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The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 11:23:01 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Like a lot of people, I had built up many emotional walls over time.  I broke my final one down earlier this week; like with others it came with a struggle and with tears, but once it was gone an incredible peace and sense of rightness filled me.  It has left me with an inner confidence in myself - not just in what I can do.

Has anyone else gone through this and had a similar positive experience?  Is there anyone still struggling to do this that needs help?


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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 11:34:16 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		Its going to take something incredible for me to break down all my walls. 

_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 11:51:22 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I broke down a wall once. Then the cops came and made me pay for it.


Okay, seriously. Over the years, I've discovered that just being with the right person is what is necessary to break down self-constructed walls. They're put up for a reason, and quite often it is necessary to find someone who is comfortable helping me push through them. I guess it also depends upon the wall.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 12:05:50 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I just rebuilt mine.  I am not taking them down again!  Do you know how much it costs to remodel?
Kyst

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 12:33:48 PM   
Monkeyontuesday


Posts: 357
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

Its going to take something incredible for me to break down all my walls. 

I second that, my friend.

Part of that is an aversion to intimacy (emotional, specifically), so it would take an extraordinary individual to get through those. Although if I wanted them to get through, they would, I'm sure.

_____________________________

Make no little plans. There is no magic in them to stir men's blood.

(in reply to zakkan)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 12:56:00 PM   
suessub


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I broke my final one down earlier this week

How do you know its your final one?

I say this having just on Friday night having shared a complete watershed moment with my Domina. After a couple of weeks of progressing along a new, more intense direction, we both found ourselves afterwards feeling: 'Didn't even know we could feel this way." And yes, it involved tears on my part. Ones I was proud to shed. And yes, I feel so much stronger in myself, submissiveness and all, since.

But what I mean is, though at this time, I feel so much freer and think I have really broken through barriers, I know soon this new me will become familiar. Then I will start to look around and sense and see new barriers. And me being me, I will in turn look for ways to break them done. 'Freedom is always on the march' as they say.

It is hard work breaking our walls down. But when we succeed, it feels great. Rest and take our time. We will have that feeling anew again in our lives.

Why my sig is what it is.

_____________________________

"Cause people often talk about being scared of change
But for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
Cause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long "
- Nick Cave

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 1:34:05 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i've had that feeling a few times since i met my Master, where layer by layer the walls i had spent so long building from my hurt and pain have been peeled away.
It really is an awe inspiring feeling.. Scary also in a way because for a moment i felt naked and then like i was filled with warmth and peace.. Moments like this have built me up to be proud of who and what i am.

Thank you for sharing x ~smiles softly~


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 3:04:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This isn't a Ds or Ms issue.  There's far more and better written on the subject that you'll find in a library than you will in some kink forums.  I also ask how on earth you can think this is your final barrier?



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 4:08:04 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It is true of life in general, and I would not be fool enough to believe that I will never have another barrier again.  However, in this case, it was the last step I had to take before feeling capable of submitting fully.  I had been holding myself back through my own fear of never being good enough.  As fully as I felt I was submitting, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop - to find out that I somehow wasn't good enough.  This had to do only with my own self perception.  I had to learn that to fully give of myself in the relationship that I needed to trust not only my Master but also in myself.  I know that you are also a perfectionist, and perfectionists tend to be hardest on themselves.  I needed to break out of the habit of never trusting that I did enough, or well enough, or that I somehow could have done better.

So, while it can be true of any relationship, in my case it has to do with how I feel that I - personally - can now be a slave to my utmost ability.  It was more a statement of joy than an entry made to teach anyone, though I purposely worded the last question the way that I did so that if anyone else needed help they would know that they had the possibility of turning to me for someone to talk to.


_____________________________



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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 4:14:27 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Your final barrier?  How do you know it is?  If you had barriers before, then it's likely you will build them again.  So calling it your final could be heartbreaking for you in the future.
 
Me?  I don't have walls up to tear or break down.  Ownership doesn't allow for it.  They are removed by a professional person if they are there, or a door placed in neatly so as not to cause damage, they are not destroyed.
But then I do not place up walls when I enter a relationship, they come after the foundations are laid to enhance the warmth inside. 
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 4:45:38 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I think any of us who have been through life develop walls or barriers over time. I don't see the Ops post as being anything other than her sharing what she felt was a breakthrough for her as far as her dynamic with her Master/Dom. I certainly have walls up and slowly Master has been taking them down but certain things he pushes and the walls gradually go up somewhat. Who are we to question how she knows this is her final barrier? The same reason why so many of us say we have found the "One". I think the Op knows herself well enough to realize she may have other barriers down the road. We all have barriers in our life, whether it is directly connected to a M/D/s dynamic or just circumstances of living life. 

