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Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 5:49:36 PM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Long-Distance relationships have always been difficult for me. I am very emotionally needy and crave physical touch, and have a hard time taming my desires and controlling my neediness. I serve Master in real life, and am usually there on the weekends. However, with winter approaching, it will be more difficult to spend as much time with Him as I used to. He lives only two hours away, but after a long day at work, two hours is a long drive.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice, especially the submissives who love their Masters/Mistresses but are unable to see them as much as they would like.

Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 5:57:58 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

wrote you on the other side...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 2

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 6:12:51 PM

SltlyBrokenAngel

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

As with everything it depends on the dynamic of your relationship, that said, I'd suggest quality phone time in the evenings.
When I was away from my Sir I also found it helpful to find things to do with "the girls." It was a good way to stay active.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 3

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 6:56:14 PM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline

Greetings::

When i was under a training collar with a Master, who lived in Chicago a long distance from me we kept in touch by way of emails. i was to write a journal entry every day telling him of my thoughts and doing's, of my fears and emotions. At first it worked out ok, but as i too am needy i was unable to handle the lack of physical contact. Other than receiving the collar i did not physically see him for 6 months. Eventually i was unable to deal with so little contact as he quit replying to anything i sent.

Accept there will be times he will not contact you. his work, other factors will interfer in him taking time to contact you. Maybe you two can set up a thing of even just smileys sent to say i am thinking of you, i had a friend who boyfriend did that. If he was too budsy to call or write he sent a email with just emotioncons in it. She knew he would not be calling her that day but knew he was thinking of her so still felt wanted.

i hope all works for you. it will be hard, i am not trying to discourage you, just trying to be realistic. Each couple is different so you may not have problems, just think of different ways to communicate with each other. Cards can be sent, there are sites that have free BDSM email cards that are very funny to send.

i wish you a lot of luck.

patina

_____________________________

a diamond in the rough

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Post #: 4

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 6:56:20 PM

shiazn03

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

sigh...difficult to say. personally, i can never do long distance. i'm exactly the same way and when i was involved in a situation like that, i just started to break little by little, knowingly (which i ignored) or unknowingly (which i was unaware of). the irony of this was that they moved closer and i just broke down entirely...

so the best advice i can give is don't break down, whatever you do. whatever you choose to do, stick with it, don't give up nor doubt your decision. whatever you choose to do, it is the right thing to do. be strong and find support from good, trustworthy friends.

_____________________________

peace out, all! :D

"... i'm undead...whatever the hell that means."

i want me some poop coffee!

and chicken boobs!

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Post #: 5

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 7:04:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We would chat every night, life permitting. Somewhere between ten and eleven we would both try to be on. We stayed up later than we should have. We sent good morning emails and evening emails and called whenever either of us had time, hoping the other could answer then.

Although I have to admit to some curiosity. Why are you always the one doing the driving, why doesn't he come to you sometimes?

In good weather we aimed to see each other two weeks but it was more like every three weeks. In bad weather, we were lucky if it was six weeks. We had a weird stretch of weather where every time we were both available, it would snow.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to shiazn03)

Post #: 6

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/18/2008 8:32:04 PM

subeos

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

It only works for some. Not all can do it. Try and do other things as well to keep yourself occupied when you need him.

slave eos

~To Thine Own Self Be True~

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/19/2008 3:32:06 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wordstoponder

Long-Distance relationships have always been difficult for me. I am very emotionally needy and crave physical touch, and have a hard time taming my desires and controlling my neediness. I serve Master in real life, and am usually there on the weekends. However, with winter approaching, it will be more difficult to spend as much time with Him as I used to. He lives only two hours away, but after a long day at work, two hours is a long drive.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice, especially the submissives who love their Masters/Mistresses but are unable to see them as much as they would like.

Thank you.

What do you mean by "very emotionally needy" ?
I know what the term means but what does it mean to you? How are you this way and why do you think that is?

you say:
"hard time taming my desires and controlling my neediness"

Is that something you are doing alone??

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 8

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/19/2008 4:43:32 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Master and I met 14 months ago and had a long distance (500 miles) relationship until July 30th when I relocated. Due to costs of airfare we didn't see each other every weekend, but rather for an extended weekend every other month. What He did was to set a time for me to call and wake Him up every morning so that His was the first voice I heard each morning. We spoke every day for around and hour after work and then again before going to bed so that His was the last voice I heard each evening. As much as I hate webcams, we used them to help ease the pain of not being together.

