Mistress dazed and confused....

Mistress dazed and confused.... (Full Version)

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DominatrixAmanda -> Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 8:30:06 AM)
Hello there About 3 weeks ago a slave introduced me to the D/S world. As a vanilla person all was very new and amusing to me. Even so, I had a go and enjoyed it. And in the few days that followed I learned a lot of new expressions. Must confess that the slave/sub or whatever label he gave himself turned me on and the role play got me aroused. Since, I did not know how to go on or what to do, I just stopped. And with my permission we listened to rock. We both love it. He wants to be "collared" but he is so much younger than me, likes me a lot and I am his perfect mistress. Since then, he did not contact me again, neither even by txt. Hello ... how low! I'm not sure, but seems that in the B/S world, the dynamic of control is a perfect balanced scale. As if playful/fantasies/indulgency time happens only when a slave is available... so the mistress is on the waiting game. Like in the vanilla world. Or do I have to order him to call me? Guess, the search for the perfect match is a long/tortured road just like in any other relationship, am I right? I may be paranoid ... but no android

jeffman1234 -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 8:34:00 AM)
Like in the vanilla world " take it slow "

MsAlaria -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 9:30:08 AM)
I had a hard time understanding much of what the OP was saying, but what I did gather is that you really do need to learn more about the lifestyle, D/s and BDSM. The forums here are a wealth of information as are the multitude of books available. As for the "timetable" it is what you and your sub agree upon. It sounds like you just engaged in a bit of play then he disappeared. If he is not ready, not willing or a player/fake/wannabe, no amount of rules or orders will change that. Learn as much as you can and then begin a search for one who is truly your match. And yes, it is not unlike finding someone in the vanilla world or developing any other relationship. You search for those who have the same interests/wants that you do and go from there. Honesty and open communication, IMHO, are essential to a lasting relationship. Just my two cents worth.

darchChylde -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 10:04:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominatrixAmanda in the B/S world OMG, this made my day; and there have definitely been times where I found this to be an apt description.

Hime -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 10:29:49 AM)
I do my best not to overlook the lessons learned by the relationships that come and go in my life -- no matter how brief they may be. Because, I like to think that some people come into my life for a reason. Although this slave (as you mentioned) may never be seen again -- he has become a milestone in your life; marking a moment where your mind was expanded to a new experience, self discovery, and "possibly"....a new path -- one that is quite different than the one you knew more than 3 weeks ago. Take this time to get to know yourself all over again, analyze what you liked or didn't like about your D/s experience, and take your time to determine what you may want and need in a D/s partner. Some may say.... Good things come to those who wait. Honestly, I don't believe that for one second. The more clear you are about what you want, need, and can provide for your partner in return -- the better equipped you'll be to go out and find what you're looking for. Or, recognize it when it unexpectedly crosses your path. ~xoxo

TNstepsout -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 11:24:32 AM)
Sounds like he just wanted a bit of fun and you got to wield the whip for a time. There is a great deal more to the lifestyle and to D/s relationships, or at least there can be depending on the people involved. You can make it what you want, but you'll have to be patient and find the right person to co-create the experience with. In the meantime-welcome to the Boards.

MsStarlett -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 11:35:41 AM)
Please note that I am NOT trying to be mean or snarky... (for a change) But trying to find a partner in the lifestyle is EXACTLY like dating in the vanilla world. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it's just a one night stand. Don't be offended. Just like some guys will tell you ANYTHING to get in your pants on the first date, some subs will do likewise to get what they want. Just chalk it up to you had fun. Move on.

Politesub53 -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 1:08:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominatrixAmanda Hello there About 3 weeks ago a slave introduced me to the D/S world. As a vanilla person all was very new and amusing to me. Hi Ma`am, i am slightly confused as your profile says this. quote: I feed on this - I devour it - and I have spent my life deeply indulging it every way I can. Something is not quite right here, or am i just cynical ?

Venatrix -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:06:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Something is not quite right here, or am i just cynical ? You? Cynical? Surely not! Edited to add: I thought it was interesting that she decided she was a dominatrix a mere three weeks after her first experience. The most I could muster for months after my introduction was "This stuff is really intoxicating. I must learn more."

DominatrixAmanda -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:18:14 PM)
Thanks everyone for your support and for welcoming me to this forum. I would like to point out that the replies are very enlightening from all of you. In turns, I will reply to you all in this message, to not create a long thread. -Jeffman1234 – Txs for the advice “take it slow”. -MsAlaria – Your second paragraph confirmed what I needed to hear. You’re right takes two to play the game. Txs for your reply. -darchChylde – By your short reply, my conclusion is that once upon a time you had my views, but time proved you wrong. Huh … I wonder. -HIME – Thank for your time. I do agree, that the encounter has opened a new chapter in my life. For this I’m grateful and no harm has been done. After all, he is just a young man. However, I loved the statement:” The more clear you are about what you want, need, and can provide for your partner in return -- the better equipped you'll be to go out and find what you're looking for. Or,recognize it when it unexpectedly crosses your path.” Kuddos … you rock! -TNstepsout – Fun is good and no harm was done. All is well. Txs for the welcome and reply. -MsStarlett – Spot on … Mistress being used by Slaves. Who is dominating whom? Heh … man will be man whatever label they give themselves. Hard to swallow. No wonder there are so many books in how to control a slave. -Politesub53 – No, you’re not being cynical. I just described myself as I’ll be in a (hopefully) near future. A young man help me to discover the natural born Dominatrix/Mistress/Goddess, or whatever labels you would like to use. The fact that remains are: I WILL adopt and develop my full potential since I know what I WANT. But, as many said above, be aware of the wolf at the door. Hail to the thief. I may be paranoid ... but no android

