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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 11:12:51 PM

slaveboyforyou

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Fast reply:

I can see the OP's point of view, and the point of view of many of the responders. I enjoy a little persuasion from a dominant in order to get me to do something. Persuasion takes many forms, and it's not alway necessary or desireable. It can be a taking me by the wrist or tugging at my shirt to get me to follow them. It can by a gentle push on the shoulder to get me to sit down or kneel. I enjoy little things like that. It's sexy, and it makes me feel important and needed.

It's not a desire for someone to be tyrannical or cruel 24 hours a day. It's a desire to feel wanted, and to see some effort and involvement on the other end. If I meet a woman that only wants someone to follow commands with no input, than I am going to get bored fast. I don't see that as dominance; I see it as laziness. I am not a robot, and I won't act like one. I want gentle coercion and seduction. I enjoy the sexual tension it produces, and it's just plain fun. If it's not fun, than why do it?

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 9/18/2008 11:13:32 PM >

(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 21

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/19/2008 3:55:36 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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I don't know where the happy medium is. I wish I did. I want someone that truly enjoys serving me and doing as I ask, but in the same respect I want someone that can challenge me intellectually, someone that doesn't just jump because I said so, but does it because I'm right. Does that make sense? Probably not, it hasn't made sense to anyone I've talked to in all the years I've been looking... lol

Yes, I want it my way. Yes, I want it to be about me... most of the time anyway. But mostly I want it to be because they see it as the correct way of doing it. I can see why the OP is having such difficulty explaining what it is that he wants... I've been at it for years and I still can't.

I understand the "persuasion" thing, it makes sense to me. It's like little reminders of who you are and what the relationship dynamics are, minor preventative maintenance. I don't think he is looking for the female that is going to "make him" do it, but one that will reinforce that mindset regularly.

Ok, I'm rambling now.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 22

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/19/2008 5:08:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

Fast reply:

I can see the OP's point of view, and the point of view of many of the responders. I enjoy a little persuasion from a dominant in order to get me to do something. Persuasion takes many forms, and it's not alway necessary or desireable. It can be a taking me by the wrist or tugging at my shirt to get me to follow them. It can by a gentle push on the shoulder to get me to sit down or kneel. I enjoy little things like that. It's sexy, and it makes me feel important and needed.

It's not a desire for someone to be tyrannical or cruel 24 hours a day. It's a desire to feel wanted, and to see some effort and involvement on the other end. If I meet a woman that only wants someone to follow commands with no input, than I am going to get bored fast. I don't see that as dominance; I see it as laziness. I am not a robot, and I won't act like one. I want gentle coercion and seduction. I enjoy the sexual tension it produces, and it's just plain fun. If it's not fun, than why do it?

I see that as good leadership from the dominant. You have to guide your sub as you are training and after initial training, if the dynamic continues, a bit of guidance almost always fuels the energy on both sides.

I use a series of simple hand gestures often with my slave that he learned during training and which I use consistently to back up my words or in place of words. This additional ritual or ceremony if you like to call it that, adds to the specialness of our Ds as opposed to a vanilla dynamic.

On the other hand, if I need to raise my voice or threaten or remind more than once, then we have crossed the line for me in terms of Ds.

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(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 23

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/20/2008 7:55:28 AM

MmeGigs

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Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousdeviant
I think what mostly goes on here is either lifestyle or part-time D/s. I guess I already knew that in my question I wasn't looking so much for a mistress as I was a certain type of strong and dominant woman, but at least now I know where I won't find her. I'm thinking more of this kind of dominant/submissive relationship within a more traditional relationship than I am domme/slave, as someone else realized above.

We’re miscommunicating here somewhere, and I want to get to the bottom of it. ;)

Here's what I'm seeing - please let me know if I'm off base. You're a self-assured, competent, intelligent, maybe even opinionated individual, and you're basically pretty danged happy with you. You're interested in a woman who also possesses these qualities - who is worthy of you - and who will appreciate your strengths and make the most of them, not someone who will expect mindless obedience. You have no interest in repressing what are really very fine qualities and becoming a drone. Is that close? If so, you’re pretty solidly in the mainstream of femdom/femtop relationships. I know folks who do the mindless drone stuff in scenes or for an evening, even a weekend, but I don’t know anyone who has built a relationship on that kind of thing, regardless of where the power balance is in their relationship.

There are some things that you’ve said that I don’t understand. When you talk about being dominated by your partner, are you talking only about what goes on in the context of a scene, or are you talking about the relationship generally? What does it mean to you to be “legitimately broken”? Can you describe a scenario that would illustrate this?

(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 24

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/20/2008 8:13:09 AM

subtex

Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
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I think it's easy enough for a Dominant woman to have both a sub who desires to obey and a sub who resists. All she has to do is find someone who wants to submit and when she is in the mood for a challenge she can start playing with the sub's limits. All subs have limits.

I think what I would be careful about with the whole resistance thing is that it's important to make sure the Dominant and the submissive are on the same side. That is, they are both together creating a relationship that is good for both of them. Game playing that pits one against the other could cause things to go off track.

