RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults.

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RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/13/2008 8:06:49 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Hello Bitegirl,

As LilSar(sp) pointed out, ostracizing does occur in just about any group dyamic. BDSM groups are no exception. It is a sad, unfortunate fact and as you have come to realize, your interaction with this questionable individual may have some negative repercussions.

Don't lose heart however. Hopefully the group dynamic isn't stagnant, and there are new people coming and going.

A few things play in YOUR favor much more so than his. Young, eager new submissives are a hot commodity. Sorry if that objectifies any submissives (disclaimer added as flame retardent preservative.) Enjoy the celebrity status while it lasts, but remember to deport yourself with integrity, and the rumor mill will turn as it always does to more current affairs to grind. Also in your favor is the fact that if others have mentioned that he has a history of doing this, then others are aware of what a questionable individual he is and worst case scenario - you find those he has burned and start a support group. Or a lynching mob, those are fun too. You may unearth a bit of switch in said dominant

Finally, while it may not be what you wanted to hear, it never hurts to be reminded that one can always walk away from the computer, block those who annoy us and unless they are obsessive and prone to stalking - never have to deal with them.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 9/13/2008 8:09:36 AM >

(in reply to KatyLied)

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Post #: 41

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/16/2008 3:28:48 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your responces.

I understand I over-reacted to this and although I am not defending my actions, as they were rather rash, I was made unhappy because I have only just started taking steps out into the real, flesh BDSM world and I don't want to have it spoilt by an idiot.

I appreciate those that had been through similar and that one does not have to deal with other peoples BS if they don't want to and can just walk away and start talking to other people, going to events they know this person wont be at, etc.

I can deal with this. Thank you guys. I appreciate your thoughts.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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Post #: 42

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/16/2008 10:00:15 AM

kidwithknife

Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelslave77

FFS the community she is in is one of the largest in OZ with several different groups operating within it.

Hoom. I'm not sure that expecting people new to a community to be informed of group dynamics (let alone possible interplay between several groups) is realistic.

As a more general point, I do think that the OP originally overeacted. And it's absolutely to her credit that she now both acknowledges this and has taken the criticism in this thread with such good grace.

At the same time, I think sometimes its easy for already well-established members of a social group to forget quite how intimidating entering a new social setting can be for many people. Regardless of how welcoming and nice the individuals concerned actually are. And I think it is something to try and bear in mind.

(in reply to angelslave77)

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Post #: 43

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/16/2008 10:41:04 AM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

In defense of creepy old men:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

I seem to come across this alot online, but in the lifestyle (clubs, etc.) I've never come across it until now.

This man, who is 40 and dating a VERY YOUNG 23 year old (by this I mean, she's 23 but acts - and thinks younger)

I find this incredibly hot. In fact, this is exactly the sort of relationship I invariably try to find myself in. It's just more fun. I still try to not be a bad person.

quote:

He gave me all sorts of mixed information about his situation with this girl and I didn't like it. I like honesty

How much of it was actually dishonest and how much was "I know people are going to have a problem with this and I really wish they wouldn't, so I'm going to try to phrase things in ways that they're more likely to accept?" And if you had been more willing to accept it, who's to say you would consider it dishonest at all?

quote:

But at this point, I'm not looking for just casual play. (NOTE: My profile also states this)

That's perfectly fine, a lot of people aren't. A lot of people are desperately looking for more than casual play, but believe that the path to more is through casual play. They feel that the only way to know if they should go deeper with someone is to see if they 'click' first, kink-wise. A lot of people have been severely hurt, and this is one of their defense mechanisms.

quote:

So anyway, he added me to msn, and got me to add his sub, and then he got his SUB to ask ME if I'd like a threesom... and I was so put off by this, as he's the dom, he's suppose to ask, right?

Oh Bullwinkle, that trick never works. And we doms KNOW this. Many girls don't trust men, but do trust other girls. And they're vicious, back-stabbing little harpies when a man DOES try to be honest. So what possible advantage does the dom have to go himself, if sending an ambassador works better?

quote:

He starts harassing me on MSN about things that arn't even his buisiness (If I'd been playing lately), if we were friends, I *might* be ok with disclosing this infomation, but we're not friends, he's someone who I'm beginning to wonder if I could block him and not have him notice.

