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Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 4:37:38 PM   
tychtyp


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		At what degree do one's submissive tendencies become dysfunctional and self-destructive?

The obvious answer is that when it interfere's with one's ability to be happy and well-functioning, physically and emotionally. How that plays out in practice varies, but I have some ideas:

1) When strangers and not-very-close friends can readily exploit a submissive. Complying extremely onerous favors, for example.

2) When a submissive can no longer function normally in society.

3) When the submissive becomes extremely psychologically dependent on another person.

Agree, disagree?

< Message edited by tychtyp -- 9/9/2008 4:38:16 PM >
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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 4:42:44 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Replace the word "submissive" in your 3 points with the word "person" and you would be correct.  There is nothing exclusive to a submissive person in your reasons.


Cali


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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 6:12:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Judging from the op's previous posts, I would agree that he has some serious dysfunctions in his ability to make friends and influence people. Sad.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 6:20:08 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds reasonable the way you present this... but you know... from your other post, I have to wonder about many things and where you might be headed with this.  You want real answers or responses... you might consider your history in posting and how most of us saw how dysfunctional that was and how we might have difficulty in certain area's of taking you seriously.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 6:29:36 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I think that a person in a submissive role, whether sub or slave, can get carried away with trying to be pleasing.  I also know of many people in the vanilla world that do the same thing - they want to be with a person so badly that they will change their lives, deny themselves, and give until it starts to become self destructive.

However, this can also happen with Doms.  Some care so much about their partners fulfillment that they start to forget their own.  A person in either role, when they start to see fulfillment as one sided, can become bitter, angry, depressed, and more.

Having a partner that truly cares about you as a person is a great help.  They can see signs that the other may be trying too hard.  As always, open communication does wonders.



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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 6:41:27 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I think his post can be boiled down to:

"When people act stupidly, they are stupid."

This is one of his less provocative posts though.


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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 6:55:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
At what degree do one's submissive tendencies become dysfunctional and self-destructive?

The obvious answer is that when it interfere's with one's ability to be happy and well-functioning, physically and emotionally. How that plays out in practice varies, but I have some ideas:

1) When strangers and not-very-close friends can readily exploit a submissive. Complying extremely onerous favors, for example.

2) When a submissive can no longer function normally in society.

3) When the submissive becomes extremely psychologically dependent on another person.

Agree, disagree?

Sure, but as Calif said, there's nothing inherent to submission which makes one more or less likely towards dysfunction.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 8:40:42 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Examples?

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 8:52:07 PM   
tychtyp


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
At what degree do one's submissive tendencies become dysfunctional and self-destructive?

The obvious answer is that when it interfere's with one's ability to be happy and well-functioning, physically and emotionally. How that plays out in practice varies, but I have some ideas:

1) When strangers and not-very-close friends can readily exploit a submissive. Complying extremely onerous favors, for example.

2) When a submissive can no longer function normally in society.

3) When the submissive becomes extremely psychologically dependent on another person.

Agree, disagree?

Sure, but as Calif said, there's nothing inherent to submission which makes one more or less likely towards dysfunction.


I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

P.S. I wish I could fix some horrible, horrible mistakes in my first post. Such are the fruits of haste and a tendency to re-edit endlessly.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 9:27:43 PM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		       Anything that is carried to extreams can be distructive. There have been observations made tho, that people who enjoy being submissive at times are generally dynamic and dominant in 'real' life and those who enjoy being Dominant at times are generally a more service based type people.
       For example, any ProDom will tell You that most of Her clients are high power people ... cops, judges, lawyers, doctors, executives ... people who hold great responsibilty for others in their hands. i was, and probably will be again, one of those dominants in the 'nilla world and subbie in my Lifestyle world. Some of it is just tension release, some of it is a form of self punishment for making wrong decisions that effect the lives of others, some of it is just enjoying the opposit side of life, getting the 'dark' once in a while instead of giving it all the time. Its all about balance. Its scary at the top of the ladder and soooooo cozy at the bottom.
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 9:47:10 PM   
HalfShyHalfWild


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp

I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

P.S. I wish I could fix some horrible, horrible mistakes in my first post. Such are the fruits of haste and a tendency to re-edit endlessly.


Neatly compartmentalized? Ok, whoever has the corner on that department on ANY area of their life , feel free to contact me.

That being said

I have yet to meet one person in my life who had their sexuality  or self identity "neatly compartmentalized".

And I have to be honest here... I hope I never do



< Message edited by HalfShyHalfWild -- 9/9/2008 9:48:54 PM >

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 10:30:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

P.S. I wish I could fix some horrible, horrible mistakes in my first post. Such are the fruits of haste and a tendency to re-edit endlessly.

Hmmmm

a) submission isn't a life strategy, it's an orientation

b) perhaps your perspective is that they don't get too far, but trust me, it's the exec secretaries at companies who have more power than the VPs...compliance goes a long way

How do you define getting ahead?  For me it's personal fulfillment- and submission hasn't hindered that at all for me. 

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/9/2008 11:54:34 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you.


Submission isn't always a strategy. For the majority of people it is an orientation - I believe what you would call strategic submission, I would call bottoming.


quote:

That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used.


You need to define 'far ahead'.  Is this the materialistic life?  I would disagree because there are plenty of people who are the opposite in sexual orientation, to what they are in life.  There are plenty of s-types who are content with non materialistic position.  You can be a person at the top of your game, but without contentment, it can be hollow and pointless.  So as I said, you need to define what you feel is 'far ahead'.
And then there are those who contemplate that submissive types are the people who are in 'control' of the relationship.

quote:

I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.


