More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (Full Version)

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aravain -> More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:40:03 PM)

Hmm... I'm so confused.

I'm very clearly a GAY male submissive... I have that declared and everything.

Why are so many 'straight male dominants/switches' looking at my profile? o.O It's starting to get really confusing. My profile hasn't been looked at once by any gay or bisexual male dominants... but I don't mind that so much.

I mean, I'd understand if I'd even seen them in the forums (and I do love seeing that forum people have looked at me :D) but as far as I can tell they haven't posted in areas I have (or at all in most cases).

So, what are these men looking for? Why did they look at my full profile? Even if they made a 'mistake' while searching and accidentally selected men instead of women or something... you have to select 'view full profile' in order to pop up on my 'Who's Viewed Me' tab, right? Why do they even bother looking?



stef -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:42:11 PM)

You're new here. People look at the profiles of people with unfamiliar usernames or those who post interesting things in the forums. Don't read anything more into it than that.

~stef



YourhandMyAss -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:42:13 PM)

You do realize Ihope that not every one who looks at your profile is trying to hook up with you right?

There is such a thing as human curiosity, and if you put it out there people will read it and sometimes it'll be purely to see what you wrote.



FaerieQueene -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:44:31 PM)

Maybe you're just that fascinating to tempt even a straight man to experimentation. Ya never know. [:)]

Or, like everyone above said, they're just curious.



aravain -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:46:43 PM)

I do realize that :) However, I don't even understand where their interest in what I've written would come from.

I mean, I don't look through female dominants' profiles at all. I'm not interested because we wouldn't be compatible (they're lacking a very certain something that's quite important to me). If one of my friends finds an interesting profile or something I'll give it a look-see, or if I'm doing an idle picture trawl because I'm bored and I see a very pretty someone/thing I'll view the full profile to save the link to show peoples... but I'm just... confused as to motivation.

What I've written on my profile is applicable only to people who are sexually compatible with me in addition to kink-compatible... is that not the way it is with most people on the site?



aravain -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:48:04 PM)

I suppose that makes sense... though I don't understand people who 'lurk' on forums [:D] I'm just to nosy AND opinionated to do it and not get involved!



aravain -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:50:15 PM)

Haha...

I can't get the phrase (and the accompanying melody I made up in 4th grade for it) 'curiosity killed the cat' out of my head now.

Seems like a silly reason to me, but then again I'm also a silly person at the best of times, so maybe the normality of it is why I think it's silly?

Yeesh, I should go to bed. Talking in circles. *sigh*



MidMichCowboy -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:50:41 PM)

Hell, my goal is to perve everyones profile. I love finding out about people. I especially perv those who post a lot (memory fading .. have to look back at profiles to see who they are) because I like to put what they write in context of who they are. I love reading peoples journals. Keep writing folks. I find it interesting .



SirMIkeSD -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:54:24 PM)

Done now you have been looked at by a Gay Male Dom. Really what does it matter, who looks at you, do you care who looks at you when you walk down the street. Also unless they look how do they know if you are not compatible? I don't normally look at profiles unless I want to find out more about the person when I am reading their question or response in the forums. Even as a gay male submissive you may be capable one day of submitting to a straight male or even a female. Submission is not about sex nor is play, in my mind. Hell I play with women and straight men, does not matter to me, it about what I learn, give and get during those sessions.

Mike



aravain -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:54:40 PM)

That's an awesome reason :D

Most of my reading of people is done on my blog site, but that does seem really cool. Haha, you probably read some interesting things!



YourhandMyAss -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 9:59:05 PM)

No.Not everyone. Because other people might write a profile to attract friends here , and not just sexual partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

I do realize that :) However, I don't even understand where their interest in what I've written would come from.

I mean, I don't look through female dominants' profiles at all. I'm not interested because we wouldn't be compatible (they're lacking a very certain something that's quite important to me). If one of my friends finds an interesting profile or something I'll give it a look-see, or if I'm doing an idle picture trawl because I'm bored and I see a very pretty someone/thing I'll view the full profile to save the link to show peoples... but I'm just... confused as to motivation.

What I've written on my profile is applicable only to people who are sexually compatible with me in addition to kink-compatible... is that not the way it is with most people on the site?




aravain -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 10:03:21 PM)

Haha, and his name is the same as mine!

I think we have major philosophical differences in how we approach BDSM, though, based solely on your post.

Submission, to me, is truly an act of sexuality, and I would never do it with someone who is not a sexual partner.

