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Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:27:29 PM

OttersSwim

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Joined: 9/1/2008
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Last night I got my first real taste of pain in submission. A spanking that brought me to tears and gasps it hurt so bad. Today, my butt is red and purple and I remember it every time I move or sit.

It was wonderful.

But it was totally different than I expected it to be.

I had a hope and an expectation of sort of -zoning out- with the pain – seeing every stroke as a meditation and being carried away in the sensation. This did not happen as I expected… What did happen was that it hurt like hell and I was -carried along-, not away – there was no getting away even though I was not restrained in any way. That really played with my head because at the same time that I intensely wanted Her to stop, there was a part of me – right in the middle of my heart – that wanted Her to continue, that wanted to ask for more even though I knew that I really could not have taken much more. It brings tears to my eyes still today to remember it, and so I am not sure of what I am feeling. I want more, but I fear it because it hurt and was so very intense. It brought a lot of things to the surface for me, even today part of my psyche feels quite raw and exposed.

So I am wondering if my experience here is unique or if it is more typical? How do you experience pain? Are you -carried along- or -carried away- or some other? How are you affected in the hours or days following an intense pain sensation experience?

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

Post #: 1

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:43:16 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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My first spanking hurt like hell, and i had a bruised butt for days. I kept bumping, deliberately, into doors and tables at work to remind me of how i got them.

It took me a long time to get used to the fact that i "like" pain. And even that is not quite an accurate statement - i don't like pain, but i love the sensations, the attention, the feeling at the end, and yes, i really do like the pain - even though it hurts. I still can't quite get my mind around the fact that i like the pain, even though it hurts!! I try not to think about it any more - it just gets me all confused and weirded out.

And yes, it is a very primal feeling - being given pain and attention and love all at the same time. I have been bought to tears more than once, not from the pain, but from something inside me coming out and being healed. I don't cry from the pain - i don't have that kind of response to it - i cry from emotional issues - including when i have been punished by Sir.(not too often thank goddess).

my Sir and i get so focused on what we do when we play that we block out every thing outside us. It is a very intense time for us, and really reinforces our emotional connection. I lose all sense of what is happening outside of the two of us. And if Sir pushes me far enough sends me to subspace where i am aware of the beating, but stop experiencing it as pain. Lovely place - and afterwards i am so relaxed and stress-free.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 2

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:45:42 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

it depends...

the pain of a migraine can make this slave vomit, uncontrollably.

the pain of a nueroma in the foot can radiate all the way up the leg and feels like hot burning pokers are stabbing through the ball of the foot, even without the pressure of standing or walking.

the pain of labor and delivery can be an out of body experience.

the pain of a liver biopsy had this slave screaming and crying before they could get her conscious in the recovery room.

the pain that Master inflicts, depending on intent, brings tears, orgasms, hot surges that connect this slave's clit and brain, trance-states, release, pleasure and/or relief.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 3

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:46:52 PM

KyrinaBelle

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline

     Pain. Love it. Hate it.

    At first, I try to fight the pain: ignore it, push it away, escape it.

    Then I remember that the pain is a pathway for me. I accept it. Then I concentrate on feeling it. I pull it inside. (I know it sounds crazy.) Then I welcome the pain and greet it. I breathe! Remember to breathe! Your dom/domme can help a lot by reminding you to breathe and feel the pain.

    Then I go to PainLand. My logical brain gets left behind. No listmaking, no planning, no thinking. All I do is feel. I react. I glory in being me. My skin is alive.

    This is how I feel the pain. But there is so much more -- bringing me back and aftercare.

    Good luch!

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 4

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:51:00 PM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

Otter,

My experiences are not that much different than yours. I fight between that wish to beg for more for it not to stop and yet I want to scream for it to stop, and be over. Finding someone that will take me over that edge of pain, where I want it to end yet it doesn't stop... it's a confusing place (the place safewords were made for??) I haven't been seriously taken over that edge for a long time and miss it dearly. Master comes close and I have no doubt that he will at some point get there.

