The Final Barrier

The Final Barrier (Full Version)

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chamberqueen -> The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 11:23:01 AM)
Like a lot of people, I had built up many emotional walls over time. I broke my final one down earlier this week; like with others it came with a struggle and with tears, but once it was gone an incredible peace and sense of rightness filled me. It has left me with an inner confidence in myself - not just in what I can do. Has anyone else gone through this and had a similar positive experience? Is there anyone still struggling to do this that needs help?

zakkan -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 11:34:16 AM)
Its going to take something incredible for me to break down all my walls.

littlesarbonn -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 11:51:22 AM)
I broke down a wall once. Then the cops came and made me pay for it. Okay, seriously. Over the years, I've discovered that just being with the right person is what is necessary to break down self-constructed walls. They're put up for a reason, and quite often it is necessary to find someone who is comfortable helping me push through them. I guess it also depends upon the wall.

Missokyst -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 12:05:50 PM)
I just rebuilt mine. I am not taking them down again! Do you know how much it costs to remodel? Kyst

Monkeyontuesday -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 12:33:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan Its going to take something incredible for me to break down all my walls. I second that, my friend. Part of that is an aversion to intimacy (emotional, specifically), so it would take an extraordinary individual to get through those. Although if I wanted them to get through, they would, I'm sure.

suessub -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 12:56:00 PM)
quote: I broke my final one down earlier this week How do you know its your final one? I say this having just on Friday night having shared a complete watershed moment with my Domina. After a couple of weeks of progressing along a new, more intense direction, we both found ourselves afterwards feeling: 'Didn't even know we could feel this way." And yes, it involved tears on my part. Ones I was proud to shed. And yes, I feel so much stronger in myself, submissiveness and all, since. But what I mean is, though at this time, I feel so much freer and think I have really broken through barriers, I know soon this new me will become familiar. Then I will start to look around and sense and see new barriers. And me being me, I will in turn look for ways to break them done. 'Freedom is always on the march' as they say. It is hard work breaking our walls down. But when we succeed, it feels great. Rest and take our time. We will have that feeling anew again in our lives. Why my sig is what it is.

metalmiss -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 1:34:05 PM)
i've had that feeling a few times since i met my Master, where layer by layer the walls i had spent so long building from my hurt and pain have been peeled away. It really is an awe inspiring feeling.. Scary also in a way because for a moment i felt naked and then like i was filled with warmth and peace.. Moments like this have built me up to be proud of who and what i am. Thank you for sharing x ~smiles softly~

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 3:04:58 PM)
This isn't a Ds or Ms issue. There's far more and better written on the subject that you'll find in a library than you will in some kink forums. I also ask how on earth you can think this is your final barrier?

chamberqueen -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 4:08:04 PM)
It is true of life in general, and I would not be fool enough to believe that I will never have another barrier again. However, in this case, it was the last step I had to take before feeling capable of submitting fully. I had been holding myself back through my own fear of never being good enough. As fully as I felt I was submitting, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop - to find out that I somehow wasn't good enough. This had to do only with my own self perception. I had to learn that to fully give of myself in the relationship that I needed to trust not only my Master but also in myself. I know that you are also a perfectionist, and perfectionists tend to be hardest on themselves. I needed to break out of the habit of never trusting that I did enough, or well enough, or that I somehow could have done better. So, while it can be true of any relationship, in my case it has to do with how I feel that I - personally - can now be a slave to my utmost ability. It was more a statement of joy than an entry made to teach anyone, though I purposely worded the last question the way that I did so that if anyone else needed help they would know that they had the possibility of turning to me for someone to talk to.

RCdc -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 4:14:27 PM)
Your final barrier? How do you know it is? If you had barriers before, then it's likely you will build them again. So calling it your final could be heartbreaking for you in the future. Me? I don't have walls up to tear or break down. Ownership doesn't allow for it. They are removed by a professional person if they are there, or a door placed in neatly so as not to cause damage, they are not destroyed. But then I do not place up walls when I enter a relationship, they come after the foundations are laid to enhance the warmth inside. the.dark.

califsue -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 4:45:38 PM)
I think any of us who have been through life develop walls or barriers over time. I don't see the Ops post as being anything other than her sharing what she felt was a breakthrough for her as far as her dynamic with her Master/Dom. I certainly have walls up and slowly Master has been taking them down but certain things he pushes and the walls gradually go up somewhat. Who are we to question how she knows this is her final barrier? The same reason why so many of us say we have found the "One". I think the Op knows herself well enough to realize she may have other barriers down the road. We all have barriers in our life, whether it is directly connected to a M/D/s dynamic or just circumstances of living life.

