A consensus of opinion on heavy play?

A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

missturbation -> A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:11:01 PM)
Recently i went kinky shopping with my Sir and a couple of friends. We were in a shop and discussing the handkerchief code with the owner. It came up that a black hanky on your ermmmmm can't remember whether it was left or right side now, meant you were a heavy bottom. The owner of the shop said that usually you were presented with this hanky / earnt it. My first thought was 'you need to do what to earn it? Pass an exam lol'. The second was 'who decides if you are a heavy bottom?' I assume and gathered from the convo that usually your D type would award you with it. Now here comes my problem and the whole point of this thread. There are probably hundreds (maybe) of S types wandering around displaying proudly their black hanky they've been given for being a heavy bottom. But by whos standards? I'm thinking that this debate is a little like the slave /sub debate in that heavy play will be defined differently by everyone. What with opinions on different kinks being as they are, everyone having different pain tolerance levels and even different reasons for taking pain the answer cannot be simple. As i said myself in another thread i see myself as a pain slut but moderate. Most i have played with have said i'm wrong and that i am a heavy bottom bordering on insane. Now i'm not trying to say heavy players are better than sensual players or anything judgemental in any way in this thread. What i truly am trying to find out is if there is any sort of consensus of opinion of what does constitute as heavy play?

catize -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:31:32 PM)
~grins~ okay I am a ‘heavy bottom’ but that’s because of my size! Seriously, tho, I think each person has to define it. If it is more than I can take, it would be heavy in my estimation, where someone else might think it’s light and fluffy.

crouchingtigress -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:37:27 PM)
giggles...well i do know some great stories of earned hankies...but honestly we all have great stories...and we have all earned our colors in some way at some point, with or with out actual flags to wave. :)

FlamingRedhead -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:38:36 PM)
From what I've been able to gather, earning leather and such is done in "public," like dungeons and play parties. I imagine earning a black hankie is much the same as earning leather. You must participate in increasingly complex and/or painful scenes.

persephonee -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:38:54 PM)
i get called a heavy bottom by everyone who has watched me play and by everyone who has played with me. i take what i can take and i call it if i cant. i think im kind of a wuss. There is no consensus that i know of...everywhere i surf has the same arguments circling day in and day out...collars...begging for or given to....sub vs. slave.....on and on. If were going to try to quantify painsluttiness i am definitely in on the discussion but i hope it doesnt degenerate into a grammar discussion and bitchfight....well at least i hope grammar stays out of it.[:D]

CreativeDominant -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:39:10 PM)
I agree with catize. What I consider heavy, someone else might consider teasing. you misst, are a good example. Some of the stuff you have spoken of doing I cannot imagine...at this point in my life...doing to someone. Though I do know that I do play heavier than I did when I first started out. When my first submissive came to visit me in Spring 07 and watched me play with a friend of hers, she whispered in my ear "If you think you are going to go as heavy on me as you did on her, dear Sir...you have another think coming. You've gotten wayyyyyyyy dangerous."

persephonee -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:40:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress giggles...well i do know some great stories of earned hankies...but honestly we all have great stories...and we have all earned our colors in some way at some point, with or with out actual flags to wave. :) i hope mine is a purple one with a slightly green undertone.

IrishMist -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:41:18 PM)
quote: What i truly am trying to find out is if there is any sort of consensus of opinion of what does constitute as heavy play? Not in my eyes there is not. I like pain in HUGE amounts and can probably handle more than most. HOWEVER, I can NOT under any circumstances be bound, gagged or blindfolded. I can NOT handle needle play. I HATE clamps of any kind. Just because I can handle alot of pain means absolutly nothing when you think about all that I can NOT handle. I don't think it has anything to do with HOW MUCH SOMEONE ELSE THINKS YOU CAN TAKE; and everything to do with pushing YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES to the extreme edge. Just remember, your boundaries may stand at the same line that another's begin.

persephonee -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:41:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I agree with catize. What I consider heavy, someone else might consider teasing. you misst, are a good example. Some of the stuff you have spoken of doing I cannot imagine...at this point in my life...doing to someone. Though I do know that I do play heavier than I did when I first started out. When my first submissive came to visit me in Spring 07 and watched me play with a friend of hers, she whispered in my ear "If you think you are going to go as heavy on me as you did on her, dear Sir...you have another think coming. You've gotten wayyyyyyyy dangerous." Dangerous??? So glad i took you to my island.

