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Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 9:43:51 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		Every person I meet seems to want the hard core lifestyle of the BDSM world. I am a Dom that enjoys sensual play. Mind you, I still do the bondage, the spanking and usual kinks with a more soft coquettish bend, but I am finding that guys want me to literally beat the crap out of them. What happened to safe, consentual, and sane? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am listening.
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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 9:47:44 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		False dichotomy:  soft vs. not "safe, consentual and sane"

Personally, I seek the harder stuff because you can get slap and tickle, spanking, gags, light bondage, etc. from just about everyone... those are normal vanilla activities.  No need to seek those, they're everywhere.

Doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, just that I don't have to look for them.

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Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 9:51:07 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~
the edgier stuff just seems to find me. i dont know if that indicates anything other than im still just working out the kinks so to speak, or if i truly am this scary in real life.

as for sensual/ sensation players....i say...more power to you...pain is a sensation too.

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And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

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Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 9:56:39 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		I feel you, the good stuff is every where, but after being in the game a few years there seems to be a movement towards the scary. Hmmm, how can I explain this...."I" seem to be finding guys that want me to draw blood. Maybe it is just me or I am presenting myself in a way that says "she can cause some real pain" (which i can). It is just that I am trying to steer away from that because that is all it becomes about with the particular guys I am meeting. Once I explain to them that that isn't what I am looking for they run like jack rabbits. You know? 

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:07:22 PM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline 		Words from your profile:-

I want flesh and blood ...
 
....knows limits and loves to push them
 
These conveyed a visual image separate from what you were actually saying. That's why you're attracting a certain type. I suggest you choose soft phrases and drop the code words.


(in reply to Brownbohemian)
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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:10:22 PM   
Hime


Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

I feel you, the good stuff is every where, but after being in the game a few years there seems to be a movement towards the scary. Hmmm, how can I explain this...."I" seem to be finding guys that want me to draw blood. Maybe it is just me or I am presenting myself in a way that says "she can cause some real pain" (which i can). It is just that I am trying to steer away from that because that is all it becomes about with the particular guys I am meeting. Once I explain to them that that isn't what I am looking for they run like jack rabbits. You know? 


Well, it's probably a good thing that you find out sooner rather than later that your S/M interests aren't compatible.
And, I admit....the idea of drawing my boys blood is pretty HOT. *but that's just Me*  If that's not your thing and, you find yourself to me more of a sensual sadist and blood is a hard limit -- revamp your profile in a way that defines You "and" your kinks in greater detail.

~xoxo

< Message edited by Hime -- 9/8/2008 10:11:24 PM >

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:11:14 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		I just checked my profile I didn't see anything about wanting blood. Although I am a bit computer illiterate, but not that illiterate.

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:13:49 PM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline 		I just read it, look again. The meaning is unintentional on your part but the words " I want flesh and blood " are there.


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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:17:29 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

I just read it, look again. The meaning is unintentional on your part but the words " I want flesh and blood " are there.




As I read it, she is using "flesh and blood" as adjectives, not nouns.  They modify "human beings" and as I see it indicate she wants face to face rather than cyber relationships


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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:19:01 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Have you tried looking offline?  Miami has a new, rather successful munch.  You might be more successful in finding grounded people away from the cyber world.

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(in reply to Brownbohemian)
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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:21:50 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		If you are talking about meeting people through your profile;

After reading through your profile, I have these suggestions (in increasing order of importance):

Pull the knife and needle play from your stated interests.

Use different terminology than "looking for flesh and blood human beings"

Tone down the 'my way or the highway' and remove 'loves to push limits'. People looking for hard play are generally going to be looking for hard people.

The big thing: add more things about your particular style and/or softer side. If I was reading your profile cold, I wouldn't have walked away with "sensual dom". Instead, I would have gotten the impression of "strict and rather sadistic".

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 9/8/2008 10:22:27 PM >

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:23:54 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		If you want to be sensual, you might want to mention it there. The way you present yourself in your profile, you are no nosense and looking for serious business and nothing less. That combined with your interest in pushing limits makes every hardcore masochist squirm in their seats. What limits are you loving to push if you dont want to get into anything hardcore?

DV

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:26:45 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		I am not against limits blah blah blah, I like to have fun, but does it always have to be hard core. Is there such a thing as balance? Why can't I have soft and hard. A little this today and tocuh of that 2morrow. All I am saying is why does is always have to be hard.  Yes I know that this is the BDSM world, what was I expecting. Soft sensual bondage is a nice change,  is what I am getting at. Light spanking that takes a person to the brink. Being tied up and wanting more but being denied that edge they desire. A light stroke of a feather while tightly tied down to a bed made of the softest silk, feeling yourself sweat, waiting and wanting the pain and only getting that delicate touch can be a different kind pain/pleasure. Does always have to be dark and scary? Maybe what i am talking about isn't soft, if you have a better word for it tell me. I am listening and learning still. 

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:28:57 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		And you all are so right about adjusting my profile. Reading it cold, I do sound scary

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:29:44 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The reason all you are getting is dark is because your profile makes NO mention of your desire for the lighter side. You painted yourself as dark and then you are surprised at what you get? It can be a very very good dichotomy, Fox and I have it. We can go from very soft, very sweet kisses to painful bondage and everything in between. But in order to attract the bees you need to set out the right honey. Where do you mention you enjoy the sensual side of things? Or are they supposed to just guess it?

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:49:27 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

Every person I meet seems to want the hard core lifestyle of the BDSM world. I am a Dom that enjoys sensual play. Mind you, I still do the bondage, the spanking and usual kinks with a more soft coquettish bend, but I am finding that guys want me to literally beat the crap out of them. What happened to safe, consentual, and sane? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am listening.


In line with what RP said, I don't really equate masochism with not being SSC. to me, masochism is just one of many avenues of indulgence and exploration. It's generally SSC if its done with caution...

But I do see your point about wanting someone more interested in sensual... You certainly are free to like what you like, and want what you want. I haven't looked yet, but I do hope that bit of info is in your profile, otherwise no one is going to know that about you here.. Besides those of us who've read your post.

In pursuing my interest in the floor side of the kneel, I'd be willing to bet after I gain some experience in various areas of submission, I'll find that the sensual side of D/s is probably what I'm going to enjoy most... and I can tell you there are folks out there who are not into getting beaten to a pulp as a way to indulge in BDSM... I know of at least one...



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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 10:50:40 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well, thank you all for that. If you go back to my profile you will see I have made the necessary adjustments. However, I don't meet people only online. I actually have conversations outside of collarme.com and I am pretty open and honest about what I am looking for. I  even meet people at shows, other sites, meetings etc. I am simply wondering within our world are there other places (when representing yourself well) to express the softer side of the BDSM world. And I totally, get the masochism side, been there and will definately go back. I just want to see more of our softer sider represented.

< Message edited by Brownbohemian -- 9/8/2008 10:54:55 PM >

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/8/2008 11:16:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Not every one practices applies or believes in the saying SCC.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

What happened to safe, consentual, and sane? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am listening.

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 12:43:00 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

I just read it, look again. The meaning is unintentional on your part but the words " I want flesh and blood " are there.




As I read it, she is using "flesh and blood" as adjectives, not nouns.  They modify "human beings" and as I see it indicate she wants face to face rather than cyber relationships



The meaning of what she said is separate from the image created by those words. Those looking through profiles see ' flesh and blood ' and that's why those into that very thing contact her.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 12:51:05 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

Well, thank you all for that. If you go back to my profile you will see I have made the necessary adjustments.


I liked your use of the word balance.


(in reply to Brownbohemian)
Profile   Post #: 20
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