RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (Full Version)

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Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/12/2008 11:07:58 PM)

Nevermind.  I chickened out of asking.  [:(]



NihilusZero -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 12:30:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

Nevermind.  I chickened out of asking.  [:(]


*pokes at ya to spill it*

I'm bored.

Please?



MmeGigs -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 6:56:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
I am telling you do not let people make your choices for you. 


That's not what you've been saying at all.  You've been telling us that there is only one choice - monogamy - and that if we make any other choice we are doomed to failure and misery. 

I read back through this entire thread.  People have described how playing with others is or isn't a part of their relationship.  It's been pretty cool to hear about the different ways this works from folks who are actually living in these situations.  It's been even more cool to hear those who elaborated on the situation talk about how important communication is in setting things up and making them work.

If I had posted to this thread that monogamy is wrong, that folks who seek that kind of lifestyle are doomed to fail, and that folks who choose to be monogamous are socially and economically irresponsible, people here would have jumped all over me, and rightly so.  I could toss out a bunch of faux-facts, maybe even some real facts, and say that they support my assertion, but the bottom line is that I don't know what's best for everyone.  What works for me is not the standard to which everyone should aspire.  Throughout this thread, you are the only person who has tried to promote a particular path or tell others what they should be doing.  You've been telling us non-monogamous folks that what we're doing is wrong, and that our behavior is harmful to society.  You can't say why.  You've tossed out some stuff about history and socioeconomic issues, but it's all been nonsense and when folks have called you on it you've either ignored them or made some clumsy attempt to change the subject.

I suspect that Tammy Jo is right that this is a personal and emotional issue for you.  Maybe you're the person in your example who loved a dom who wasn't into monogamy, who knows.  Why not talk about your own experience rather than tell us what ours should be?




LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 6:58:14 AM)

oh crying out loud when did this become all about you.  I think you need some Computer time off.  Your taking everything way too personal     shrugs



susie -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 11:11:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

oh crying out loud when did this become all about you.  I think you need some Computer time off.  Your taking everything way too personal     shrugs


WE HAVE BEEN HERE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE (yes I am shouting because you will not listen). YOUR WAY IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY FOR EVERYONE. IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP BLOODY WELL GO OUT AND GET ONE. OTHER PEOPLE ARE HAPPY AS THEY ARE. YES IT WORKS. NOT THERE IS NO CHEATING.

GET YOURSELF A LIFE



RealSub58 -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 11:13:33 AM)

Omg people...take this elsewhere.



BlackPhx -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 12:02:24 PM)

You did note I said some tribes didn't you.. it was right here.."and even South and North American Indians (some tribes) had more", please don't presume that I don't do my research including among my own family and bloodlines or that I particularly espouse a liberal studies education, which oddly enough I DON'T have. My education was far more focused than that, no offense to those with Liberal Arts degrees. I am sure that not only Master but those who know me are more than willing to assure you that I research things before I commit to saying them with any certainty. When you grow up in a home where an inaccurate statement or an unsupportable argument on any subject could end up with you at the end of a wire cord and bloody, you learn to speak on firm ground.

poenkitten



maliciouskisses -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 2:40:08 PM)

When it comes to playing outside the relationship, the 'rules' that are established in my relationship have little to do with anything D/s and everything to do with the two of us.  Our relationship didn't evolve into D/s until many years down the line and before we are Dominant and submissive, we are the same two people we've always been to one another. Neither of us is going to do something that would jeopardize the trust and security of our relationship. We communicate. We discuss. We give permission to one another, and at any time those feelings can be changed and those permissions revoked. What it comes down to is that the two of us, OUR relationship, is what is paramount.



SirLordspet -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 6:44:23 PM)

i will never play outside O/our relationship.  i chose to be exclusive and made this very clear early on and prior to being collared.  Sir, however, may play as He pleases.  Not only because it is a dynamic of O/our relationship that was established very early, it is also something that i embrace and accept as my Master's slave.  In fact, i eagerly look forward to having a sister slave again of my Master's choosing.



kidwithknife -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 7:57:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
well what i do have a issues with is people  that flip flop.
But flip flops are awesome.  They keep out the sand at the beach and everything!

Ok, that was shrewish of me.  More seriously, surely to flip flop is to change your opinion, depending on what you think your audience wants to hear?  Or, possibly, making claims about (speaking purely hypothetically) a subject like history and then backpeddling furiously when asked to substantiate them?

quote:

They water down the meaning of something grand to something stupid that just cause it suits what THEY think it should be not the rest of the world. 


I'm not convinced the "rest of the world" actually agrees with your definition of "cheating".  The common usage would seem to incorporate some kind of deception.  Then again, I suspect neither of us can actually claim the "silent majority" agree with our definition of the word.  Unless you've asked them, obviously.

quote:

But self distructive behavior is something that i am not going to stand in the away of. 


But you haven't, at least from what I can tell, provided any evidence for non-monogamy being "self-destructive behaviour".  All I've got from you is that you don't like it.  I don't like cashew nuts.  That doesn't make them immoral.  Although I did hear communists sometimes eat them.

quote:

( for example if your with a dom domme just cause you love them and your into monogo and they are not  do not expect anyone to feel sorry for you when you do get cheated on.   and some think it is ok to be lied to   thats stupid  what if they have some kinda of std or something thats ok  how stupid is that.


