Nervous Breakdown

Nervous Breakdown (Full Version)

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myflutterby79 -> Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:25:52 PM)
Help! I had the experience I thought I always wanted, the whole nine with the perfect spanking and everything. It was exactly what I asked for. And now I can't stop sobbing and I'm throwing up and I'm absolutely miserable. I don't know what happened, he didn't do anything to me I can't figure it out. Someone please tell me what's wrong with me? I literally feel like hiding in my room and never making human contact again and I can't stop crying. :(

nhite -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:39:18 PM)
first off - please take a breath; now take another :) emotional reactions (laughing, crying, being angry) can be very common during or after play. i dont want to blindly say that's what youre feeling but it can and does happen. there can also be a "drop" after play because of the chemicals that were in your body and now aren't which can affect how you feel emotionally as well. some folks find if they have a lighter form of play it helps to decrease the effects. other folks find if they treat themselves as if they were sick, being comfy, watchign movies etc. they "recover". i dont know you life situation if you can talk to your play partner or not, but it may help and is definitely something to know about yourself for future play.

myflutterby79 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:43:19 PM)
This is my first experience with play that didn't leave me wanting more. It was the whole thing i've been searching forever for and I am completely turned off to it now, I dont' even want to play with anyone ever again, and he didn't do anything wrong, at all. He did exactly what I asked, but he was a first time playmate Thank you for answering I feel so overwhelmed and sick

CdnExplorer -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:46:45 PM)
Sounds to me like you're dropping. Not all people have the same reaction, it isn't always the same for one person and some people rarely experience it. I seem to run into it a lot after heavy play, or play that evokes a deep feeling of submission in me. The good news is that no matter what you do it will eventually pass. There are things that can help limit the impact, like exercising or eating comfort foods. I've discovered that visiting the person I played with and just being held does wonders. Something else to consider is that the emotional upset that occurs during a drop is a prime time for self exploration. I know one person who prefers to not fight the drop and feel it fully, so that they can more easily explore feelings that are normally hidden. Start a journal and write about how you're feeling...dig down to the root of where the emotions come from. You may end up understanding yourself a little better. Sometimes it even helps with the drop itself.

DesFIP -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:48:37 PM)
Subdrop, alas. Water, Gatorade, orgasms, chocolate. I prefer naps but I know others who feel better if they go work out hard. In future, don't go that heavy with a new partner. You aren't getting the aftercare you need to process this. It's easier to push the limit if you know the other person will be there later on to hold you while you cry. Or at the very least, spend an hour on the phone. I'm serious about dark chocolate though. Lately I've taken to hiding a small stash so that if I really need it, I don't have to go out to get it.

kittengirl8 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 6:49:28 PM)
It's not that something was missing from the play, is what nhite was trying to say. It seems to just be an emotional reaction from the unknown happening. It could just be because it WAS new, and you haven't had it before. It's not because of anything you or he did, but just a strong reaction to everything that happened. The joy you got from it could have overwhelmed you in some way. You shouldn't be turned off from playing just because of this bad experience. If you can, DEFINITELY try to talk to your play partner and tell him what happened afterward, because he's likely much better suited to answer your questions and help you cope than we are.

subeos -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 7:13:58 PM)
I think aftercare would have been helpful. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am however a bit confused by your profile. Anyway, feel better... slave eos

VivaciousSub -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 7:34:33 PM)
I noticed that in your posts you use loaded terms like "perfect". It sounds like you thought about/fantasized about this type of play and had certain expectations of how it would be. I know when I fantasize, I fill in ALL aspects of the encounter - how I react, how he reacts, etc. Invariably living it out, while sexy and fulfilling, is NOT the same as it was in my head. I am wondering if your strong feeling of aversion is based not on how you felt during the encounter but on how it was not the same as how you felt during the fantasy/preplanning. That kind of intensity during play often exceeds what you can come up with in your wildest dreams and throw you for quite a loop if you had different expectations or conceptions of what it was going to be like.

