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An example of why we don't participate in local "c... - 9/17/2008 11:17:31 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		People wonder sometimes, why we don't like the local community ... well, let me discuss the topic a bit. 

Those of you who have viewed our profile pics will know that there are a lot of floggers pictured - I make them.  When discussing them on the list for our local group, a particular male dominant made a few snarky remarks about "what use is a flogger made of ribbon?" ... um ... duh, same as any other flogger ... you think?


We've been to the munches a few times, but ... there are people there, mostly the males, it seems, who act like there is something wrong with us because we don't join them for the play parties after - it doesn't interest us, so why should we go?


So we have basically quit going, and I mostly just lurk on the list and post if I have something to say.    Yesterday, I had something to say. 
One of the members (the snarky "what use is a flogger" one, just for the record), posted about donating blood due to all the emergencies around the US right now with the hurricaines and flooding and such.  His post was followed up by one that agreed, and happened to mention that the second poster can't donate due to medications that he is taking.  I posted that it's a good idea to know your donation status prior to going, to not waste time and equipment - that I know cheapskates who donate just for the HIV testing ... which is stupid and selfish, IMO - particularly when you can go to most county health departments and be tested for free in advance.  Once again, the male dominant decided to be snarky, posting about how long he's been donating to the local blood bank and the fact that all donated blood is tested (duh), which, of course, was followed up by a gorean posting about how KNOWLEDGABLE the male dominant is, and is he in the medical field because he's SOOO intelligent ...   Oh please ... And now, he's continuing the condescention with "well, as long as it keeps the blood supply safe" ... bah, the blood supply is as safe as it can be no matter - but my point was not wasting the blood donation center's supplies ... but whatever, I'm apparently just a stupid female who can't be expected to know anything, so just pat me on the head and send me on my way and let the far superior and intelligent men-folk do the thinking 

It's that kind of bullshit that keeps us from participating more in the local "community"  I happen to really like the sub half of the couple who runs the local group, and what I know of her Man, he's a great guy - I've never had any trouble from either of them when it comes to attitude or anything ... but the rest of the group ... bah.  I'd rather stay home and spend time with my critters - at least they are honest in their like/dislike of people ... no snarky-ness from any of them.

**and yes, I'm amusing myself with the smilies ... it's making me feel better

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 9/17/2008 11:18:05 AM >

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:32:16 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		lol You sound a bit like my Mistress. 
 
We have been very fortunate in finding a local munch where it's rare that anyone is snarky, or out to "one up" the next person.  We are invited to the parties after the munch, and sometimes we are the ones hosting the parties.  Either way, said parties are more of an extended social time where play is not the main objective for everyone there.  Just time to sit and talk without being in a public venue. 
 
Personally i find the *snark* factor comes from both genders, both sides of the slash.  I just tune them out and let them toot their horn to their hearts content.  Then Mistress and i giggle the entire way home about what an ass they made of themselves.
 
One private event comes to mind.  A 'movie' night at a (female Dominant) friends home.  We're watching a movie and another (Female) Dominant comments on Lesbians.  Not a friendly nor nice comment.  What blew me away was the host was in fact a lesbian, very well known fact, and i was sitting at Mistress' feet..... umm yea.  It was shortly after that comment that Mistress announced we had pressing matters to attend at home.  lol.  She was finding it difficult to hold Her tongue and didn't wish to stir the pot. 
 
We just see people for what they are, look for those good qualities and tune out those that appear to have none. 

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:36:10 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I know that females can be as snarky (or more) than males - but in the case of most of the groups we've attended, the male dominants are the ones who are snarky to us specifically (as in, go out of their way to be, rather than just incidental snarkiness, if you know what I mean).  We've had our share of run-ins with females, both in the lifestyle and out ... but this particular guy's attitude is really getting to me.  It's by far not the first time he's done this (the two episodes mentioned are only two of a dozen or so that I can think of off-hand) and it seems to be a trend in the groups that we go to, that male dominants feel the need to belittle us.  I don't know if it's us, or if it's all female dominants that they do this too ... who knows ...

