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RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 10:08:10 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like you just need a Dom that is better suited to you. People make mistakes and shit happens.  Granted a lot of Doms would have definatly punished you for what you did in some way but it hardly warents dismisile.  As far as being trainable your attitude shows that yes you are very trainable.  I would find it very difficult to believe that someone wasnt trainable.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 12:00:55 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Demanding someone always wear a corset when out and about is inane. Going for a long workout at the gym? Inappropriate attire. Going to the doctor's? Ditto. And a lot of other normal, everyday activities would be negatively impacted by this.

You're lucky in that he disappeared in a huff. Now go look for someone who is interested in you as a whole person, not as an object for his fetish. Because that's where you made your mistake.

Next time, become friends first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 2:16:49 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

I'm a very new sub, even to the point of not having a contract yet. I wear a corset when I'm away from the house. I didn't wear it one day this week, and told my Dom after the fact. He expressed his disapproval very clearly. I panicked, begged for his forgiveness, then said if it was too much, then I'd accept his dismissal. It appears that's what has happened. Was it really too much? I could have lied and said yes, I did wear it that day. I must say, we live in different parts of the same town, and a majority of our contact is online.
My head is swimming right now. Am I untrainable?


Faith,

Any sub, especially new ones can drop the ball now and then, and you were straight up and admitted it. He is either struggling to find his persona or is new himself.

CP

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 3:01:52 PM   
AmbrosialWench


Posts: 50
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I do not believe he called it off because you didn't wear the corset. Perhaps it was the way you suggested to him you would accept his dismissal. It could have appeared you wanted to be let go. Since you didn't in his eyes appear to be wanting correct your behavior, or perhaps he interpeted your statement to be somewhat manipulating, he thought it best to break it off. I have seen and heard of many woman which are married suggestion they should get a divorce when things aren't going their way. This type of behavior can become very tiring in a relationship. The partner doesn't know mentally where they are in the relationship and this causes untrust in the relationship. I am sure it had nothing to do directly with not wearing the corset.
Ask for clarification. Also, if you would like to continue the relationship, then ask for his forgiveness regarding bringing up dismissal. Then let him know you will not make the suggestion ever again, because you understand that if he wishes to dismiss you, then he will let you know. The dominant doesn't need suggestions on what he is feeling nor proper discipline to correct your behavior. I hope this helps

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 3:21:42 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

Thank you, Sirs. I've had so much to learn within the last two weeks. My Dom did talk to me about the meaning behind the corset, but I just didn't listen carefully enough.
I appreciate your words.


Ok, i admittedly didn't read farther than this but... did you REALLY say two weeks??? If i happened to find myself involved with someone that wanted to dismiss me because i fucked up once, i'd be on my knees thanking God that i found out what a tool the guy was so quickly. C'mon, you're new - don't let that be an excuse for making stupid decisions and involving yourself with someone so clearly (at the very least) immature.
As a sub, i'd recommend maybe worrying less about finding someone to collar you and more about learning from more than one source what to expect from this realm.
Good luck in your search.

Edited cuz i just finished reading the rest:

If you're not quite divorced yet, and you have issues left over from THAT relationship... maybe now would be a good time to take time to learn about you and what you need in life... maybe it's not so good a time to go running into the arms of the first "Dom" that encounter.
Just sayin.

< Message edited by apiercedkitty -- 9/12/2008 3:24:18 PM >

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/12/2008 4:42:56 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

No of course not FaithBlue.
 
IMO, he's an ass.
 
candystripper 



Barbara BUSH...said the words oral and sex???????? please send me the link.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 11:44:18 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		No. You didnt blow it. Anyone who would end something that quickly, well they are not worth "blowing". Even if what you did was considered a mistake a REAL dominant would want to train you. He obviously has no experience with molding a slave. So pull up your big girl panties, brush away those tears, and find you a hero. be glad you are away from the zero. Hugs lushy

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 12:11:04 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		No !  Untrainable to me means unwilling.
 
After reading more of the situation, your responses....
 
Listening is very important.  If you do not remember what was said, politely respectfully request him to repeat.  I ALWAYS preface saying, I learned alot Sir, but need you to repeat your instructions because I could not retain it all.

Maybe I am fortunate cuz Sir laughs and will give instructions again.

Sir emphasized early on that he is NOT to be the target of my past.  I am not to hold him hostage to things in my past.
It seems you did this and this is not fair...not to you or to him.  I think, generally, us women tend to do this more than men do. Put the shoe on your own foot and think about how you might respond if your reaction was his.
 
Untrainable means unwilling NOT to change.
 
We learn and change, grow and do it constantly throughout our  life...its a journey.

