Can you help me?

Can you help me? (Full Version)

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spanishkitten -> Can you help me? (9/15/2008 6:51:50 PM)
I am loving being his sub/slave. I feel so free and loved when we sence. If that makes scene. I am having trouble switching from being the wife to being the sub. I have upsetted him a few times not acting right because of having trouble switching. It was so hard for me knowing I upsetted my Master and took my punishment when he gave it. I never thought I would feel so bad of letting him down. Never did when I was just the wife, but as his sub it was terrible. I know I have alot to learn and I find myself wanting to only please him and being a good sub. On that note, Master wants to see me with another sub and have one join us every once in a while and I feel that I have failed him because I have yet to find one. All I want is to please Master. Does anyone have any advice on any of this?

ramalamaDingDong -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 7:02:03 PM)
Advice on being a wife, try being a submissive wife, no switching needed. His castle, you’re not in charge, you are in service. Big difference in perspective. On being with another sub, wash her first. They taste better that way.

spanishkitten -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 7:12:00 PM)
Thanks for the advice. I could never be the submissive wife and he does not want me that way. Only when we switch from husband/wife to Dom /sub does he want me to be submissive. I'm just having trouble switching.

JewAndCelt -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 7:13:54 PM)
In my thinking it would seem that the master should go out and find the new sub. I mean what if you find some person that he really doesn't like? I just find it odd that all these subs are sent out into the world to do the foot work and find the new partner when it is clearly his desire that another party be introduced. Since it's his wish and since it's a bit more difficult than fetching his coffee, I would say he might want to take the responsibility of finding the "other" person himself. but then again I'm not a Master or Mistress so I could be all wrong in thinking this :) _her

DesFIP -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 7:18:03 PM)
Some people feel better if they have rituals or protocols. Such as kneeling by the side of the bed and waiting to be invited in, or putting on cuffs and collar for private time. And being disappointed, angry etc for you not being able to change your way of interacting at the snap of a finger is absurd. If he wants to see you submit, perhaps he needs to learn to inspire it in you. As far as finding a third, tell him to call an escort service. He and you are being highly disrespectful of the potential third's feelings by thinking of her as just some warm body for him to beat and fuck. Would you have been excited when single to have someone say to you that he just wanted any girl to watch be with his wife, and since the other ten girls at the bar had turned him down, he's now asking you. Because that is the equivalent of what you're doing. What have you got to offer that is so much better than she could do by holding out for someone who loved and respected her? Nothing, as far as you're offering.

natasha66 -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 8:07:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JewAndCelt In my thinking it would seem that the master should go out and find the new sub. I mean what if you find some person that he really doesn't like? I just find it odd that all these subs are sent out into the world to do the foot work and find the new partner when it is clearly his desire that another party be introduced. Since it's his wish and since it's a bit more difficult than fetching his coffee, I would say he might want to take the responsibility of finding the "other" person himself. but then again I'm not a Master or Mistress so I could be all wrong in thinking this :) _her Ever consider the fact he just may be a lazy-ass Master? Just sayin'.....

peppermint -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 8:26:12 PM)
I've heard of some couples that use a signal when the husband wants to be Master later that night. It might be as simple as him putting a certain book on a table where you can see it. That way you have time to start to get yourself into that sub mode. As far as finding a third....couples look for years to find a third. What do you have to offer that is so special that the thirds would be lined up waiting with bated breath to join you? From your post is sounds like you want a fuck toy you can use and toss away when you are done. Not going to be easy to find that throw away toy. In other words.....you should both enjoy the relationship you already have...and if you happen to find that third consider it icing on the cake.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 9:14:49 PM)
It sounds like the source issue is much more that of him properly training you in expectations and communicating issues. Punishing without understanding the behaviors to change is pointless and just makes everyone more frustrated.

XaviersXian -> RE: Can you help me? (9/15/2008 9:44:56 PM)
greetings to the OP, The sort of relationship you are talking about takes years to develop. Start slowly, negotiate, define things you want to do, things you won't do, set up a contract. At first, submit for only a few days a week, or so, to get a feel for it and start to develop as a submissive. Once you are comfortable with that level of submission, re-negotiate, and start the process all over again. Keep doing that until you are comfortable with your level of submission. You may possibly not even need a contract in the end. A person may be born with the predisposition to submit to those stronger than themselves, but I've learned over the years that a "good" sub (or slave) is made, not born. Do not feel that you are "no good" as a sub when you are only just starting out. You may benefit from a mentor (a fellow sub or slave?) to help you on your way. It takes years to develop the mindsets and habits needed to become "good" at submitting, and even then, mistakes can be made. As for the third party in the relationship, I'd negotiate with your Master about not playing with a third for at least another few years. You need to build security in your D/s relationship before playing with another. If you need any more advice, please feel free to cmail me! well wishes,

Twicehappy2x -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 4:51:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanishkitten On that note, Master wants to see me with another sub and have one join us every once in a while and I feel that I have failed him because I have yet to find one. All I want is to please Master. Does anyone have any advice on any of this? Yes, have him come to these boards, use the search function and let him see how many threads there are on this subject. Some folks search for years and years to find another female sub to join them. This comment is one he should pay special attention to; " He and you are being highly disrespectful of the potential third's feelings by thinking of her as just some warm body for him to beat and fuck. Would you have been excited when single to have someone say to you that he just wanted any girl to watch be with his wife, and since the other ten girls at the bar had turned him down, he's now asking you. " The switching off and on thing, perhaps get a collar or something like that and have him put it on you when he wants you to be submissive.

lally3 -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 5:29:07 AM)
id find it difficult switching my personality off and on too - you know there are plenty of capable woman who happen to be submissive. its all in the mindset. if that was me id continue with my mindset and just go up a gear when he puts a collar on you or some other agreed symbol that tells you the mood has changed, see it as part of your submission to him. but thats my take and maybe no use to you atall. anyway, good luck with it.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 7:13:41 AM)
Why do you have to seperate being a sub and a wife? You can blend the two together and be both at the same time. Don't seperate what is being a sub and what is being a wife. Make being a wife submissive.

