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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 8:58:08 AM

SlyStone

Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
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quote:

not for me, but then again, submission isn't an act

I meant "act" as in action, as in an expression of doing or being, not any state of pretend. Thanks for pointing it out, I should have been more clear.

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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 9:03:55 AM

Missokyst

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I can definitely see how the influence of my childhood points to traits I have as a submissive. Ages, 3, 4, 8, 12 practically scream out of my psyche at times, though for the most part they remain under the control of my adult self.
And looking back at the men in my life I can see where their own childhood, the lack of control they possessed, the dominant parent being the major influence, or in some cases the more passive parent being something they chose to avoid becoming.
Thank you for the thread. You have no idea how this has made things click into place for me right now.
Kyst

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Post #: 22

RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 11:18:11 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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**FR**

fascinating topic, and one that has had me pondering for hours!

I do find that I regress into a more childlike state when I have a Dom. I crave the reassurance, the control, the boundaries, the affection, the punishment - all that stuff. And my reaction to those things becomes more childlike - I feel a thrill of joy when told 'good girl', and I am heartbroken when told I have failed in some way.

But in my case I think I'm becoming the child I should have been, not the child I was. At the age of 9, there was a family tragedy that nearly tore my family apart. Without going into specifics, it meant my parents focussed on one of my siblings much more than the rest of us - and with adult hindsight, I totally understand. They didn't reject us, but I felt ignored, unimportant, maybe even unloveable. They DID love me, but that was my child's perception.

As a teenager I remained quite childish, craving my parents attention. I argued constantly with my mother, I guess I was just trying to gain attention. I did well at school, but I always felt like an outsider, and lacked confidence big time. I remained like this until I was in my early 20s when I moved away from home for the first time and suddenly became an adult. I gained confidence in myself as a valuable person almost overnight, when I found I could make friends easily and people actually WANTED to be with me.

I'm a lot older now, and I still carry the pain of my childhood with me. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and my siblings, and love them all dearly. But I still can't bring myself to tell my parents how I felt, and why I behaved why I did when growing up.

I believe my craving for a dominant, loving man goes some way towards giving me back some of the childhood I missed. I view this as a good thing - I'm finally getting what I need to blossom even further. And I can be a sweet, loving child who is wanted and cherished deeply, rather than a shy, lonely, unconfident child who craves attention and feels starved of affection.

Thank you for this thread - it's helped me clarify a few things and given me a deeper understanding of myself.

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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 1:27:59 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
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quote:

Is the act of submission sometimes, if not often, based on a need and or desire to return to the safe controlled environment of ones childhood?

Dear SlyStone:
Yes for me there are times when i regress. sleeping with Master, cuddled down, feeling safe, secure, swaddled, captivated.....i do regress and feel like His child. It's not for me thpough that i go back and re-live my happy childhood since i did not have obne. In that sense it is not exactly a regression but a direct recreation. i literally (as literally as possible0 become the safe little girl i never was. It's very groovy.

< Message edited by SlaveIndigochild -- 9/21/2008 1:29:01 PM >

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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 5:08:36 PM

leakylee

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high jack.. totally off topic

i thought this was a drag up..

Faramir.. wow.. waving hello..

ok i am done.

people trying to mess with me today.
ought not do that to a person

lol

lee

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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 5:48:51 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

quote:

Nurture, structure, and security are very provocative for me.

Very interesting :) For you, and correct me if I am wrong, the security gained through trust is as stimulating and necessary as the structure and nurturing. I wonder is this true of most here or is it unique to those with something missing in their childhood? It really doesn't matter cause it works for you, just pondering. Very nice post, thanks for responding.

The trust and the ensuing security that rises from my time in submission is more than a stimulant. It is what everything else hinges on. I was never able to keep myself safe as a child. I was not able to make the choices or create the situations that were in my best interest. I lived guarded and could not enjoy the more pleasant aspects of my childhood because of the results of these issues and because I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That is also what allows me to keep someone so safe when I am dominant. I developed a hypervigilence for any and all signs of danger. I have always found myself very protective of others and good at it.

I am also learning to grow beyond what feels safe. I have to experience the unsafe without dire consequences to begin to be able to trust more deeply and challenge myself more. I will, in time, be less afraid of taking a chance. I will also start trying new things because I will eventually learn to a deeper level that even if something negative happens, that it will be remedied and I will be cared for in its aftermath. No more will I sit in a dark corner and wait to forget. I will remember that bad things happen and good people support each other through them.

lovingpet

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Post #: 26

RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 6:10:57 PM

LDRandAstarte

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Joined: 12/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Wow, that is a complex question and I think it will vary by person...possibly by a lot.

WHAT question? You see a question? Are you reading the same post the rest of us are? I don't see the "complex question"!

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RE: Child Play - 9/21/2008 6:31:25 PM

bluefireroses

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"Is the act of submission sometimes, if not often, based on a need and or desire to return to the safe controlled environment of ones childhood?" SlyStone

Just 'cuz you said you missed it...

And I, personally, think that it could be. There are certain things everyone enjoys in childhood, like not having to worry about bills and many other 'grown' up things. Not saying they want to return to childhood, but to possibly to simulate a feeling.

On the other side, perhaps the person just simply enjoys letting go...handing over a part of themselves to another.

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Post #: 28