keep doing, or not doing.

I have a nice life. But when a bad thing happens, it brings back the similar bad things that happened. I was brought up to be a lady, to always take the high road, blah blah blah. It's a wonder I don't have a bleeding ulcer! I am very empathetic, and sensitive to rejection, so I hate to put it on other people----right now I am desperately trying to figure a way to say "gosh, no thanks" to a very ardent pursuer who BORES me senseless. I am sure that if I were a guy, I would know JUST what to say........or how to disappear!

:)Francine

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(in reply to tsk1964)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Getting Over It - 11/28/2005 3:07:00 PM   
tsk1964


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/21/2004
Status: offline 		i'm not sure that being a guy makes it any easier to know just what to say......and the ability to disappear knows no gender. LOL

i would think that it would be easier for both people if the person ending it were just honest about it. i realized years ago that there is no good side to that coin. Being dumped sucks but so does dumping someone else. Hopefully just laying the cards on the table would head off the dumpee (bad choice of words but You get what I mean I hope) from continuing to pursue You thinking that they could change Your mind somehow. Can't say I'd want to have Someone tell me that i bore them senseless.....but it would keep me from continuing my pursuit. Unless of course the other person enjoys humiliation

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 35
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