depressed sub (Full Version)

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prettycat123 -> depressed sub (11/29/2005 8:04:02 PM)

it seems like most people have their life partner except me. there are lots of men that want to play with me. but i'm still lonely and depressed. i fear that i'll never have the precious and loving relationship with a man/dom that i seek.

i want to withdraw from life but that is not practical.

anyone else feel this way?

what to do?

pretty cat



openmindedslave -> RE: depressed sub (11/29/2005 8:19:02 PM)

I live with someone with depression and i might suggest seeing a professional if these feelings continue for a long period and effect the rest of your life. Secondly, this lifestyle is so simliar to the vanilla world in that so many people out here are still looking even after several years of trying . Take a look at the start dates for some of these profiles. I mean sometimes one will be looking for long term and the other is looking to get some kinky play time in with no committments. You simply clash in what you both want out of life. Really, don't be so hard on yourself. Quality takes time to fine. Prettycat123 - i relly wish you the best in your search



Dracironsgirl -> RE: depressed sub (11/29/2005 8:19:10 PM)

hi prettycat ...i sure felt that way before meeting Master, it had taken me sooo long to find Him and i had just about given up, well i actually did give up ...but my adive to you is to keep the faith that you will find what it is you seek, it is out there waiting for you. ....best wishes to you.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: depressed sub (11/29/2005 9:31:10 PM)

Well pretty cat, to answer the first question, yes. People get depressed all the time about not finding "life partners". You are right in that withdrawing totally is not practical.
Here are some problems I see:

1) You've been on this site for about one day. You need to give searching some time, especially if you're looking for something long term with some one worth while.
2) You have ABSOLUTLY nothing in your profile about you. How can you expect to find someone that matches the interests you have if you don't put your interests out there? How long have you been in the BDSM lifesyle? What draws you to it?

What you can do is fill out your profile more and make friends that'll help you keep your spirits up as you search for a prospective Master. Hope this helps at least a little.



trowizilla -> RE: depressed sub (11/29/2005 9:38:04 PM)

I'm trying to get through a major depression right now too, and the best advice I can give is: don't worry too much about getting a life partner. You need to be reasonably happy with yourself before you pair up with someone.

Make friends, vanilla and non, and do things with them. Go see movies, get a nice dinner, go putt-putting or bowling, or just hang out. Being alone just gives you time to focus on the bad feelings caused by the depression. If you start feeling bad and there's no one around, distract yourself with a book, tv, working out, any hobbies you may have, etc. Don't let yourself get into the habit of brooding; I do that a lot, and it just makes me feel worse.

I hope you feel better. I need to follow my own advice more, I think.



CaptainsPet -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 1:42:22 AM)

Prozac and a good therapist kept me going through some very ugly times. And finding a life partner is never easy. Many of us are still working on it. Trust me, you're not alone. Stay busy, I tend to get most depressed when I'm bored. And most people do go through some down times. Generally, though, this will pass. Clinical depression, on the other hand, usually requires medication and/or therapy. Don't be afraid to get help if you need it. It's not a sign of weakness to admit there is a problem; and ignoring it can be deadly. Here's hoping everything will be better for you very soon.



sweetpettjenny -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 2:56:09 AM)

your profile needs to show about you and what you are seeking, it states that you are not looking right now



ginawithaB -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 7:11:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: prettycat123

it seems like most people have their life partner except me. there are lots of men that want to play with me. but i'm still lonely and depressed. i fear that i'll never have the precious and loving relationship with a man/dom that i seek.

i want to withdraw from life but that is not practical.

anyone else feel this way?

what to do?

pretty cat


prettycat,

I quoted your entire 1st post b/c I said these exact same words just last night. (Except the part about wondering if anyone else feels this way...there are plenty who do or have felt this way.) You are definitely not alone and I think you know that on some level and it's a good thing that you have the strength within to reach out to others.

This may be a question you feel is too personal to answer on the boards or to me, being a stranger, but was just wondering what your therapy situation is at the moment. I don't want to make any assumptions about it b/c I know as a chronic depressive myself, therapy can go in waves and it can be really tough going when we're at those moments of just trying to get our moods stabilized. But I guess I'm mainly asking about this b/c I'm wondering, hoping really, that you have a good therapeutic professional working hard along with you whom you can talk to about all these feelings you are having.

