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RE: Love in BDSM - 9/7/2008 4:11:35 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I'd probably never serve another woman if there wasn't the expectation that somewhere down the line I would probably be allowed to fall in love with her. She doesn't have to reciprocate; it's great if she does; but it's not a necessity. I think, for me, it creates an even stronger desire to serve her and everything she desires when I'm actually in love with her as well. And yeah, that takes time, but it usually builds from a foundation that normal love builds from as well. It's not like we're unthinking, unfeeling robots interacting each time for the first time.

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Post #: 21

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/7/2008 9:42:19 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I honestly do not understand why love suddenly denotes "no longer D/s" to people. I want both - love and D/s. I won't compromise on that again.

Good for you! You shouldn't. I don't understand why some people maintain that they have to be mutually exclusive either. They certainly aren't for Master and I. Actually, thinking I could only have one or the other is what hindered me for so long. I wanted D/s so badly but I wanted love also. In my ignorance, I thought I could only have one of them. When I began talking with Master, I felt He was perfect for me but I worried that there could be no love if I became His property. Oh, how wrong I was. I would encourage everyone to never compromise or settle for less than both if both is what they feel they need......luci

Thank you, luci. I have a whole bunch of emotional thoughts swirling around in my head right now, so I'll just send a sincere and grateful thanks to you.

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Post #: 22

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 12:14:11 PM

magicone

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

the soul wants union .. we do not usually place eternity in our list of needs, but the soul is is only half satisfied with the things of this world..the soul craves the mystery lover, who inhabits and transcends the known partner it does offers a positive route to the eternal and spiritual realm.with that we can create worlds - families, communities, friendships and personal vitalitywe need to find the man or woman who can evoke this spirit for us... my soul is always in search of whatever will complete its desire and my physical eyes are not seperated from the eyes of my soul.... so for me... love is mandatory - but thats just me and cause i found the expression love can end... of course it can.. like D/s can... like M/s.. or whatever..there is no guarantee in the end... but like said before also... if love is there... it is magical.....,-)

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Post #: 23

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 12:36:57 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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I agree with Knight that this will vary with the individuals involved. That having been said, here's what this individual has to say.

There is no fucking way I am letting anyone do the things to me that My Lord does do and wants to do to me if they don't love me. Only with the knowledge of that love am I able to lie still and trust in him, believe that my best interest is his first priority, and hand myself over to his care without fear. My submission is contingent upon that trust.

Besides, kinky sex is easy. I could walk into a bar right now and find someone more than happy to help me with that. It's the dynamic between myself and My Lord, the history, the actions, the words, the caring, and the intimacy that makes this relationship such a beautiful thing. It's all of that which puts me over. Without all that, it's just kinky sex, imho. Not bad, just not for me.

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Post #: 24

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 12:52:43 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Oh, there has to be love at some point. Love and intimacy and all the stuff that goes with it. I want committment, absolute and complete, and I'm sorry, but I don't see how that's possible without the emotional ties that bind us.

Jewel

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Post #: 25

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 1:57:38 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

I believe that the first and most important committment any person can make.... is to themselves. It amazes me how often people get into relationships that are totally incompatible in the hope it will become what they want. By making a committment to oneself, one refuses to have relationships they don't want, need, or are healthy. Make the kind of relationship you want with yourself first, you want love, then love yourself, you want romance, here's an idea..romance yourself first. Yep, buy yourself flowers once in a while, surprise yourself with some random act of love and you will be amazed how easier the relationships outside the one with yourself, become the relationships you want. Try it. Couldn't hurt.

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Post #: 26

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 4:55:08 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

MasterK and I love each other. I could not love someone without D/s involved.
If I lost my mind and insisted on the end of BDSM for a vanilla type relationship, that would be the end between he and I. He has had a slave in the past decide they no longer wanted M/s or BDSM, and he is no longer in a relationship with her (lucky me

).

A large part of the love involved in our relationship is because of the D/s. I would not be happy in a vanilla relationship, I know this from experience.

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Post #: 27

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 8:23:53 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subexploring

If I had to choose, I'd rather have love without D/s than D/s without love. Hopefully, I won't have to choose.

i agree, but would either be fulfilling? i have to wonder....

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Post #: 28

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 8:27:02 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

...kinky sex is easy. I could walk into a bar right now and find someone more than happy to help me with that. ...Without all that, it's just kinky sex, imho. Not bad, just not for me.

i agree...finding someone to spank me is not a problem. Finding someone to care for me before and after...someone i care about as well, that is the issue....