So anyway, I tell him it's none of his buisiness, in as much of a respectful way as I can muster, and THEN he blocks me and craks it.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'craks it'. However, hey very likely was just trying to "get to know you" and was slightly socially inept about it all. There are better ways of handling this. Most people who want to be more socially adept are never explained how, because they're too socially inept to get anyone to want to show them better. Damn chicken-and-egg problems.

quote:

So I'm over it, I don't care, I'm happy he's gone...

Then I get this:

" very very disapointed in your comment yesterday, i have deleted you from my msn, no longer accepting dialouge with you, all the best in your search"

How do I get him to leave me alone?

... You just did. YAY! You won! So what's wrong?

(in reply to BiteGirl)

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Post #: 44

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/16/2008 11:22:11 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i'm sorry, i just don't see what all the fuss is about. she asked you if you'd like to participate in a threesome with them; so what? there's no right or wrong way or right or wrong person to ask such a question.

then there's the issue of online blocking; who cares?

then there's the local club thing...

people who want to know you, will get to know you, regardless of heresay or rumors by anyone else.

and the biggee; where the fuck is the harrassment? by ignoring you, or even talking about you behind your back there is no harrassment.

in my opinion, you have way too much time on your hands if you worry about such trivial things, and like the submissive that you described in your thread, could use a little growing up in the maturity department if you let the little things be such a big deal for you.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

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Post #: 45

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/18/2008 12:42:15 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

<FR> and without reading this entire thread but many others all saying the same thing.
Haven't you realized that most weal and twue Doms are only little boys in big boys' bodies? It's all about them and what they want when they want it just "coz I wanna"; stamping their foot (read punishing) in temper when things don't go their way; not sharing their toys but wanting all the others on the block; demanding/expecting physical, emotional and psychological support, understanding and acceptance even (or especially)when they are wrong or weak; loving the TLC and pampering but take it for granted. Etc, etc, etc. Treat them, tend to them and take care of them like you would treat your 4 year old child and they'll be happy as clams.

Standard disclaimers apply: this is my sick and twisted opinion only.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

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Post #: 46

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/18/2008 2:09:52 AM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

Thank you everyone for your responces.

I understand I over-reacted to this and although I am not defending my actions, as they were rather rash, I was made unhappy because I have only just started taking steps out into the real, flesh BDSM world and I don't want to have it spoilt by an idiot.

I appreciate those that had been through similar and that one does not have to deal with other peoples BS if they don't want to and can just walk away and start talking to other people, going to events they know this person wont be at, etc.

I can deal with this. Thank you guys. I appreciate your thoughts.

Welcome to the Jungle Baby! There are idiots and Jerks lacking social skills and manners in the real flesh of BDSM world. Trust me, these people tend to believe in their own imagination that everybody Loves and likes them, little do they realize many people simply tolerate them. They are simply too blind, deaf and dumb to their own rudeness. People would probally just nod their head in agreement with glazed over glassy looking eyes, if he attempts to bad mouth you, while in the back of their mind they can't wait for him to shut the fuck up and move on.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

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Post #: 47

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/18/2008 4:30:46 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

Ialdabaoth: I have had relationships with people older than myself in the past, and don't see a problem with it, I suppose I didn't get my point across, this girl, who's 23 is basicly a child in an adults body and he is taking advantage of her not knowing anything about the world and her need to be loved. I find it disgusting myself. But then again hey, that's life and it's none of my buisiness. It just bothered me.
I had already made it clear that I was not looking for anything, if I was, I would have appreciated honesty on both their parts... I am accepting of age play and all that, it's fine. But what I don't like is lieing. So if he had of, from the start told me what their arrangement was instead of changing his answers every five mins, it would have been fine, but he changed things to suit himself, and I wasn't a fan.
Also the same with the threesom: Being honest that he wasn't looking for friends in the lifestyle from the start and not just using that as an excuse would have been better. Lieing is BS.

Thanks everyone else for reading.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

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Post #: 48