DominatrixAmanda -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:31:06 PM)
Txs Venatrix, I just added a reply to all that come to help me, including PoliteSub53. Actually, took me ages to write the profile as I see my true inner self. No doubt, I'm learning a lot. Including ordering from catalogues. Would you belive that I hardly have any "toys". Can't wait for the delivery ... [:D] Kuddos to you. I may be paranoid ... but no android

DominatrixAmanda -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:34:50 PM)
Txs Venatrix, I just added a reply to all that come to help me, including PoliteSub53. Actually, took me ages to write the profile as I see my true inner self. No doubt, I'm learning a lot. Including ordering from catalogues. Would you belive that I hardly have any "toys". Can't wait for the delivery ... [:D] Kuddos to you. I may be paranoid ... but no android

Venatrix -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:41:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominatrixAmanda Txs Venatrix, I just added a reply to all that come to help me, including PoliteSub53. Actually, took me ages to write the profile as I see my true inner self. No doubt, I'm learning a lot. Including ordering from catalogues. Would you belive that I hardly have any "toys". Can't wait for the delivery ... [:D] Kuddos to you. I may be paranoid ... but no android Just make sure that your profile is clear that you are writing it as how you see your inner self, and not misrepresenting your level of experience. Otherwise, you may find a sub goading you into doing more than you are competent to do at that time. I know, I know, who ever heard of a do-me sub?

azropedntied -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 3:46:42 PM)
You have been used as whats known as a service Top for a brief encounter , you seem to have had some fun and you filled his need .Make him call ? what for if he was into you he woulda called already i agree with the move on and take it slow and a bit more guarded..Anyone that says collar me upon that short of time would not be the one for you .3 Weeks is very new and thats fine but educate yourself , seek a mentor perhaps ,join in the local community , attend munches , go to bdsm events and classes .This shall do nothing but further help you . best wishes upon your journey .

DominatrixAmanda -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 4:15:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azropedntied You have been used as whats known as a service Top for a brief encounter , you seem to have had some fun and you filled his need .Make him call ? what for if he was into you he woulda called already i agree with the move on and take it slow and a bit more guarded..Anyone that says collar me upon that short of time would not be the one for you .3 Weeks is very new and thats fine but educate yourself , seek a mentor perhaps ,join in the local community , attend munches , go to bdsm events and classes .This shall do nothing but further help you . best wishes upon your journey . Huh ... like going back to Uni heh! ... lots of work and study to be done. Maybe I should change the topic to: "The used Mistress" [sm=marionette.gif] I may be paranoid ... but no android

azropedntied -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 4:27:27 PM)
Its your path to take or not to take , attend kinky university or not ...i was just try'n to help .

MsStarlett -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 5:31:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azropedntied .Anyone that says collar me upon that short of time would not be the one for you . hmmmm.... Not always. I collared my Westie after less than a month. I even hand made his collar before we met the first time. We just 'clicked'. Although, I wouldn't say that our relationship was 'normal' and wouldn't expect it to happen again.

azropedntied -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 6:26:53 PM)
Ms Starlett , so glad your Not normal is working out so splendidly :) and no need for the exception to the rule as it were to strike twice when everything is so great .I am happy for the both of you , that's awesome , we all know how tough it is to find matches and compatible people . best wishes as always .

subexploring -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/6/2008 9:16:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominatrixAmanda Guess, the search for the perfect match is a long/tortured road just like in any other relationship, am I right? I may be paranoid ... but no android Precisely, you got it. Don't be fooled by all the displays of submission in play, getting to actual, deep power exchange is just as hard as finding love in the vanilla world.

MaamJay -> RE: Mistress dazed and confused.... (9/7/2008 2:38:58 AM)
OP ... firstly, congrats on being open minded enough to explore this new path. It's heady stuff and I well remember feeling exactly as you described! Secondly, where you go from here is what's important. I am also going to recommend "kinky University"! Well, by that I mean, plenty of research here, on the web, reading books etc. Much as ordering the toys etc is important and fun, knowing what you want to do with them and why is more important. Getting to know the lingo ... and realising people use it differently and there's no universal definitions ... also important! And learning about safety for both you and the bottoms/subs/slaves with whom you will play ... CRUCIAL! Delving into the psychology of D/s is as exciting as learning how to flog, do wax play etc etc. Good learning has a practical component as well as theory. So if you can, locate a local scene and get to know some real people. Go to a munch, chat to other Dominants, subs etc etc. Find some mentors. Once you become known as someone who genuinely wants to learn, you may be invited to play parties, workshops etc ... great opportunities to learn practical techniques as well as seeing lots of different types of relationships. From all your research ... you will evolve your own style of Dominance, find your own place. Hopefully along the line you will have had opportunity to play safely and responsibly with a number of people (be honest about your experience levels, dishonesty will come back to bite your ass) and maybe found the right one for you. Like any relationship of value, it takes time to grow it and nurture it. You will find many willing to do all once and want a collar immediately ... think about it, that's not grounded in any sort of longterm perspective or sanity. Take your time and enjoy! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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