The days after, bruises/welts/scrapes/scars remind me of the event and usually similar to afterglow-- that reminder when you are not expecting it -- in work/class/etc when you shift your legs the slightest bit and all the sudden you remember... it's so lovely.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 5

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 1:57:52 PM

hersforever

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/22/2007
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

I feel pain depending on how long the scene is and what tool is used. I find that floggers and other "thuddy" items don't cause me much pain, and generally this is what Mistress starts with. After a while I don't really feel pain from the "thuddy" items. I feel the impact, but there is no pain attached. This is when she will change to "stingy" like a cane or crop. This HURTS! I have never been able to move past this kind of pain, it is too sharp. Generally, I like the cane when the strikes are far enough apart for the pain ripples it causes fade. But if she is feeling sadistic or wants to push me, she will use the cane at intervals of a few seconds, and each strike multiplies the previous strike. I will generally loose it with this, the pain becomes my entire world. I loose all sense of anything other than the pain I can't get away from. So, in this case I am carried along by the pain. It is possible that if she continued long enough, I would no longer feel the pain, but that is a place we have not ventured yet.

I also like the bruised feeling the next day, but unfortunately I don't mark well. Within 24 hours all of my raised welts are gone, and the bruises are fading.

_____________________________

Always Hers Forever.
To love only one limits our understanding of humanity.
Slave Registration #530-193-026

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 6

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 2:17:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Spankings always hurt at the time. Afterwards I always wish he had done it longer and harder. Sometimes I float, lots of times I don't.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hersforever)

Post #: 7

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 2:44:01 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Thanks so much for the replies. :)

It is nice to see that others have similar reactions to this, and it is nice to now think (largely based on your replies, thank you) that pain can be a gateway rather than something that you zone out of. My Lady and I have been talking about it all day and She has been wonderful in concerned aftercare. During it, She was all about affectionate encouragement, telling me repeatedly to breathe and focus and again, your replies about that confirm for me that I am in very good hands.

The combined sensation of Affection, Sensuality, and Pain is such a head trip.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 2:55:42 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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i continue to struggle with being carried along by my pain. i tend to panic...especially if it is too sharp/stingy and too fast...i come back immediately if a heavy hand comes down on my throat or ass...if deep voiced, well chosen words are delivered to my ear accompanied by a bite and a growl.

Currently i am at war with my pain. There is a hell of a lot of competition between my head and my ass at the moment. i need to see whether i will win out over the pain. i try to pattern myself after people that i admire in a scene. But what im discovering is that everyone is different and my response is not anyone's but mine.

For me, the first ten minutes of any scene is kind of challenging. Until im warmed up my relationship to pain is strained at best. By mid scene im in love and shouting from the rooftops...and when its over im giddy and proud of what i just got through.

i keep meaning to do the exercises that allow a person to accept the pain and integrate it...and i keep forgetting to do so as soon as the caning starts. i need reminders to breathe and i need to be able to "take a moment". To me these things are not attempts to control the scene but an honest attempt to communicate. Simply because i submitted a request for a "moment" in triplicate, as per policy, does not mean i will receive said moment. As a matter of course, i do not get the moment at the time, as it has been discovered that almost immediately after i resign myself to the idea that the beating will continue until morale is improved...is when i come for the first time.

Pain is something that i chase after and then regret asking for. Pain is a challenge and an old friend. Pain is what drives me lately and what defines me for this moment in time. And it all started with a spanking....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 9

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 3:03:21 PM

spinninsweetness

Posts: 477
Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
Status: offline

I keep reading the posts here, wanting to quote them and say yes! Thats my feelings too!

For me... I crave the pain. From someone I trust, there is no-one specific, a few people I trust and respect enough to give myself over. Yet while it happens, I yelp and say ouch and squeal and say no. Because it is pain, inflicted on me, and I know damn well I can stop it at any time with one word. And I love the marks, I moan about having to hide my cleavage away for weeks.... yet I still want more. I know it hurts, yet its what I want.

I dont get floaty, I only came close once at a club. I dont subspace, orgasm from pain, feel high as a kite..... I just love/hate it. Sometimes I want cuddles and aftercare, sometimes not. Its an odd thing, my body, my mind and stuff.

Yet if I stub a toe or even bump hard into a wall it hurts far worse and its hateful, mundane pain. Normal and unwanted. And a simple bump into a corner or something hurts a lot worse than a lot more painful stuff inflicted through my own choice.

A Dom friend calls me a pain-slut.... I think that sums it up.

_____________________________

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. I actively seek it out.- Bill Bailey

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 10

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 5:41:08 PM

shiazn03

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

liking or disliking the pains depends on the nature of it, in my personal opinion and experience.

and no, i don't get "carried away" either when i'm in pain during play. just like you, i "carry along" with everything but i feel that it is just as delightful!

as a sidenote: it's odd but in my limited experiences with play (that is painful), i've never been brought to tears. i cry out and scream and moan and groan and all that but never did i shed a tear...hm...perhaps it's because i only cry when i feel hopeless and despair. unless i'm being punished (i mean real punishment for something i did wrong), i don't feel that way during play. orrrrr....i can be that much of a pain slut! LOL!

peace out, all!