In my case it may have been easier because my relocation to live with Him was planned from the start so I was able to remind myself that everything I was doing, no matter how mundane, was all in preparation for our life together.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 9

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/19/2008 4:59:18 AM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

Master and I live about two hours apart, and we see each other every weekend that finances allow. This routine doesn't stop because winter approaches, and even into the winter. We both knew when we met that beginning a relationship would require lots of dedication and even some long drives after long days, but we've kept the commitment to see each other because we love spending time together.

There are still times that I miss him, and I crave his touch and get mopey. However, it gives me lots of reason to look forward to the weekend.

As far as the 'taming you desires', that might be up to you. I don't need my dom to babysit me and make sure that I'm behaving...doing as he says is my pleasure. If you need someone there every day with the rod (or the carrot) making sure you're doing as you ought, then clearly a (relatively) long-distance relationship isn't for you.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 10

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/19/2008 6:19:24 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

You decide whether the relationship is worth the effort. Then you put effort into the relationship.
If you cannot do it, or put effort into it, end the relationship and do not get involved in another LDR.
Two hours isn't that big a distance for me - it may be different for you.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 11

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/19/2008 10:33:42 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I did semi long distance he was only an hour away but if i saw him once every 2 months it was a lot. it was not working for me i need the physical contact. I was at the point of asking for release when he passed away. With my wonderful Master now i see him every day and it is better.

To the OP i know you miss him but try to keep yourself busy it really does help. Do things with your friends, take a class. You have some time you should use it to your advantgage.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 7:06:38 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Move

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 13

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 7:08:54 AM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Thanks for the reply! I call Him during my lunch break when I'm at work, and before I go to bed. If He's online before then, I talk to Him there too, but it's not the same.

Hanging with friends is a good idea. I need to work on building friendships and just hanging out.

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Post #: 14

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 7:11:55 AM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

He does not have a license, nor any sort of long-distance transportation. He lives in a city, so His feet and His bike suit Him just fine where He is. He just completed the school-portion of driver's ed, and is in the process of getting His license. That is why He cannot come up to see me. =/

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 7:14:24 AM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I am learning self-control and self-discipline. I tend to "stray" and need to reign myself in.

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 16

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 7:19:04 AM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

To "move" would ruin both of our current situations. Neither of us are in a position to live together, though we plan to do so when the time is right.

I am content just "living" here on the weekends. I am at Master's as I type.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 8:06:04 AM

shiazn03

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

this is said with the bestest intent: don't force yourself to be "okay" with a situation you truly are not....the outcome isn't a pretty one, especially if you break down. when you feel, little by little, the small unhappiness that your needs aren't met (or not met in a way that is enough to make you content) will build up. what was once a mole hill will eventually become a mountain. try to fix the problem now while it is still a small one. again, NOT to say your problem is a small one but you know that this situation can get worst if you (and your Master) don't work out a better situation to suit your physical and emotional needs.

i'm not saying break up or whatnot and i know that the advices everyone is giving you is easier said than done. yeah, i guess keeping busy would be a good idea. that does help a good deal. in time, will your situation be different? like, would you or your Master ever move closer to each other?

best wishes!

_____________________________

peace out, all! :D

"... i'm undead...whatever the hell that means."

i want me some poop coffee!

and chicken boobs!

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 18

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 8:41:33 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wordstoponder

I am learning self-control and self-discipline. I tend to "stray" and need to reign myself in.

Self control and self discipline have nothing, not much to do with neediness. Neediness stems from something deep inside and you need to find out why you need vs want.

I know all about neediness and once I found the reason, I could deal with it much better. Neediness can suffocate, much like a blanket/comforter. Neediness is also clingy, much like a blood sucker.

Self reliance, independency vs codependent, self sufficient can replace neediness and you can still be that submissive you desire to be.

You are both young and have a whole life in front of you...dont suffocate yourselves/each or the relationship will end.

~~experience speaking

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 19

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/20/2008 10:36:04 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I keep my cam on so he can watch me fall asleep every night, and I see him on cam every morning. I also sleep in his tshirts that he regularly sends to me. I also keep a running journal, it doesn't have to be about important things. My day to day stuff is written down for him to read and share that way.

It helps to have an end goal (for me) but we have been long distance for over 8 years and are still going strong.

Never in a million years would I have said that I'd be involved with someone so far away but I am, and I'm so very happy belonging to him. Yeah it gets hard sometimes when I need to be held or touched but I make it through those times.

Occasionally when I feel utterly lonesome I will do something for him, I will fill my time by making him something that I can mail. That way I know he will be touching or using whatever it is, so we share touch that way.

For a long time I held back just how much I needed him but eventually he convinced me that I really had to share those feelings with him and I always feel better after doing so.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 20

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