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Asmodeus -> Got a new one for you (dealing with a manipulative emotional abuser) (9/16/2008 12:48:47 PM)
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In the local community there is a moderately well-known switch (she has been both a master and a slave and written a book about it) we are having a minor problem with. We have a new submissive, one who pursued us, and, at her request, was granted a very simple, limited term, renewable contract. She's new to the lifestyle, very sweet, eager to learn, and wants to believe the best of everyone she meets.
The aforementioned switch lives somewhat locally to our new sub and had offered to be her "mentor" in the scene. They would chat over coffee and the switch would give her opinions on everything in the scene, based on her years of personal experience. Looking back at those conversation our sub tells us that the gist of many of those conversations was basically that no one (except her) could be trusted, as all of the dominants our sub was meeting simply had ulterior motives in trying to build a relationship with her.
While that's often true, the advice the switch friend was giving seemed to be very focused on making everyone else in the local scene look bad, while making her look good. Our sub though this was odd, but as the switch was presenting herself as a "slave" at this point in her life, she accepted the suggestions that were made to her with few if any reservations.
fast forward a month or so; our new sub has signed a contract with us, which while very simple, includes such things as not scening with anyone else without our permission. She takes her contract very seriously (though it's conditions are not very onerous, as she has a very full vanilla life and family space) and has contacted us for permission for very simple things which fall into the narrowly focused contract's area of coverage. The sub is very good at partitioning her life and has been very happy under our care. That being said, we are treating this contract as an educational one, allowing our sub to explore what the lifestyle has to offer while having the safety net of two experienced dominants to fall back on.
And so the problem begins...
While having coffee with her switch friend, the friend brings out a new flogger she has just received. Our sub loves to be flogged; her "friend" is aware of this. She is also aware that our sub is a bit of a gear freak'; she loves to find new toys to try out. So she convinces our sub that she should let her try out this new flogger on her. Our sub agrees, thinking that this woman is her friend, and she often toy shops with friends, trying out new floggers, etc., without issue.
Rather than simply give her a feel of the flogger, the switch friend gets her relaxed and then lays into her with the flogger; she knows the sub is a serious pain slut and is just learning to control her reaction to things that trigger her. Yet knowing this she takes advantage of the friendship and trust that she has built with our sub and, ignoring the contract that she knows exists, and knowing that our sub doesn't want to scene with anyone but us at this time, and really works her with the flogger, sending her into subspace (according to our sub who tells us that she only remembers the first 10 or eleven blows).
I actually don't know how our sub got herself home; she was literally hysterical. We get a strange email from her and when we call, we get her best friend who tells us that she is crying hysterically and is curled up in the fetal position. We get her calmed down somewhat and that's when we get this story.
Basically she felt completely betrayed by this woman she considered her friend, is afraid that we will consider the contract broken because she played with someone with out our consent, and that this person who had earned her trust had broken that bond (looking at the situation from the perspective of a few days our sub told us that she thinks that she was being groomed to become this switch's new slave; personally I would have thought that the switch giving her a "slave anklet" and telling her how to wear it would have been the first clue).
We let her know that it wasn't her fault, that the woman who broke her trust had all the information on her triggers and reactions, and that she had no reason to keep her guard up with someone who had convinced her they had her best interests at heart, and was her friend.
Knowing that our sub had a need to be punished for what she saw as breaking her contract my partner, who had her the next day for a D/s social event gave her a very simple, but incredibly effective punishment; she wasn't allowed to touch anyone while at the D/s event. Given that our sub is one of the "hugs for everybody" types, this punishment worked very well. She later told us she was never more aware of her body or her "position in space." She felt that she had learned something from the punishment (the measure of a good punishment) and that she could get past the whole issue.
However, at the D/s event, where our sub told people who would normally hug her that she was on punishment, the switch was attending as a "slave" (She has no "master", just a guy who beats her, was what I was told). The switch ignored being told that our sub wasn't to be touched, and while in the private slave meeting, grabbed her ass to say "Hi." This did not sit well with our sub.
At the conclusion of the event (a small group) my partner got up and thanked everyone for respecting her wishes regarding touching her sub and was sorry to hear that some of the attendees had chosen to ignore our subs request not to be touched. The offending party later came over to my partner to tell her that "if she was referring to her, she just grabbed on to help her stand up" a totally BS statement according to our sub and other attendees who witnessed the action.
So our sub has decided she wants no contact with this woman who abused her trust and we suggested she just ignore her attempts at contact. Well now the switch is sending email bad-mouthing my partner and seriously attempting to BS our sub (who forwards the emails to us) by pushing her buttons, which she learned about while presenting herself as a "friend."
I need to deal with the situation. It's not that my partner can't take care of herself, but there are simply some things that it is more appropriate for me to get involved with, and this is clearly one of those things. I could respond to the woman's email, but I'm seriously considering calling her on it in public, at a large event this weekend I know she will be at. I've talked to other people in the scene about her and get opinions from "pillar of the community" to "absolute f...ing moonbat" so she clearly has had issues with other people.
I just want to let this woman know that actions have consequences, and that of she continues on her present course, she will learn that first hand (noting illegal, immoral, or fattening). And I need to let our new sub see that the scene is not completely filled with manipulative jackasses who present themselves as something they are not in an attempt to screw with someone else's head.
Sorry for the length, I'm venting a bit. People who insist on playing head games just really piss me off.
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