kittengirl8 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 8:04:44 PM)
Uh, I'm a bit confused by your profile as well. You're a Dominant woman...? And you're experiencing this?

pixidustpet -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 8:13:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittengirl8 Uh, I'm a bit confused by your profile as well. You're a Dominant woman...? And you're experiencing this? dominants can get "drop" too. its still an emotional/physical reaction to the endorphins of the moment. kitten

AnnaOfAramis -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 8:51:47 PM)
Yes, what every one else said... this sounds like subdrop. This girl used to get like this sometimes when she was with her previous owner. With her it would usually be 2-3 days later, but other people experience it much sooner than that. Basically, the body releases chemicals- endorphins and such during intense activities like that... and later on you experience almost a drug withdrawal type of thing when your body begins to return to normal. It effects different people in different ways. Having your partner around to hold you and reassure you during the time afterwards can help some. Not sure if something like bananas might help because bananas contain tryptophan that the body converts into serotonin, so they can make you relax, feel happier and improve your mood- worth a try! Another possibility is that you may have triggered something inside you- some past issue that the activity linked to in someway in your brain. Examples of this would be that someone who perhaps had been raped might have issues triggered by a forced kind of scenario... many things can be a trigger... this girl had a bad reaction once just at the mention of a cane, because she associated it symbolically with a former owner who had caused her much harm emotionally. It had nothing to do with the cane but what it symbolized- her emotional grief. So, only you know what is in your past to see if there is something your activities could have triggered. Hope you are feeling better soon, anna

myflutterby79 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 8:59:30 PM)
i was listed as a switch even though i mostly top. but lately if felt like subbing. i changed it because today i got a lot of emails from doms that wanted to...:insert something that sounded good yesterday: so i changed it to deter the strangers from emailing me when i needed to step back. it was more out of self preservation more than genuine desire

DMFParadox -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 9:22:28 PM)
Edited: Huh, so it was subdrop. Babe, don't doubt your instincts like that... but do remember what this feels like, so that you can recognize the warning signs if you're topping someone or you're experimenting with subbing again. I'm leaving my original post since it's relevant. --- This actually sounds like dom drop. "He did everything I asked..." is not the same as "It was exactly what I imagined." It can definitely happen. Forcing a sub to do something and getting a reaction that feels like you're breaking them irretrievably, even if they think it was awesome, can cause dom drop. Feeling like you should meet resistance when you don't also causes it. It is a matter of expectations not meeting reality, in that you didn't expect so much, but you have to push forward or risk losing control of the situation. Also, if there's a sensation of feeling manipulated, as if your desires aren't your own; that can cause it too. The key here, if you're a dom suffering from shattered expectations, is to get back on the horse, but change horses and slow down. If it was a sexual scene with your sub that caused the drop, then ask him for service; have him make a dinner, give a foot massage, or something else service-related; if the sub wasn't being sexually stimulated during the scene, if it was more about humiliation or service, then have sex with him, or have an aftercare session with sexual overtones if you're incapable of more... something that feels like you're being recompensed for your time; that gives value to the emotional currency you've spent. Not only does this usually make you feel better, but it gives your sub an avenue to work towards doing something so that they don't have to helplessly watch you fall apart, and so that they don't feel completely rejected. Trust me, you don't want that; you'll hate yourself much more and have that much more negative association with your fantasies if you don't manage your sub the right way.

myflutterby79 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/7/2008 10:08:41 PM)
Thank you, everyone. I feel a little better, but I still feel sick and really exhausted and very sad. I'm going to bed early but I did indulge in some karmel sutra ben and jerrys and that helped a little. I guess I'm just not the bottom I thought I was :) I started off that way and it went well but I think ten years of anticipating and never getting exactly what I wanted didn't help. That's okay, I will wait until I've slept a bit before I get too worried but I was really frightened and tried really really hard to fight it when it first started and then it just overwhelmed me and the more I cried the worse it got. But logically I agree, like a post adrenaline crash. Thanks again, you guys are so supportive and that definately helps. As for after care it never occurred to me I needed a hug so when he tried I said don't touch me...so he tried to do the right thing by me. Take care all!

