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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 6:25:52 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

Every person I meet seems to want the hard core lifestyle of the BDSM world. I am a Dom that enjoys sensual play. Mind you, I still do the bondage, the spanking and usual kinks with a more soft coquettish bend, but I am finding that guys want me to literally beat the crap out of them. What happened to safe, consentual, and sane? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am listening.

You make a rather long leap here, in the presumption that just because something is intense or hardcore, that it can't also be safe and entered into in a sane, conscious state of mind... or, on the other end, that something that is soft and gentle can't be dangerous or entered into in an unhealthy state of mind.

I have people that I am affectionate with, soft, gentle -- some of these same people are the ones that I am also very intense with and inflict a lot of pain on -- and in both cases, we create something that is, in a sense, living art -- drawn from our spirits and given expression through our bodies. We enter into this place in a healthy frame of mind, and take all proper precautions.

Now, just last night, I met a wonderful man who is really looking for more of the sensual, sweet, delicate domination. I know that isn't me, and I was happy to recommend him to a couple of people I know who are driven by the more delicate intensity and sensuality. They -also- enter into their interactions in a healthy frame of mind.

Different strokes -- and there is no need to disparage another path while remaining true to one's own path.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 6:27:37 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

I feel you, the good stuff is every where, but after being in the game a few years there seems to be a movement towards the scary. Hmmm, how can I explain this...."I" seem to be finding guys that want me to draw blood. Maybe it is just me or I am presenting myself in a way that says "she can cause some real pain" (which i can). It is just that I am trying to steer away from that because that is all it becomes about with the particular guys I am meeting. Once I explain to them that that isn't what I am looking for they run like jack rabbits. You know?

Send some of those blood-dolls my way -- I am finding just the opposite... most of the guys in this area have blood as a hard limit and prefer the more sensual end of D/s -- I've been looking for over a year for a couple of regular hard blood players. *grins* I'll trade ya!

Calla Firestorm

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Post #: 22

RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 7:45:42 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
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That is how I saw it too John.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

I just read it, look again. The meaning is unintentional on your part but the words " I want flesh and blood " are there.

As I read it, she is using "flesh and blood" as adjectives, not nouns. They modify "human beings" and as I see it indicate she wants face to face rather than cyber relationships

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 8:04:53 AM

missturbation

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quote:

Every person I meet seems to want the hard core lifestyle of the BDSM world.

Define hardcore.

quote:

I still do the bondage, the spanking and usual kinks with a more soft coquettish bend, but I am finding that guys want me to literally beat the crap out of them.

One persons beating the crap out of someone is another persons fluffy play.

quote:

What happened to safe, consentual, and sane?

Define safe sane and consensual.

Apologies but i get completely thrown by threads like this. I think its very hard to define the definition of a heavy player, safe, sane consensual. Its a bit like the slave vs sub debate lol.
My profile doesn't say how i like to play but if it did i would describe myself as a pain slut but nowhere near a heavy player. Now according to most i have played with i would be describing myself incorrectly. They would describe me as an extremely heavy player bordering on insane lol.
My point is in a profile you can describe yourself any which way but unless your definition matches the person reading its defintions then its pretty useless anyway.

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 9:59:33 AM

softness

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Would nod and echo Missturbation

I have my spectrum of play ... almost literally ranking things in my head from 1-10 in intensity ... but those are *my* judgements about play that happens to me. They are personal .. and specific to my tastes and endurance.

What to me is edgy play ... or something of high intensity ... to the person next to me might be fairly normal or even fluffy. The opposite is also true. It does no good saying simple "I want hardcore edge play" without further exploring that with a partner ... because what is hardcore for me .. might be fluffy for them.

Even within one range of activities BDSM can go from soft to edgy - I have done soft .. almost fluffy knife play ... I have also had blades inside my body where all sanity would say they shouldn't be. ( I make play judgements based on RACK not SSC)

Make sure you know exactly what these "hardcore" people want .... you might find it soft ... in the same way that what some consider soft ... would to others be "hardcore"

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Post #: 25

RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 10:17:46 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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Ooo definition debate!

Can I do "soft" "edge" play, please? Cos I love hypnosis.

I like "hard" and "soft" (I'm greedy), mostly I play soft, it's sensations and fluffly light stuff, and blades and bondage, and all about textures of feeling. Very rarely do I do the heavy impact play I also like.

Why do Soft/Misst steal my thoughts all the time? Talk and define and don't just read a label and assume you know what it means.

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Post #: 26

RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 10:57:01 AM

Brownbohemian

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
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You all make very valid points. This discussion does come down to an individuals personal definition of soft play v/s hard play. Where as hard core in my experience has often been people who want me to get as close to sending them to the hospital as possible. I get this from strangers I meet at show who see me and automatically assume. That, I now see, has more to do with the misconceived perceptions. An honest mistake. And to CallaFireStormBW, if I find any more I woild Love to trade. LOL

A final note, this is a messsage board, not a grammer class. This is just chill open place for conversation. I doubt very seriously the average person gives a crap. And who questions grammer when their tied up anyway. If you don't think I am worth speaking to b/c of my grammer, then don't. Writing me to tell me how stupid you think I am defeats your purpose of only being associated with poeple on your level.

< Message edited by Brownbohemian -- 9/9/2008 10:58:23 AM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 10:59:42 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

Every person I meet seems to want the hard core lifestyle of the BDSM world. I am a Dom that enjoys sensual play. Mind you, I still do the bondage, the spanking and usual kinks with a more soft coquettish bend, but I am finding that guys want me to literally beat the crap out of them. What happened to safe, consentual, and sane? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am listening.

It's just a continuum of processes......

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 4:03:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well there's no denying the squeaky wheel/shouting orgasmic/shrieking in pain/flashy kinky wheel gets the oil/attention as it were.

But so what? Those who know, know. They know that intensity isn't about flash, it's about connection. That doesn't mean flash isn't great, simply that it's not the flash which makes it so.

Does it induce eye rolling? Sure, but such is life.

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 4:38:52 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
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quote:

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

I feel you, the good stuff is every where, but after being in the game a few years there seems to be a movement towards the scary. Hmmm, how can I explain this...."I" seem to be finding guys that want me to draw blood. Maybe it is just me or I am presenting myself in a way that says "she can cause some real pain" (which i can). It is just that I am trying to steer away from that because that is all it becomes about with the particular guys I am meeting. Once I explain to them that that isn't what I am looking for they run like jack rabbits. You know?

Not what I've seen. About six months ago in Chicago, our club did two educational demos on spanking. Week one was the "Sensual Spanking" demo. It was one of the most well attended educational demos they'd had in quite a while. I wasn't there, but apparently is was standing room only. Week two was "Sadistic Spanking". About fifteen of showed up. There are definitely sensualist out there. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places?

Best of luck,

Daddy's Ballerina, e

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RE: Soft BDSM - 9/9/2008 5:23:13 PM

Brownbohemian

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Joined: 2/20/2007
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Thanx daddy's ballarina. You give me hope.

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