RE: when um's are no longer um's

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 2:57:46 PM

Missokyst

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LMAO! I am so glad I wasn't the only one who didnt feel fresh when watching that!
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
But then again, that mother/daughter douching commercial always skeeved me out, too.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 3:26:56 PM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LMAO! I am so glad I wasn't the only one who didnt feel fresh when watching that!
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
But then again, that mother/daughter douching commercial always skeeved me out, too.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 3:30:37 PM

DesFIP

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Don't push her to explore. Allow her to do so at her own rate, as she feels comfortable. Mine's in her second year of college. Sex is discussed, and s & m was talked about because we're both Anita Blake fans, but not in relation to my life.That's something she doesn't need to know, anymore than I want details of hers.

What is discussed is whether or not she needs me to pick up a new package of condoms at the store and whether or not she is using them every time.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 3:35:07 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

for goddess' sake - don't try to talk about your sex life with your kids. You may scar them for life.

One of my kids posted a profile on cm - and i sent her a very discrete email suggesting that i could give her suggestions re. safety - she sentme an email back saying that she so didn't want to know what i did in bed, and didn't want to discuss what she did with her mother. And we have a fairly open relationship - ie discussed birth control together.

so - bad idea.
if they want to find something out - they have the internet for reference - which is way more than i had at that age.

I have to say that this isn't true of every parent/new adult. We have four -- two want to know about generalities, one wants to know nothing more than that I am knowledgeable and will be there if he needs me (he is also the vanilla one), and the last is curious about everything, especially the blood-sport and fetish ends of things, where her career interests lie, and the FemDom end where her personal interests lie, and she's also attended events with me.

I think this is very individual -- and the real answer is to just listen to your new adults... give them a little info, and see how receptive they are to more. Let them ask questions and don't hem and haw on the answers -- but leave them room to squirm out if they don't want to hear past a certain point.

I don't think there is any hard and fast rule. The hardest part of this is remembering that these are adults -- inexperienced, maybe, but they -are- adults, and they're going to each have their own personalities. In a household where intimate stuff has never been hidden, the questions may be a lot more explicit than in a house where sex is only whispered about and the bedroom door is locked tight whenever the parent(s) are inside.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 3:48:49 PM

Stephann

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Many parents attempt to be their children's 'best friend.' That can be a great thing to do, and I expect I'll have just such a relationship with my children. The trouble is that some parents come to believe the reverse to be true; that their children are their best friends, and feel compelled to treat their now adult children as if they were their closest friends. Once the young adult grows to become a mature, adjusted, independent adult, I don't see a huge problem, but an 18 year old isn't normally emotionally strong enough to shoulder a 'best friend' relationship with a 38 year old, nevermind the taboos surrounding that sort of intimate friendship with an immediate family member.

Living in a rural community, I can completely understand why it would be nice to have another person to share your interests with. Please ensure that any desires you might have to share your private life with your daughter is driven by a desire on her part to learn, not a desire on your part to gain another 'kinky friend' you can share your interests with. I've seen parent-child families that were, in fact, that close, and attended the same clubs and dungeons together. These tend to be the exception, not the norm, and if that's something your daughter desires, she'll be the one to initiate it.

Regards,

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 4:45:01 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

To juxtapose to Katie, there are a few known cases of both parents and their kids being kinky and going to the same clubs and groups. Don't let that fear stop you, especially if you already have a supportive relationship around sex and sexuality.

I know a Mother- daughter in the community. Mom is submissive... daugther is a switch.... they have been around for sometime and I expect will be around for sometime in the future.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 7:12:36 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Sorry if some of you read that wrong. I actually have no desire to get into details with my daughter. No need to scar her. Most kids don;t even want to think about their vanilla parents "activities", lol. I am in a unique situation in that i am the parent she and her friends tell everything to (well, to a point). I have taken it on with her secually active friends to push the safety part. My only big dilemma so far was when they flat out asked me if i had ever experienced Anal. to which my answer was giving or receiving??? Her friend was lost by that answer, and my daughter explained the use of dildos etc, quite well, considering. The conversation dropped but i did feel the need to go back in and in an educational manner discuss with her friend the fact that if handled wrong it can be painful and could be dangerous, but if handled properly alot of people enjoy it. I did NOT go into any major detail, just more precautionary.

My daughter and i are unusually close but have always maintained a mother/daughter type of relationship. I do not want to be "the friend", i am more tolerant than alot of other parents, which has led to she and her friends being more open in communication with me. She and i instituted the "you don;t want to know" rule that either of us can invoke and no more questions will be asked.

I am in a committed relationship with a switch male who lives here (as does my daughter as her college is only 2 miles away). I would like to have a boi in my life, but have not found anyone who would fit in our mix. If i get to that point, perhaps my daughter will have more questions.

I can;t see playing together, but i would be willing to share some toys if she ever gets interested... (she would love the violet wand)

thanks for everyone's comments! i totally agree it is an individual issue and the fact that we are not heavily into protocol makes it easier for us.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 8:02:02 PM

zakkan

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You know, if you don't tell her, she's going to find out for herself, and will probably like it too. After all, its in her genes

Just ask if she has any questions. I she has. you can guide her along, if not, fine. No harm done.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/7/2008 8:26:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Not every one is horrified to hear about their parents sex life. And no, you can not speak for her daughter on this matter, because you don't know the daughter, don't know how she thinks, or acts or responds to things, and you certaintly don't know what they'd be horrified to hear about or not based on the fact you personally are horrified.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

Please, for the love of god, don't discuss this with her.

Unless you're in an unusual relationship (that is, different than one man and one woman), nothing in your sex life requires explanation. Please spare her the horror. No matter how close you are, I can assure you she doesn't want to know.

~Katie978, who wishes to God she didn't know the things her mom stuck into her boyfriend.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 9/7/2008 8:37:01 PM >

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/8/2008 2:01:36 AM

BiteGirl

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WOW.
My mother never did this for me. I suppose just be there for her to talk when she needs it, and don't judge if she comes back with things that you may not like her doing. You were once her age yourself. Make sure she's happy and healthy and safe.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/8/2008 4:34:44 AM

eyesopened

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When my adult daughter has initiated sex discussions I've offered information, not about me specifically but in the context of "It's perfectly normal for some people to like ________, or experiment with ___________, and it's really important for you to be able to discuss these with your husband." I suggested one time that she and her husband go to an adult toy store (I gave her the name of a couple of really good ones and she didn't ask how I knew), look at everything and then each pick out a toy they were most attracted to. When asked for advice, I give it. The only question I ask is "are you happy?"

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/8/2008 5:00:24 AM

StrangerThan

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In most cases, Mom or Dad is the last person a child wants sexual advice from. Offer it when its asked for or if you see a real need to discuss something with her. Beyond that, her life is hers. Let her live it.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/8/2008 5:49:35 AM

Rayne58

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*fast reply*
I came out to my daughter as bi when she was 19, and that was only because she wanted to know how to help a guy friend of hers who was confused about his sexuality. The subject hasn't come up again

Neither of my children (aged now 25 and 20) know about my D/s life with Sir. They have seen the dynamic when they came to Sydney for a visit, but I'm sure they never saw it as anything other than me being a devoted wife.

They know they can ask me anything if they ever need to. I have always kept the communication lines open, even when they were little.

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RE: when um's are no longer um's - 9/8/2008 8:01:01 AM

LATEXBABY64

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some said the thought of your mom and dad doing this stuff does make your stomache kinda of funny rufl kinda like that seventies show where eric waled in on his parents rofl

some roads should never be travieled down

one thing leads to another ( the fix )

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 9/8/2008 8:04:36 AM >

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