Brownbohemian -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:43:32 PM)
Well, I kind of posed a similar question. I find that what I think is soft play is heavy play for some and soft for others. Ultimately it is personal, but to me the more physical pain inflicted the more heavy, e.g knife play with wounds, electrical shock, spanking that draws a good flow of blood, where as soft play to me is more mental and emotion, as in anticipation and denial, sensory deprivation, caging etc. It really does depend. But I still stand by the more physical the more heavy, but that is just me. I have, in the past, pushed a lover till he threw up then passed out ( he thanked me for it) and thought I that that was truly heavy, hardcore. However, I am finding that now even that is mild. Truth be told if you find out let me know. Even I'm still learning. By the way you seem like real a bad-ass, keep up the good work.

missturbation -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:47:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize ~grins~ okay I am a ‘heavy bottom’ but that’s because of my size! Seriously, tho, I think each person has to define it. If it is more than I can take, it would be heavy in my estimation, where someone else might think it’s light and fluffy. See i think along the same lines as you but have to accept that most people i know think i am a heavy player, so tend to go along with their judgement of me. So therefore i have to accept in turn that what i do is heavy. Pretty sure though there are those on here and in r/l who would call me fluffy. quote: giggles...well i do know some great stories of earned hankies...but honestly we all have great stories...and we have all earned our colors in some way at some point, with or with out actual flags to wave. :) I'm interested in them honestly just purely out of seeing what people do think is heavy play. quote: If were going to try to quantify painsluttiness i am definitely in on the discussion but i hope it doesnt degenerate into a grammar discussion and bitchfight....well at least i hope grammar stays out of it. I'm hoping for that too [:D] quote: you misst, are a good example. Some of the stuff you have spoken of doing I cannot imagine...at this point in my life...doing to someone. Fluffy moi lol. quote: What I consider heavy, someone else might consider teasing. May i ask what you do consider heavy? [:)]

missturbation -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:52:47 PM)
quote: I don't think it has anything to do with HOW MUCH SOMEONE ELSE THINKS YOU CAN TAKE; and everything to do with pushing YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES to the extreme edge. Just remember, your boundaries may stand at the same line that another's begin. I agree but just trying to see if i can find any common factors.

CreativeDominant -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:59:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: catize ~grins~ okay I am a ‘heavy bottom’ but that’s because of my size! Seriously, tho, I think each person has to define it. If it is more than I can take, it would be heavy in my estimation, where someone else might think it’s light and fluffy. See i think along the same lines as you but have to accept that most people i know think i am a heavy player, so tend to go along with their judgement of me. So therefore i have to accept in turn that what i do is heavy. Pretty sure though there are those on here and in r/l who would call me fluffy. quote: giggles...well i do know some great stories of earned hankies...but honestly we all have great stories...and we have all earned our colors in some way at some point, with or with out actual flags to wave. :) I'm interested in them honestly just purely out of seeing what people do think is heavy play. quote: If were going to try to quantify painsluttiness i am definitely in on the discussion but i hope it doesnt degenerate into a grammar discussion and bitchfight....well at least i hope grammar stays out of it. I'm hoping for that too [:D] quote: you misst, are a good example. Some of the stuff you have spoken of doing I cannot imagine...at this point in my life...doing to someone. Fluffy moi lol. quote: What I consider heavy, someone else might consider teasing. May i ask what you do consider heavy? [:)] Caning someone into subspace while leaving a multitude of purple and red marks all over their buttocks. Using my belt as the combination gag/leash while I fist someone from behind. When they reach the point of heavy breathing and crying from the cane but are not yet into subspace and I know they want to quit but they haven't used their safeword and I go "soft" by breaking out the stuff for sensation play ...pinwheel, feather, ice, furry mitt, sandpaper and finish with a waxing that outlines the marks I made. Those are examples...and as I said, someone might consider these to be teasing fun.

crouchingtigress -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 5:59:31 PM)
The person giving the hankie makes that distintion Miss, that is all. [;)]

persephonee -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:15:08 PM)
and some might consider that to be island talk.

