Is it important? - An expansion from another post

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Is it important? - An expansion from another post - 9/11/2008 2:10:56 PM

LadyPact

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Today, I was writing some thoughts directly brought on by a personal conversation. That shouldn't be new to those folks around here that know Me. A lot of what happens in My personal life ends up on these boards. It's just the way I am. I happen to think that a discussion board is about discussing things. Not just the things you suppose, but the things that effect your life.

Anyway, what I was talking about in that other thread, found here http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1576516&key=disobedience
is something I have My mind on of late. That is the importance of the learning phase on those terms used by D and s, while in the midst of a period of consideration.

I suppose that is the first one I should address. Consideration. As I've mentioned often in private conversations lately, the term has been bastardized by those who would change it for their purposes. This happens a lot. The same thing has happened with a myriad of terms bouncing around the net. Consideration, training, protection, and a host of others to lengthy too delve into here, have often suffered what some would make them out to be. I find this is often done for the selfish purposes of some, and it has a negative effect on the rest of us.

What I said in that other post that I wanted to point out is, for each of us, we are going to define things in a certain way. How we do that changes over time. What we've learned, who we've become, the people we've connected to. It's very rare for us ever to end up where we started out. This is exactly why the journey is so important.

Part of My role as a Dominant is to do the self examination needed to know how I see things. What do things mean to Me? What matters, rather than just what is irrelevant? What should I be able to convey that I think others need to know? What are those feelings and thought processes that are the things that a potential really should know about Me, if he would think of serving Me?

See, it's just like that term I used before. Consideration. It was pointed out to Me that it's almost always used as a one way thought. The fact is, that works both ways. I've said so much in previous writings, and I have no problem saying it again. It's a time of learning and understanding of each of the participants. It's not just about how one finds their place. It also has to do with if their place is with us. While we are deciding if we want them to serve, they should also be deciding if they want to serve us. Isn't that what we always tell them? That we want to be viewed as who we are, rather than life support for a whip?

If that's what we truly want, we have to encourage it and enable it. There is no way to tell them who they are serving if we don't know for ourselves.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Is it important? - An expansion from another post - 9/12/2008 6:01:19 AM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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You make an excellent point about consideration going both ways. The first questions I would ask myself during that period would be, "Is this someone I feel compatible with? Do I believe that I could trust them? Are they willing to communicate openly without be angry with me for expressing my feelings?"

I am a switch, so I've seen consideration from both sides. I am choosy in selecting subs, but even more choosy in picking someone I am willing to submit to. Sometimes subs forget that they have just as much right to "consider" a Dom/me - in fact, they really owe it to themselves - as for a Dom/me to consider them.

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RE: Is it important? - An expansion from another post - 9/12/2008 6:57:55 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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~fast reply~

Absolutely, consideration (probation, provisional status -- whatever folks want to call it) is a two-way street. It is a 'no fault' zone for examining whether a potential relationship is going to be satisfying for everyone involved. I am always surprised about the servants that we take aside during their provisional period with us, to ask them how they're finding things and whether they're feeling satisfied or have anything that they feel the need to address... typically because they haven't come to -us- during more casual opportunities... only to have them look at me like I just grew spiders for eyeballs and stammer their way through "aren't you happy with me?", as if the only time we would ask how someone is doing is if we're unsatisfied.

Relationships, including D/s relationships, are multi-road streets... they are interactive, and the process of deciding whether something is going to work has to come from all the participants as well. I think that it is critically important.

Calla Firestorm

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Is it important? - An expansion from another post - 9/12/2008 8:25:42 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

See, it's just like that term I used before. Consideration. It was pointed out to Me that it's almost always used as a one way thought. The fact is, that works both ways. I've said so much in previous writings, and I have no problem saying it again. It's a time of learning and understanding of each of the participants. It's not just about how one finds their place. It also has to do with if their place is with us. While we are deciding if we want them to serve, they should also be deciding if they want to serve us. Isn't that what we always tell them? That we want to be viewed as who we are, rather than life support for a whip?

Mistress,
Thank You for posting this. Many here often post they have "submissive x" under consideration without mention that submissive x also has them under consideration as well. Recently, MOGA posted that she and Geoff had each other under consideration, which I personally found refreshing, as it truly represents how this process really works.

Technically You and I have discussed that I wear Your "collar of consideration" at this time and thus it is traditional to say that You have me "under consideration". At the same time, we've broken that tradition with Your deciding to have me call You "Mistress"; something normally not done until a submissive is formally collared. As You've noted, each couple develops their own dynamic and each Dominant does things Her own way; making each Dominant and each D/s relationship unique (not to forget that each of us s-types are unique too!

).

Clearly, You are a unique Woman as is Our relationship. Thank You for being the Dominant Woman You are and for posting this to clarify Your thoughts on this subject for others following our discussion on the post You referenced.

- bleaux

Under Consideration by Lady Pact & vice versa.

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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