If you've seen my postings elsewhere on the boards, you may know that I'm also a clinical social worker, so if you'd ever like to email me directly about finding professionals in your area or whatever, I'd be happy to try to help anyway I can.

take care,

gina



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 7:15:50 AM)

Aww you guys, I know it's hard. I've been there. Two years ago I went to the Black Rose event just two weeks after a couple ended a relationship on the basis that they didn't have the time to train me after collaring me for a few weeks (that was just a train wreck all around).

And I went...and saw all the pretty girls in leashes and collars, kneeling and happy, playing and cumming.

That was hard. Really hard. You feel the aching, emptiness. And I know being here on the site, seeing all the "owned and utterly fulfilled in a relationship" posts and profiles gets very hard to take.

But it isn't forever. Don't allow it to force you into a situation. Enjoy your single status while you can, explore and be yourself.

Now, this is just for the general depression on being single. If you are physiologically depressed, please find a good therapist for yourself and get yourself on good medication.



amayos -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 8:26:06 AM)

These things take precious, painful time. No worthwhile deed can be measured without some degree of suffering.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 9:31:26 AM)

Hi, Pretty. Boy does this bring back memories! I can remember feeling like that for three long years that seemed to go on forever. I kept interviewing Masters (and even Mistresses) and never could see to find the right one. Turned out I wasn't a sub <grin> Once I got that part of my head straightened out, everything looked better (the view from the Top is fine [;)]. Still, BEING there is a horrible place. My first advice is to build a base of FRIENDS. They can be your support system, and make you feel less alone, and it's the "alone" feeling that really can push everything else out of proportion. Other sub friends, too, can be there to compare notes and give you the kind of support your 'nilla friends can't because they just don't understand. Hey, what the heck, make some Dom/Domme friends too! You never know who they might know...

I realize this advice doesn't solve the actual problem at hand, that of not being in a close, loving relationship of the type you crave, but hopefully it will help you in the here and now. Your life partner is out there somewhere, you just have to hang in there and get through the way things are now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: prettycat123

it seems like most people have their life partner except me. there are lots of men that want to play with me. but i'm still lonely and depressed. i fear that i'll never have the precious and loving relationship with a man/dom that i seek.




IrishMist -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 9:45:51 AM)

((( PRETTYCAT )))

Been there, done that, still going through it. Just remember that you are not alone in these feelings. We have all been there, many are past it, more are still going through it. We just take each day one at a time, and hope that tomorrow is brighter and better.



Kinkypupper -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 11:38:41 AM)

Be patient and do not appear too needy and you will eventually find that one.
It takes time more for some , less for others

(hug)



fastlane -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 1:32:12 PM)

your first post....and now weed through your 100 e mails and by the time we read your second post, hopefully you will have found the "one"




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 10:32:27 PM)

GREETINGS,PRETTY PRETTY CAT,
I AM SO SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY BUT AT LEAST YOU ARE HERE ON COLlaR-ME FORUMs.
i feel somewhat like you but the fact someone took the loves of my life away and slaughtered everyone and everything in my life cant be any kind,of a consolation to someone who feels just as lost.
life seems to keep on keeping on does'nt it?
...i 'd advise you like i would anyone i loved dearly
like my mom ....
i'd tell her to go to all the classes or get togethers in the community she possibly can
even when you dont feel like it; push yourself!...you dont think someone is just looking for you and going to go right up to your doorbell and say i'm looking for you !
someday only thru effort can you get where you want to be ,but some toaists believe by doing nothing everything gets done;
i think that just means DONT WORRY,then you can proceed.
you can always avoid getting "emotionally upset", by saying ,to yourself:
"there's nothing i have to do right now; this very second about it"...",then you wont feel ,so upset ,
as you could feel ;feeling like you have to do something.
remember:
if you cant hypnotize people ,to come,to you and do what you want....
you can always use rapport
and thats only established thru humor;
humor is, instant rapport ;you can hypnotize a lot of people ,at the same time ,and influence them ,w/humor
so keep up ,or brush up on your humerous skills,for ,now.
always, if you can celebrate life:(you have to fite for the rite to party-i did it,not that plagiarists haaaaaard-workin' guy ,in hollywood)
be happy and others will be able to be happy around you too...,that's "enthusiasm;"
it's catchy and youll attract so many people;you won't know how you did get ,so many persons ,into you ,or even what, to do next,with them!
when i read 'pick up books' it basically said:
what do you think bars are, for....
its a meat-market ;go shop.
what do you THINK they have clubs ,for, so don't ask where it is....
theres someone definately waiting there....
you know where to find it ,and, start "RATING people", as soon, as you get there;
DISCREETLY,
and you'll get better ,at finding exactly what you want everywhere,by being able to be choosey even ,in a pressure meat market;you dont have to go home with anyone just look; pick; feel ;choose, and, go home!
you can look ,in the window....price and learn,if you want to ;it's there, for you ,and, you can rate, and ,go elsewhere ,
when you learn ,to rate better,on the spot!,with practice;
you'll find life's a so called meat-market.(supposedly)etc etc