However, I do not view 'being dommed' as being a submissive, or even being dominated as being submissive. When I play with friends (either mentally or pain-play) it's not me submitting to anyone, whether or not I'm the dominant in the situation. It's me doing just that, playing. The act of submitting, to me, is an entirely sexual act and when you take away the sexual nature of it... I'm no longer 'truly' submitting to someone... I'm being beaten, bonded, or whatever else by them, but I'm not giving them much, if anything.

Which is also why I don't really mind whether or not I'm getting trolled by the demographic my profile is 'meant' for... because, really, I'm unlike what dominants, in most cases, are looking for on this site. I just really like the forums. They're pretty amazing <3

But that might be where my confusion stems from. I have a tendency  to forget that not everyone incorporates their sexuality into their submission or domination as heavily as I do.

EDIT: Woops, thoughts faster than the fingers



SirMIkeSD -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 10:13:10 PM)

Don't get me wrong, with my boys there is sex but not all the time. At the end of good session, we are flying so high and exhusted that sex is the last thing on the mind and yes when I play with some people it is just play with others it is submission and I know if I wanted at that point that I could have some of them sexually since it has never been a limit when we have played (they know I am gay and not interested in them in the first place) but I choose not to as I prefer to play harder for longer and get my kicks that way.

Mike



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 10:24:10 PM)

6'7 300 lbs???? shouldnt you be in the WWE or something???



peppermint -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/17/2008 11:01:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain



What I've written on my profile is applicable only to people who are sexually compatible with me in addition to kink-compatible... is that not the way it is with most people on the site?



I can't speak for "most people" on the site.  However, i am not looking for sexually compatible or kink compatible companions on this site.  Believe it or not, this site is more than a kinky dating site.  For instance, there is the forum where people post questions, ideas, or thoughts and debate those same questions, ideas, or thoughts.  I often look at profiles of people who post just to get a feel for whom they might be.  It helps to look at the profile if i decide to reply to their post.  I also look at profiles if i'm attracted to the nickname.  Other times i just like to read through profiles.  Over the years i've seen some really neat ones.  I've also made a few really good friends from this site by reading a profile and replying.  Contrary to what you seem to be thinking, my very first friend from Collarme and i had gardening in common and we emailed back and forth about that before sharing phone numbers.  After 3 years we still talk about the gardens. 

So...to sum this up....

Just because you come to Collarme to try to find kink and sexually compatible companions does not mean that everyone is here to do the same.  Your profile is open to anyone who wishes to look at it, for any reason they have.  If having people look at your profile bothers you so greatly, then perhaps you should rethink having a profile on the site at all. 



lizcgirl -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/18/2008 4:48:15 AM)

I check out any one's profile that I want to, and I'm not looking for any type of relationship. I might respect something they've written in a post or on their profile and just want to read more. I might think they would be interesting to talk to. I might think they're hot, hell, there's no harm in looking. Now contacting people, on the other hand, that's a little different. I don't contact every one I check out and not every one who checks me out contacts me. It's just looking. As far them not being your sexual orientation- why does it matter? I've been contacted by some females that were attracted to me- I thought it was flattering! Just be glad some one is looking at your page, I bet there are some that can't say the same.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/18/2008 5:09:01 AM)

If i read a post that interests me, i always read the profile, especially before responding to it. Sometimes a profile that grabs my interest comes up when i sign in.
 
I am a bi female who is owned, i am searching for nothing, but i still read profiles.
 
Plus some straight male Doms will scene with a male subbie but not be interested in having sex with them, in order to know if you are willing to do that they would have to perv your profile.



DesFIP -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/18/2008 5:46:12 AM)

I read profiles if the person writes a thought provoking comment in the fora. I think that's all there is to it. You piqued someone's interest in you as a person, not as a potential sex partner. Take it as a compliment, not otherwise.

Goes off to read op's profile and make him wonder why a female sub is looking at him.



Dnomyar -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/18/2008 5:49:35 AM)

Im with Cowboy and DesFIB. Be glad that someone even takes the time to look at your profile.



JewAndCelt -> RE: More confusion about Collarme dynamics... (9/18/2008 6:18:40 AM)

I look at EVERYONE. Sometimes when I'm bored I'll just jump around my local profiles and see if I may have run into anyone at the mall. Gay or Straight doesn't matter.

I wouldn't put too much thinking into it. Sometimes people just "look". Have you ever been bored in Chilies and caught yourself people watching? I do that stuff all the time. I'm not interested in hooking up with the person I'm watching, I just watch because it's sort of interesting.

I read profiles because the are interesting to me. No more no less.

_her



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