~anne

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Post #: 29

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 9:32:56 PM

Brownbohemian

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I have yet to find it but I still believe. We are not meant to be alone, and this is comming from al oner. I belive that we all must follow our own path and know that in our search there will be a few pitfalls, but we will get there. I know I sound sappy for a Dom but, oh well. Hang in there.

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Post #: 30

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:08:17 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

BDSM without some form of love is a bit like a dog without a tail.

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Post #: 31

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/10/2008 10:35:45 PM

shiazn03

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

love has a place in every kind of situations! we all go through rough times and there were times i doubted love but...i've come round and round and decided that just because you love your sub/slave or vice versa Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress, it doesn't make you less in of anything in the lifestyle. i think that the love you all share makes it stronger and understand each other better. in my opinion, if loving that person makes you doubt yourself as who you are, then maybe you should re-evaluate everything else BUT your love.

peace out, all!

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 32

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/10/2008 11:18:52 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

"Equality" and D/s relationships are certainly not mutually exclusive. It is the level of trust and emotional vulnerability/risk than need to be matched, not the dynamics surrounding them.

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Post #: 33

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/10/2008 11:22:44 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I love my pet, he is adored, and knows it. And I know he loves me, without any question. In fact, I know that he is also IN love with me. I'm currently re-evaluating situations to see if I feel comfortable returning that feeling as well. I don't need advice on this, it's just something I'm doing. He knows where he stands, or rather, kneels with me, and he knows I'm considering things. As I said, I love him, I'm not going to kep him in the dark... well, not like that at least. Cuffed and bound in the closet is another matter entirely.

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Post #: 34

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 6:12:34 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

*shrugs* I love mine and she is... whatever it is that she is. submissive at least I guess. I loved her before I collared her too. And even back then when we were purely vanilla, I didn't find any conflict between seeing her as a sexual creature and also as my wife. The bottom line... breakups are painful... BDSM or otherwise. It's the ante we all have to pay to play the relationship game.

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Post #: 35

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 6:37:54 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

I think the trouble is people do not know how to love in bdsm can be conflicting and everyone loves differently and at different times not really a good solid answer all i do know is that love beings with yourself. and try not to fallow the fashion nazis or the bdsm media circus cause they do not know
discover it for your self get out from be hind the computer goto to places you been goto do things be active only then will you start to find something great in our vitural world of bs in the ds there is nothing but empty space take a step back you will see with i mean
:)

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Post #: 36

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 6:44:49 AM

PrincessJ77

Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline

In my case, I will not play randomly. I equate pain and sexual pleasure. I don't sleep around. I will wait for both.

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Post #: 37

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 7:14:57 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

There are different forms of love - the word is so limiting in English compared to other languages. I am not loved romantically but I am adored. I actually prefer adored. : )

I could not do the things I do in my relationship if I did not know that I was cared for as a person. I could be a play pal for someone, but not give of myself this deeply. Some can, and bravo for them. It should be a personal decision made for each individual relationship based on their own needs and sense of fulfillment.

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Post #: 38

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 8:10:11 AM

tia111

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So, after a recent breakup which was decidedly very painful, I've been confronted with a question that I'm sure many of you have thought about. Should one really fall in love with their sub/slave? Or for that matter, can a sub/slave afford to love her Dom/Master?

I can submit my body without love though my mind refuses to submit unless there is love attached.

quote:

What happens when the peson decides that since there is love there should be no domination, only equallity and all that? Are you expected to just change what you're interested in for that person, or do you leave?

If i had fallen in love with someone i considered dominant, wouldn't the change of this aspect change the relationship? If i have fallen in love with this person as they are why would i want to change it?

< Message edited by tia111 -- 9/11/2008 8:11:03 AM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Love in BDSM - 9/11/2008 9:20:54 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I loved my former Master very much and when our relationship ended, i felt a part of me had been torn out and i felt empty and distraught and like part of me had died. I didn't get bitter or anything, I just pulled back and let myself cope and deal. It took me a year to be able to want to seriously find someone new. I had tried before that to meet someone, and i went on a few meetings with other Doms, but i was just not ready to open up to anyone else yet.

I met my current Master and we started out extremely slow. A message here and there, maybe once a week or so just asking how the other was doing. It took us probably 4 months before we actually met in person, but a month after the first meeting we moved in together and I'm happy to say, I love him very much and I would have it no other way.

I've done the relationships with limited emotional involvement and I have found that by comparison to one full of love (even if that means eventual excruiating pain) are 1000000 times better then the ones with out it.

The loving relationships hurt more if and when they end, but they are so much more fullfilling.

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Post #: 40

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