michaelMI -> RE: depressed sub (11/30/2005 10:39:31 PM)

coming from someone that lives with depression on a daily basis, i can honestly say i feel this way quite often, and i have someone in my life.

therapy has done nothing to help, pills are useless to me and it is often a struggle to make it from day to day.

therapy "may" work for you, but i have heard it all and know what they ( the psychiatrists) will say, before they say it, talking about it and taking pills won't change the way things are. it took me years to learn this...

i hope that the suggestions others gave help you more than they have ever helped me.



sultryvoice -> RE: depressed sub (12/1/2005 1:25:07 PM)

I have a problem too..I am bipolar. I don't let it get in the way anymore..I took a year away from the lifestyle and made improvements in myself. Now, I didn't leave my friends, just the instruments within this. When I decided I was ready to go back into this, I had a very different outlook. My friends that I hadn't seen in a bit noticed. People who didn't know me well, noticed. Things don't go as I want it to all the time, but I am surviving. I am still looking for a Dom but I am serving a Grand Mistress right now and she is teaching me the things I have wanted to learn. But, what I am saying, you an't go looking for someone. You aren't ready. Until you can be the best you can be, no one will do. You want to attract someone? You get help, you work on you, then you will be ready for someone. Shortcuts won't work. Being dependent won't work. Being you, selfsufficient, being full of pride and good self-esteem with give you the ending you want.

Respectfully,
sultry



gentlesurrender -> RE: depressed sub (12/1/2005 2:10:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: prettycat123

it seems like most people have their life partner except me. there are lots of men that want to play with me. but i'm still lonely and depressed. i fear that i'll never have the precious and loving relationship with a man/dom that i seek.

i want to withdraw from life but that is not practical.

anyone else feel this way?

what to do?

pretty cat



hello pretty cat

no you arent the only one who thinks at times there is nothing around the corner. You build your hopes up and they come crashing down, up and down like a yoyo, no wonder that sometimes we get a little dizzy and need to sit down and relax for a time

but as my mentor said tonight,

I don't think you should pull back and retire from the scene that is pointless, since when will anything change?

Unless you learn control over yourself how will you ever be able to find what you want you will either be condemed to withdrawal or to never getting what you want.

so take your time, get to know people, and some day you might just find something nice around the corner, when you least expect it.

life goes on, fill your days with other things, i guess in many senses i have been lucky and moved recently, so redecorating and packing took up a lot of time, now im sorting out my interests and hobbies again. When frustration washes over me, i go pull up some weeds in the garden, or do something that needs concentration and leads to physical tiredness.

take care pretty cat, keep on walking and one day your corner will come,

gentle



fastlane -> RE: depressed sub (12/1/2005 2:54:48 PM)

I, like Sultry, am BiPolar to.
But when the white bears play rough and the cold gets to me, I run for the sun and grab a human female, which always brings me out of my depression.

I know this is terrible advice, you could get eaten alive as the male bears are really Sadistic, but I hope it makes you smile, never the less.



fldrkhorse -> RE: depressed sub (12/1/2005 3:29:10 PM)

Perhaps the lesson is through the search once you're "found" you will cherish the new beginings forever.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. -Dr. Wayne Dyer



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