Bill

(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 25

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/20/2008 8:22:35 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtex

I think it's easy enough for a Dominant woman to have both a sub who desires to obey and a sub who resists. All she has to do is find someone who wants to submit and when she is in the mood for a challenge she can start playing with the sub's limits. All subs have limits.

I think what I would be careful about with the whole resistance thing is that it's important to make sure the Dominant and the submissive are on the same side. That is, they are both together creating a relationship that is good for both of them. Game playing that pits one against the other could cause things to go off track.

Bill

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Unfortunately that isn't the case.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to subtex)

Post #: 26

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/20/2008 8:47:24 AM

subtex

Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtex

I think it's easy enough for a Dominant woman to have both a sub who desires to obey and a sub who resists. All she has to do is find someone who wants to submit and when she is in the mood for a challenge she can start playing with the sub's limits. All subs have limits.

I think what I would be careful about with the whole resistance thing is that it's important to make sure the Dominant and the submissive are on the same side. That is, they are both together creating a relationship that is good for both of them. Game playing that pits one against the other could cause things to go off track.

Bill

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Unfortunately that isn't the case.

Jewel

Oh yeah. Easy in concept only I guess.
Bill

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 27

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/20/2008 8:55:56 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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That's true bill... the concept is a great one... but then again, so are the stories about unicorns.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to subtex)

Post #: 28

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/21/2008 4:42:23 AM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There are also men who are in between. They may be readily submissive in some areas, but more difficult to bring into other things...and that's when there's a nice mix of total surrender and honest fear/hesitation.

I'm sure almost all submissive men are like this, if you find the right "other things". Personally, I've rarely been pushed out of my comfort zone - but the few times it's happened, it's been a.very delicious ordeal indeed.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 29

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/21/2008 4:52:31 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

If I have to fight to get him to submit, it just isn't worth it to me. If I wanted someone to argue with me all the time, I would just get married. I value the mind of the submissive, but I don't want to fight to get what I want. Either he or she wants to serve me, or they don't. If there is too much resistance, I would eventually assume the submissive didn't want the dynamics of the relationship, & I would give him the gift of sending him on his way, so he could find someone he might be much more compatible with.

On the other hand, a little resistance to something new for him, I could understand, so long as my word on the matter was the final say. But a blatant no to something that has not been a negotiated limit would tire me quickly.

(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 30

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/21/2008 9:27:40 AM

FemMiss

Posts: 51
Joined: 5/4/2007
From: Egypt
Status: offline

Yes, I do like men to resist me sometimes, this give me a feeling of a new challenge, putting my feet down and insisting on the way I want it to be gives me the feeling of real power.. I didnt let him do what he wants, I did it MY WAY.. This gives me a thrilling feeling ..

if he is sumbitting all the time, it is not challengin anymore... I sometimes feel that Im a Queen coz he is submissive not coz Im in charge...

But on the other way, i dont my servants to resist all the time, this wud be boring and exhausting..!

Princess B.

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(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 31

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/22/2008 4:49:30 PM

curiousdeviant

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Joined: 9/17/2008
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Re.To: MmeGigs

quote:

You're a self-assured, competent, intelligent, maybe even opinionated individual, and you're basically pretty danged happy with you. You're interested in a woman who also possesses these qualities - who is worthy of you - and who will appreciate your strengths and make the most of them, not someone who will expect mindless obedience.

I guess I mostly am happy with me, and I do find myself to be great and all - but I don't necessarily think all other people would agree with me. So yes, but I don't want to be pompous or arrogant.

quote:

You have no interest in repressing what are really very fine qualities and becoming a drone. Is that close?

What does it mean to you to be “legitimately broken”? Can you describe a scenario that would illustrate this?

It's not so much I don't want to become a drone, as I'm not worried about that. I don't want the D/s relationship to be based off worship/respect so much as I want it to be based on forced submission. Playing the willing submissive would certainly be fun, and there are women out there who I would gladly get on my knees for without putting up a fight if that was what they wanted. I guess what separates what I want from traditional D/s is I want my submission to feel non-consensual. Obviously, it is - because I want to be made to submit. However, I want to play it out similarly to how some people want to play out a rape fantasy.

What would make it truly amazing for me, though, is if the woman made me feel that she was capable of doing this to me even if I wasn't truly willing.

quote:

There are some things that you’ve said that I don’t understand. When you talk about being dominated by your partner, are you talking only about what goes on in the context of a scene, or are you talking about the relationship generally?

I'm talking about when we're in the bedroom. In day to day life and the relationship in general I could never see myself in a submissive position.

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Post #: 32

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/23/2008 5:49:04 PM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousdeviant
I guess I mostly am happy with me, and I do find myself to be great and all - but I don't necessarily think all other people would agree with me. So yes, but I don't want to be pompous or arrogant.

If you don't think everyone would agree with you, you probably don't have to worry about it.

quote:

quote:

When you talk about being dominated by your partner, are you talking only about what goes on in the context of a scene, or are you talking about the relationship generally?

I'm talking about when we're in the bedroom. In day to day life and the relationship in general I could never see myself in a submissive position.