You get that everywhere though regardless of orientation or job etc.  You will always get people who 'live for' or 'live by'.  None of what you have said is a submissive trait, it's people.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 12:07:20 AM   
skeletoncrew


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.


um, tell that to George Bush or really any politician(at least in America) they all get their "far ahead" positions in life and society by being compliant to the powers that be which they serve(and let me assure you those powers are NOT the people)...tell that to the whistle blowers whose lives are destroyed(often times literally) by refusing to be compliant and "go along" with the program...not overly effective as a "life strategy", but obviously required of them as a moral, ethical, or spiritual "strategy"... infact really the only way to get "far ahead" in the materialistic central bank(s) run world IS to be compliant to the system, if you rock the boat too much you WILL get rolled over...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
How do you define getting ahead?  For me it's personal fulfillment- and submission hasn't hindered that at all for me. 


this reply illustrates the true crux of what you touch upon here...it ALL depends upon how you define getting "far ahead"..most people in the western world are horribly fractured and "compartmentalized" in their spirit and the material "rat race" only makes the situation worse...so materially some might get "far ahead"(which actually comes from complying with "the system" rather than "dominating" it), but no one can take  that material "success" with them in death...

the spirit and spiritual health of the individual and the environment are horribly neglected in such a system of getting "far ahead"...so the bottom/sub/slave that can embrace and fullfill their spirit in a healthy and progressive way is actually getting much further ahead spiritually than the top/dom/master who thinks he is some how dominant over the trees when he can't even see the trees...

additionally would you consider police, military, or firefighters to not have an effective "life strategy" since their lives are built around and upon compliance with something larger them themselves???  admittedly there is the Henry Kissinger view of these types of people and there is the one sold to us on the nightly news, so there are already some extremes out there to choose a position...

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 12:40:22 AM   
tia111


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		There are many high income opportunities for individuals that have submissive natures.
The argument you put forth is valid though, as already pointed out, these are not submissive traits. It bothers me that the tone of your post implies that submissive women are only a stones throw away from dysfunctional. There are very strong individuals in each walk of life and equally weak people there as well.
Just my observation


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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 4:21:23 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
At what degree do one's submissive tendencies become dysfunctional and self-destructive?

The obvious answer is that when it interfere's with one's ability to be happy and well-functioning, physically and emotionally. How that plays out in practice varies, but I have some ideas:

1) When strangers and not-very-close friends can readily exploit a submissive. Complying extremely onerous favors, for example.

2) When a submissive can no longer function normally in society.

3) When the submissive becomes extremely psychologically dependent on another person.

Agree, disagree?

Sure, but as Calif said, there's nothing inherent to submission which makes one more or less likely towards dysfunction.


I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

P.S. I wish I could fix some horrible, horrible mistakes in my first post. Such are the fruits of haste and a tendency to re-edit endlessly.



awww but  seee... I am not submissive to life....I am submissive to one man consentually...
 
and I understand the difference between
needing vs being needy
 
being controlled vs being with someone who is IN control.
 
 
 
 

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 4:58:02 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp

I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.


*wonders where he got that bunch of bullcrap from*

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 5:11:42 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		hey tychtyp, had to perve your profile, cos wasnt too sure what side of the coin your on.  so youre a D type.

youre trying to understand the s types and good on you, needs to be done and may i say you have a way to go.  but thats ok too, we all have to learn.

Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life
 
let me point out that without us s types you would be screwed.  think about what youre looking for and why.

if the above is a genuine reflection of how you see submissives then it is unlikely that you will find yourself a strong, self actualised, focused submissive partner.

you really need to think about what it takes an often strong, independent, capable, intelligent individual to relinquish their power and control into the hands of another.

being sub isnt a life strategy its an emotive powerful desire to give control to another human being.  the fact that some are still learning their way (as you are) or some choose to be used in a certain way or desire to submit to the D in all ways doesnt mean they are dysfunctional.  its just where theyre at.

dysfunctional is when someone isnt happy and the other half of the party doesnt give a shit.  that happens in all types of relationships all the way through from cradle to grave whatever your orientation.

with respect, you need to review your view of submissives.  and im amazed you havent been keel hauled yet for that comment.  all of the subs on here are strong capable people and are very happy and very functional and are not in the least bit screwed by the choices theyve made.




< Message edited by lally3 -- 9/10/2008 5:25:04 AM >

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 5:35:27 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tychtyp
I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy.


First, why should submision be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish?  Because that's your view and all the world should 'submit' to your view? 

I am a very compliant person.  I am extremely motivated by being the instrument of other people's joy.  It makes me happy.  I have never been used by anyone that I can ever recall.  In my last job, I wanted my foot in the door so badly that I took a position as admin assistant with a temp agency.  Within 2 months I was hired directly and 2 months after that, offered the position I really wanted that included a 45% pay increase.  I recieved two more promotions after that over a period of 3 years.  I'm not sure how you would consider that not getting ahead in life.   Up until I met my Master, I earned more money than 90% of the men I've dated.  Your sweeping generalizations are not making much sense to me.

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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 5:47:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Jack Welch was CEO of GE for some years. He depended upon a person who chose submission as a life strategy, his executive assistant. She earned $150,000 a year, got to go home and have a life and work far fewer hours than he did. Not only was she not screwed over in life, she retired early and successfully, turning down many offers from other firms.

As far as the op wishing he could re-edit his first post. Try a sincere apology for deliberately trying to attack people who never did you any harm, and keep that in mind for future postings. You may have thought that being bitchy and abusive was the way to be seen as the 'one twue dominate', instead you have learned that instead it is the way to be seen as the 'one twue a$$hole'.

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