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 12:11:59 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

Thank you, Sirs. I've had so much to learn within the last two weeks. My Dom did talk to me about the meaning behind the corset, but I just didn't listen carefully enough.
I appreciate your words.


HE talked to you about the Meaning of the Corset to HIM............ for others... it's just a fucking corset!!!

sorry to be blunt.... but you have alot more to learn than you realize...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 12:32:55 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

I'm a very new sub, even to the point of not having a contract yet. I wear a corset when I'm away from the house. I didn't wear it one day this week, and told my Dom after the fact. He expressed his disapproval very clearly. I panicked, begged for his forgiveness, then said if it was too much, then I'd accept his dismissal. It appears that's what has happened. Was it really too much? I could have lied and said yes, I did wear it that day. I must say, we live in different parts of the same town, and a majority of our contact is online.
My head is swimming right now. Am I untrainable?


It sounds if though you did not obey one of his commands ,told him about it (which is proper). Then he got mad at you for not obeying (which he should have). And then you took the approach of dismissing yourself. I would say you are untrainable if you routinely would rather leave your dom than have to take his correction.


_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 1:11:05 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

I'm a very new sub, even to the point of not having a contract yet. I wear a corset when I'm away from the house. I didn't wear it one day this week, and told my Dom after the fact. He expressed his disapproval very clearly. I panicked, begged for his forgiveness, then said if it was too much, then I'd accept his dismissal. It appears that's what has happened. Was it really too much? I could have lied and said yes, I did wear it that day. I must say, we live in different parts of the same town, and a majority of our contact is online.
My head is swimming right now. Am I untrainable?


It sounds if though you did not obey one of his commands ,told him about it (which is proper). Then he got mad at you for not obeying (which he should have). And then you took the approach of dismissing yourself. I would say you are untrainable if you routinely would rather leave your dom than have to take his correction.

She did? 
 
Or she "took the approach" of accepting *his* punishment?
 
Way to blame it all on the sub...!
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 1:30:00 PM   
magicone


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		to me RED FLAG....

and so i would walk on....

but hey thats just me!!!

there are so many - especially online are trolls... and yep that goes both ways ,-))

don't let your being new fool you .... (i know how it feels ,-))

just cause you define yourself sub does not mean you a doormaat ... and beside of that i value honesty a lot.. and think that's one of the most important point for a healthy realtionship, be it vanilla, D/s or whatever...

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 2:51:36 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		She is not blameless in this. She asked for release rather than deal with his disapproval. It's the same as saying well if your going to make a big deal out of this then maybe we should not be together. And after she acted like that it seems he agreed.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 4:07:46 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue

Yes. There are other issues that I didn't think applied, but my reaction to Sir's disapproval is part of those issues.

I'm getting divorced, about a month off of the final decree being filed, and I've dealt with my husband's disapproval for years. When Sir got angry with me, I reacted badly. I just didn't want to deal with his disapproval. I walk away from conflict, have for years. Someone yells or gets mad at me, I blank out and freeze. In this instance, I panicked. That was when I said if this was too much, then so be it. I know better now than to offer to get out of the relationship next time.
I can honestly say I did not do this to provoke him. I'm not a SAM.



Perhaps the main problem is you're rushing into a relationship when your last one is still a fresh wound.

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 5:23:16 PM   
laura2161


Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

She is not blameless in this. She asked for release rather than deal with his disapproval. It's the same as saying well if your going to make a big deal out of this then maybe we should not be together. And after she acted like that it seems he agreed.


I agree that she is not blameless. I can remember (quite a few years ago) doing the same thing; I reacted badly to disapproval, said he might as well release me since I would be making more mistakes (I so over-reacted) and he sent me packing. Hard lesson learned.




_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/13/2008 5:43:15 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

She is not blameless in this. She asked for release rather than deal with his disapproval. It's the same as saying well if your going to make a big deal out of this then maybe we should not be together. And after she acted like that it seems he agreed.


I agree that she is not blameless. I can remember (quite a few years ago) doing the same thing; I reacted badly to disapproval, said he might as well release me since I would be making more mistakes (I so over-reacted) and he sent me packing. Hard lesson learned.





She put him in that position and he had to do what he had to do. Being master means you have to make hard decisions you may very well hate. But if it's needed it's needed. In the end she will respect his decision. Whether or not they get back together.


_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to laura2161)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/14/2008 3:57:33 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

She is not blameless in this. She asked for release rather than deal with his disapproval. It's the same as saying well if your going to make a big deal out of this then maybe we should not be together. And after she acted like that it seems he agreed.


I agree that she is not blameless. I can remember (quite a few years ago) doing the same thing; I reacted badly to disapproval, said he might as well release me since I would be making more mistakes (I so over-reacted) and he sent me packing. Hard lesson learned.