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 6:17:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've had several of those moments, where I think "That's it, I'm totally open to him now". And then real life starts happening and the wall goes part way back up, just because we can't spend all our time working on keeping them down. And then six months later it happens again about a totally different issue.

What I can tell you is that after five years, this happens less and less but it still happens. So I don't believe there is a final wall, just fewer and fewer.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/14/2008 8:20:04 PM   
offeredup


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		i've found that my emotional walls only get higher when i try to climb over them.
Better if i quit thinking about myself and focus on my Mistress, and give it all up to her.  Better if i follow Her down the road  where she leads me in total submission and complete trust, the one that goes around the barriers past all the scary places. It's about her, and remembering that emotional barriers are the stuff of the old ego that slave's don't get to have any more than a slave gets privacy or rights of resistence.  Whenever i've had the grace to let it all go, i've felt an immediate, deep, serene ecstasy and love for my Dominant  It's up to Her then, and maybe she's selfish of me because it puts a lot of reponsibility on Her. i give trust and get a great gift when that trust proves justified and my Mistress takes me to new places where we both find sweet joy. 

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/15/2008 11:51:34 AM   
littlemisssnarf


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Like a lot of people, I had built up many emotional walls over time.  I broke my final one down earlier this week; like with others it came with a struggle and with tears, but once it was gone an incredible peace and sense of rightness filled me.  It has left me with an inner confidence in myself - not just in what I can do.

Has anyone else gone through this and had a similar positive experience?  Is there anyone still struggling to do this that needs help?



Congratulations to you..... i can sense your joy and freedom in your post!

i have a few myself which i am trying to work on - being back in the saddle to speak after taking some time out for me has left this little slave feeling like a new girl on the bloke all over again!

May you enjoy the release darling....x

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/15/2008 12:58:36 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I've been going through is process lately on the D side of the coin.  I'm going through it one step at a time.  These walls are just self protective measures formed by negative bad experiences in past relationships.

I wish I could say that I'm fully at peace and ease.  It's something that takes time along with the building of trust.  I am finding myself more at peace with certain things, yet at the same time, I realize I'm opening myself up wider each passing day.



(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/15/2008 5:39:50 PM   
girlivy


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		I used to say my walls make the wall of china look like Lego blocks.. not so much anymore.
There is no place to hide from oneself.  Walls were never ment to stop us, just to challange us. Good bad or indifferent.....

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/16/2008 4:57:35 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Congratulations and thank you for offering to help people who are struggling.  I am also happy for people whose lives are perfect. 

One of the things I noticed about my own "walls" is that walls not only keep things out, they keep things in.  People build emotional walls thinking they are protecting themselves against some possible hurt when they are also keeping themselves a prisoner.  I've never been incarcerated but I've also never seen an episode of some prison documentary where inmates are extolling the sense of safety and security they have by being behind bars. 

The cool thing about your post is that you rightly say "I broke my final barrier...." rather than to say your Dominant, or some other outside influence accomplished this.  So many people place the responsibility for happiness onto other people that they never learn that happiness is a choice.

Best of luck to you in all your endevors.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/16/2008 7:34:45 AM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		I like the saying "I built these walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down." Not true in my case, but I still like the saying. lol
I know what you're talking about though. I had all these walls around me when I met my Master and I flat out admitted it. We would joke about the fact He was tearing them down with a jackhammer because the Man was relentless! It was down right frustrating (in a weird way) to have some one destroy what took me a long time to build. The last major wall went down not too long ago and I felt this enormous freedom that came along with not having to restrain my heart with fear. It isn't the last wall forever- they're tricky things. You can build them, or others can build them for you. It's life and I'm sure sooner or later something will happen that will trigger my self defensiveness. When it happens, I'll start destroying them all over again because I love the feelings I have now.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/16/2008 7:46:21 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		When i met Master i still had some walls as of right now they are gone.  It has benn close to 3 years for Master and i, and he took them down brick by brick.  As as i
grew to trust him they crumbled to dust.  I am not saying i will never have walls again, but i don't think i will have them again with Master.

Matt's littleone


(in reply to lizcgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Final Barrier - 9/16/2008 8:03:16 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

I like the saying "I built these walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down." Not true in my case, but I still like the saying. lol
I know what you're talking about though. I had all these walls around me when I met my Master and I flat out admitted it. We would joke about the fact He was tearing them down with a jackhammer because the Man was relentless! It was down right frustrating (in a weird way) to have some one destroy what took me a long time to build. 


See, while I'm very happy this worked out for you, I personally have a problem with people building walls with a challenge that it's somebody else's task to jackhammer them down.  People who put their happiness in the hands of others, I'm not sure I can get behind that.

For me, personally, I will never build another wall again.  No matter how badly I get hurt I am done with walls!!  If necessary I might spin a cocoon, so that I can hopefully emerge as a better more beautiful thing for my experience. 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to lizcgirl)
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