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:38:42 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		the people in the local groups here tend to bicker too much. so i don't go to munches any more

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:47:38 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		We've encounted a few male Dominants that seem to take extreme issue with Female Dominants, most especially lesbians.  We just chaulk it up to Them feeling threatened by *strong* Women. 
 
i've actually looked at one, said awww does Your ego feel better now?  lol Mistress just took me by the hand and led me away...... before She burst into laughter.
 
Mistress had one that for what ever reason started talking to Her about His past problems with ED...... omg!  She just looked at Him.. said hmmm I guess You could say I have "ED" too, but has never been a *problem* for Me to satisfy women......
 
Now when we go to a new function, we place bets on how much chest thumping we'll encounter... and look forward to our little looks at each other... and the car ride home to compare scores and determine who "won". 
 
You gotta admit, sometimes it CAN be fun to toy with them  

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:49:58 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, but most of the time, I just don't have the desire to bother with them.  They bore me, mostly - this one in particular is just really getting to me with his snide remarks and condescending attitude about ANYTHING that I have an opinion on.  I figure if I vent here, I won't track him down and strangle him lol

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:51:32 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		would You like to borrow my voodoo doll??

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:53:51 AM   
Miyabi


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences with your local group. I'm blessed with a warm and active community, so I can only imagine your frustration!

If there are a few like-minded folks around, why not host a little munch of your own? Invite a few people to join you for a display of some new toy designs your working on, or just have folks over for some wine and cheese. You have every right to have friends in the scene, even if you're not into playing yourself. You also have a right to your opinions!

I say forget the sticks in the mud and make your own little circle of friends--people who understand the purpose of a ribbon flogger. It's a flogger, for crying out loud, not rocket science!

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:57:53 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		funny thing is, there are actually two groups locally and some people are members of both, hence the reason behind alot of the bickering. also, the people that are members of both groups are probably the only lifestylers locally. word spreads fast in this town and then i would end up with the same problem these groups are experiencing. if only i lived back in Atlanta...now 'there's' a group. (gf isn't able or willing to move out of Columbus and i don't have a vehicle of my own to attend events in Atlanta)

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 11:59:54 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We'll live, it's just frustrating that when we try to not be anti-social and reclusive, people feel the need to try and make us look stupid ... even if they don't succeed.  One of many reasons that we just don't like people in general when we are face to face with them lol

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 1:23:08 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Are you speaking of one person ? and  saying this is why your not  wanting to be a part of  a community ?Every group club org  sub culture whatever has those types . Really who cares if one  self titled gorean dom says something snarky  smile  and go with the 98% of the quality people left . One bad apple dont spoil the whole crop 

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 1:25:18 PM   
housesub4you


Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		What I have found at local munches is people who would rather "talk" about the lifestyle then actually doing something in it.  They have great book knowledge, but no experience in actually doing anything.  So I gave up on going to munches and have met more people from CM in my area who actually like to do more than just "talk"

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 1:27:30 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		az - this one particular one is the one getting on my nerves right now ... but it's an overall attitude that is what really bothers me.  This is "an example" meaning there are other reasons, this one just happens to be top in my mind right now because the little snarkster is at it at the moment (or was when I was posting).

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 1:50:16 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		well i know your stronger than this to allow a few to effect you is all , there are  great people  with in communities and there are goofballs too .don't let the few get to ya .Even if you find a few that  you treasure  and make your own splinter sub group  it shall all be worth it .Observations  of others in their actions and deeds are very telling factors .Have no time for those negatives and focus  on all the positives and soon the negatives shall fall to the wayside .Give the negatives power and they shall grow . 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

az - this one particular one is the one getting on my nerves right now ... but it's an overall attitude that is what really bothers me.  This is "an example" meaning there are other reasons, this one just happens to be top in my mind right now because the little snarkster is at it at the moment (or was when I was posting).

