RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ?

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/4/2005 1:09:15 AM

Wolfie648

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quote:

quote:

I believe this is Zen Buddism. Try Zen Mind Beginner's Mind.

D (owner of j)

Is he right, sunshine333? Is that a book title?

candystripper

Yes, it's a book title.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/4/2005 6:32:49 AM

fyreredsub

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this is such an oxymoron, lol,

learn to trust will make us better, yet , not when we are trying to trust a narcissist...

i'm going to chalkit up to getting what ya need when ya need it reading kinda thing..........and just follow along w/ the thread.........

quote:

ORIGINAL: RoseBlush

Recently i started wondering why people hurt others and why we let others abuse us, not the fun kind, or the kind we may want and agree to, but the down right not agreed on kind.Being me i had to find out so i went to my book store and found some very interesting reading. Apparently when we disregard another persons well being, needs, feelings,ect. it's called being a narcissist. Where as i knew a little about what that word meant i didn't know how bad it could be. There was someone i knew "once appon a time", lol, that i thought would be a better person after they learned to trust people, i couldn't have been more wrong because this person is a malignant narcissist, in other words not just insenitive but totaly and completely uncaring about other living beings.To the malignant narcissist other people are just tools to use in order to keep their false self image alive, which they must do at all cost,at the expense of anything or anyone that does not fit their definition of perfect.That said these narcissist are charming in the extreme, believe it or not,so apparently that's why even intelligent people fall for this crap, if they say their "i'm sorry's", or "i love you's" prettily enough we cave even though our subconscious is screaming at us to run, people who actually care about others want to be fair, give the benefit of the doubt to those we love, or even to strangers.It all seems to have something to do with our childhoods, not feeling safe, being abused, blah, blah, we've all heard this stuff before, but regardless of why narcissist are this way it lead me to look at myself and those around me, it occurred to me that we all have a bit of the narcissist in us, some are just deeper in the "doo" than others. So although i find that "can't we all just get along" stuff rather simple minded i think i'll go out and commit a random act of kindness today,Smiles, Roseblush

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/4/2005 8:17:34 AM

ICGsteve

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The flaw in the OP is that it is all in the head. Abuse is about the condition of the heart. Both those who abuse and those who allow themselves to be abused are not whole, are missing something in their hearts that they are trying to find.

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/4/2005 8:36:48 AM

LSUDomme

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I think, deep down we don't love ourselves enough. For to love ourselves, we accept our frailty and need for help, and so on.

Understanding this helps you to treat your fellow man as he/she wants..

I personally am going through therapy because of issues from my childhood(I was abused) and just accepting the fact it happened is daunting.

But I don't want to bleed all over the screen, back to what I was wanting to say.

Selfishness is when you are too afraid to accept change or believe in the idea of "me right, you wrong"

But that is how we are as a people.

The thing is learning what to do about it and when.

Pratical Wisdom.

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/4/2005 9:01:35 AM

angaothsi

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quote:

As far as why we let others abuse us.......Some people are emotional masochists. I don't know if it's low self-esteem that drives those feelings, or a deep need to be loved, regardless of the situation.

_____________________________

Sometimes this is a matter of enviorment, many times you see where a child who was abused becomes an abuser. Or a girl raised in a home with an abusive father marries an abuser because this is what she was taught in formative stages was normal. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, I have a dear friend who stays in a very emotionally abusive marriage because she grew up without a father in her life and doesnt want the same for her daughter. Go figure.

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He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/5/2005 1:46:51 AM

Morgaine289

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

Nacissistic personality disorder, is thankfully, extreemly rare and your very unlikely to of ever met one.

snip

I can only second what she said. My mother had a diagnosed narcissictic neurosis. It was very difficult with her. Because she was not able to love herself or see her own self worth, she was not able to love somebody else. As i was 15 i wrote a poem titled: She knows only herself.
She was like a black hole, my love or the love of somebody else was never enough. I met some people in my life, who showed partially personnality traits i knew of her, but not one person who was in the same hell. Because this existence is hell, as i had the possibility to witness.

To learn to love yourself with all the aspects and facets of you (me) is an ongoing process, that i expect to continue till the moment i stop breathing. And on the other hand in a similar approach as sushine has (my other nick is ZenDragoness) to understand that the construction of self is an illusion. And that our is more imporant than self. And one last note, my other spiritual grounding is due to my family in the jewish religion. I am not really able to believe in the monotheistic way, but i find some things in the jewish religious texts, that are important to me. One that touches my core is the following: Something that happens to one of us (and us meaning mankind, not the members of a specific religion) happens to al of us.

This is something we should all think about. In this times of easy definitions of good and bad. ALthough i think there were always easy definitions of good and bad. But people around the world are dying, due malnutrition, wars and religion. We (as in the so called first world) live in luxurious circumstances in relation to other places in the world. And one of the reasons other people die are our luxurious circumstances.

Edited because of double text

< Message edited by Morgaine289 -- 12/5/2005 2:00:02 AM >

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/5/2005 1:59:05 AM

Morgaine289

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
And this is why it's so much easier said than done for some
Jessica

Most important things usually are.

This is an observation i share. And something else, in my experience a lot of people who claim to be so helpless, stupid or lost are not. This is an often used method to paint yourself as in need of help, some will fall for it. The people who are really helpless, stupid (or have difficulties to follow something) or lost are not so vocal about it. And then are the people who fall for it (do they really?) and use the i defend somebody who is so - see above - and use it to place an attack against somebody i want to attack. One of the often used ways to attack somebody is strong expressed pity. A pity that is never felt, but is used to express that the person is on a higher level of understanding or being, what she never is, when she needs to devalue somebody else to show their own value.

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RE: Do We Love Ourselfs To Much ? - 12/5/2005 4:22:06 PM

fyreredsub

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intersting thought and quite true.it coul;d even be a lacking in the souls arena.
i have come to find out that there are several areas in WIITWD that i would NEVER be able to be a party to as to me it does constitute abuse...its not a question of lacking in confidence in my abilities or submission....to me,it stupidity to allow someone to do certain things to my body,so in essence YES i DO love myself to much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ICGsteve

The flaw in the OP is that it is all in the head. Abuse is about the condition of the heart. Both those who abuse and those who allow themselves to be abused are not whole, are missing something in their hearts that they are trying to find.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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