JewAndCelt -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 7:17:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: natasha66 quote: ORIGINAL: JewAndCelt In my thinking it would seem that the master should go out and find the new sub. I mean what if you find some person that he really doesn't like? I just find it odd that all these subs are sent out into the world to do the foot work and find the new partner when it is clearly his desire that another party be introduced. Since it's his wish and since it's a bit more difficult than fetching his coffee, I would say he might want to take the responsibility of finding the "other" person himself. but then again I'm not a Master or Mistress so I could be all wrong in thinking this :) _her Ever consider the fact he just may be a lazy-ass Master? Just sayin'..... smiles Now Now ......we don't use that term anymore. It's 2008......we must be more PC and all. Try "energy challanged" next time. _her

OsideGirl -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 7:32:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It sounds like the source issue is much more that of him properly training you in expectations and communicating issues. Punishing without understanding the behaviors to change is pointless and just makes everyone more frustrated. I agree. I think it's something that needs to be negotiated and discussed, rather than something to be punished for. If that's the case, then he deserves just as much punishment. As for finding a third....1) I find the submissive finding the third distateful. The Dom/me holds my life in their hands, so to me it's more important to know them. Beyond the fact that it just seems lazy. I think it best when both are involved. 2) Some people have been looking for that third for years. Be prepared to be patient. Men out number women in the BDSM D/s M/s realm. Out of that number, think about how many are single, into poly and willing to be the second submissive. You've got an extremely small market.

seababy -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 7:42:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanishkitten I am loving being his sub/slave. I feel so free and loved when we sence. If that makes scene. I am having trouble switching from being the wife to being the sub. I have upsetted him a few times not acting right because of having trouble switching. It was so hard for me knowing I upsetted my Master and took my punishment when he gave it. I never thought I would feel so bad of letting him down. Never did when I was just the wife, but as his sub it was terrible. I know I have alot to learn and I find myself wanting to only please him and being a good sub. On that note, Master wants to see me with another sub and have one join us every once in a while and I feel that I have failed him because I have yet to find one. All I want is to please Master. Does anyone have any advice on any of this? Putting a collar around your neck when he wants you to submit, well it doesn't get much clearer than that does it? If he doesn't communicate clearly enough when and how he wants you to submit no amount of punishment will clear that up. Some Dominants LIKE to find fault with their submissive as an excuse for "punishment". If that's the case then it wont matter how hard you try and please. Hopefully he has figured out that he doesn't need you to feel guilty about falling short so he has an excuse to spank your ass. As a bi submissive I would have nooooooooo interest in you as a couple. Why? 'Cause your Hubby whom I sure you adore sounds, well... lazy and disengaged. If I was back on the market and looking for a couple I would want to be wooed.(Is that lame? Maybe that is lame but never mind) If I'm interested in someone I put the effort in. I don't think its too unrealistic to expect the same back. However YOUR really cute and I'm a push over for accents. So you see its not your failure its just what your dominant is offering isn't that attractive as a package. Honestly if you want someone for games and then for them to conveniently disappear afterward perhaps a professional may be the best approach. Its great to hear you are enjoying your submissive nature. Good luck with it all. (Keep in mind that my experience is limited and any advice given by me has an excellent chance of being complete bollocks.) Sea

spanishkitten -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 9:10:24 AM)
Thank you all for your advice. Some are very helpfull. To the replys about adding a another sub, I never said having her once and getting rid of her forever. I never said that he is making me find her. He also looks with me and by himself. I just have more time. I am wanting it just has much as he. He is no way lazy about anything. If the other sub is wanting to be here permenant, that is something we are open to. She would never be a toy to just beat, fuck and get rid of when we are finish.

JewAndCelt -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 11:42:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanishkitten On that note, Master wants to see me with another sub and have one join us every once in a while and I feel that I have failed him because I have yet to find one. Actually you did say that you were the one looking. "I feel I have failed him because I have yet to find one" No biggie.... Good Luck with the search

daddysliloneds -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 4:25:55 PM)
i don't know what to say; i didn't know people came with on/off switches built into them.

peppermint -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 4:38:08 PM)
quote: Master wants to see me with another sub and have one join us every once in a while This sounds like an occasional fling when it suits your Master, not an ongoing and continuous relationship.

megggy -> RE: Can you help me? (9/16/2008 5:02:15 PM)
have you asked him? what exactly he wants? how you can change? it might be hard for you to change if you don't have an exact defintion of what he wanted changed. make sure you know the differences he wants in your attitude...how you talk? dress? do things....when you are a sub and when you are a wife...make sure they are specific so you can have a set guideline on how to fix it. you need to know the exacts.

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