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 3:13:28 PM   
MsAuthoritarian


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline 		Ok here is my 2 cents on the subject…
The public scene is what you make it. There are pros and cons to doing anything in life but we all have the option to take what we want from the scene and leave the rest behind. I personally do not enjoy any of the BS that goes on in the scene though I must say that since I took the stance of taking what I want from it and leaving the rest behind it has been very enjoyable for me. Much in the way people on these boards can spark emotions, cause drama, etc. It is not what others do it is how we react to it and what we allow to invade and/or diminish our experiences. For example; online and real life BDSM oriented environments share some similarities when it comes to; clicks, in fighting, back stabbing, regulars that pounce on anyone that says something they do not like, drama queens/kings, idiots, losers, posers, politics, etc.; however, we all have the ability to not sweet the small stuff and take what we want from the environment and leave the rest behind. Personally I enjoy being active in the scene and interacting online with others… the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Though I admit there are times that it is easier said than done lol

MsAuthoritarian

(in reply to azropedntied)
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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 4:19:25 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

They bore me, mostly - this one in particular is just really getting to me with his snide remarks and condescending attitude about ANYTHING that I have an opinion on. 


I would call him out on this.  Just ring or visit him face to face with no spectators and ask him what he has against you.  Point out his pattern of behaviour and ask him "so what gives"?

Bullies usually back down, deny thier wrongdoing and pick an easier victim. 

If he has good reason to dislike you and put you down, then he should have the guts to tell you what they are .  Honesty and integrity are the foundations of Twue Dominants like him, right?

But I suspect this is just Dom jealousy, don't you?  


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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 5:05:36 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		People and their attitudes have never stopped me from attending any thing in my life. If I am at a munch, get together, or fetish event. I will just walk away from someone that makes snarky comments. I do the same thing at work or any vanilla event I may attend. I refuse to allow a small minded person to pull me down to their level. I hope you keep attending the munches and whatever other event you want to go to. If they can't drive you away with their snarky remarks then they lose in the end, because you are still there and hopefully enjoying yourself.

< Message edited by mztresn0w -- 9/17/2008 5:06:38 PM >

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 5:28:29 PM   
herpet1313


Posts: 68
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		Sweetdommes:
 We have found that our local munch and "scene" groups offer very little to married Femdom couples like ourselves. We did not encounter snobbish people but the whole event seemed to center just around the pain and bondage aspects of BDSM , and having  far too many singles out for their monthly dose of such. We are not all that into the heavy pain scene and were hoping to find a similar D/s couple like ourselves.
 Now, if only there was a Femdom group of married couples, that would be interesting.

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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 5:40:49 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		If that's the case i am sure  there are others who feel as you do , so why not start a group that fills  those needs ?If something does not  fit  make it fit or start something that does  fit for you and others .

quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

Sweetdommes:
 We have found that our local munch and "scene" groups offer very little to married Femdom couples like ourselves. We did not encounter snobbish people but the whole event seemed to center just around the pain and bondage aspects of BDSM , and having  far too many singles out for their monthly dose of such. We are not all that into the heavy pain scene and were hoping to find a similar D/s couple like ourselves.
 Now, if only there was a Femdom group of married couples, that would be interesting.

(in reply to herpet1313)
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RE: An example of why we don't participate in local &qu... - 9/17/2008 5:58:52 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Hehe.. munches can be spectacularly dramafilled as you've found out.

If I go alone, i get the single male vultures, if I take C, we get condescending 'youngun' comments. I even had the pleasure of meeting my first 'gorean'- although he seemed to be using the title as an excuse to make a jackass out of himself. One lady found out that I was a pro-sub- and proceeded to tell me that professionals were not welcome in the community, because they 'stir the pot, and cause drama.'

And yes.... the stereotypical maledom idiot, flailing around and beating his chest at anyone who will listen. We actually saw a gentleman snatch up his plate of spaghetti, and go chasing after the server, demanding something about "They said it was spicy, but they didn't say it was THIS SPICY!!"

Good lord, if you can't handle a little pepper in your sauce with grace, how in the hell do you handle the bigger things in life?

So currently, I only attend large functions, like Domcon and Fetishcon as they come up. Munches are great for people watching, and if you enjoy placing bets on which elderly dominant is going to pop a coronary from all of the chest beating.


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(in reply to azropedntied)
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