Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 7:42:48 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		First define what a "scene " is for you .. Is it a flogger from spencers gifts at the mall and some furry handcuffs or the full "gimp" treatment ?Now what is your acceptable level of safety  .Then ask what is your trust level with this person  and what could they handle .If you  passed out would they panic and run leaving you to die or  would they  bring you back and see help ? Would you trust them with your life ?

quote:

ORIGINAL: hedonist

When is it safe for a bottom/submissive to have a first private bondage scene with a new Top/Dom ?

After all Beaver Cleaver might be Charlie Mansion once he gets a girl tied up.

When is it 'safe' fro a submissive to give her control away ?

I am starting the thread in response to an e-mail.


(in reply to hedonist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 10:00:30 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think it depends on how well you can trust your judgement, how much responsibilty to place on  your own shoulders if something goes wrong, and the logical way you choose to do things.
I have met and played on first meetings.  I have been bound, shackled and cuffed.
I trust my ability to estimate my opponent.  But more importantly, I am pragmatic enough to know I might be wrong.  My head is always seeking the way out in an emergency.  I trust in my own ability to do what ever it takes to survive.
In my life I have only had a few bad semi-consensual experiences.  One, someones nose was broken, and the other someones head went through an aquarium.

Those situations were very rare, and never part of my personal judgement on character.  In those, I was dragged in as part of a group.  So far, I have had excellent skill in choosing wisely, or stepping back.

So, how long till it is safe to have a first scene..?  It depends on how much trust you place in your own ability to be safe.
Kyst

(in reply to hedonist)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 12:10:59 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		When you've taken the time to establish something between you, even if it is a base level of trust.  When you feel comfortable about her not dropping your bag by your head and telling you she's going to the police...when she feels comfortable enough that you are not going to set her out in the hallway with a flower stuck in her ass...when they come across as "NOT a nut case" not just in your groin...let's face it, that area is the first place to trust anybody...but in your head and in your heart and in your soul.

(in reply to hedonist)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 2:13:20 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		~FR~
 
Not to hijack but it's not just a sub who takes a risk... i have a very dear friend (Dom) serving a prison sentence over a scene (not in the states). Just pointing out that the one doing the tying runs some pretty serious risks too.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 2:58:13 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hedonist

When is it safe for a bottom/submissive to have a first private bondage scene with a new Top/Dom ?...

...When is it 'safe' fro a submissive to give her control away ?...



These questions are not of the black and white variety where you're going to get any kind of definitive answer. This is gray-area stuff.

As for my own experiences as a dominant, I don't think I've ever had a first meeting that didn't end without getting involved in some sort of play, even if it was pretty innocent overall or even sort of introductory. Its all about the participant's comfort level. As a dominant, if you don't push, you be yourself, and don't come off as a shady or creepy individual, you're surely going to see play a lot sooner than if you don't mind you Ps and Qs and throw up flags left and right in the submissive's mind.

So, to exactly when you begin to play with a new partner, all I can say is: when everyone involved is willing to...


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to hedonist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 3:52:19 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		E2 hit a little closer on what my answer was supposed to be about. There is never a "safe" time.  You never, ever know what someone will do.  Ever.  You can go with your gut, you can let some time pass where he hasn't chased you, nonconsensually, with a chainsaw; you can let trust build... whatever.  Doesn't change the fact that you NEVER know what someone will do.

You have no safety guarantee 30 seconds after hello or 30 days after hello. Figure out your own criteria for what you feel comfortable with.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 3:52:44 PM   
pdv99


Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		We trust our lives to others every day in ways we often never realise......the bus driver who's just had a row with his wife, the software engineer who programmed the flight controls for the airliner, the plumber who just hooked up the gas supply to heat your home, the guy in the greasy overalls who just changed the brakes on your car. Some of them we never meet, but we trust them. Many we take a judgement to based on gut instinct. Others we'll ask around and see if anyone else has experience of them. D/s is no different. Get enough knowledge yourself to have a feel for their level of knowledge and experience. Let your instincts decide if they are the sort of PERSON you'd trust in other circumstances. Me, if I was in any doubt I'm meet in a club, but then I'm OK with doing stuff in public.

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 4:49:09 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Good post Cali...
 
Why complicate it all...
 
I do so agree with you!
 
For a change <g>

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 5:08:33 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Good post Cali...
 
Why complicate it all...
 
I do so agree with you!
 
For a change <g>


Bite me, right here -->   , please.
 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 5:50:07 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Well...
 
You know Cali...it so pains me to hear one...
 
Safe out!
 
But...I ain`t passin`...<bites you and heads to...the biss of stupidity>

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/12/2008 6:07:14 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I'm going with "thirty seconds after hello".

It's never going to get any safer than that.



Cali



or you could just do that.





Yes, but when does the blowjob come into play?


Ummm, hmmmm, what's that? 
 
~ponders~
 
~thinks hard~
 
~asks a friend~
 
OHHHHHH!  Isn't that required of a female *s* type to get a first meeting with a male *D* type?

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/13/2008 11:41:07 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I'm going with "thirty seconds after hello".

It's never going to get any safer than that.



Cali



or you could just do that.





Yes, but when does the blowjob come into play?


Ummm, hmmmm, what's that? 
 
~ponders~
 
~thinks hard~
 
~asks a friend~
 
OHHHHHH!  Isn't that required of a female *s* type to get a first meeting with a male *D* type?


As a matter of fact...no.  Amazing, isn't it?  I was just as surprised to find out that a male *s" type DOESN'T have to clean her house first to get a first meeting with a female *D* type.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? - 9/13/2008 3:17:27 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		When you've established trust...when your gut feeling tells you it's OK........and when you've thought of everything that could possibly go wrong during play, and you know without a doubt your partner will be responsible enough to handle any problem that might come up.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: hedonist

When is it safe for a bottom/submissive to have a first private bondage scene with a new Top/Dom ?

After all Beaver Cleaver might be Charlie Mansion once he gets a girl tied up.

When is it 'safe' fro a submissive to give her control away ?

I am starting the thread in response to an e-mail.



_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to hedonist)
Profile   Post #: 33
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When is it 'safe' to have a first scene ? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078