Hmm.  When setting up a straw man, make sure you can knock it down beforehand.

quote:

I am telling you do not let people make your c hoices for you.  and onhere forsure The truth is more about self discovery. and intragration into a greater whole of who what when where 


Even if those choices differ from your  worldview?  Or do you mean that people should all freely choose to agree with you?

quote:

but its all on them  no skin my nose lol


I'm confused.  If it's no skin off your nose, why do you insist on judging how other people conduct their relationships?




LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 8:02:04 PM)

in a nut shell t his is how this will go  you will end up pissing off the right and the right will push back  and then will end up in the supreme court deciding when things are cheating. Then it will be come law and there ya go due process   rofl    in the consitution it states we the people   not i the individual which a lot are ocd about 

your truely are in the minority on this which is ok  I am going to stick with the winning side  wish ya all the best  yep



susie -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 8:44:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

in a nut shell t his is how this will go  you will end up pissing off the right and the right will push back  and then will end up in the supreme court deciding when things are cheating. Then it will be come law and there ya go due process   rofl    in the consitution it states we the people   not i the individual which a lot are ocd about 

your truely are in the minority on this which is ok  I am going to stick with the winning side  wish ya all the best  yep


How on earth do you come to the conclusion that cheating as you call it will end up in the Supreme Court ( I will of course not end up there as I do not live in the US).

From what I can see in this thread you are the one in the minority. There is no wining side, no one right and one wrong. If it is right for you fine but my way of life is right for me. Stop preaching your way as being the only way. Some people are happy in non monogamous relationships and cheating does not come into the picture anywhere. Cheating is where deception takes place. It is not cheating when the relationship is open or poly.



AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 8:48:16 PM)

Hi.

We believe the Mistress has a right to own multiple slaves if she wants but slaves we own have to stay loyal, devoted, and committed to which ever one of us owns him. Sometimes a Mistress friend of mine will tell a slave of hers to serve me and I'll lend my slaves out too. It can be real fun.



monywildcat -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/13/2008 10:20:11 PM)

For us, we have decided no sharing.  No play, nothing of the sort.  A hard limit on both sides.  This works for us.  And it is such a great awesome feeling to tell play partners this past weekend, "no thank you, I am no longer available".  Whoopee!

In past relationships, we tried the open relationship thing, it just didn't work out for me.  Not something I will ever seek out, request, wish for.  However, I fully respect those that have this type of dynamic in place, and if it works for them, mad props.  I just know what I need, and that isn't it. 




kidwithknife -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 2:11:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie
How on earth do you come to the conclusion that cheating as you call it will end up in the Supreme Court ( I will of course not end up there as I do not live in the US)


I'm not sure it's entirely unfeasible.  I agree with you it's currently unlikely though- if there's any serious legal threat, it's to the more 'extreme' forms of S&M, not non-monogamy.

And even if a threat does arise, I think we can be pretty sure that the section of the right it's likely to come from isn't going to be overjoyed about BDSM either.  If we're going to take the views of the right into consideration, it strikes me as far more sensible to concentrate on the libertarian wing.  Who are potential allies as opposed to people that are always going to despise us.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 7:04:51 AM)

when people take things to the extreme is when  trouble does arise   thats when  you have clash of culture. Fractions of people wanting to push a non healthy agenda on other what has past  just look at the current things in us  such as  the hot polistical topics   the uk laws are getting read to change oh boy this should be fun :)



susie -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 8:38:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

when people take things to the extreme is when  trouble does arise   thats when  you have clash of culture. Fractions of people wanting to push a non healthy agenda on other what has past  just look at the current things in us  such as  the hot polistical topics   the uk laws are getting read to change oh boy this should be fun :)


Are you talking about the UK laws on the possession of violent pornography? If so what does that have to do with D/s relationships? I really cannot see the link.



Deliena -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 9:49:11 AM)

~Fast Reply~

In my current relationship we are 100% monogamous, Master is very jealous and has been mistreated by previous partners who abused His trust in them and now finds trusting harder as a result, He has always been monogamous and has always wanted that in His relationships.  For my part i have been in open relationships and one poly situations which ended when one of us had to move away for work and the relationship didn't work without that person in our lives.  Not really sure what that makes me! Open to suggestions perhaps? Or perhaps it's simply that it's not even the framework of the relationship that bothers me only the participant(s).

BTW Just wanted to thank purrsephonie (sp?) for asking about poly relationships and the responses received from Calle and TammyJo they were fascinating to read (some of you have mail).



naughtysubK -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 4:09:33 PM)

I am in a fairly new relationship.  Master lives almost an hour away from me,  and works a completely opposite schedule from me.  He works nights,  and on the weekends.  I have a more traditional 8-5 M-F job.  Under the circumstances,  we are lucky to spend time with each other once a week. 

I have permission to go to the local club of which I am a member and play any time I wish with whomever I wish.  He has also stated that i am free to actually have sex with another man as long as protection is used and he knows about it beforehand.  Even with his permission,  I still don't know if this is something I can actually do.  But I appreciate him taking my physical needs into consideration. 



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others (9/14/2008 4:35:11 PM)

there those who multi task well  and others that never achive anything in a relationship but instant gratification  like addictions  they paralle in a bad way.  how can you ever know someones mine fully if you play with many and never get to understand the one your with on the levels you should  some say they can    rofl  NOT   but that is beauty of lessons on the go

you will figure it out   someday  everyone always does  like train that jumps the tracks someone or something will place you back on the rails 



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