This being the case, I think that you'll find that a good number of dominant and toppy women who are more or less into what you're looking for. Consensual-nonconsent is a fairly common kink, both for folks in d/s relationships and folks in egalitarian relationships. It's an incredibly hot dynamic to mess around with. Sadism and humiliation and inner turmoil and all that. I've gleefully forced my hubby to do things he really didn't want to do, just because I knew he really didn't want to do them and I knew he wouldn't disobey because he wouldn't want to risk the consequences.

Unless you're needing this every time you play together, it's really not going to limit your partner pool all that much. Probably less than if you were looking for 24/7 d/s.

(in reply to curiousdeviant)

Post #: 33

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 10/2/2008 6:45:35 PM

RubberLovers777

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Joined: 3/29/2008
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    I never liked the sissy sort of male who would sit at my feet and be a sort of ‘robot’ always agreeing with me (don’t get me wrong I like it once in a while) but I like someone who also has preferences of their own and don’t hang on every single facination or word like it’s the bible or something. I had that once and it got annoying really quick. I’ve always liked those who can speak for themselves. I know many like sissy subs and there’s nothing wrong with that its just not my cup of tea.

    A factor that I really enjoyed about pet when we first began our phone conversations was the way he handled himself. He was very straightforward about what he was looking for and seemed very ‘authoritative’ by this I was taken back for a moment. Then I purred and thoughts popped into my head “Can I break him and make him mine?” I liked the sort of man he was. Who is just that, a Man. Someone who knows pretty much what he wanted, didn’t want to waste either one of our time, and very spoken. Never in a rude way, but heard. In everyday life he tends to be very dominantly natured, taking control of situations around him. Yet with me, he’s mine *yay!* He’s everything I ever wanted to find in a man. Its why he’s the anti-subby. Who would have guessed after I gave up looking for love, poof!, here he comes and wrote me the first email. I would have never guessed that I would find long distance love. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I still LOVE the fact that he’s strong willed.

     My advise, just be who you are. If a Domme is going to like you she should like you for you, not something made up to make her like you. Besides I’ve known people to do that and they couldn’t keep up the act very long…..a pissed off Domme as a lying submissive who happens to be bound and fully exposed while I had a flogger, and other weapons of choice was not a good thing. Anywho just be yourself and you’ll find the right match for you.

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Post #: 34

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 10/3/2008 12:45:46 AM

HardToTame

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
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I think I understand how the OP feels, because I'm in the same boat. (Or similar)

Sometimes in life, we have so much control. Some people submit to drugs, others to alcohol etc, sometimes, a man just wants to submit to a women and lose control that way. How ever, being so in control of his life, he has to make sure it's not just ANY women, but a women whom he see's fit to submit to. Why settle for second best? Sometimes, it's so easy to get women. Even outstandingly beautiful women, and then, you end up in control of yet ANOTHER aspect of your life. (Relationships) and it just doesn't cut it for you because theres no escape from that control. Thus, when a Mistress comes along whom can challenge you, and whom finally seduces you to her will, well, then theres escape from all that control because you've entrusted it to someone else. It takes a very special kind of mistress for that.

P.s, if any of you are her, message me yeah?

(Nah I'm kidding)

(in reply to RubberLovers777)

Post #: 35

RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 10/3/2008 11:02:19 AM

DominaErotica00

Posts: 46
Joined: 6/8/2004
From: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Yes and no.

I don't enjoy dominating wimps, or men who are ready to bow down to any woman, and he's just waiting for a woman to say "ok" so he can get on the floor and grovel.

That said, I also don't enjoy 'breaking arrogant pricks,' either. I don't get off on the game of dominating "mr. tough guy" who thinks it's fun to be resistant just to make a woman turn "hardcore bitch" on him.

I enjoy dominating men that value their pride, their ego, their confidence, and who submission is something that comes from a process of seduction and honest vulnerability. It doesn't mean they resist really, it means they are present and real. I enjoy dominating men who find certain acts interesting, exciting, and a little scary - and they can't bring themselves to go to those places unless they are connecting with a commanding woman who can take them there.

In some situations, more "instant submission" can be ok and gratifying, if the guy has a good vibe, fun chemistry. It's easy, that's for sure. And I can enjoy that regularly and it does scratch a sort of itch; but when it comes down to it, when I am in the mood to do it for me, I have to do it my way, and that requires the bending of a man's will to some degree. No way around that.

There are also men who are in between. They may be readily submissive in some areas, but more difficult to bring into other things...and that's when there's a nice mix of total surrender and honest fear/hesitation.

Akasha

I am in agreement with Akasha on this one...I have come across many non-submissive men that have a "try and break me bitch" mentality and I just don't have and will not make time for. They are usually rude and play games.....I can have respect for a person that has respect for Me, I like a submissive that has integrity and is serious about this Lifestyle. I also don't want a Mistress whore that will see any Domme that will command him. I will only see subs that are seeking a Domme with substance. A true sub has a better grasp about this world and the Domme around him....Now if he is not a sub by nature and submitting to Me for the time being, he has to be serious and respectful about seeing Me, then I will consider seeing him.

http://www.blackbeautydommelovers.ning.com

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 36

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