She put him in that position and he had to do what he had to do. Being master means you have to make hard decisions you may very well hate. But if it's needed it's needed. In the end she will respect his decision. Whether or not they get back together.

She did this and she did that blah blah blah....  And of course you make "master" out to be all knowing and almost noble!  You know a little more about their personal situation than you're letting on here? 
 
I asked a simple question in my first post that remains unanswered.  When the OP said their relationship was "mostly online" despite living in the same town, I asked if they'd even met real life.  The more this goes unclarified, the more I smell a cyber-geek "dom", especially after his laughable decision to "dismiss" her. 
 
You seem to have great insight into "master's" motives and actions here, especially how you're blaming everything on the submissive while championing masterhood that seems confined to faceless anonymity.  Care to elaborate beyond blaming the OP, or is it just that your expertise is restricted to online "relationships", too?
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/14/2008 9:10:09 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Have you ever worn a corset?  Can you imagine wearing one daily?  Well, let me tell you a bit about how they work.  First, leather is nice but the seams do show up from beneath clothing.  Metal stays on the side tend to make things more difficult.  And bending?  No.. its more like a squat.  Very attractive.
It sound to me like she got a master experienced in online fantasy (proper?! sheesh).  Especially since they live in the same town and it is an online relationship.  Guys like that think with the little brain.  She may have agreed to dismissal out of fear but I can't see a loss to it.  Why get stuck with a master who lives in fantasy?  Once she gets done with the divorce thing and resets herself she should have better luck at finding someone who can deal with reality. 
Right now she is still in the desperate phase, where any dom dick harry will do.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

It sounds if though you did not obey one of his commands ,told him about it (which is proper). Then he got mad at you for not obeying (which he should have). And then you took the approach of dismissing yourself. I would say you are untrainable if you routinely would rather leave your dom than have to take his correction.


(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/14/2008 9:39:54 AM   
littlemisssnarf


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithBlue
I must say, we live in different parts of the same town, and a majority of our contact is online.


This is the part of your post that worries me the most? May i ask darling why if you live in the same City is most of your contact online? How many times have you met up?

i don't think you're untrainable - you just need to find the right Trainer.... is it really him?

Be happy
snarf
x

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Did I Really Blow It? - 9/14/2008 4:23:54 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		FaithBlue,

A few Dominants replied (perhaps rightly) that you invited your own demise.  You told your Dominant that you'd accept dismissal as a resolution so ostensibly you got what you asked for.  This said, I think the issue is moot, if not irrelevant, and I'll explain why in a moment.  As for your question "are you untrainable", from what you've written, I'd say you're just someone learning the ropes, as we all do.  You seem very sincere, willing and trainable to me.

Part of learning about BDSM relationships is gaining a sense of when requests and reactions are appropriate.  In my opinion, forgetting to wear a corset, even if this was an agreed upon protocol, isn't a significant transgression.  Thus, if this is all it took to shake up your Dominant such that he dismissed you, even if you suggested that he could, I'd say this is the wrong partner for you.

In my opinion, what you've described isn't a BDSM issue.  Rather, this is a question of vanilla compatibility.  For whatever reason, the Dominant decided to dismiss you and he used your corset transgression as the catalyst.  I find it highly unlikely that a Dominant would release a submissive because of such a thing, that is... unless the Dominant wasn't that interested in the submissive.  Even if it is the case that forgetting to wear your corset is why you were let go, think about something for a moment.  Do you want to live with a man who creates this type of drama and who places more value on protocol than on you?  What's going to happen when something really important happens?  People make mistakes and fuck up.  Any reasonable, responsible Dominant knows this.  And let's flip this around.  Your Dominant will make mistakes.  So are we now to assume, because of the precedent set, that you can take aim at your Dominant and criticize his approach?  Do you want to be in a relationship that makes you unhappy and where your partner focuses on highlighting your mistakes rather than on enjoying and enriching one another?

Although the approach he took isn't the nicest, your ex Dominant has done you a favour.  He is not the right partner for you so he set you free.  Don't worry about this.  It happens to all of us.  This is no different than when folks break up or fizzle out during a vanilla courtship.  The guy is simply not interested in you for whatever reason (and the corset isn't likely to be that reason).  Don't bother looking for answers.  Such an approach isn't productive and won't likely change anything.  Therefore, my suggestion is you forget about this Dominant, learn whatever you choose to take from experience, and move on with finding another, more compatible partner.  Find someone who appreciates and values you as a person first, and as a submissive second.

I'm sorry this happened to you FaithBlue,

Elan.

(in reply to FaithBlue)
Profile   Post #: 40
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