(in reply to spinninsweetness)

Post #: 11

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 6:07:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It was only your first time, you have tons of new experiences completely different from not only what you DID experience, but from anything you've heard about experiencing so far.

For me pain is pain. It hurts, I don't like it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shiazn03)

Post #: 12

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 6:36:04 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

First of all, there is not right way for everyone to deal with pain.

Some people are brought to their knees by a hangnail, yet others can endure a stubbed toe. LOL

Some begin to whimper at the sight of a flogger, yet others get wet at the sight of a paddle.

I have had some partners who zone out within minutes, and others who never get there.

I have had some partners who zone out one, time but not another.

In other words, there is no consistency from one person to another, or even with one person from one occasion to another.

Whether you get into sub-space should not be compared to what others may experience, or what you hope to experience, or what you may or may not have experienced the last time.

However, there is one bit of advice that works most of the time, and helps many bottoms/submissives to deal with pain.

If you were to join a pre-natal class, they will tell you all about breathing to deal with pain during contractions, as much as it is within your own power to control it.

So, try this:

When you are experiencing it, breathe out the pain!

Breathe in a fantasy that you can create in your own mind. Perhaps it's as simple as a visual picture of the sexual relief that you hope to achieve after the pain has diminished.

Just the act of controlled, deep breathing serves to introduce a factor of 'air conditioning' to you body. You breathe out heat and breath in fresh, cooler air.

Also, rapid, deep breathing can introduce a factor of hyperventilation, causing mild dizziness and/or even euphoria.

In short, there is not simple answer that is effective for everyone. You must experiment to find what works for you.

Respectfully,
W1

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 13

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 7:03:12 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes I zone out. other times I "ride" it, as I like to say. It drives me to a place in my mind where I simply want to do ANYTHING to please Master. Even something atrocious that I otherwise would never do.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 14

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 7:04:12 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

um.....painfully?

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to Arastella)

Post #: 15

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 7:43:26 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
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Ahhhh, pain... the true essence of my kinkiness...

I love pain. Flat out. Experiencing physical pain to me is what listening to/playing Shostakovitch is to my violinist friends... it's like being able to eat the yummy yummy frosting... without always needing the cake to back it up!

I 'get off' in a much different, more emotional, more spiritual way when I experience pain, compared to ordinary sexual experience. It's a truly glorious thing.

That said, to answer your question fully, I think your experience is entirely typical... and probably quite unique as well. I know, oxymoron and paradoxes are for unthinking trolls, but at the same time it really does explain it! Some people will experience the exact same thing... and react to it differently.

There are so many types of pain that your second question is so, so, SO very loaded... but I'll try to summarize my relationship with pain.

To me there are different levels of pain... sort of like Maslowe's (sp?) hierarchy of needs, though less expansive.

1) The first level is mundane pain. Without some form of mundane pain in my life I'm at a loss... I'm nearly always in pain. This is due in part to problems with my body, and also the fact that I'm very prone to accidents (and so get many cuts and scrapes, ouchies)! BUT I need this pain. This pain reminds me of the true experience that pain can bring, and it can also bring me back to pay attention when I daydream and other things. This is the 'least important' pain, or rather, the tip of the pyramid (not placing emphasis on any of it as a need. In fact, the 'lower' in the pyramid the better! In either rate, I'm not trying to say that any of these pains are 'required' for the other type to be met. That's silly.)

2) The second level is, of course, emotional pain. Most people hate this, and I do too. Seriously. It has its uses, however...

Emotional pain is something that I get a true 'afterglow' from. It hurts, sometimes so badly that I can hardly handle it, but the mind-numbing sense of relief afterward is worth it, seven times out of ten. Emotional pain is the most changing, ripping thing I've ever experienced.

3) Sexual pain. Please don't misconstrue what I'm saying here, I'm not saying pain during sex. If you're having painful sex (and not on purpose) you're probably doing it wrong. It's hard to articulate... but I need the ache of lust. It's one of the reasons I'd never be able to date someone I don't find at least marginally sexually attractive, which is saying something because I don't fall into that category myself (and it sometimes makes me feel quite foolish to think that way). Any more discourse on this would be silly since it won't help me clarify so I'll leave it.