DomDolf -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:17:23 PM)
He decides and if he plays in public he better be right in giving it to you. Otherwise some of us other dominants are going to tease the hell out of him for being a pu**y whipped pansy!!! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m11.gif[/image] Dolf

Lynnxz -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:32:15 PM)
I've decided paintballs to the abdomen is heavy play. Other than that, it's really up to the person.

persephonee -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:34:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz I've decided paintballs to the abdomen is heavy play. Other than that, it's really up to the person. wait...that wouldnt involve any kidney shots would it??[:D]

Juliannadelion -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:41:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Recently i went kinky shopping with my Sir and a couple of friends. We were in a shop and discussing the handkerchief code with the owner. It came up that a black hanky on your ermmmmm can't remember whether it was left or right side now, meant you were a heavy bottom. The owner of the shop said that usually you were presented with this hanky / earnt it. My first thought was 'you need to do what to earn it? Pass an exam lol'. The second was 'who decides if you are a heavy bottom?' I assume and gathered from the convo that usually your D type would award you with it. Now here comes my problem and the whole point of this thread. There are probably hundreds (maybe) of S types wandering around displaying proudly their black hanky they've been given for being a heavy bottom. But by whos standards? I'm thinking that this debate is a little like the slave /sub debate in that heavy play will be defined differently by everyone. What with opinions on different kinks being as they are, everyone having different pain tolerance levels and even different reasons for taking pain the answer cannot be simple. As i said myself in another thread i see myself as a pain slut but moderate. Most i have played with have said i'm wrong and that i am a heavy bottom bordering on insane. Now i'm not trying to say heavy players are better than sensual players or anything judgemental in any way in this thread. What i truly am trying to find out is if there is any sort of consensus of opinion of what does constitute as heavy play? Hello Miss! Hmmm. Good question actually. My Lord and I have been discussing creating a laminated card or id bracelet for me in case I am ever in a car accident or some type of emergency where I may be unconcious and injured. The reason is, that, I am continuously covered in bruises, cuts, lashes, bite marks and any number of things that would make a sane person think that I was being abused. Can you imagine being a nurse in the emergency room and removing the clothing of a person and seeing them covered in marks? I do not wish to come to, having the cops and the domestic abuse people there asking questions!! I do not consider myself a heavy painslut. I believe that I enjoy more stimulation than most, but, I do not see it as anything out of the ordinary. I am almost certain, that there are more than a few slaves that would not enjoy a barbed cat the way that I do........! Oooh, or the plastic covered metal rod that makes the most delicious bruises. Hmmmm. What was the question again? Oh that's right. Absolutely, it is in the eye of the beholder - or the ass of the beaten? What I consider foreplay, many would call the cops for. Hmmm. Wonder if I get a black hankey? A nice silk one! I'll keep it in my cleveage since I don't know which pocket it goes in! Good luck to you and yours. I am like an apple with a razor in it - sweet until you bite into me. To please and be pleasing to Him, always, in all ways. [:D]

Lynnxz -> RE: A consensus of opinion on heavy play? (9/9/2008 6:45:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Juliannadelion Hello Miss! Hmmm. Good question actually. My Lord and I have been discussing creating a laminated card or id bracelet for me in case I am ever in a car accident or some type of emergency where I may be unconcious and injured. The reason is, that, I am continuously covered in bruises, cuts, lashes, bite marks and any number of things that would make a sane person think that I was being abused. Can you imagine being a nurse in the emergency room and removing the clothing of a person and seeing them covered in marks? I do not wish to come to, having the cops and the domestic abuse people there asking questions!! You'd be surprised at how accepting nurses are in the ER. As long as you don't have a barbie stuck up your ass, they generally will leave you alone once you explain. Edited to add: I've not had the barbie up the ass problem- I swear.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125