DesFIP -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 6:17:46 PM)
I've had several of those moments, where I think "That's it, I'm totally open to him now". And then real life starts happening and the wall goes part way back up, just because we can't spend all our time working on keeping them down. And then six months later it happens again about a totally different issue. What I can tell you is that after five years, this happens less and less but it still happens. So I don't believe there is a final wall, just fewer and fewer.

offeredup -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/14/2008 8:20:04 PM)
i've found that my emotional walls only get higher when i try to climb over them. Better if i quit thinking about myself and focus on my Mistress, and give it all up to her. Better if i follow Her down the road where she leads me in total submission and complete trust, the one that goes around the barriers past all the scary places. It's about her, and remembering that emotional barriers are the stuff of the old ego that slave's don't get to have any more than a slave gets privacy or rights of resistence. Whenever i've had the grace to let it all go, i've felt an immediate, deep, serene ecstasy and love for my Dominant It's up to Her then, and maybe she's selfish of me because it puts a lot of reponsibility on Her. i give trust and get a great gift when that trust proves justified and my Mistress takes me to new places where we both find sweet joy.

littlemisssnarf -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/15/2008 11:51:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chamberqueen Like a lot of people, I had built up many emotional walls over time. I broke my final one down earlier this week; like with others it came with a struggle and with tears, but once it was gone an incredible peace and sense of rightness filled me. It has left me with an inner confidence in myself - not just in what I can do. Has anyone else gone through this and had a similar positive experience? Is there anyone still struggling to do this that needs help? Congratulations to you..... i can sense your joy and freedom in your post! i have a few myself which i am trying to work on - being back in the saddle to speak after taking some time out for me has left this little slave feeling like a new girl on the bloke all over again! May you enjoy the release darling....x

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/15/2008 12:58:36 PM)
I've been going through is process lately on the D side of the coin. I'm going through it one step at a time. These walls are just self protective measures formed by negative bad experiences in past relationships. I wish I could say that I'm fully at peace and ease. It's something that takes time along with the building of trust. I am finding myself more at peace with certain things, yet at the same time, I realize I'm opening myself up wider each passing day.

girlivy -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/15/2008 5:39:50 PM)
I used to say my walls make the wall of china look like Lego blocks.. not so much anymore. There is no place to hide from oneself. Walls were never ment to stop us, just to challange us. Good bad or indifferent.....

eyesopened -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/16/2008 4:57:35 AM)
Congratulations and thank you for offering to help people who are struggling. I am also happy for people whose lives are perfect. One of the things I noticed about my own "walls" is that walls not only keep things out, they keep things in. People build emotional walls thinking they are protecting themselves against some possible hurt when they are also keeping themselves a prisoner. I've never been incarcerated but I've also never seen an episode of some prison documentary where inmates are extolling the sense of safety and security they have by being behind bars. The cool thing about your post is that you rightly say "I broke my final barrier...." rather than to say your Dominant, or some other outside influence accomplished this. So many people place the responsibility for happiness onto other people that they never learn that happiness is a choice. Best of luck to you in all your endevors.

lizcgirl -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/16/2008 7:34:45 AM)
I like the saying "I built these walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down." Not true in my case, but I still like the saying. lol I know what you're talking about though. I had all these walls around me when I met my Master and I flat out admitted it. We would joke about the fact He was tearing them down with a jackhammer because the Man was relentless! It was down right frustrating (in a weird way) to have some one destroy what took me a long time to build. The last major wall went down not too long ago and I felt this enormous freedom that came along with not having to restrain my heart with fear. It isn't the last wall forever- they're tricky things. You can build them, or others can build them for you. It's life and I'm sure sooner or later something will happen that will trigger my self defensiveness. When it happens, I'll start destroying them all over again because I love the feelings I have now.

littleone35 -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/16/2008 7:46:21 AM)
When i met Master i still had some walls as of right now they are gone. It has benn close to 3 years for Master and i, and he took them down brick by brick. As as i grew to trust him they crumbled to dust. I am not saying i will never have walls again, but i don't think i will have them again with Master. Matt's littleone

eyesopened -> RE: The Final Barrier (9/16/2008 8:03:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizcgirl I like the saying "I built these walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down." Not true in my case, but I still like the saying. lol I know what you're talking about though. I had all these walls around me when I met my Master and I flat out admitted it. We would joke about the fact He was tearing them down with a jackhammer because the Man was relentless! It was down right frustrating (in a weird way) to have some one destroy what took me a long time to build. See, while I'm very happy this worked out for you, I personally have a problem with people building walls with a challenge that it's somebody else's task to jackhammer them down. People who put their happiness in the hands of others, I'm not sure I can get behind that. For me, personally, I will never build another wall again. No matter how badly I get hurt I am done with walls!! If necessary I might spin a cocoon, so that I can hopefully emerge as a better more beautiful thing for my experience.

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