4) Loving pain. THIS is what I look for in a partner most of the time, and it's a quality that I'm happy to say I've found in a few of my friends (and that I get to experience from them sometimes). It's in THIS that others purposefully inflict the pain with love. I need the person doing it to enjoy it as much as I am. I really... REALLY love this type of pain :)

Beyond those different forms of pain, there are also different types... and your answer to the next question depends on those types.

Depending on what's being used I can lose myself... or I'm being kept there and driven. It also depends on the dominant at the time, if they're talking to me and if I find them attractive or any other number of factors.

After intense pain experiences? Hmm... I think it would depend on your definition of 'intense pain' whether or not what I've experienced can be considered intense. For sure, I've had marks that lasted and aches and pains and reminders... but, truthfully, I can say that I wouldn't assume that any of my experiences are 'intense' in any sense of the word.

I do love them though... and just a brush up on a sensative mark can make me smile and lose myself.

I hope I was clear/helpful :D

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 16

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/17/2008 7:55:45 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Pain just feels like pain to me. I don't go into subspace or have any floating sensations from it.

From a mental/ emotional point of view, I want it and need it, until I'm getting it, then I want it to stop, and then I want it again. In some ways I love to hate it.

As far as the soreness that lingers, I do enjoy that aspect of it...the welts, the bruises, the reminder etc.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 17

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/19/2008 2:19:31 PM

friendsonlyFL

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline

Great topic.

I can very much relate to how you are feeling. When you play the body releases endorphins into your system which affect you after you play even days after. Then, comes your emotions from dealing with play which in conjunction with your hormones over reacting to play just adds to the confusion of it all. I didn't like pain at all when I first started to play and I now I play on such an extreme level that I just look back and shake my head.

Taking pain is a very controversal thing in your head for several reasons. One, because being submissive comes with having a natural desire to please. You want to make your dominant happy and taking their pain makes you want to try harder and take more and more. Another is the sterotype that a "good" slave/sub (whatever) can take a lot of pain. Another factor for me is my stubborness. I always want to take it to the next level. I always want to push myself harder I guess to see how far I can go.

I love playing until I am bruised and bleeding. I don't feel fulfilled unless I do. Kind of like I was cheated. I like to be physically and mentally devastated after play. It is like my stress relief. Yelling is one thing but truly screaming from agonizing pain is such a release. I don't have "subspace" myself but I have seen women have multiple orgasms from being bull whipped. I wish I could have that experience. But I truly enjoy being compleatly stripped of control and the next day is a great reflection day for me. So, if this whole thing is casuing conflict in your mind you and youd Dom need to figure out why. Look at it from a positive perspective and see what you are getting out of it rather than anything.

I always suggest people try things a few times before they decide. The shock value of things initially takes away from the actual expereince. Experience gives you perspective. Good luck

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 18

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/19/2008 2:54:10 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Thanks for the additional replies. It is interesting to read your thoughts - I like the idea of breathing out the pain. And I agree, the day after is a wonderful day to reflect on...well, everything! Having done it once now, and having done clips the following night (ouchies!) I am hoping that I will be able to sink into it and "enjoy" the experience a bit more.

We are preparing for a camping trip where She is talking of doing more, and I tremble a bit in excitement and in anticipation. She wants to tie me to a tree!

The marks from the other night are starting to fade and hardly hurt anymore so I am excited and terrified at the prospect of where I will be as of Sunday night - YAYs!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to friendsonlyFL)

Post #: 19

RE: Pain, how do you experience it? - 9/19/2008 3:28:01 PM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

For some reason I can handle sharp pain better than dull pain. Bite, scratch, even cut- I'm good. I tend to focus more on the heat of it than the sting, if that makes sense. With sharp pain it's there, then it almost immediately fades to this hottness that I enjoy. Sharp slaps are good too. Dull pain, like a paddle, take me a lot longer to deal with and breathe through. I'm really not sure why or if it's even 'normal'. I just know that I dread the paddle but look forward to the crop. Seems odd to me... The biggest way I deal with the type of pain I do not enjoy is constantly reminding myself it will be over in a second. I bear down and breathe through it. I don't ride it or even get carried along with it, I tend to batten down to deal with it more I guess. Kind of like when you're in labor- bite down, push through, then it's over. I wish that dull pain would carry me away though- then I wouldn't get sweaty palms everytime my Master says the word 'paddle'.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 20

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Pain, how do you experience it?

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