windchymes -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/8/2008 2:59:16 PM)
Sometimes you hear about heavy scening causing flashbacks to some repressed bad memory, of child abuse, assault, rape, violence of some kind, a loss of some kind, an accident? Perhaps you're somewhere in that gray area where some repressed memory is stirring and causing an emotional reaction, but the memory didn't come far enough to the surface for you to remember exactly what it is?

myflutterby79 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/8/2008 3:47:09 PM)
Makes sense thank you. I talked to a friend of mine who makes me feel so much better and he pointed out a few things the top should have done different so I think once I feel a lot better (as in not in the near future) I will try again with him since I know him better. I would say I went too fast but it took me 10 years to get the spanking I always wanted :)

lovingpet -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/8/2008 6:27:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myflutterby79 I guess I'm just not the bottom I thought I was :) Please do not say that about yourself just because of this. This is a pretty normal reaction, for whatever of the reasons given. It does not reflect upon your abilities or nature. Be kind to yourself, indulge a little, and I hope you feel better soon. lovingpet

DarkSteven -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/8/2008 7:16:29 PM)
It sounds to me like you may have had a bunch of expectations and that you're grieving now. You're pretty experienced and the newbie may have done his best, but I doubt that he could Dominate you in a confident, asssured way. Take some time, breathe, quit beating yourself up (and him if you're doing that). Accept the fact that some scenes far surpass fantasy and some don't. When you're ready, try again. No pressure to do it right away, no pressure to never bottom again. Based on your picture, you won't be lacking for Tops when/if you decide to bottom again.

DesFIP -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/8/2008 8:06:22 PM)
You may also be coming down with a cold. Stuff hits worse if I'm not in great shape to begin with. Also you don't want to have been rushing around to get stuff done beforehand so that you start off unfed, dehydrated, tired, stressed out. You want to be in the best possible shape beforehand to maximize your odds of not dropping afterwards. Since you haven't bottomed in a while, you probably overindulged. You also don't know what you need immediately afterwards. Me, I bring glasses of water into the room ahead of time so afterwards all I have to do is reach out. On cold days I put a cup of tea in a travel mug also. I've been known to cut up fruit and cheese and put on platter with crackers so it's there with no work needed. And I keep a blanket nearby because I'm always cold and tired, I nap immediately afterwards. Doing the precare and prepping the aftercare makes it an easier go.

myflutterby79 -> RE: Nervous Breakdown (9/9/2008 3:39:54 AM)
I think overall it was a good experience and no I'm not beating him up, but I feel bad cause I have no desire to talk to him, even though I don't blame him at all of course. I top from the bottom (bad habit I know :) ) and he did exactly as I asked, from start to finish. But the one thing I am glad about is one, it reminded me of how sweet and loving the BDSM community is (thank you) and also, had I not gone through this I shudder to think what would have happened had I eventually brought a sub to this level. I'm a nuturing person by nature so I would've of course held them, but I've said before its so very important to know first hand what the other one is going through to be a good Domme. Might not work for everyone and that's fine, but for me, if I'm going to be doing anything to another human being I need to know what it really feels like first. DesFIP great idea with the precare thing. I'm going to use your idea with a new friend that will hopefully become a permenant play thing :) Of course I won't do to him exactly what he wants right away. Even though I knew that before, I didn't know WHY and now, it seems so much more important not to push the envelope early on. And Loving Pet and Dark Steven, you guys are too nice I love it. Thank you everyone, every person who posted help me feel better. I'm not ready to bare my rear and my soul for another long session any time soon, but I'm not getting sick thinking about it anymore and that's a start. :) Thanks agian you guys, lots of love and hugs and spankings to everyone who needs them :) Cheers!

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